“OUR STORY [Yunho] - Final”

The nurse pushed the wheelchair for Jaejoong as they headed out to the park. It’s been some times since the last time he spent his time outside and now he’ll always make sure to come out under the sun whenever he could. The air he’s breathing in is definitely different than the one inside the building.

The smell of the medicine, the sanitizer and the floor detergent overpowered the sweet scent of the blooming flowers outside the building. Having been living under that roof for quite some times, he thought that those stuffs had already dulled his sense ability and thankfully that it’s not.

It’s nice to be reminded how beautiful the world outside is and how it doesn’t always revolves around what time you have to take your medicine or the life support machine or the tasteless foods or the visiting hours or even the scripted-like words of doctor’s encouragement.

The nurse flinched; wanted to lend Jaejoong a hand but was stopped before she could move.

“It’s fine…I can do it…”

With an extreme caution, Jaejoong put down both of his feet on the ground. Putting a simple test by wiggling his toes first as he’s looking down, he let out a sigh of relief – something that he thinks that he would never take for granted ever again. He then kicked off the sandals so that he can feel the touch of the fresh green grass beneath his feet and stood up.

He casted his gaze upward on the wide blue sky sheltering them, he appreciated the soft brush of the blowing winds; the brisk, the cool fresh air over every inch of his body as he spread his arms wide.

Standing underneath the shade of the tree, Yunho locked his eyes at Jaejoong – watching over him silently. From where he’s standing, Jaejoong’s back view reminded him to the white cold snow – so frail, like he’s going to melt and cease just by breathing next to him.

“Jaejoong-ah…even if you’re not saying it, I knew that you’re hurting. I wish that I could protect you…I want to protect you…” Yunho shot his gaze to the sky, how much he hopes that his prayer will reach the heaven.

Even if it costs his life to break down and fall apart, as long as he’d be able to make Jaejoong happy, he would. He would do anything just to bring back that smile him again. Yunho eyed as Jaejoong brought his hand up to block the dazzling sunshine. That hand which finally regained its color, those fingertips – he still remember how it feels like when he held it back when Jaejoong’s still unconscious. It was so lifelessly cold that Yunho wished he would never let it go.

It startled Yunho when Jaejoong suddenly turned around. That moment when their eyes met each other, Yunho realized that it was already too late for him to hide. The low stifled sound of his own breathing increased as he tried to steadily maintain their eye contact, nervously waiting for the reaction from the other. As their eyes never left each other, both of them kept quite still and said nothing.

Having being given the chance for the first time to observe Jaejoong from a close distance, he couldn’t really describe that feeling.

Should he be happy or should he be sad?

He still remembers the first time they shared eye contact 4 years ago – Jaejoong’s gaze was alive, bright and glowing. And the smile that curved at the corner of his mouth was like an icing on top of the cake. It seeped into his every vein and bloomed in his heart.

But now…the feeling’s different.

Jaejoong’s fair complexion grew paler than it normally is. His face sunken and his cheekbones protruded. Those eyes… Just like a living corpse, even those eyes missing its glow, dead and passionless.

Then it came the first step from Jaejoong that caused Yunho to gasp for breath. ‘What should he do?’ ‘What should he say?’ He doubts that a simple ‘Because I care about you’ or ‘because I miss you’ would suffice.

“You should stop coming here…” Without a hint of emotion written on his face, Jaejoong uttered that. It was so coldly spoken that it stupefied Yunho – thunderstruck.

“I don’t want to see your face lingering around here anymore…not here…not anywhere near me…”

So he noticed – Yunho noted.

“Even if we meet again in the future…pretend that you don’t know who I really am…pretend that we never knew each other…” Jaejoong’s chin quivering as he paused.

“…just like before…when we’re completely unaware about each other’s existence…let’s go back to that…yeah...let’s do that…”

“Jaejoong-ah…”

“You know how much I hate rain right now?”

“I’m terrified by the sound of it. Ombrophobia – doctor said. It’s such a rare occurrence but it does exist. Due to a certain traumatized accident, it happened. How ironic when I used to love the rain. The sound of the pouring rain sooths me. Used to. But now I’m scared of it; so scared that I can’t even breathe – because it brings me that horrible near end death memory.”

He bit his lower lip as he’s suppressing the tears from falling out. He’s struggling to stay composed and to put his feelings into words.

“I wish I can make it disappear but I can’t. It taunts me…I hate everything that reminds me to that accident. Everything… including you…”

“No…” Jaejoong hastily corrected it and shook his head, like he got a better word to rephrase it.

“…especially you…”

‘Especially you’ – in vain, Yunho struggled to stay unaffected. Although it’s tearing him up inside, he showed nothing on the surface. That statement alone vexed him for Jaejoong’s the only reason for him to keep holding on. Because there’s just one person for him, only one person that could give such a tremendous effect on his life; be it through a simple speech or gesture.

“I hate you…”

Those three words quickly sank deeper into his heart and it spread fast like a drop of acid liquid, it frayed him from inside.

‘I hate you’ – despite SooYoung’s noona’s reminder and even if he just want to ignore it, it has welled up from his own heart, deepening with a dreadful echo. Yunho placed his hand on his left chest and held it there for minutes.

“It surely hurts…”

*****************************************

‘Even if we meet again in the future…pretend that you don’t know who I really am…pretend that we never knew each other…’ – those words, Jaejoong really kept it.

That’s what Yunho thought when the new semester had started. Just like they had no relation with each other, not even as friends, that’s what it feels like when Jaejoong just walked past him in their first encounter after the last meeting at the hospital. Not even a glance, not even a smile.

After receiving such treatment from Jaejoong, it occurred to him to hurry to the back of the wall and burst into tears. But he didn’t. He swallowed down the pain and with heavy strides, he continued walking. He walked with the hopes that his feet would bring him somewhere far from the reality.

But he didn’t get too far. As soon as he realized that his heart couldn’t bear not to be with Jaejoong, he veered to the other direction and began running after Jaejoong. It broke his heart but he was determined to confess.

“Jaejoong-ah…you can blame me for your sadness…you can hate me if that’s what you want…but at least…just give me a chance to tell you what I’ve been carving on the wall of my chest…”

Jaejoong was out of his reach and Yunho decided to go find Jaejoong at his room. He’s just arrived in front Jaejoong’s hostel when he caught a glimpse of Jaejoong; walking alone heading towards the basketball court. Now that Jaejoong’s within his sight, he pulled his car to the side of the road and shifted his gear into ‘Park’. With his heart’s pounding like crazy, he frantically unfastened the seatbelt, climbed out of the car and followed Jaejoong.

Only God knows how Yunho really regretted it because what happened next is something that he wished to avoid.

“I don’t know how to make it stop, Changmin-ah… because it really hurts me… I just want to forget and move on…accept that we’re not meant to be together…but how can I do that? How can I erase someone that I love the most?” Another drop of tears fell down onto his palm and he closed it, threw his pleading gaze at Changmin.

Watching him with an aching heart, Changmin wrapped his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulders and pulled the latter closer. He awarded Jaejoong a soft peck on his forehead and another one right on Jaejoong’s lips. Jaejoong stayed still, neither pushing him away nor did he respond to it.

“The reason why I love you is because it’s you, Jaejoong-ah…”

The tears were b at the corner of Yunho’s eyes when he happened to witness it. He grew sick, numb, chilly and dizzy but in all that, he endured it – braced himself not to fall down to earth. With a miserable half laugh, Yunho turned around and the tears trailed down.  

“It’s always me…looking at you and calling out your name…” Yunho breathed out heavily.

*****************************************

“Yah Jung Yunho! What the hell has happened to you?”

Yunho downed the beer and slammed the mug on the counter just enough not to break it. Amidst his blurry vision, he raised his finger to the bartender as he’s asking for another refill.

“Yunho-ah…I think you should stop…” Siwon blocked the mug by putting his hand over it. Yunho and alcohol don’t really match pretty well. He doesn’t know how far Yunho can go without being drunk but he knows that it’s not that much. From his observation, Yunho should stop after two glasses and that’s mean, he’s far exceeding the limit by five.

Siwon thought he’s looking at someone else and not at his cousin because Yunho normally is not like that. He knew that his gut was right when he thought that it’s unusual for Yunho to tag along knowing it very well that they’ll be heading to the club. It’s even weirder for him to drink when he clearly knows that he has low tolerance pertinently to alcohol.

“No thanks…we’re leaving…” Siwon waved his hand to the bartender; prevented him from refilling and placed the money for the beer. He threw Yunho’s one arm around his shoulder and helped him to stand up.

“Oh God Yunho-ah!” Heechul cried out and immediately gave Siwon a hand. He came as fast as he could after he received a phone call from Siwon; telling him about Yunho’s condition.

“Ahh Heechul-ah! Thank God you’re here…I don’t know what’s wrong with him…he’s just not like himself…”

“He’s drunk and if you stop him, he wouldn’t be like this…” Heechul grunted; struggling to get Yunho out of the crowded club.

“I’ve tried! But he just wouldn’t listen to me!” In his defense, Siwon retorted.

“From what I’ve seen here…obviously you don’t try enough…”

“What?! Urghhh!”

Both of them got carried away with their arguments that Yunho was slipped out of their minds. After succeeded in breaking free from their grasps, Yunho staggered to the exit and went out of the club.

His head throbbed and his heart hurt. The amount of his grief accumulated immensely; he’s practically drowned in his own emotion. It’s not like he’s out of breath but he couldn’t even see properly.

“J-Jaejoong-ah….” The words were hardly uttered when he stumbled and fell forward just when his hand was about to reach for the street light post.

Putting a huge effort in sitting up, Yunho threw up once and twice before he could sit properly. Resting his back against the post, he bitterly chuckled. He looked pathetic, he looked miserable and it’s because he couldn’t do anything aside from mourning over his broken heart. The price of loving Jaejoong is really high. He put everything at stake, his life, his future, his heart. Not once he’s winning the game but stubbornly, he continued to place the bet.

“Yunho-ah!!!”

Heechul and Siwon sprinted to Yunho’s side.

“Yunho-ah…let’s go home…” Heechul put a consoling hand on Yunho’s shoulder but Yunho brushed his hand off petulantly.  

“Yunho-ah…” Siwon called with a soft voice; shocked to see Yunho in that state.

“I only love him…just him…I don’t know what to do…it really hurts…but I can’t stop loving him…what should I do, Heechul-ah…?” The tears spilled out from Yunho’s eyes when he pointed out that question to Heechul. Heechul his lower lip between his teeth; the tears threatened to fall down.

“This longing for him…it feels like it’s a sin…whatever I do, I think of him…wherever I go, I’m looking for him…I just want him…”

*****************************************

“We should wake him up…”

“I don’t think he’s in a good condition to hear this news…”

“He would never be in a good condition if he missed it!”

“He was drunk…I doubt he could even stand moreover to run…”

“It’s not for us to decide that! You selfish jerk…”

“You should have seen him last night…he’s miserable…”

Yunho’s eyes twitched at the faint gibberish sound of whispering voices. He couldn’t tell who’s who except for one voice which was a bit louder than the rest. It most probably because he stood close to him but it’s Heechul for sure.

“Yunho-ah…Yunho-ah…wakes up!” The warm hand grasped Yunho by the wrist and shook him; impatiently urged him to wake up.

“Yunho-ah…please wakes up…”

Yunho finally gave them some response after the third shakes. Releasing a groan, Yunho forced himself to sit up despite the terrible headache he’s bearing. In the midst of gathering his senses, he remained still in silence and perplexity and after what it seems like a moment, he finally recognized the faces that were staring at him. He was right about Heechul and the other two voices belong to Junsu and Yoochun.

“Yunho-ah? How are you feeling?”

“I-”

“Yunho-ah… you don’t have that much time…Jaejoong’s leaving…”

His gaze instantly flew to Junsu when Junsu dropped the news out of the blue.

“W-what?” Yunho’s brow rose.

“Jaejoong’s dropping out of the program…he’s leaving…” Heechul emphasized it word by word in a clear voice.

“Changmin told me that Jaejoong’s health not really improving…it’s actually deteriorating…” Junsu added.

 *****************************************

It took Yunho more than five minutes for the information to fully register in his brain and another five minutes to stabilize himself. Not long after that, Yunho hit the road running as he’s competing against time – chasing after Jaejoong. He has to admit that he’s still not sober yet. The first step he took almost led him to kiss the ground and he’s sweating profusely like he’s been running for 3 hours straight when he’s not.

His mind’s in haze but Jaejoong’s the only thing he could think of and having a clear direction where he’s heading to, Yunho added up another volume to his steps.

“Jaejoong-ah…”

As if it’s already planned, Jaejoong’s car drove past him.

“Jaejoong-ah!”

The insanity might be what’s driving him at that time as he’s putting his everything into the speed and ran with all his might. He had to because if he misses that chance, there might be no next time for him.

“Jaejoong-ah…”

*****************************************

“Jaejoong-ah…”

Sooyoung and Jin Hee exchanged glances. Both of them shared the same expression on their faces; concerned with the maknae’s condition. Health issue is the least problem at the time as the invisible scars inside Jaejoong’s heart is in the question.

“Are you sure you have no one else to meet? To say goodbye?” Jin Hee looked in her rearview mirror as she asked him.

Jung Yunho maybe? – that particular question was left lingered in the air.

Jaejoong turned to look at them for a moment, letting for his brain to absorb that question fully before he answer.

“No…not anymore…”

*****************************************

His head tells his heart not to look for Jaejoong anymore but his heart replied his head, without Jaejoong he couldn’t love. And without love he’d just die. Because without Jaejoong, he’s nothing.

*Flashback

“J-Jaejoong-shi…” He shook Jaejoong’s shoulder gently; waking him up. But he got no response from the latter.

Not knowing what he should do, he cracked open his car window, letting the fresh warm breeze in and turned the ignition off. Jaejoong’s scent scattered in the wind as he tossed his body around to face Yunho. Just like his smile, Jaejoong’s scent is addictive. Just like it’s his own brand of drug, he recognized Jaejoong’s scent wherever he goes and he could proudly state that he never once wrong.  He still couldn’t figure out the name of the fragrance but he knows that no one else other than Jaejoong’s using it.

And after a long moment sitting there in silent, admiring Jaejoong; he drove the car away as he decided to make another round.

*Flashback End

Yunho remembers all the things about Jaejoong. His scent, his smile, his voice. Everything. The tears glistened as they well up in his eyes. Without Jaejoong, only the memories of him remain but even those memories will wither away someday and he’s so scared that he’ll be left with nothing. Without Jaejoong, he’s nothing.

Yunho slowed down to catch his breath. The tears he shed out of longing and his eyes that are looking for

Jaejoong; always looking for him.

“Jaejoong-ah…don’t leave me, please…”

“KIM JAEJOONG!!!”

[End]

*****

A/N: Another update~ I’m really thankful for your support and please forgive me if this story bored you in any way… sorry for taking some times to update… I’m doing my best, pouring every emotion into it, reconstructing storylines and rearranging words so that I can deliver it perfectly to your guys…and thank you so much for accompanying me throughout every chapter and just like every story, there will be the times where it has to end…

But of course every ending doesn’t always mean it’s over. I just think that it’s time for me to mark this ONE SHOT COLLECTION as ‘completed’ so that I can focus to my other fics.

For ‘OUR STORY’, there will be another chapter after this - the final one, ‘OUR STORY [Yunjae].

And I’m planning to post another special one as the Bonus on DBSK’s anniversary…to commemorate my endless love for them. ^^

Thank you for everything~^^

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