I look him in the eyes and I swear that I can see tears in them. He holds my hand tightly and begs me to listen to him but I try to let him go. I try to keep heartless smile on my face and I tell him to let me go but he kneels on his knees in front of me, making my heart tear apart more and more and my legs feel weak too, I want to kneel down with him, I want to get into his arms and never leave but I have to. I need to let go, I need to get away…

“Chaerin…” His weak voice calls for me, a single tear escapes his eye and the smithereens of my broken heart cuts me even deeper from the inside, making me bleed even more.

I try to get away from his grip again but he won’t let go. My hands start to shiver as I try to look anywhere but at his sad eyes and lips that begs me to stay.

“No…” I whisper and flip my hair from my face. Oh how I try to do that in a selfish way, how I want him to start hating me and let me go. “Just forget it, Jiyong.” I say in a cold voice but actually I’m fighting hard with my tears and the massive urge to break down and cry my soul out in his arms.

I look at him one last time. His blonde hair is messed up, eyes red from the tears that are freely running down his cheeks now. I have never seen him cry. I have never seen him beg or whine. He has always been my example, my idol. He’s the one that walks with his head up high in the school and I’m the one who hides in the shadows. I always tried to look up to his strong personality, his independence, his ideas, his creativity and the way he sees the life, but now this person is kneeling in front of me and it makes me hate myself even more. What have I done?

I look away and try to get my hand out of his hands one last time. This time I don’t fail and he lets me go. I get surprised so I look at him again and I regret it so badly. He’s completely broken, his head hanging down low, hands on the ground and his shoulders slightly shaking from the cry coming out of his heart.

How I want to hug him, how I want to kiss his tears away and tell him that I’ll always be there for him but it won’t ever happen. I need to leave and I need to forget this boy, forget him forever. I won’t see him again.

I fix leather jacket I’m wearing that actually belongs to him. As I remember this I look down at it and bite my lower lip. I need to do this, I need to leave his life without hurting him but making him happier that I’m not there anymore. I slowly get the jacket off of my shoulders and his sweet scent suddenly hits my nose. I close my eyes and try to observe it. It’s the last time I’m feeling it.

When I hold the jacket in my hand I look at the embroidered letters on it. It says ‘forever yours’. I did that when he gave me his jacket on out first date since it was cold outside and we walked around all night. I close my eyes again and take a deep breath to get away from the memories that flashed through my mind.

I need to be selfish, I need to make him hate me more than anyone else. I open my eyes and throw the jacket on the ground, next to him. He looks at it and slowly pulls the jacket to his chest, his hands are shivering now and my chest hurts badly, it’s like an empty hole now. Nothing’s left in it.

I can’t control my tears anymore so I turn around and walk out of the park, leaving him behind me.

When I’m far away and I know that he won’t see me, I start running. I let out all the pain and tears starts to flow like a river down my face. I cover my mouth with one hand and lean against a wall in an empty street. My whole body is shaking and I can’t breathe without painfully. The sky is dark, it’s like it knows how I’m feeling and it did me a favor since it started raining hardly. Big rain drops washed away my tears but as I imagine him there, kneeling, all wet from the rain I scream at my hand. I’ve just left my whole existence behind. He was the reason I lived. He was the reason I smiled or laughed and now… Now it’s all gone.