-"Say something!"

Those were the words I said as I saw her sit down on the bed, by my feet like she always used to.She gave me that sweet smile of hers. Not a word left . I just kept looking at her, tears were streaming down my face, I was gripping the sheets so tight...I'm sure my nails pierced through the skin of my palms, I was bleeding.

-"I want it all back!"

It was too much, all of this was too much, how could I live after this, how could I go on?
No, no, I refused to accept it. I would never accept it!
And so I looked up, there she was still, sitting perfectly as if nothing happened. 
I saw her get up and gently stand in front of the mirror, like she used to do it. I got up and I stumbled towards her, I stretched my arm, I wanted to reach her...
And just as my hand was about to touch her shoulder, just when I thought that this could've all been a bad dream and I was just waking up from it, to find her there.
I was wrong, she vanished, like dust in a summer wind.
I broke down to pieces again, I was on my knees looking up.

-"Why?"

I laid down on the floor, I was looking at the white ceiling.
I've been closed in my apartment for weeks, my friends have been calling me, my sister also but...I don't want to talk to them. Because talking to them will mean that it really happened and that...is something I can't accept.
Has it been weeks? I don't really know anymore...
I would like to think that I've cried all there is to cry but...when I see her appear like this, as if nothing happened.
I just fall apart all over again. I got up and walked in between the ruins of my furniture, of shattered frames and empty bottles.
Pouring myself a glass of water I look over at the destruction, at the chaos I've created in what used to be our home...If she could see this, what would she think...
I thought of that as I remembered her beautiful and gentle manner.

I sat on my sofa. I covered myself in a blanket.
That's when I suddenly felt it. Her arms, her arms embracing me, just like before, she was always had such courtesy. The tears threatened to come again. I pushed them back.
She whispered.

-"I love you"

We were wrapped around in that blanket, I know that I'm broken. I know we'll never be together again.
I know this scar will never heal.

-"I hate you...leave me alone" I said not really meaning it.

-"You broke me"

-"I feel broken by you, by your touch, why am I doing this to myself?" I say as I turned around only to find her gone.

-"I know it isn't you...it's only my imagination making you"

Why did you have to go?
I try to think about what could've been different everyday, I blame myself a little more everyday.
For not being with you...
If only I was with you
If only I stayed
If only, if only...I said it a thousand times but no matter what the time won't reverse...I can't undo it.
I can't stop myself from getting out through that door.
Why?!

The phone rings and I picked it up, it's probably Sooyoung, her sister.
She's a psychologist...she tried to help me but, I refused.

-"Hello"

-"You picked up, are you okay? How are you doing?"

-"Hum" I let out.

-"Look, just...let me go there, let's just talk about this both of us"

-"I know we don't really know what you're going through but...let us help at least"

-"No"

-"Resisting it will only prolong it" She said.

-"I'll do it my own way" I said as I hung up.

She was there again, I was seeing her. She walked close to the curtains...
And she pulled them open! I was in complete awe...was I dreaming? Was this real? What?
The light of the sun came into my eyes. I saw her smiling again.
I got up and walked up to her. I stretched my arm, I wanted to reach her...
She gave me that sweet smile, a small bow and a nod as if she was wishing me all the best.
Then she started walking away. She paused. She smiled. I knew that this would be our last goodbye then...

I suddenly woke up! It was all dream, it was all dream. I looked up and I smiled slightly.
Her perfume though was somehow in the air.

-"I loved her"

I let her go, with aching pain in my heart, she knew, she knew that I loved her.
I grabbed the phone and called Sooyoung.

-"Bring pizza" I said in a cheerful tone.

I could hear Sooyoung crying on the other side.

-"Sure" She said.