Song inserted in this chap: Love Me by Yiruma. (credit to owner)

“Sadness or downswings in mood are normal reactions to life’s struggles, setbacks and disappointment. Many people use the word ‘depression’ to explain these kinds of feelings but depression is much more than just sadness.” Ha Ji Min explained as she looked up at Ji Chang Wook and Park Yoo Chun, who were sitting in front of her.

“When you lose someone or something dear to you, it’s natural to feel pain and grief. The grief process is normal and most people go through it. But when grief takes over your life and you begin to feel hopeless, helpless and worthless, then it’s time we have to look into it. There are difference between normal grief and depression.” Ji Min added.

Chang Wook inhaled a deep breath. “Looking at Shin Hye’s situation now, what do you think about it? Is it just a normal grief or she really suffering from depression now?”

Ji Min glanced at her boyfriend before looking back at Chang Wook. “First, she cried whenever she tried to talk to anyone. Uncontrollable crying is one of the symptoms because the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Second, dancing is her dream, her career but she chose to take a break from the ballet academy. It was an indication of her losing interest in daily activities. She has lost the ability to feel joy and pleasure. And as what her doctor said, she was underweight even when she is pregnant now and she always look tired. Those are the signs of loss in appetite and insomnia. She went to Jin Wook’s grave everyday disregard day or night without thinking about her own safety. That’s reckless behaviour. She was sad, regret, guilty over the fact that Jin Wook was gone in a sudden and for not be able to tell him about the baby. That’s self-loathing, strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. She hates herself for perceived faults and mistakes.”

She paused and let out a deep sigh. “All those are signs and symptoms of depression. I think her doctor is right. Shin Hye needs help before her condition become severe.”

~~~~~

Chang Wook opened the door of the master bedroom as he moved to the side, letting Shin Hye to come in. She stepped inside and looked around the room. This is the second time she came to this apartment again after Chang Wook brought her over the last time. The apartment still looks the same, not much things was renovated or change. She guessed Chang Wook want to keep the apartment to look at it is since everything here was designed by Jin Wook.

The master bedroom looked big, beautiful and cozy. It was painted in soft sky blue colour with a king size bed in the middle. There was a bathroom, a walk-in closet room at the side, a comfortable couch and a dressing table not far away from the bed. The beautiful night view of Seoul was seen through the huge glass window.

Shin Hye slowly walked towards the bed as she gently sat on it. The beautiful table lamp on the bedside table attracted her attention. She lifted her hand up as she gently touches the beautiful crystal ballerina table lamp. It was about 10 inches height with a beautiful clear and frosted crystal ballerina figurine. 

Chang Wook walked to her as he squatted in front of her and turned to the table lamp at the side. He pressed the button below and Shin Hye watched the lamp light up with warm orange light filled the room. The crystal ballerina figurine started to turn a slow pirouette like it was really dancing.

“Do you like it?” He asked when he saw her lips slowly curled up into a soft smile. It was really hard to make her smile. When she did, he can’t stop his heart from fluttering and he really hope the smile would last. He is willing to do anything just to make her smile in the coming future.

Shin Hye turned to him as she nodded her head softly. “This is so beautiful. Where did you get it? I’ve been looking for something like this for a long time but couldn’t get it anywhere.”

Chang Wook smiled at her. “I know a friend who is a lamp designer. It’s indeed not easy to find a lamp like this so I asked his help to make one. You wouldn’t be able to get it from anywhere. It was custom-made and this is the only one in the world.”

She bit her lip as she looked at him for a moment. “Did Yoo Chun oppa told you about this?” She never told anybody before about her looking for a lamp like this except her brother and Jin Wook.

Chang Wook nodded. “I was thinking to get something for you on this special day but I have no idea what to buy for you. So, I went to ask Yoo Chun and he told me that you would like anything about ballet. And you were looking for something like this one.” He paused and gently grasped her hand, caressing it softly. “I know it’s not easy for you to have a good night sleep now especially this is a whole new environment to you.” He then turned back to the bedside table and opened the drawer, took a brown colour box out. He placed it on the table and opened the box carefully.

Once the box was opened, a soft and sweet melody echoed in her ears. Another tiny crystal ballerina was spinning in the box. She knows the song of the melody. It was Yiruma’s Love Me and it was one of her favourite songs from Yiruma. She looked at Chang Wook and their eyes met once again. He even got her a beautiful ballerina musical box. Although he didn’t say it directly but she could roughly guess the message he was trying to send to her. Love Me. Does it mean he hope she will fall in love with him one day? And… can she do that? Her heart was dead the moment Jin Wook left. Can a lifeless heart fall in love again? She doesn’t know. Love is two sided, give and take. But at this moment, in front of this man, she could only selfishly take and couldn’t give him anything… especially promises.

“If you can’t sleep at night, turn on the lamp and listen to the song from the musical box. I don’t know whether it could help or not but I’m sure it could make you feel better and calmer.” He paused and tightened his grip around her hand. “I know it’s hard, but because of the baby, try to get more rest and sleep. Okay?” He said and his voice was almost begging.

Shin Hye inhaled a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears. “I… I didn’t prepare anything for you. I’m sorry…”

Chang Wook smiled. “I don’t need you to prepare anything for me. You just need to promise me that you will stay healthy and happy. That will be the biggest present for me.”

She took another deep breath, holding his gaze for a moment. “I… I will try my best.” Although her voice was uncertain but she made a promise that she will try, for the baby, for Jin Wook and… for him.

“Hmmm…” Chang Wook smiled again as he stood up and pulled her up with him too. “It’s late now and I’m sure you are tired. Go to take a hot shower and rest. Your clothes are inside the closet room beside the bathroom. All the necessary toiletries are inside and if you need anything, I’ll get it for you tomorrow.” He took a last lingering look at her before he turned around.

But before he could walk away, Shin Hye didn’t let go of his hand. He turned back to look at her again, with question in his eyes. “Wae?”

Shin Hye looked down and felt slightly embarrassed. “W-Where… are you going? You… you are not sleeping here?”

Chang Wook gazed at her and was surprised by what she asked. “You will sleep here and I’ll sleep in the next room.” He smiled and caressed her hand soothingly. “If you need anything, just call me. My room is just beside you. You can…”

“Stay…”

Chang Wook stopped at mid-sentence and looked at Shin Hye with a shock expression. He wasn’t sure he heard her words correctly. “W-What?”

Shin Hye heaved another deep breath before looking up at him. “I… I said… stay. W-We… we have already married and I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to sleep… separately.” She doesn’t want to stay here alone. She bit her lip when he didn’t give her any response.

In fact, he couldn’t get himself to response to what she just said. He didn’t thought she would expect him to sleep in the same room with her. “I… I thought we… we are just…”

“Pretending?” Shin Hye complete the sentence for him.

Chang Wook pursed his lips and looked at her. “You don’t need to do this. You don’t need to force yourself that everything between us is real and okay because I know we are not. It’s normal that you feel awkward around me. I might look exactly the same as him but… we are indeed two different person. I don’t want to rush you into anything and make you feel pressure being here with me. I just want to take everything slowly and most important of all, I want you to feel comfortable.”

Shin Hye gazed at him for a long moment before she smiled slightly. “Didn’t you say that you are willing to do anything to help me? I feel better because I’m not at home now and I don’t need to pretend that I’m okay in front of appa, eomma and oppa. But at the same time, this apartment, this new environment and our new relationship… everything makes me nervous. I know we are both awkward but the selfish side of me, I feel so much peaceful and calm when you are around me. In front of you, I don’t need to pretend, I don’t need to hide my real emotion and I can just be myself because you understand. You understand my pain and understand what I’m going through. And…” She paused and hesitates to continue. She knows the next thing she says will definitely hurt him and hurting him is the last thing she wants to do.

“And… because I look like Jin Wook, you feel secure and comfortable being around me. You trust me… because I look like Jin Wook.” Chang Wook helped her to finish her sentence.

~~~~~

“What can we do to help her?” Yoo Chun asked.

Ji Min turned to Chang Wook and pursed her lips. “You.”

Chang Wook inhaled deeply and looked at Ji Min without saying anything.

Yoo Chun looked at his girlfriend in confusion. “I don’t understand. How can he help her? What he can do for her is just to offer her a place to heal and stay away from all the stress. He can be a fake husband to her, a fake father to the baby but besides all those, he couldn’t do anything to make her depression to go away. She will still hurt, sad and keep burying herself in her own world even though he could make her feel safe and secure.”

Ji Min shook her head. “But do you know the reason why she feel safe and secure around him? Both of them have never been so close before even when they were kids. Although they known each other for a long time but they were never this close.”

“Because I look like Jin Wook.” Chang Wook interjected with a deep breath. She was right that they were not close. Since they were kids, Shin Hye always felt awkward and uncomfortable around him. They seldom talk and her gazes were always filled with fear whenever she looked at him. But after Jin Wook passed away, somehow the way she looked at him have changed. Sometimes, with her longing gaze and the expectant expression, he couldn’t control himself to have a wrong feeling, hoping all these were real.  

Ji Min nodded. “She admit it herself that whenever she saw you, she will imagine that you are Jin Wook. You can bring her the feeling of comfortable, safe and trustworthy. Having you with her, she won’t bury everything inside her heart. She will slowly open up herself and show you the most vulnerable side of her because she trusted you.”

“But don’t you think it’s not healthy to let her stay in her imagination?” Yoo Chun asked, discomfort with the idea. “We all know Chang Wook is Chang Wook and Jin Wook is Jin Wook. They might look the same but they are two different individuals. We can’t just turn Chang Wook to be Jin Wook and make her believe that she still have Jin Wook with her. It feels like we are creating an illusion life for her to feel better.”

“Shin Hye is just suffering from depression. She is not crazy or a psychopath. She knows it very clearly that Chang Wook is not Jin Wook. What she needs now is a pillar for her to lean on. And Chang Wook is the only pillar she wants at this moment. Of course it would be better if I can just barged in and give her a counselling or a therapy but it won’t work because she don’t trust me, don’t trust all of us. If she does, she won’t lie and hid herself at the cemetery.” Ji Min said as she looked straight at her boyfriend before she heaved a deep sigh.

“She is pregnant.” Ji Min continued. “It will only worsen her condition if we force her into something that will only increasing weight to her burden. She is grieving, she is hurting, she is scared, she is loss and nobody could help her if she doesn’t want to cooperate with us. She is not eating, not sleeping and it will affect the baby. And with her hormone changing during the pregnancy, it will definitely make her depression worse.”

Yoo Chun sighed deeply as he looked at his best friend with a sympathy gaze. He is more than grateful that Chang Wook could help his sister but as his friend, he doesn’t want Shin Hye to treat him as a replacement or a shadow of Jin Wook. This is not fair to any of them.

Chang Wook understand Yoo Chun’s worries but from the first day he decided to take over the responsible, he have prepared for all these. Pain? Hurt? He laughed quietly. He is not scared at all. His heart has already numbed on the day when he turned the ventilator off.  

“What should I do now?” He asked Ji Min.

Ji Min held his gaze and inhaled deeply. “Make her fall in love with you.”

~~~~~

Shin Hye was sitting on the bed, looking at the ballerina table lamp mindlessly. She was brought back to her senses when she heard the bathroom door opened. Her eyes were slightly widened and she felt her heart pounding so hard against her chest in a sudden. She couldn’t believe what she saw in front of her.

Chang Wook was wearing a dark blue pyjamas as his hand were drying his damp hair with a towel, walking out from the bathroom.

This was the first time Shin Hye saw him looking like this and the first time seeing him with his bang combed down. He looked more like Jin Wook now with his hair covering his forehead.

When her eyes met his gaze, she quickly looked away and breathed in deeply. He is not him, he is not him. She keeps reminding herself inside.

Chang Wook stared at her for a while before he slowly walked to the couch. “I’ll sleep here tonight.”

Shin Hye glanced at the couch before looking back at him. Although the huge couch look comfortable but it’s still better to sleep on a bed. “A-Are you sure? I mean… you can…”

“It’s okay.” Chang Wook cut her off with a warm smile. “I don’t move a lot when I sleep. A couch is more than enough for me.” He smiled again but then something crossed his mind. “Eo… wait here for a while.” He said and before Shin Hye could ask why, he threw the towel to the side and went out of the room.

After a while, he came back with a cup of hot milk in his hand. He walked to the bed and sat down beside Shin Hye. “I remember I read somewhere that hot milk could make people sleep better. And I have checked with the doctor. Milk is a vital dietary source of calcium and other nutrients such as protein and vitamin D. If calcium intake is not adequate during pregnancy, the fetal body absorbs calcium from maternal bones to meet the requirements, thus it is vital to get adequate calcium for the health of both the mother and baby. Protein is important for building uterus and baby’s tissues. The deficiency of protein could cause several health problems in a baby including low birth weight. Vitamin D is helpful in preventing low birth weight and neonatal rickets in pregnancy along with other tissues.” He paused and smiled at her. “So from tonight onwards, I’ll have to force you to drink a cup every night before you sleep.”

Shin Hye glanced down at the cup for a moment before she looked up at him.

When she didn’t say anything, Chang Wook gently put the cup in her hands and met her gaze. “I know you don’t have much appetite lately but even if you don’t want to eat, the baby still need to eat. Finish it, eo?”

Still looking at him very silently, Shin Hye took a deep breath before she brought the milk to her lips and slowly finished the whole cup.

Chang Wook let out a wide and satisfied smile as he took the empty cup from her and put it on the bedside table. “Thank you.” He said, looking back at her.

Shin Hye sighed softly. “I’m the one who should say thank you.” She bit her lip and held her gaze low. “I make everyone worried about me and I’m a reckless mother.” She whispered.

Chang Wook shook his head as he moved his hand forward and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at him. “You are not. You just… don’t know how to deal with all this in a sudden. But you are not alone now. I’ll be here to help you, to take care of you and take care of your baby. We will bring the baby to this world healthily. I promise you.”

Their eyes were locked on each other for a long moment, neither could tear the gaze away first.

“Why are you so good to me?” Shin Hye broke the silence. She looked deep into his eyes, trying to find the answer to her question.

Chang Wook let out a weak smile. “I thought you already know the reason.” He paused as he braved himself to lean closer with his eyes never leave hers.

“Because… I love you.”

~~~~~     

Chang Wook creased his brows. “What?” Did he hear wrongly? Make her fall in love with him. This is even harder than bringing Jin Wook back to life. He inhaled a sharp breath. “This is not possible. She…” He paused and averted his gaze. “She won’t fall in love with me. And even if she does, she will only treat me as Jin Wook’s shadow.”

“I disagree.” Yoo Chun said, looking at his best friend. “I mean… yes, she might be confused at first but it’s not impossible that she will fall in love with you. In fact, after that kiss on your birthday years ago, she was quite affected. You just need to be brave and fight for her. You should tell her about the bracelet and…”

“Enough.” Chang Wook shoots him a sharp glare. “She is sick and she is pregnant… pregnant with my brother’s baby. I don’t want to think something like that at this moment and take advantage on her when she is so… weak and vulnerable. I just want to help her and make her healthy.”

“That’s what we are planning to do.” Ji Min said, cutting him off. She took a deep breath, looking at him. “When you are dating with your lover, gazing into his eyes, hugging him, kissing him… all those intimate gestures, we normally called it romantic. But scientifically, that romantic feeling is a release of brain chemical called oxytocin. In humans, oxytocin