Sebastian paused as he sighed, and swallowed lightly in hope it could redeem his uncomfortable guts. There was no sound, he swore to himself, but he knows Joseph was there. It’s just one of the spectrely quiet moments of them. And for the first time, maybe in his whole life, Sebastian’s terrified of it.

But as the thought went on, and he nearly broke apart but somehow could successfully hold onto himself, he continued. “Nevermind. By the way, do you still remember when were we matched as partners? I mean, the specific dates. I know it was... ten? Eleven? Some-years ago—”

Sebastian left his sentences hanging, because he just heard something, but wasn’t sure about what was it. It’s like, in between swallowing, sighing, and snorting a laughter or whatever. It’s hard to play betting-and-guessing about Joseph on the phone, especially he’s the one he’s been talking too these past few minutes on it. He looked up, brows drawing together, and getting stunned because of the view outside his apartment’s window. The city—his spine city, Krimson, looked beautifully bright tonight. But strangely, in the same time, the view was all looked blurry in his eyes.

He thought, maybe he’s just tired. Maybe all he needed right now is just to shut his eyes off, and let the time flew away, sending him to the monotone morning routines. And... well, yeah. He was really tired, even when he thinks about it.

“Seb, have you eaten something wrong?” Sebastian was shocked and nearly jumped a little when he heard the other person, that he’d been waiting to talk to, finally making the sound. “It’s near midnight, and you need rest for tomorrow’s task..”

And that, in oddly felt normal way, automatically sent a smirk on his face, as he replies, “It’s still ‘morning’, Joseph. Just... just answer me.” He tried not to sound weird, but his brain failed to not to think about it. Though he just shoot it off right away.

After a moment of ‘joseph-way’ silence, his partner finally said. “Only if you would shoot me with your first thoughts that’s started this all.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but to let half of his body bewildered to something not-too-hard-but-nor-soft-too beside him—he has no idea about what it was, and couldn’t even care to think about it either—and trailed his hand over his hair. His logical mind was telling him that his partner had said nothing strange, at all, but his inner self got it in the first hand. He was talking to a man named Joseph Oda. His observant, sharp, and meticulous partner for years. He shouldn’t be surprised at all. And to the records, it’s actually his own fault anyways.

Sebastian was actually that kind of man who always ‘head over it first’. But, this time, even himself, was questionably so thoughtful. And he swore, that even everyone in KCPD knew that Joseph is the one who always kept him on track when he lost himself in the middle of something—perhaps everything. He also the one who was good with nearly everything that could use brain-work; such as paperworks. It’s always Joseph the thoughtful one, and he’s just playing his role on the chessboard.

As the pawn; he himself as a human being that needs time to take steps and observing around him briskly step by step. As the knight; he protected everything he could, or he’d been told to. As the rook; he could sneak everywhere straightly, even as a pathetic drunk at night and a hard worker in the morning. As the bishop; he would cross some things for justice. But he didn’t sure about the king and queen’s position. Maybe he wasn’t fit for those roles, but whatever. He did his job, and never let anything personal slipped in.

And that was literally everything, at least for himself.

But this time, even if he just had some glass of whiskeys, plus half a bottle of vodka, he could drag himself out to stay still; sober and so surprisingly thoughtful. Until he heard Joseph making a sound, again.

“You still there? I’m sorry, trying not to be nagging about it, but... were you—” before Joseph could finish his sentence, Sebastian let out his voice in flat tone.

“Yes. I was, and still, drinking.”

And then, Sebastian just know Joseph was sighing after hearing that. He almost let a guilt rise up, but hurriedly pinned it back down. He added, “But ‘m home, so... no worries.”

This one, too, Sebastian also knows what Joseph would react towards it; he’ll shake his head, and said; That’s not what I’m worried about...

But unfortunately, he’s wrong this time about the line. Because suddenly, his ear was getting struck by a laughter; Joseph’s laughter. It sounds... oddly light and joyful. It felt... kind of strange to hear him did that, but Sebastian waited patiently for Joseph to finish it anyway.

“Then, can I say that, right now, you’re acting normal, Seb? You just drunk, right?” said Joseph ‘cheerfully’ after he’s finally stopped laughing.

...yeah, that doesn’t sounds like ‘normal Joseph’, too, Sebastian thought. But despite that thought, he let out a light snorting laugh for the reply. And somehow, Joseph’s sighing again.

Hearing that, Sebastian couldn’t hold himself longer not to worry, “Hey, you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah... yeah, I’m fine. Just... get a little stressed for tomorrow...” Sebastian could hear him swallowing, “You... still haven’t change your mind to be my best man, right?” replied Joseph lowly. His voice suddenly became weaker for each word, until the questioning tone.

“Of course. Unless I get hit by a chop, run by a firetruck, the ambulance couldn’t arrive on time, and I’m just bleeding there ridiculously in my most handsome way.” Replied Sebastian numbly, but he added another fake sarcasm tone on it anyway. He tried to ignore the pinch of pain that’d hit him pretty rough in the guts. But what he hadn’t be prepared for was Joseph’s response.

“That... sounds ludicrous, and horrible. Don’t say such things like that.” He said, sounds plainly. Sebastian didn’t know how to respond that, so he just reflexly nodded... to himself— actually it meant for Joseph, but somehow he knows that there’s telepathy between them, so Joseph will just know his ‘invisible nodding gesture’ anyway.

After that, there was silent. Like one of those morning silence in some beautiful villages where you could hear the river’s water from afar; in reflect, Sebastian could ‘hear’ what would Joseph do right now in silence. Trailing his hand over his already-neat hair (maybe Joseph’s not really that tight in home, but who knows?), or his back of neck, or slip off his glasses...

...but this silence was a torture for Sebastian himself. So he picked himself up, lit up a cigar, and smoke it in. He could clearly picture Joseph’s expression whenever he’s smoking, and he bet that his partner—despite his silence, had already know that he’s smoking right now, at this very moment.

“She’s still up, or is it just you the only one who be snarky about it?” Sebastian found his voice weaken, so he cleared his throat as he heard Joseph snorted.

“She’s sleeping soundly, and I’m just... be who I am right now, I guess? Besides, you’re calling, remember? Anyway, still, you haven’t fulfill my wish from earlier yet.”

Sebastian was sure that he should be, at least, surprised at that, but he didn’t. Although he just draw his brows up for a split second, and exhaling smoke from his nose. But there’s still a spark of uncomfortable within his guts, and he tried his best not to let it win over him.

“About what?” he chit-chated in reply—he could see Joseph rolling his own eyes right after that. “You didn’t even answer my question yet.” Added Sebastian as he extinguished his cigarette on his plant’s pot beside him.

“What—oh... our first anniversary?” asked Joseph teasingly, but it didn’t help Sebastian for grounding the pain inside him at all. Fortunately, this is via phone conversation. Because he didn’t even realize that he just made a face after hearing that.

“Seriously, Seb... we’ve been together for years. We’ve gone through so many things, and passed so many eventful moments. So, I’m sorry. Unfortunately, I can’t remember all of them. You know what I mean.” Said Joseph plainly, that somehow irritating Sebastian. No, his ego denied, you’re supposed to be the one who remember about it! And... and what was that all about? He sounds like denying... something...

But he couldn’t voice it all out. He just... not had the heart to do it. Deep inside logically, he actually realized that Joseph sounds like... he was begging for something. It felt itchy on the back of his head, but he didn’t just give up to it. So he pushed his luck.

“Oh, how wonderful. We both forgot about it. Well, not a really eventful moment anyway, right?” Sebastian snorted in the most teasingly sarcasm way possible. And then, he added, “Don’t be like that towards your lady someday, okay.”

“I—don’t. Don’t even think to start it, Sebastian.” Joseph snapped with a mild surprised tone. But to the credits of that, Sebastian was actually surprised too, hearing Joseph calling his long name. And it’s... he don’t even know why it could triggered his anger up.

“Hey, chill. Do you even know what you’re saying just right now?” returned the older detective as he unconsciously gritted his teeth. “Listen up now, rookie, I understand that you’ll start a new life happily, but it doesn’t mean you’re no longer under my wings, get it? I’m still your senior, until death do us apart.”

“—or marriage. Or sent out from the central. Or get partnered up with someone else. It’s not impossible, Seb. Even your rambling about get hit by a firetruck. Do you even realize this, that sometimes you’re just – you always underestimating things” Once again, Joseph snapped right away. But this round, he sounds frustrated, and desperate. Like he’s been pitying—maybe towards himself, or anything. Anything, Sebastian believed, anything but him.

And the thought just got him pretty solid.

Sebastian was dumbfounded. The anger has left him empty, with the empty space of silent, again. And this one also, was one of the spectrely quiet moments of them. They’ve gone through this billions times, and Sebastian was sure that they could get pass this through together again.

...but the sounds of clearing throat and the reply from Joseph broke the rule.

“I... won’t apologize. I, very well, really mean it. Every words.” Joseph said firmly with softer tone that he usually used it to comfort him somehow at work, when he got all stressed out about a case. But this time, Sebastian wasn’t sure about it at all. He’d been spaced out at the moment. Stunned.

Hearing no response from the older detective—his ‘senior’ partner, Joseph continued. “Seb, just... forget it. Get rest. I need you tomorrow. I...” He paused, “I promise, after tomorrow, you can worship all the dark lords and order them to send me to hell or whatever. But—nevermind. Don’t do that.”

Sebastian almost laughed hearing his partner said such things like that. It only happens whenever Joseph felt so stressed, or in thoughtful times, or while organizing things. He could capture the flat expression of his, as he cautiously saying the last line. But right now he’s not in the mood to even snorted, or grunted, or grumbled to respond it. He just... speechless.

Right. Tomorrow is his partner’s wedding. This memory just finally appeared. And this time is supposed to be ‘the last time’ he let his partner know about... everything. About...

About how useless the pawn, the knight, the rook, or even the bishop in chessboard, if there’s no king and queen. And maybe... maybe this time, Sebastian was still trying to find out their actual roles. Or... or maybe, he’s just too tired of everything. He was really tired. And he wanted to change his role this time. He wanted to become the King of his own miserable life. And he needed his own Queen. The Queen who could go everywhere, and rules everything. Queen who would do everything just only to stand by the King, and patiently walk along the ‘agonizing slow and a pain in the ’ King. He knew that he used to have that Queen. Myra and Lily. But they’ve been taken away from him, and then slowly along the other things he had; his friends, his pride, and the biggest piece of himself; his happiness.

And guess who’ll be the perfect queen for him, right now?

Joseph would never give up on him. He’d promised not to—even if it means that he will face the drunken bastards as he tried to picked Sebastian from his drunk habbit after the accident. Because on work, it always Sebastian who kept saving his life several times. But after work? Sebastian couldn’t even remember clearly about what’d had happenned the night before, until he found Joseph’s sleeping soundly on the couch near his bed with uncomfortable position. Sebastian maybe felt he owed him so much for those dark days, but he never realized that it’s just a beautifully simple compromising thing between them. They had each other’s back, and they fought for each other’s sakes, too.

And in general after that, it kept Sebastian back in deep on his thought again.

He remember some bulls he’d heard;

 

Maybe it’s not love, but it’s a compromising thing.

 

And if it really was love, then you only get two choices. Let them be happy and keep the pain yourself, or hurt them more like two same sides of magnets.

 

And Sebastian, after a few minutes passed in silence, smirking sorrowly at the memories of those stupid things. Swallowing, he finally spoke up again.

“Joseph... I... alright, I’m sorry. I’m just a drunken jerk, and... to be very honest, I’m so stressful... about you. About tomorrow, and about us. Also, about the future. Your future... my future...” he paused, and glanced over his shoulder to see the the light of Krimson city outside the window, inhaled softly—embracing himself for the impact of his own decision—and exhaled as he soothing his hair.

“I—you... you had no idea of how much I adore you, Joseph. How much I... wanted you to... really get a happy life. Not end up like me. No. Don’t ever let that happen, alright, Jojo? Because I hella won’t let that. And...” Sebastian swallowed hard, “And... you had no idea how I pathetically already missed you right now. This is ridiculous, Joseph. But if you wanted to make this sounds like I’m... purposing you... to be my godfather or whatever, I’m just gonna leave that there to yourself.”

There was no sound, and Sebastian almost felt silly for talking to himself via phone, wasn’t sure that should he just keep go on, or just hang up first. It’s so embarrassing, but the worst part of it was—he didn’t know which one is the worst, talking to himself as he confess when what if Joseph’s already fell asleep, or actually know Joseph wouldn’t dared to do such things like that.

Until finally, Joseph respond. His voice somehow cracked, and it just make Sebastian finally—decided to just—broke apart; leaning his forehead to the window glass, and shut his eyes. Only focusing his mind and everything on his partner.

“I love you too, Seb. I always did, and always will. Sebastian, you had no idea how I really want to love you ordinarily.”

Sadly, he could pictured clearly the genuine smile of him, as he didn’t realize that Joseph’s the one who hang up first the moments later.

 

—

The audience were all standing, and Sebastian’s ready on his partner’s side.

Everything around him were all mixed colors. This is the first place he’d ever seen so colorful after Lily’s 4th birthday, and it made him feel warm inside. The priest was now talking about stuff he didn’t really get, because the only reason he’d impaled himself to stay still was...

...the vow.