Chapter 21

There’s always this one girl, sitting alone, in that usual table.

Irene doesn’t pay mind to it. Why would she?

There’s nothing special about that girl. Except that the said girl’s always alone.

She’s kind of pretty, – Irene admits – tall, slender.

Maybe Irene only wonders why no one hangs out with her.

Was the other girl such bad a person to have no one with her? Even with Irene’s attitude, she somehow managed to find friends, why not the other girl?

Irene shakes the thought off as it’s not her business to do so.

Why waste her time, right?

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Irene has observed – unintentionally – that the loner girl would take out a piece of paper or a random notebook and draw on it.

Irene knows that the girl is doodling and not answering assignments. With the way the other girl scratches the paper with pencil, the way she clutches at the paper’s corner, the way she scratches her head or bite her pencil.

The way she smiles when she get the smudges correct.

Irene has observed it all.

The other girl wasn’t that fascinating. Irene’s just really bored.

Really bored that she has known the time the girl normally goes to that table, really bored that she involuntarily tracked the said girl’s schedule of breaks, or what year and room the girl stays.

The other girl wasn’t that fascinating.

No, not yet.

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Not when Irene knows the girl’s name is Kang SeulGi and ‘SeulGi’ would be serving her in payment of the latter’s family debt.

It sounds and seems wrong – a form of slavery – but hey, SeulGi’s family suggested and agreed with the conditions so it’s all good.

At least they’re ‘helping’ a family.

Irene thinks it’s the same with their other maids who work to get paid. SeulGi just got paid first before the service.

SeulGi proves that at least Irene’s theory is correct.

SeulGi’s a .

An indifferent one, that is.

One who doesn’t care about anything. One who is a come-what-may person, a relaxed and uninterested being.

It ticks Irene how SeulGi is not the scared, begging, -kisser Irene has thought of.

Suddenly being a servant should have been hard to take.

SeulGi should hate Irene, SeulGi should be a bootlicking flatterer – telling Irene what Irene wants to hear, doing what Irene wants to be done.

That’s what servants do, right?

Especially if the said servant owes your family a very huge sum of money.

But SeulGi proves fascinating as she’s not any of those.

SeulGi disagrees with Irene, groaning and cursing the older girl. She doesn’t do what she’s told immediately, she answers back, and worse – she explicitly shows how she hates what she’s doing.

How she hates Irene.

It’s not Irene’s fault for being a , because Irene has the every right to do so. She does own SeulGi in a way.

And isn’t that what this service is about? SeulGi serving Irene?

Plain. Simple.

But it proves to be more complicated than it should have been.

Soon, Irene will know.

Soon, Irene will notice.

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Because Irene loathes SeulGi back. Twice as much hatred SeulGi harbours for her.

Irene admits she’s the devil itself when all she wants is to see SeulGi squirm.

To fidget under her stares, to writhe under her touches. To struggle with her words.

Irene admits she’s the devil itself as she yearns for SeulGi’s uneasiness.

At least SeulGi will not be as laid-back and uncaring.

So Irene purposely irritates and annoys SeulGi with impossible tasks. She intentionally angers SeulGi with simple and silly requests.

Silly requests like massaging her shoulder, or making her assignment, or bringing her breakfast in bed or opening doors for her. Or God forbid, feeding her.

Simple things she could easily do and yet, let SeulGi do it.

Where’s the fun if SeulGi’s not struggling?

When all the entertainment Irene wants is when she starts to see SeulGi blush from almost anything Irene does. When all the fun that Irene needs is when SeulGi starts flushing red with embarrassment from the things Irene say or Irene makes her do or what Irene does.

When Irene becomes more and more devious when SeulGi starts to stutter as time goes by when the taller girl talks to Irene. When Irene finds more pleasure in seeing SeulGi start to shift time to time when Irene touches her.

Oh, how fun it was to finally see SeulGi squirm.

So Irene goes as far as having sillier requests as the time goes by.

Sillier requests like staying away from her in school, or acting like they don’t know each other.

Because Irene isn’t that kind of girl.

One may be physically close to her – or any aspect of proximity Irene wanted – but she knows too well to keep their distance from each other.

It’s just too much when it comes to SeulGi.

No.

Irene doesn’t want even a hair of SeulGi near her.

No. Not with SeulGi.

When all the reason they’re connected to each other is through a stupid debt. When Irene’s not even convinced that SeulGi is even worth of her greeting.

When Irene doesn’t even need to know SeulGi.

Who is SeulGi to her, anyway?

SeulGi is no one.

Why waste her time, right?

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But Irene is not that heartless.

Because Irene sat with SeulGi that one time to talk about and clarify their ‘contract’. Because Irene took care of SeulGi that one time when SeulGi got sick because of her. Because Irene did buy SeulGi a sketchpad that one time when she learned that SeulGi left it at the latter’s ‘real’ home.

And Irene is not that heartless, because then she doesn’t know why she felt the littlest of hurting when SeulGi implies that the taller girl doesn’t want to be with her. When SeulGi implies that the house SeulGi lives then is not a ‘home’ with Irene.

Why does Irene feel the smallest of discomfort when SeulGi asks about her private life – her love life – her boyfriends like it’s the most casual thing to talk about?

Because it shouldn’t be. Not when Irene starts to expect that SeulGi was slowly falling into her trap of uneasiness.

Because Irene thought that SeulGi will have a harder time asking such things. Because then that means that SeulGi does care.

Not like that one time when SeulGi deliberately got mad at Irene for coming home late. SeulGi got mad because she was worried about what Irene’s parents would say.

Not because she was worried about Irene.

In that moment, Irene knew something’s wrong.

Because then she wasn’t able to take it.

She got mad. She was furious.

She doesn’t know why. Why it had affected her that much, when it was her that clearly put the boundaries between them.

When it was her that was careful not to get too close to SeulGi.

She doesn’t know why she felt resentful when SeulGi was perfectly doing her job – a job well done!

And maybe that was what’s wrong.

SeulGi was only doing this because it was her ‘job’.

But that’s quick to vanish because the very next day, SeulGi asked her out as apology.

SeulGi was willing to pay – how ironic it was – for the ‘date’.

Then again, Irene isn’t that heartless. She doesn’t let SeulGi pay an expensive bill.

She isn’t as heartless as SeulGi who surprised her by watching a horror film. Of all genres that could have been picked, and it was her least favourite.

Way to go, dumb bear.

Though it continues to fascinate Irene how SeulGi remembers little things about her. Like how she doesn’t like chicken when she only mindlessly mentioned it that one time.

It continues to fascinate Irene how she starts to learn things about SeulGi. Like how the latter instantly stiffens by physical contact. How funny that sight was.

So it amuses Irene more – urging her more to touch and hold SeulGi.

Urging her more to basically latch herself to SeulGi.

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It doesn’t help how she starts to notice how SeulGi acts around her.

SeulGi still answers back, and still teases her. But something was off, something was new.

With the way SeulGi stares at her like Irene’s the only one she sees, the way SeulGi would somehow lower her gaze to Irene’s lips then back to Irene’s eyes. With the way SeulGi stammers with normal conversations, with the way SeulGi looks mad and lonely at the same time whenever they’re at school and they would chance upon each other – with Irene hanging out with her usual circle of friends and some guys – having to act like they don’t know each other. Because Irene makes it clear every day that it should be like that. That they should be like that.

Irene didn’t understand.

She has no clue what was happening.

Irene didn’t understand.

Not that time, she didn’t.

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She only starts to notice her own behaviour when she received a phone call from her parents telling her of their blasted family reunion.

And the very first thing that comes out of her mind is to bring SeulGi along.

Well, she did ask if she should bring SeulGi with her, but maybe she asked it in a way that it seemed as a statement and not a question because then she finds herself going home to Daegu with SeulGi.

She then finds herself loving the teasing SeulGi throws during their first dinner with Irene’s family.

She then finds herself blushing over simple, sweet things SeulGi says about her in front of her parents.

She then finds herself stunned when SeulGi tries that black dress for the reunion itself. So stunned that SeulGi has to snap her out of her thoughts – asking her to zip the dress.

She then finds herself mesmerized how SeulGi looks absolutely beautiful with the new hair colour she wanted.

Oh, how enthralling SeulGi looked even more.

She then finds herself smiling idiotically when SeulGi tells her how beautiful she looks with her new hair colour as well.

But Irene thinks that SeulGi’s more than stunning.

So beautiful she can’t help but smile as she says how more beautiful SeulGi is.

Irene starts to notice more changes in her behaviour – surprising her in more ways than it should.

Because then Irene finds herself seething mad when Henry constantly approaches SeulGi, and with SeulGi acknowledging him.

When all Irene ever does is warn and tell SeulGi to stay away from Henry.

Why can’t SeulGi just do what she’s told?!

Irene then finds herself getting confused of what’s happening to herself. So confused that she blurts out that SeulGi is a ‘school mate’ to her Auntie. Well, it’s somehow true, right?

She feels more confused when SeulGi’s mood changes.

Why would SeulGi even get mad – if she ever did – when they were still nothing?

Irene knows they’re still nothing because Irene keeps the walls she built.

And Irene gets more confused when she apologizes to SeulGi and admits that she herself is a jerk for yanking SeulGi off Henry that one time.

She gets more confused when she finds herself disgusted with the simple thought of SeulGi and Henry being together.

It doesn’t help when her own mother brings the topic out when Henry was said to make SeulGi a ‘real’ part of their family.

Irene decides to rid off the stupid thoughts by having ordered SeulGi a thousand times to stay with her.

Irene tries to make it explicit – without her knowing why she even wanted to – how she still somehow owns SeulGi in a way.

She starts to hold SeulGi more closely, she starts to ask SeulGi to feed her in front of her relatives, she starts to include SeulGi in every discussion her family talks about.

And it doesn’t help because it confuses Irene a whole lot more when SeulGi decides to sleep with her on her bed that one time it was raining hard.

Irene feels her heart thump along with the thunder until she’s not able to determine if her heart was still pounding because of the sound or if it’s because of SeulGi’s warmth.

The worst confusion Irene faced was that fateful outing.

That damned outing where her stupid cousin Henry just can’t keep his hands to himself and decides to wrap it all over SeulGi.

Poor, innocent SeulGi who can’t say ‘no’ and who seems to like it.

Irene grits her teeth every time it happens.

Why would she even feel this way?

Irene’s not one to control her feelings well. So when SeulGi reciprocates the same physical contact to Henry, Irene loses it.

She was more than angry, she was more than wrathful.

More than wrathful because then SeulGi just have to say that what Henry and SeulGi has – whatever it was – ‘has nothing to do’ with Irene.

When Irene hears that, she snaps even more.

So wrathful she managed to ignore SeulGi the rest of the day.

But SeulGi keeps on making her feel more and more perplexed because then SeulGi corners her by the pool that night.

Eyes intensely staring at her – and only at her. Lips partly open – looking for words to say. Breathing heavy as the heat of the moment was at its peak.

Irene’s not one to control her feelings well, so when SeulGi apologizes and Irene tries her best to push SeulGi away, and when SeulGi admits that the blonde does care about her. Stating things SeulGi has done for Irene, even as far as wanting Irene’s whole family to like her. When Irene hears this, she hugs SeulGi. She can’t help but attach herself to SeulGi. She reasons that she’s just a physical person, but she knows that this is too much.

Irene feels stupid doing this kind of thing. This kind that she never even thought of doing to SeulGi.

SeulGi’s still apologizing, but Irene fears that she won’t be able to reply anymore so she prompts SeulGi to not speak anymore as she starts to lead the taller girl to a more isolated place.

Embarrassed that she’s letting herself do these things.

Irene convinces herself that she’s just embarrassed – humiliated – of her actions, but then she confuses herself once more because she doesn’t know why her heart hammers against her chest when she suddenly commands, without thinking, that SeulGi hug her. She confuses herself once more because she doesn’t know why she felt pissed off and irritated when Henry starts to call for SeulGi.

So pissed off that she shoos SeulGi once more, spewing words of SeulGi going to Henry instead of being with her.

But yet again, SeulGi knows how to play with words and with her heart.

For SeulGi manages to smooth-talk her way in – in Irene’s room and in Irene’s heart.

For when SeulGi has mindlessly asks why Irene is so confusing, Irene can’t help but smile back as she says, admits – confesses,

“Because you confuse me a whole lot more.”

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It doesn’t help when Irene would catch SeulGi staring at her.

Staring at her like Irene’s the only one person that matters to SeulGi, staring at her like Irene’s the most fascinating person SeulGi has set eyes upon.

Staring at her like SeulGi’s in love with her.

It doesn’t help when Irene decides to tell SeulGi about it but was too scared to even say it.

So she ends up teasing SeulGi instead, saying how SeulGi looks at her like how a creep does.

She ends up teasing Seulgi instead, saying – taunting – how SeulGi might fall in love with her if the latter stares too much.

Leaving Irene a bit more satisfied because then SeulGi blushes and Irene notices how SeulGi was not even able to look at her any more after that.

Irene turns to her sadistic side once more when she decides to tease SeulGi again by lying down with the taller girl that night to sleep beside with.

But that teasing soon turns into tension quickly when SeulGi suddenly turns to face her. For SeulGi’s face was so close to hers.

So close that they can practically close any gap between them if they allowed their selves to.

So close that Irene lost track how her heart has beat frantically fast, hoping SeulGi hear none of it.

But Irene is always quick to back whatever her feeling was, because then she teases SeulGi again.

Saying – taunting once more – how SeulGi might fall in love with her if SeulGi stares too much.

But Irene doesn’t trust her words. She doesn’t trust herself.

She’s the one who can’t hold their stares!

Irene doesn’t want to admit that now, does she?

So she simply instructs – commands – SeulGi to ‘keep her warm’, which SeulGi obliges to.

Just so Irene can stop looking at SeulGi.

Just so she can close her eyes and lock herself in SeulGi’s embrace.

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Irene feels SeulGi getting distant whenever her cousins gather in the living room, so Irene tries her best to make SeulGi feel as a part of her ‘family’.