Chapter 18

SeulGi can only follow with her eyes as Irene holds her hand as the shorter girl leads them back inside the club.

“We’ll just get our things and we’ll be on our way.” Irene says as she continues to pull on SeulGi.

“W-We’re leaving? So soon?”

Irene stops walking, “Why? You still want to stay there? To finally kiss Henry?”

“No!!” SeulGi immediately defends herself. Kissing Henry is one of the last things SeulGi wants to happen, “I already told you that there is absolutely nothing between me and Henry.”

“Then why do you make it seem that there is something!” Irene strongly breaks her contact of SeulGi.

SeulGi only stares and gapes as she studies Irene’s frowned face. With the latter breathing heavily once more.

“Irene, it’s only you who put meaning behind our every action. We were just having fun!” SeulGi runs a hand through her hair, “And wasn’t it you who was having more fun with random guys you just met?” It was SeulGi’s turn to question Irene, wishing that the envy chewing at her won’t come off her voice.

Irene steps back, obviously caught off guard by SeulGi’s question. After a few more seconds does she find a reply, “Isn’t that what you do in clubs? Dance?!”

“And that’s what exactly Henry and I were doing!”

“You were too close!”

“You were too close!!” SeulGi snaps back, the jealousy filling her being slowly getting the best of her as she remembers how Irene seems to happy with the close distance the latter was having with another guy.

No one utter anymore word after that. Only open mouths and suppressed responses.

“Let’s just…” Irene sighs, “Let’s just go home. I, I think it’s the alcohol making us like this.”

Yeah, the alcohol.

SeulGi only nods as she somehow agrees with Irene’s assumption.

Maybe it was indeed the alcohol making them act like this, and say words like that,

But SeulGi is damn sure it was not the alcohol that makes her feel for Irene.

---

“SeulGi! There you are!” Henry squeezes himself amidst the people-infested room.

SeulGi smiles back but she sees Irene only glare at him as the older girl hurriedly takes their – Irene’s and SeulGi’s – things with her, Irene hastily yet unemotionally says, “We’re leaving.”

“What? Already?” Henry shouts the words as the sounds are louder than their voices.

“Yeah, too crowded.” Irene signals her surroundings, trying to make her point.

But SeulGi guesses Henry doesn’t get it as he then takes SeulGi’s hand and tries to pull her back to him.

“Don’t touch her! Goddamnit, Henry!” Irene yells the words fast as she snatches SeulGi’s hand back forcefully, she snatches SeulGi’s hand back immediately after Henry seized it.

Even with the booming music, Irene’s words are clear and bold. The way she spit the words indicating the gravity of the sentence. The way she pierces Henry with her glares making what she said more serious than ever. The strength she puts on her hold on SeulGi’s hand implying that she means it.

“Don’t touch her.” Irene repeats slowly and firmly, adding more emphasis than the first time she threatened Henry with it.

SeulGi feels the heat rise to her face as she both feel bad for Henry and feel good at how protective Irene is of her.

She was not able to compose herself back when Irene takes one last glare at Henry before dragging a perplexed and a panicked SeulGi back outside,

Not letting Henry say anything anymore.

---

Their ride back home was uncomfortable.

Dead awkward and darn silent.

SeulGi crumples the hem of her dress in uneasiness as Irene sit farther beside her in the cab – arms and legs crossed like the princess that she is.

Even with their safe distance, SeulGi can feel the cold aura Irene is emitting.

Why the hell is Irene so mad when it was her who started the fight?!

SeulGi nervously chews her lower lip, thinking on how to break the silence without sounding desperate and needy.

“Hey–”

“I’ll apologize to him tomorrow,” Irene cuts her off, without even looking at her.

SeulGi keeps open and quickly closes them when Irene finally turns to her. Irene adds, coldly, “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

SeulGi stares at first, until she can’t maintain their eye contact, and she quickly nods. She says instead, “W-Will your cousins be okay there?”

“They’re with Henry. They’ll be fine.” Irene turns her head back to face the window, still having her arms and legs crossed.

“… Okay.” SeulGi decides to just face the window as well.

She is praying for the cab to go faster so they’ll be home already and SeulGi need not tolerate this kind of atmosphere with Irene.

She doesn’t know what to feel anymore. If she’s scared, sad, happy, ecstatic.

All because of Irene’s sudden actions.

The train of her thoughts was put into a brief stop when Irene spoke,

“I’m sorry I acted like that.”

SeulGi quickly turns her head back to face the brunette, but Irene does not face her.

Irene only says, “I startled you, didn’t I?”

SeulGi blinks, her heart racing once again, “A… A bit.”

Silence takes over them again until Irene suddenly says, “Henry... He…” Irene gulps then continues, she rests her chin on one hand as she stares outside, “He used to steal things from me when we were still young. So…” Irene ends with a nonchalant shrug.

SeulGi feels heat spreading fast inside her body by Irene’s sudden statement.

Why is Irene suddenly saying things like this to her? Is Irene trying to point out something?

Did it feel like Henry is stealing SeulGi from her?

But SeulGi’s dreaming stops when SeulGi sees Irene shake her head as Irene says, “I... I don’t know what got in me. I just… suddenly felt like we needed to leave.”

SeulGi lowers her gaze, “It’s alright,” Her hope starting to fade as she says with a partly broken heart, “Maybe you had one too many drinks.”

Silence.

Then Irene says meekly, adding more salt to the already open wound, “Maybe.”

SeulGi raises her stare back at the girl who she feels indescribable things for, wishing it really wasn’t just the alcohol that made Irene act like that.

---

“We’re already home,” Irene tucks her phone in one ear as she removes a bracelet, “Yeah, I brought SeulGi home with me. Stay with Henry, okay?”

SeulGi watches Irene pace the bedroom as the latter talks with – which SeulGi assumes – one of her cousins.

“Don’t be out too late. I’ll ask the driver to pick you up. I really don’t trust Henry to get you home safely, though. He might be the drunk you need to take home.” Irene adjusts her phone.

SeulGi continues to watch as Irene’s eyebrows start to crease. Then her eyes start to widen along with , and so SeulGi wonders what they’re talking about. Or who she’s talking to, even.

Seulgi finally knows the answer as Irene then says rather loudly, “Shut up, Henry! I saw how you stared at her!”

SeulGi cowers a little as Irene starts going back and forth the room faster, the latter’s voice getting higher and higher with each second.

“Your hands are on her waist!!” Irene says in an inconvenient tone not proper considering the time of the night already, “Where the hell is ‘helping her socialize’ there?!”

SeulGi feels her muscles unintentionally tense up. Even if it was not her Irene is yelling at, she feels bad that she’s somehow the reason why the cousins are fighting again.

“You’re a jerk! Never go near her again!” Irene spews the words out as she hangs up with her thumb pressing on the button too strongly.

SeulGi gulps as she sees Irene starting to breathe heavily again, the older girl’s anger filling the room.

Suddenly, SeulGi doesn’t like to be with Irene at that moment. Afraid that any more minute Irene stays with her, she’ll be sputtering her feelings out to the older girl.

SeulGi shifts on her bed, feeling her insides getting heavier and heavier with the thoughts of how Irene feels about her.

Why is Irene even this mad? SeulGi’s not hers, even if SeulGi wishes that she is.

Irene continues to breathe sturdily as SeulGi holds her breath.

SeulGi holds it more when Irene chances upon her direction – her wintry eyes meeting SeulGi’s warm ones. Warm from the flame burning in SeulGi’s heart.

Then SeulGi sees Irene’s bleak eyes started to soften the longer they hold each other’s gaze. Like SeulGi’s stares calm Irene – if SeulGi is dumb enough to fool herself with that thought.

“I…” Irene huffs one last time before running a hand through her hair, “I’ll really apologize to him once he’s not drunk anymore.”

SeulGi only nods. What else can she do, anyway?

But she does scoot aside when Irene motions for her to. She does and Irene sits beside her on the blonde’s bed.

“I’m sorry, SeulGi.” Irene’s eyes start to wander the floor, “I frightened you a lot of times today.”

Every day.

Irene frightens SeulGi everyday with thoughts that Irene wants her as much as she wants Irene. Irene frightens SeulGi everyday with thoughts that Irene will leave her hanging the moment SeulGi is already falling.

That Irene can leave her, that Irene will leave her.

Without any second thoughts.

Not any second thoughts that SeulGi has every damn day. When she starts to feel weird emotions inside her body that she just can’t explain. Feelings she has no intention on keeping or even having in the first place.

Questions and doubts that she fears she’ll be living with for a very long time.

When Irene acts all selfish and jealous when others have SeulGi, when Irene gets all mad and resentful when SeulGi is not with her. When Irene becomes all SeulGi wishes Irene will ever be.

But Irene isn’t.

Irene doesn’t.

Irene isn’t what SeulGi wants her to be, because Irene only acts it at times, because Irene doesn’t say it. Because Irene doesn’t prove it.

How can SeulGi feel reassured of her feelings when Irene herself gives SeulGi mixed signals and vague signs? How can SeulGi brace herself from the impact that would hit her when she feels herself smash on the ground when Irene doesn’t catch her from her fall?

Questions and doubts that flood SeulGi’s poor, poor mind.

A question that remains unanswered because she doesn’t want to ask. Because she can’t ask.

Afraid that the answers – the lies – that she’s hoping to hear would not come out of Irene’s mouth.

So she let the question stay in her mind – in her heart,

What are we?

---

SeulGi wakes up with no Irene beside her. She wakes up with Irene sleeping on the brunette’s own bed.

Not much happened anymore after Irene’s phone conversation with Henry last night.

SeulGi stands up and fixes her bed.

She gets her clothes and proceeds to the bathroom,

But not before she glances at Irene one last time.

---

“Good morning, SeulGi.” Irene’s mother says the moment SeulGi steps in the dining room.

“Good morning, Ma’am.” She bows.

“Is Hyun-ah still sleeping?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Did she have too many drinks?”

SeulGi’s about to answer but then she realizes she doesn’t know what to answer, “I-I honestly don’t know, Ma’am.”

Irene’s mom only nods, “Well, at least you all got home safe. Though her cousins came home later?”

SeulGi quickly nods, “Y-Yes, Ma’am. Irene wanted to go home earlier last night so we came here before them.”

The older girl only nods again, “Okay. So, ready for breakfast?”

“I’ll just wait for Irene, Ma’am.” SeulGi politely bows.

“Oh, SeulGi,” Irene’s mother holds one of SeulGi’s hands as SeulGi hopes that it’s neither cold nor shaking, “Stop calling me ‘Ma’am’, okay?

And SeulGi wishes harder because then Irene’s mother says with a smile,

“Call me ‘Mom’.”

---

Irene doesn’t walk into the dining room for another 15 minutes. So SeulGi spends time with the brunette’s mother instead.

“How is Hyun-ah in school, darling?” Said mother inquires.

SeulGi looks for an answer. She thinks, because she does not know.

Not when Irene pushes her away every time whenever they’re in campus.

“Sh-She’s fine, I guess, Ma-” SeulGi stops because Irene’s mom glares at her with how the former would have had called the latter, “Mom.” SeulGi is quick to change her use of honorific.

SeulGi still feels tongue-tied with how she addresses Irene’s mother all of a sudden.

Because now she feels a bit more ecstatic. She feels a bit closer to finally being a part of Irene’s family, she feels a bit more of  an ­– save her soul for even thinking this – in-law.

“Is that so?” Irene’s mother nods, “Well, thank you for taking care of our daughter, SeulGi. I’m pretty sure she’s hard to handle.” She chuckles.

And SeulGi can’t help but do so, “It’s my pleasure… M-Mom.”

“And I thought I’m your only daughter.”

SeulGi hastily snaps her head to the voice who said it.

“Good morning.” Irene says as she kisses her mother’s cheek before turning to SeulGi, “To you too, bear.”

“G-Good morning.” SeulGi shuffles to stand up and offer her seat to Irene, which Irene takes.

“SeulGi and I were talking about school before you came.” Irene’s mom says.

Irene nods at first, then, “So how did calling you ‘Mom’ get into the picture?” She teasingly asks.

“Well, isn’t she basically my daughter as well?” Irene’s mother says it like it’s the most mundane thing to say.

Irene only stares, before bursting in a soft giggle.

“Of all the people, Mom,” Irene teases as she looks at SeulGi, then to her mother, “And you chose SeulGi.”

Irene’s mother shrugs, “I like SeulGi. She’s a good daughter.”

SeulGi feels herself getting warm and red all over once more.

Damn this family.

She’s feeling embarrassed and happy. Too happy.

Damn myself.

“Okay, Mom,” Irene sits properly to ready herself for breakfast,

She looks at SeulGi one last time, and SeulGi feels her heart thunder in her chest,

Irene continues with a smile,

“If that’s what you say so.”

---

“Where do you plan to go today?” Irene’s dad asks.

“We haven’t talked about it yet, Dad.” Irene replies.

“Some of your cousins will be leaving later in the afternoon so they can rest tomorrow and get ready for school.”

Irene only nods.

“I’m planning to have a concluding lunch before they finally go.” Irene’s father suggests.

“It’s okay with me.” Irene shrugs, “Maybe we can leave tomorrow morning, though?” Irene turns to SeulGi, and SeulGi swears she almost choke on her food.

“S-Sure.” SeulGi nervously says.

“Alright. It’s settled.” Irene dad nods, “I’ll just tell them later.”

“Is Henry also leaving?” Irene quickly asks.

Which made both her parents turn to her direction.

“I’m not sure, dear.” Irene’s mom says, “Why don’t you ask him later?”

Irene scoffs.

“Speaking of Henry,” Irene’s father starts to talk, “I chanced upon him last night – no, a while ago, Jesus you’re still awake at 3 in the morning? – and he told me you shouted at him?”

Irene only stares again, and SeulGi stares at her.

“Yes, I did