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Story Title: My Sweetest Weakness
Author: jooyeonlee
Genre(s): Rom-Com, Fluff
Brief Description: The story has a lot of revelations at the end.
Rated H: No
Reviewed By: Unnielove (A.K.A. Cee Cee)
1. Title: [4/5 pts.]
Your title is all right, albeit typical and bland- if I was scrolling randomly on Asianfanfics and came across this fic, I wouldn’t feel very compelled to check your story out just by the title.
2. Poster/Graphics/Background: [4.5/5 pts.]
I think your poster has a nice, simple and clean feel to it. The color scheme gave it a cutesy, feel-good romantic comedy image, which matches the story.
3. Foreword/Description: [3/10 pts.]
I found your description to be very sparse. It told me little to nothing about your story, other than the barest summary of the plot. There were also differing bright and distracting colors everywhere as well as character lists, one of my biggest pet peeves. You basically had no foreword- if you wish to entice potential readers into reading your story, you should, at the very least, provide a small teaser.
4. Plot: [15.5/30 pts]
I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to be very upfront and blunt with you here- I did not like your plot. It was simply piles on piles of random, overused cliché twists tied together with very faulty plot holes. The typical asshole playboy meets hard-to-get girl, said boy hits on her and saves her from rape, he’s in a gang, she can’t decide if she loves him as she slowly falls for him…I could pretty much predict everything that was going to happen.
Some aspects of your story were incredibly unrealistic as well; I still don’t understand how Jia’s mom can be that gullible that she believes her daughter when she disguises Zico as a girl and claims he is her friend Britney. I also don’t get Zico’s overkill confession- no sane guy, if he seriously loves someone is going to go to such far out lengths to publicly declare his love for a girl.
The story was, as a whole, dull and there wasn’t really any part of it that raised my interest. You got points for trying, hun, but I think you could have done better.
5. Flow: [4/5 pts.]
The overall pace of the story was all right. However, the occasional switching between the main girl being “you” and “Jia” was confusing. You should decide on whether what you’re writing is a “you” or OC story and make it clear to your readers.
6. Characterization: [2/5 pts.]
As far as I could tell, most of the characters had little to no real personality. Even the ones that did were extremely cliché in all their actions. I found Jia to be especially mindless in that, up until the very end, she was unable to make up her mind for about twenty chapters on whether or not she liked Zico or not. It also never was very clear as to why Jia held such an intense hatred of Zico.
I did not like Zico’s character at all. I found him to be an asshole and, even after your explanation of his long-lived crush, I could not understand what drove him to go to such drastic lengths just to go after one girl. Bora and Hyorin I found to be unbearably shallow- although I will give you points for showing Bora in an even kinder light than expected.
In short, none of the characters really struck me as real and their personality depths were about as deep as puddles.
7. Grammar/Spelling: [12/20 pts.]
Your big grammar issue involved tenses. It got to the point where I would be reading a chapter and then be completely confused as to what tense the narrator was referring to. Here’s an example of a common tense mistake you made:
“While the teacher was talking, Zico passed a note to you. ‘Hey babe,’ the note says.”
In the first sentence, you use past tense and detail this as a narrative that has happened already/in the past. However, in the second sentence, you use present tense and write as if you’re describing everything that happens minute by minute. You should stick to one particular tense as constant tense switching can confuse readers greatly and annoy people who are grammar freaks (e.g. myself).
You also had some minor mechanical mistakes with capitalization and spelling- but the one majorly huge problem you should focus on in the future is tense. Here are some other corrections I’ve made.
8. Overall Enjoyment/Entertainment: [8/20 pts.]
Once again, I apologize, but I make it a point to be honest in my reviews- and I did not enjoy your story very much at all. Probably the one thing I truly disliked about this particular fic was your writing style. The formatting of your story was all over the place- there were random italicizing in parts that didn’t really need it as well as other things that took my focus away from the story.
More importantly though, was the complete lack of eloquent description in your story which we really brought your score down. For most of the story, your dialogue was written similarly to a script or a text message and you had emoticons inserted all throughout. There was even one point where the teacher was describing a project in class and instead of explaining what the project was about, you just wrote “blah blah blah” and went straight to the drama between Jia and Zico. All this show readers that you are too lazy to adequately tell them what’s going on and this will turn many of them away from your story. You should really avoid this if you want to be taken seriously as a writer.
Comments/Feedback: I still believe you have the potential to be a good writer, so long as you put in a lot of effort and practice in doing so. Try reading all different kinds of good books- preferably those out of the typical romance chick flicks. You’ll grow a lot more, not just as a reader but as a person and you can use your imagination much more easily to come up with really creative plots. Reading other works will also greatly help you improve your writing style.
As for grammar, I would recommend getting a beta reader in helping you see your mistakes. Eventually, you’ll be able to pick them out yourself.
Again, I’m sorry if I was really harsh on you in the review- please don’t be too disappointed with your score. The road to becoming a good writer is always a bumpy and being able to take constructive criticism well is important. Also, this is just my opinion- I don’t think it’s the most important one that matters, but you should take into account along with others so you can find ways to improve yourself as a writer.
Total: [55/100]
*Please always remember that if you make changes, or add to your story, you can always request for another review to better your score. Just send in another application, and we’ll get back with you as soon as possible.*
Author: jooyeonlee
Genre(s): Rom-Com, Fluff
Brief Description: The story has a lot of revelations at the end.
Rated H: No
Reviewed By: Unnielove (A.K.A. Cee Cee)
1. Title: [4/5 pts.]
Your title is all right, albeit typical and bland- if I was scrolling randomly on Asianfanfics and came across this fic, I wouldn’t feel very compelled to check your story out just by the title.
2. Poster/Graphics/Background: [4.5/5 pts.]
I think your poster has a nice, simple and clean feel to it. The color scheme gave it a cutesy, feel-good romantic comedy image, which matches the story.
3. Foreword/Description: [3/10 pts.]
I found your description to be very sparse. It told me little to nothing about your story, other than the barest summary of the plot. There were also differing bright and distracting colors everywhere as well as character lists, one of my biggest pet peeves. You basically had no foreword- if you wish to entice potential readers into reading your story, you should, at the very least, provide a small teaser.
4. Plot: [15.5/30 pts]
I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to be very upfront and blunt with you here- I did not like your plot. It was simply piles on piles of random, overused cliché twists tied together with very faulty plot holes. The typical asshole playboy meets hard-to-get girl, said boy hits on her and saves her from rape, he’s in a gang, she can’t decide if she loves him as she slowly falls for him…I could pretty much predict everything that was going to happen.
Some aspects of your story were incredibly unrealistic as well; I still don’t understand how Jia’s mom can be that gullible that she believes her daughter when she disguises Zico as a girl and claims he is her friend Britney. I also don’t get Zico’s overkill confession- no sane guy, if he seriously loves someone is going to go to such far out lengths to publicly declare his love for a girl.
The story was, as a whole, dull and there wasn’t really any part of it that raised my interest. You got points for trying, hun, but I think you could have done better.
5. Flow: [4/5 pts.]
The overall pace of the story was all right. However, the occasional switching between the main girl being “you” and “Jia” was confusing. You should decide on whether what you’re writing is a “you” or OC story and make it clear to your readers.
6. Characterization: [2/5 pts.]
As far as I could tell, most of the characters had little to no real personality. Even the ones that did were extremely cliché in all their actions. I found Jia to be especially mindless in that, up until the very end, she was unable to make up her mind for about twenty chapters on whether or not she liked Zico or not. It also never was very clear as to why Jia held such an intense hatred of Zico.
I did not like Zico’s character at all. I found him to be an asshole and, even after your explanation of his long-lived crush, I could not understand what drove him to go to such drastic lengths just to go after one girl. Bora and Hyorin I found to be unbearably shallow- although I will give you points for showing Bora in an even kinder light than expected.
In short, none of the characters really struck me as real and their personality depths were about as deep as puddles.
7. Grammar/Spelling: [12/20 pts.]
Your big grammar issue involved tenses. It got to the point where I would be reading a chapter and then be completely confused as to what tense the narrator was referring to. Here’s an example of a common tense mistake you made:
“While the teacher was talking, Zico passed a note to you. ‘Hey babe,’ the note says.”
In the first sentence, you use past tense and detail this as a narrative that has happened already/in the past. However, in the second sentence, you use present tense and write as if you’re describing everything that happens minute by minute. You should stick to one particular tense as constant tense switching can confuse readers greatly and annoy people who are grammar freaks (e.g. myself).
You also had some minor mechanical mistakes with capitalization and spelling- but the one majorly huge problem you should focus on in the future is tense. Here are some other corrections I’ve made.
Chapter 2
“’If it wasn’t for you and your stupid note, we won’t be here!’” → If it weren’t for you and your stupid note, we wouldn’t be here!
“’…and at the first place, I never wanted to be your girlfriend!” → and in the first place, I never want to be your girlfriend!
Chapter 4
It accidentally hitted his eye. → It accidentally hit his eye.
if you didn't piss me off i wouldn't throw my slipper on your face! → If you didn’t piss me off, I wouldn’t have thrown my slipper at your face!
8. Overall Enjoyment/Entertainment: [8/20 pts.]
Once again, I apologize, but I make it a point to be honest in my reviews- and I did not enjoy your story very much at all. Probably the one thing I truly disliked about this particular fic was your writing style. The formatting of your story was all over the place- there were random italicizing in parts that didn’t really need it as well as other things that took my focus away from the story.
More importantly though, was the complete lack of eloquent description in your story which we really brought your score down. For most of the story, your dialogue was written similarly to a script or a text message and you had emoticons inserted all throughout. There was even one point where the teacher was describing a project in class and instead of explaining what the project was about, you just wrote “blah blah blah” and went straight to the drama between Jia and Zico. All this show readers that you are too lazy to adequately tell them what’s going on and this will turn many of them away from your story. You should really avoid this if you want to be taken seriously as a writer.
Comments/Feedback: I still believe you have the potential to be a good writer, so long as you put in a lot of effort and practice in doing so. Try reading all different kinds of good books- preferably those out of the typical romance chick flicks. You’ll grow a lot more, not just as a reader but as a person and you can use your imagination much more easily to come up with really creative plots. Reading other works will also greatly help you improve your writing style.
As for grammar, I would recommend getting a beta reader in helping you see your mistakes. Eventually, you’ll be able to pick them out yourself.
Again, I’m sorry if I was really harsh on you in the review- please don’t be too disappointed with your score. The road to becoming a good writer is always a bumpy and being able to take constructive criticism well is important. Also, this is just my opinion- I don’t think it’s the most important one that matters, but you should take into account along with others so you can find ways to improve yourself as a writer.
Total: [55/100]
*Please always remember that if you make changes, or add to your story, you can always request for another review to better your score. Just send in another application, and we’ll get back with you as soon as possible.*
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hi_there_kpop on says:
I've requested ^^
hellhathfury on says:
Hi, I'm curious, do you not review oneshots? Since in the rules it says to have at least 3 chapters.
l_kim96 on says about chapter 1:
I requested a review :D can't wait xD
carlafaaaaye on says:
Hi, I submitted a form weeks ago but I still don't see my story on the pending list?
LonesomeAngel on says:
I would just like to ask if you do review incomplete/still progressing stories? And do you review yaoi stories as well? (just to ask since some shops don't review such genre).
AznDuckies on says:
hello i have just requested a review lol. first time ever.
--iSoul on says:
um i was just wondering. i requested from quite a while back (lol no worries im not rushing you) but i see my story is listed to be reviewed by "BlankText". but when i came to her profile, it states that she's deactivated. does this mean my story isnt getting reviewed anytime soon?... ;__ ;
ljolson on says:
I requested a review~ Can't wait [:
Nicsnsd on says:
I submitted my request but don't see it in the list....
threecheers on says:
Sent my request. Thank you in advanced! :D
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