You Make Me Cry Review

Story Title: You Make Me Cry
Author: itsubishi
Genre(s): Angst, Romance, Smut
Brief Description: Sungyeol and Sujin married out of love for each other. Sujin left her family to be with him because their families were rivals. After a few months of marriage, Sungyeol starts to become abusive and neglects her. Even so, Sujin holds on and endures it until one day, a certain event changes everything.
Rated H: Yes
Reviewed By: angelfocusbroken (Lady Comma)

1. Title: [4/5 pts.]
The title is good, but it isn’t something that stands out among all of the other titles on AFF. If I were searching for a story to read, I would probably skip over yours and possibly come back to it later. I docked off a point due to it not being so stand-outish.

2. Poster/Graphics/Background: [4/5 pts.]
The poster itself is amazing, I love the color scheme that was used. However, I found the white background to be quite blinding to be honest. Detracting attention away from the poster is something that you should always try to avoid. Next time, you should try and use a background and poster that goes together so it doesn’t take away from either graphic. I docked off a point for the background and the poster not being coordinated..

3. Foreword/Description: [10/10 pts.]
Although you didn’t elaborate too much on each individual character, I found your foreword and description to be eye-catching. I was happy to see that you didn’t say too much to give the story away but you said enough to entice the reader. You did a great job in this section, hence the full marks.

4. Plot: [25/30 pts]
The plot was not bad, quite enjoyable in fact. However, I was a bit disappointed. The reason why I docked off the five points was because the plot unfolded way too fast. You didn’t give the reader much time to digest what was going on before the next scene approached. I also sensed a lack of planning and organization as well. Next time, be sure to slow the plot down and give the readers time to digest what is going on with your characters before throwing another scene in the mix.

5. Flow: [3/5 pts.]
Due to the fast pace of the plot, it disrupted the flow which is why I docked off two points. There was very little transition coming from one scene to the next. Once you’ve corrected the plot issues, the flow issue will be corrected along with it.

6. Characterization: [5/5 pts.]
I was very pleased with this category because you certainly did throw me through a loop when it came to the abrupt changes in the character’s demeanor and overall attitude. You did very well in portraying each character and changing their personalities depending on the type of scene they were in.

7. Grammar/Spelling: [10/20 pts.]
Spelling was not an issue, so I reward you kudo points for that. However, I found a lot of grammar mistakes, past and present tense errors, as well as punctuation mistakes. I know that I’m being hard on you in this category but I felt like since the chapters weren’t too long, you could’ve taken the time to read through the chapters and correct the mistakes prior to posting them. Because of this, I docked off half of your points in this category. Sorry kiddo.

8. Overall Enjoyment/Entertainment: [18/20 pts.]
Despite grammatical errors, plot and flow issues, you will be pleased to know that I did thoroughly enjoy your story. I can see that you tried your absolute hardest to give a good story to your devoted readers and subscribers. Nothing is more pleasing than finding a story where the writer tries their hardest to make sure they give their fans something good to read. Great job!

Comments/Feedback: I hope you aren’t disheartened by my review because I know you did try your best. I tried my best not to be so hard on you even though I found particular areas in which I felt needed some improvement. I hope I have helped with this review. Happy writing!

Total:  [79/100]

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