unedited, as usual. please excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes i'll come back asap and fix them!

CHAPTER 7 - THIS

Jongin can’t sleep.

The bed is comfortable, the moonlight from outside the window doesn’t bother him and neither do the snores of Sehun and Luhan from the living room.

What troubles him is the man that is sleeping soundly beside him. Kyungsoo is cocooned under the thick duvet, the top of his head just peeping out. His breathing is gentle and easy, and his eyelashes flutter every now and then. Jongin thinks he is dreaming, and wonders what about.

Jongin wonders if it’s about him, perhaps about their kiss.

The kiss in the club had been a shock from Jongin’s point of view, even if he had been the one to initiate it. He would never have expected himself to have the courage to do something as reckless as that, especially considering he had no idea of Kyungsoo’s feeling towards him. But he did it anyway, and he can safely say it was the best kiss of his life. The sheer exhilaration and joy he felt coursing through his veins when Kyungsoo had kissed back was the most powerful experience and made the other meaningless kisses with girls in clubs seem like utter wastes of time. He’d quite like to spend the rest of his life kissing Kyungsoo, thank you very much.

Because of well, how amazing it was, he doesn’t really know what he was playing at by running away like that. He could have stayed, talked about it afterwards, maybe even kissed him again. But like the stupid idiot he is, he’d fled to his family’s holiday home on an island just off the southern coast. The jumble of emotions inside him probably wouldn’t have made for decent conversation anyway.

The house itself wasn’t anything special, but it was the only place he could think of where he would be away from people who were constantly reminding him that he would be taking over his father’s company in little over a month. The island was also the place where he had spent many a happy holiday with his mother and father, long before the diagnosis... He pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind.

The time there had done little good, seeing as everything he did made him want to bring Kyungsoo there to do it with him. It got a little lonely, even if he did have all the technology of a brand new multi-million pound home. It was also very lucky he thought to fly back as soon as he did, as when he arrived home he had the meeting with Kyungsoo and Joohyun was furious at him disappearing for so long.

Jongin sits himself up in bed, back propped against a pillow as he thinks. He has no idea what time it is, but figures it must be some way before dawn as the sky is still jet black.

Kyungsoo shuffles a little in his sleep so that the duvet reveals his face, but is still tightly wrapped around him. Jongin forcefully restrains himself from cooing.

Instead, he sits and just watches Kyungsoo and his pouty lips, smooth chubby cheeks and the cutest of little noses. He sits and watches like a creep for what feels like hours, but can’t be more than a few minutes in the blanket of darkness.

Jongin wonders about Kyungsoo before he wandered into his life. Did he date people before? When did he realise he was gay? Did he come out straight away? What did his parents think? It’s confusing, because on the one hand Jongin wants to know every single last detail about Kyungsoo’s life, but on the other hand he doesn’t because what if he finds out something he doesn’t want to know, like that Kyungsoo has a secret crush back home or something. He’s being irrational, but it is the middle of the night and Kyungsoo being so close is doing funny things to his mind.

Jongin’s never really been a solid sleeper anyway. Meetings, transatlantic business calls, important document signings, all of have required him to be up late and therefore disrupted his sleeping pattern. The lack of sleep probably hasn’t done him any good, but at this moment in time he’s rather grateful for it as it means he can stare openly at Kyungsoo without the man thinking he is a freak or without Sehun throwing him knowing glances and obscene hand gestures.

On top of that, he’s just never had the knack of falling asleep. He feels like there’s something missing, and that’s why he can’t seem to drop off easily without stress. He’s tried most remedies online, but nothing works.

Just before Jongin can go into a full blown rant in his mind, Kyungsoo stirs beside him. It’s just a small whimper at first, fists clenching in the blankets.

Jongin freezes, scared that he’s about to be caught staring.

Kyungsoo’s eyes do not open though. His movements become jerkier, and the whimpers and small whines coming from his throat increase. His breathing becomes laboured and heavy, and it looks like he’s trembling beneath the blankets. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out he’s having a nightmare.

Jongin has no idea whether to wake him up or not. Usually waking up during a nightmare is scariest, so he leaves him be for a few moments. When Kyungsoo doesn’t settle (and appears to get only more distressed) Jongin shuffles across the bed slightly, reeling Kyungsoo into him using the blankets.

He doesn’t stir, so Jongin lies down again and pulls Kyungsoo close, brushing his hair back soothingly. The action seems to pacify Kyungsoo a little, even if he is still fast asleep. Jongin does as much rearranging of the covers as he can without waking Kyungsoo, and luckily he manages to untangle the smaller man without much fuss. He carefully tucks Kyungsoo’s head under his chin, and the older nestles into his chest subconsciously, sending warmth flooding through Jongin’s chest.

Jongin manages to entwine their legs together, and he wraps his arms loosely around Kyungsoo’s body, holding him close and burying his lips in the midnight hair. Jongin knows there’s going to be one hell of an awkward situation when they wake up in the morning, but at the moment he pays little mind as Kyungsoo appears to be relaxing and feeling less tense. Their friendship status may be entirely up in the air as it is, and no doubt this will worsen the confusion, but Jongin feels better knowing that Kyungsoo is comforted from night terrors.

Once Kyungsoo’s breathing has gone back to normal again, Jongin takes in a deep whiff of Kyungsoo’s strawberry scented hair and basks in his warmth. The steady pounding of a heartbeat beside his own lulls Jongin’s eyes shut, and within minutes he has fallen asleep.

***

Kyungsoo wakes to a cold, empty bed and the sound of silence.

He reaches his hand out beside him, and feels there is still a slightly warm patch where another person had slept. Well, at least that proves that Jongin sharing a bed with him last night wasn’t a dream.

Kyungsoo sits up fully and massages his eyes, squinting as daylight seeps through his window. He’d suffered from a terrible nightmare that night, filled with all the childhood horrors of ghosts, zombies and blood stained nightdresses. He knows he definitely dreamt that up, but there was something else that happened during the night that he isn’t sure if he imagined or not.

A warm hand brushing his hair back.

Long legs tangling with his own.

The heat of a solid chest.

The lips in his hair.

The feeling of comfort and protection.

Kyungsoo doesn’t think he dreamed it all and the reality if that is the case sends his heart pounding. He rubs his eyes again. Are and he and Jongin friends? They were before of course, but then the kiss and the awkwardness took over, and they still haven’t had time to talk about it properly.

Kyungsoo guesses that sharing a bed with someone, even platonically and in an entirely non-ual way, means that you are relatively close friends. Yet here he is, having done just that with someone who should really be a stranger.

There is also the fact that Jongin is now gone. A cold dread seeps its way into Kyungsoo’s stomach. There is a high chance that Jongin’s done a runner again. Since now Mr Kim’s match has been found... Jongin might not come back.

Kyungsoo decides that it is still far too early for him to be considering things as awful as that. He dumps himself back on his pillows, resolutely shuts his eyes and prays he can fall asleep for a few more hours.

***

Well, this is cosy, Sehun thinks as he wakes up groggily to find a still-sleeping (and still-drooling) Luhan on his chest.

Sehun’s not complaining though. Like damn, Luhan is a piece of fine China if ever he’s seen one, and it’s rather enjoyable having him doze on his chest.

Sehun had first met Luhan at the mixer event, and originally had no idea who he was.

When he had Jongin had been freed from their bathroom after smartening up, they’d both headed to the ballroom. Jongin had slinked away into a corner to sulk (probably over how much he’s in love with Kyungsoo and also how much he needs to grow some balls and ask him out) whereas Sehun had gone and walked smack bang into a tiny guy with rather vibrantly dyed red hair.

The man was nearly bowled over by the collision, but Sehun grabbed his arm quickly and steadied him. 

“You ok?” He had asked, peering down at the man who was yet to make eye contact.

When he eventually looked up, Sehun nearly choked on his own spit. He was, to put it bluntly, the prettiest man Sehun had ever seen. No, scratch that, he was gorgeous.

He had soft features that were just on the right side of boyish, and the sweetest of smiles. The pretty blush that spread across his cheeks when he stuttered Sehun’s name was also pretty appealing.

They’d stayed and chatted for a while, before Luhan had buzzed off to consult Kyungsoo about something (turns out Luhan was pretty much second in command of the dating company.) They had found each other again though when Sehun overheard him having a very excitable conversation in Mandarin. Ooh, bilingual too. Must be brainy.

Neither of them was supposed to be drinking on the job, but they had both figured one teensy weensy glass wouldn’t hurt. Somewhere between feeling merry, finding out Luhan is from Beijing and Sehun admitting he still sleeps with a Pikachu plushie, lips had met lips and that had evolved into a pretty intense make out session under the spiral staircase in the hallway.

Sehun is pretty sure that Kyungsoo is onto them at the very least, and makes a mental note to discuss some sort of story with Luhan later before the Inquisition begins.

Luhan still sleeps soundly on his chest and Sehun smiles. He’s always had a thing for a hyung, and Luhan’s capable and quick-thinking actions when he had learnt about the fan swarm outside only made him more attractive in Sehun’s eyes.

Because obviously Sehun was less of a chicken than Jongin, he thoroughly intended on asking Luhan to go for coffee with him, and possibly get more kisses and possibly, you know, get married and grow old together. Ever the romantic.

But for the moment, Sehun closes his eyes, and lets his head fall back against the sofa. A few more hours sleep never hurt anyone.

***

In the end, more sleep never does come to Kyungsoo so he heaves himself out of bed and pulls on his dressing gown. It’s surprisingly chilly in the apartment and Kyungsoo makes a mental note to set the heating so it turns on earlier.

He pads his way into the living room, poking his head round the door first. He spies Sehun and Luhan still sleeping on the sofa, and stifles a giggle as he notices the nice little puddle of drool collecting in Sehun’s collar bone thanks to Luhan and his dribbly mouth.

It is a slight kick in the teeth to see that obviously Sehun and Luhan are getting on swimmingly, and Sehun has no plans to leave early in the morning and probably never come back. Kyungsoo shakes his head firmly, and tells himself not be such a jealous and horrid friend and to focus on the good things in life, like how he still has some pancake mix in the fridge ready for cooking.

He plods his way through to the kitchen and flicks the kettle on with a sigh. It is just past 10am, but Kyungsoo expected it to be much later. He gets started on his pancakes, cooking and baking has always been a pleasure of Kyungsoo’s, and then heads over to the cupboard in the corner to get out his precious jar of Nutella.

Kyungsoo struggles a little to reach the cupboard seeing as it’s so high up, but today it seems extra difficult to open. It’s like it’s stuck somehow, almost like its wedged shut. Kyungsoo gives a few more tough tugs and eventually it opens.

A yellow piece of paper tumbles down from the top. Kyungsoo recognises the paper as being from the notepad by his calendar. He frowns as he picks it up; this must have been what was jamming the cupboard.

Kyungsoo unfolds the paper and smoothes it flat against the cold kitchen bench.

Kyungsoo,

I’m sorry I had to leave so early. My dad called to say there was an important meeting I had to go to, so I had to get up. I would have said goodbye, but I didn’t want to wake you. I think you had a nightmare last night, so I hope you’re ok by the time you get round to reading this message.

I hope you don’t mind, but I used some of your bread to make myself some toast this morning, and I think I might have finished off all of your raspberry jam. Sorry L

The whole reason I’m leaving you this note is actually to ask if you’re free tonight? I was hoping you’d come to dinner with me.

I want to thank you properly for helping my dad, and for helping us get out of that party alive last night, and also to apologise for leaving Sehun with you. He’s really grumpy in the mornings, and I was going to wake him up but he looked pretty cosy with Luhan on your sofa. Fingers crossed nothing happens that scars you too much :/

I’d just like to talk to you really, in person but on our own.

So, see you tonight?

If you are coming, just come to my apartment block around half past six. Just look for the Super Enterprises building and go to the fourth building after it, in case you forgot.

Get in the elevator and head straight for the rooftop.

I’ll be waiting for you,

Jongin x

Kyungsoo stares dumbly at the letter for a moment, before a smile breaks out across his face. He stands there for far, far too long, grinning like an idiot until a cough sounds from the doorway and Kyungsoo looks up.

Sehun and Luhan are hovering, looking sleep mussed but generally well rested. Luhan has that annoying i-know-all-of-your-secrets look on his face, and Sehun’s own sly grin isn’t much better.

“Morning, hyung.” Sehun says brightly. “Something put you in a good mood huh?”

Kyungsoo nods and folds the piece of paper up quickly, shoving it into the pocket of his dressing gown. “Just a little. Pancakes anyone?”

***

Despite Jongin’s warnings in the letter, Sehun isn’t too bad as long as he’s had enough time to sleep. The maknae is lively and polite, constantly thanking Kyungsoo for the pancakes and almost swooning when Kyungsoo asks if he wants more. He throws out adorable eye smiles when Luhan offers to hand feed him his pancakes, and Kyungsoo takes that as his cue to leave before he vomits his own breakfast back up due to the disgusting cheesiness of it all.

Kyungsoo stays out of their way for the rest of the morning, choosing to spend his time watching the television in his room and only moving when Luhan sticks his head round the door and asks if he and Sehun can borrow some clothes to wear.

Luhan spends a few more seconds silently squealing whilst he explains that he and Sehun are going for a coffee, and Kyungsoo iron punches him in the shoulder until the elder agrees to fill Kyungsoo in on all of the details afterwards.

Kyungsoo pushes them both out the door a few minutes later and sighs in relief. He adores Luhan, he really does, and Sehun is a sweetie too, but their constant PDA (and they’re not even officially dating yet, Kyungsoo scowls) can sometimes be a little too much and Kyungsoo needs as much of a clear head for tonight as possible.

Dinner. With Jongin. It’s not that hard. Well, the dinner bit is easy, it’s just the with Jongin factor that has Kyungsoo squirming.

He briefly considers calling in reinforcements, anyone for help, but he soon realises that he sort of wants to go this alone. He pushes the thoughts of tonight to the back of his mind, and tries to get some paperwork for the company done.

He’s been living in such a bubble since Mr Kim’s case that he sometimes forgets he still has a business to run; that he’s still dealing with other clients. Luckily most of the other cases have been handled well by Junmyeon and Baekhyun, and little paperwork has been involved. Now of course, he has technically wrapped up the Mr Kim case so he still has file work to complete.

Kyungsoo wiles away the afternoon in a relatively focussed manner, only stopping for occasional snack breaks and to answer elated texts from Luhan who is somewhere in Seoul drinking copious amounts of Taro bubble tea.

Once the sky begins to darken, Kyungsoo gets himself showered and has a minor existential crisis over what to wear. Is he supposed to go formal? Informal? Is this a date? Like a proper certified date?

He does he usual chicken move and grabs his black skinnies (he knows they make his legs look brilliant) and a plain white tee. He looks vaguely smart but also casual, so he figures he could get away with anything the night threw at him. He tries his best to sort his hair out, and once he’s happy he looks vaguely presentable he’s slipping on his shoes, grabbing his coat, and stepping out of the apartment with an anxious mix of nerves and excitement fluttering in his tummy.

***

There is a huge lump in Kyungsoo’s throat when he steps inside the elevator in Jongin’s apartment block. The generic music playing is anything but soothing, and Kyungsoo can feel his stomach flipping over as he hastily checks his reflection in the mirrored wall.

A mechanised voice announces that Kyungsoo has arrived at the roof, and the doors swoosh open leisurely.

Kyungsoo gasps. Seoul is really beautiful up here.

You can see all across the city, all the notable buildings and parkland, everything illuminated against the night sky. Despite all the lights, there is still a blanket of stars covering the heavens, and they twinkle down on Kyungsoo. For a moment, he is speechless.

He looks across the rooftop, and his eyes settle on a figure. Jongin has his back to Kyungsoo, arms folded and resting against the railing round the edge of the rooftop area. The gentle breeze tugs at loose strands of his hair and Kyungsoo has a brief thought that Jongin is stunning, even from the back.

He shakes his head and steps forward. The sound alerts Jongin, who turns and smiles crookedly.

“Kyungsoo,” He says walking towards him. “I didn’t think you would come.” He adds, almost shyly. Jongin already has a glass in his hand, and he passes another to Kyungsoo.

“It’s orange juice. I wasn’t going to—never mind.” He says, cheeks flushing a little.

Kyungsoo takes the glass with a smile. The patio roof is warm thanks to a series of heaters dotted about, and so Jongin has removed his suit jacket and stands in his pressed trousers, crisp shirt and an undone bow tie hanging loosely around his neck. Kyungsoo’s eyes trail over the skin left exposed by Jongin’s undone top button and his face begins to heat up.

Jongin chuckles and Kyungsoo snaps out of his dreamland instantly. Jongin gestures to the bow tie. “Bet you’re wondering why I’m wearing this.” He says, and Kyungsoo just about manages to nod. “Had to go for a ‘formal luncheon’. Wasn’t the most fun of things I’ll tell you...” he looks around for a second before saying “Um, do you want to come and sit down? The food’s just been brought up.” Jongin gestures to a neatly laid table in the middle of the patio.

Kyungsoo lets out a small ‘oh!’ and then follows Jongin to the table. He reprimands himself for not being able to answer simple questions, but tells himself to relax as he folds his coat over the back of his chair and sits down to eat.

They spend the first few minutes without talking, the silence only broken by the sound of cutlery scraping over plates. They add in a few comments about the tastiness of the food, and Kyungsoo mentions how beautiful Seoul looks.

“I hadn’t noticed.” Jongin replied, a softness in his eyes as his gaze met Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo’s brain figures there’s more to that comment than meets the eye, but rather than acting on it, his mouth seems to stutter a little and heat flushes his cheeks. He looks back down at his dinner, missing the private smile Jongin has painted across his features.

They settle into silence again before Jongin picks up his drink and takes a large gulp. The sound of his glass being placed back on the table makes Kyungsoo look up.

Jongin steels himself before saying “Thank you for coming for a start.” He lets out a breathy chuckle, and Kyungsoo smiles. Jongin is such an odd mix of confident and shy, but it’s terribly cute when his shyness comes to the fore.

“Thank you for inviting me.” Kyungsoo says, “The food is delicious and the view... I’ve never seen Seoul like this before. We don’t have a garden on the roof of our building.”

“You should come here more often then. I wouldn’t say no.” Jongin says, before remembering what he’s supposed to be doing. “Thanks for getting us out of the party last night. I-I hadn’t really expected that many people to be after us. I know Sehun’s pretty popular and all for doing... well doing nothing really, but I didn’t realise I had my own hoard of fans.” Jongin rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

Kyungsoo laughs quietly. “Why wouldn’t you? Girls can’t resist a successful man in a suit who does a handful of modelling job on the side.”

Jongin groans out a laugh and buries his face in his hands. “That’s part of my problem. I really should stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Taking my clothes off for money.”

Kyungsoo and Jongin make eye contact. For about 2 seconds, they just stare at each other in silence, before exploding into laughter.

“Oh my god, you sound like a stripper!” Kyungsoo cackles, doubled over.

Jongin wipes tears of laughter out of his eyes and sniggers “No wonder everyone is obsessed with me if they think I’m some sort of high-class e! I’m supposed to be running a serious business, for crying out loud!”

They sober up after a few minutes, and go back to eating their dinner. Again, it is Jongin who breaks the silence.

“Thank you for helping my dad, though. He’s known Mrs Byun for like, a day, and he already seems happier in himself. He looks less tired, and he told me this lunchtime that they’ve already got that world cruise booked.”

Kyungsoo feels his heart swell, knowing he’s done his job right makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“It’s nice, you know. Seeing him happy. I wish... I want that too.” Jongin says, eyes downcast and face red. “There’s going to be a lot of pressure on me when I eventually take over and that’s only in two weeks time. I- I get lonely I guess. I have my dogs, and they’re lovely but they can’t talk back. And sometimes I wish I had that. Sehun’s ok but I don’t... I’m not in love with him.”

Kyungsoo can tell that Jongin has a lot he wants to get off his chest, so he puts his knife and fork down, nods encouragingly, and listens.

“Sometimes I think the only reason my dad did so well with the company was because he had someone that was there for him. He could come home to mum and not have to worry about anything. He had a foundation. I don’t have that and I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to take over and everything my dad’s worked hard for will be lost. That the business will go into ruins and it will be my fault.”

Kyungsoo’s heart clenches in his chest. Jongin looks like a little boy again, so small and fragile and Kyungsoo wants to just stand up and hold him tight. Instead he whispers “And you, as a person might break. You should value yourself as a person way above any business, Jongin. You’re still human.”

“I know but I... I’m gay. There’s no one, no one, with a business as big as my father’s who is gay. They have beautiful wives in elegant frocks to parade around at dinner parties. I don’t want that—I’ve never wanted that—but if I don’t find someone, I’ll go into my old age with people pushing questions on to me and trying to set me up with people but I—“

Jongin settles himself.

“I’m not doing a very good job of this. What I’m trying to say is, I’m a coward. After we- we kissed I ran away to my family’s island. And I sat there. And I did nothing. But at least no one was taking a photo of me and constantly speculating over my existence. I ran away because I’m not brave enough to stand up to people. I ran away—“

“Jongin that’s understandable. Press don’t view you as a person, you’re an object of entertainment. I don’t blame you at all for wanting to run away and forget about the—“

“I don’t want that. I don’t want to forget that kiss, Kyungsoo. I was too much of a coward to stay then, because I’d never felt so strongly about anyone. Ever. I had no idea what my emotions were doing and my head wasn’t in any place, let alone the right one. But now I... now I’m pretty sure I know. I don’t want to forget that kiss, Soo, because that was the first ever time I kissed you. I don’t want to forget it because I don’t want it to be our last kiss either. I want to kiss you again. Every day, possibly for the rest of my life.”

Kyungsoo stares in silence. Jongin is undeterred.

“I knew I was gay before I met you. Well, I was pretty sure I knew. I’d had crushes on guys, wanted to date guys before I met you. But then you waltz into my life and I’ve never felt so inexplicably drawn to someone before. Your fire and passion. Your drive to make your business succeed, but your compassion and care for you clients and your staff who you treat as equals.  Your clever, and funny and you’re absolutely beautiful. You’re solid and strong and if I’m honest you’re the only person I can see myself coming home to at night. What I’m trying to say Do Kyungsoo, is that there is a very very high chance that I have fallen irrevocably head over heels in love with you, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Jongin stops and breathes. Kyungsoo stares at him some more. Jongin’s chest is rising and falling rapidly, he’s red in the face and he can’t quite seem to believe what he just said.

Kyungsoo must seem like a statue on the outside, but inside he is screaming in joy and swooning at the same time. He, Do Kyungsoo, small skinny bug-eyed hermit, has somehow made the tall gorgeously tanned, horrendously successful Kim Jongin fall in love with him. A smile creeps across his face.

Jongin is still staring at his lap, probably slowly dying inside because of the silence.

“Well,” Kyungsoo says, standing up. Jongin’s head snaps up, and he looks terrified. “It’s a good job he fell in love with you quite a while ago too, Kim Jongin.”

Jongin takes while to register it, before his eyes become misty and he whispers, “Really?” while standing up and walking across to Kyungsoo.

“Yes really, you big idiot. How could you not realise?” Kyungsoo laughs, half crying, as he punches Jongin limply in the chest.

Jongin grabs his hand and tips his head back, laughing like he can’t quite believe this is happening.

“Do you know what I would have done, if I’d stayed that night at the club?” He shifts closer to Kyungsoo, eyes hooded and his lips.

“N-no.” Kyungsoo stutters, eyes flicking between Jongin’s warm eyes and his lips.

Jongin’s hand reaches up to Kyungsoo’s chin, and tilts it upwards. He gives possibly the brightest smile Kyungsoo has ever seen, before saying “This.”

And then he is leaning forward, and at last their lips meet for a second kiss that they feel like they’ve waited a lifetime for.

mwahahaha i'm not done with you yet though kaisoo..... 

p.s thankyou so much for your lovely comments/subs/upvotes. you're lovely lovely humans ad you always make my week brighter. love to you all <333333333

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