Title: Love the Hard Way

Name: [Redacted]

Tumblr and/or AFF username: [Redacted]

Prompt #: Prompt 10

Theme: romance between men around 30, comedy with a pinch of iness and cuteness

Place: modern big city

Object/word prompts: dragonfly, teddy bear, kid, skinny jeans, riding crop

Action: nothing specified, surprise me ;)

Specific kinks: frottage (if there is )

Things not to be added: mpreg, heavy angst

Preferences/other notes: it’s up to you how you want to use that prompt or how you will understand iness and other tips. No need to include s, but a good bed scene is always welcome.

Prompt given by: [Anonymous]

Word Count: 6,203

Rating: PG13

Author’s/Artist’s Notes: Happy Eunhae Day!

Summary: It was true that hindsight could make a wise man of even the lowliest of fools, for with his own two eyes, he could not see what beauty stood before him, until it was too late. 

---

 

– Love the Hard Way –

 

                Outside, the sound of construction threatens to undo him. The barrage of clanking metal and cracking cement rose to the third floor rental, lending voice to his fractured psyche. Each ping of the hammer and drill of the jack reminding him of how unsettled he felt, of how much work still needed to be done, and yet, the foreman was leaving. He was abandoning the job before it had really begun.

                Donghae sat at the edge of his bed, looking like a kid in skinny jeans. Hyukjae stood, towering above a face forever reflected as a child no matter how close to thirty they became, watching his foot pound a hole into the hardwood floor—its constant thrumming only adding to the deluge of sound filling his head. Anxiety ridden, he shifted his focus to the pillows where sat a green monstrosity he could only plead temporary insanity to ever having thought was cute, a prize from a night at the fair which seemed more like years past than just last night. The teddy bear seemed to mock him, as if it knew that things would turn out like this, but this wasn't how it was supposed to go. He had a plan, a perfect plan and things were going swimmingly...so then, why didn't it work?

                In contrast to the noise from below, there was only silence in the room from above as no words were spoken. It had been like this since Hyukjae first entered the apartment only minutes before—a swift nod, an open door, the soft padding of socked feet—a silent invitation to follow his best friend into his bedroom. But it was understood that there was a problem, and a big one. The teddy bear knew it, as did Donghae's foot, it was just taking the two fools in the room a while to catch up.

                Having had enough, scared but resolute in his purpose, Hyukjae motioned to the elephant in the room, a set of ergonomically designed travel bags sitting not so innocently in the corner. Donghae, apparently satisfied with his morning calisthenics, stopped his tapping in favor of standing, turning on him with a wrath he hadn't seen since their college days. “What do you care? You’re with Mr. Perfect!”

                ”Mr. Perfect?" Hyukjae questioned, turning a few pages in his head, hoping to catch up to where Donghae had left off.  Last night was a mess and of course Donghae was jumping to the wrong conclusion. Not one to be outdone by anyone, recognizing a worthy opponent, Hyukjae screamed back. "Are you jealous? Is that it? Is that why you’ve been ignoring my calls?”

                As if in character from a well rehearsed play, Donghae huffed and ignored the question. It was familiar and so predictable that Hyukjae almost laughed but had the good sense not to. He knew Donghae, he knew him better than anyone, which is why his plan should have worked.

                “You’re such an idiot—” Hyukjae began.

                “If you only came here to insult me, I have a cab waiting so...“

                Hyukjae sighed, running fingers through his hair in exasperation. “Donghae, Siwon was for you.”

                Never a stranger to witty comebacks, Donghae remained true to form. “Huh?”

                It was Hyukjae's turn to huff. “The only reason I set up those dates was to get you to break up with Kyuhyun.”

                “What?”

                There was that shining intellect again.

                It was Hyukjae's turn to sit. He fastened himself on the side of the bed and grabbed for the bear like a lifeline. It was sink or swim but the truth was coming out. “Siwon…he was supposed to replace Kyuhyun.”

                “Siwon—your boyfriend, Siwon?”

                Donghae looked utterly confused, which was strangely comforting as it was more than a familiar sight to Hyukjae's eyes. It gave him the strength to continue, that, and the grossly colored bear he held in his trembling hands. “No. Siwon isn’t my boyfriend—wait, if you thought he was my boyfriend this entire time, then why did you agree to tag along?”

                Donghae shrugged, looking strangely guilty as he crossed the room to stand at the window. “You invited me. I thought it was strange at first, that you were inviting me, but then you kept asking me if I liked him. So, I assumed you wanted my approval in a roundabout sort of way. I was flattered that my opinion meant so much. I don’t know, I…” he started to explain, gazing out the open glass as the sound of construction rose in volume and his words drowned in the swell.

                Hyukjae wanted to laugh. “What? Donghae, he’s not my boyfriend. I kept asking if you liked him because I wanted you to like him instead of Kyuhyun.”

                Bringing his attention back to Hyukjae, the construction a forgotten distraction, Donghae cocked his head, a look so innocent and so...Donghae. “Why would I like Siwon instead of Kyuhyun?”

                Hyukjae shrugged, playing innocent but then followed it up with an explanation anyway. “He’s exactly your type. He’s tall and handsome and," he paused, trying to gather his thoughts, "when I caught Siwon looking at you when we were playing basketball at the gym, I couldn’t help but think you’d be perfect for each other.”

                “Perfect? But, I had a boyfriend...and my type? You think my type is Siwon?”

                “Yes, but you two had nothing in common, so I coached him, that way if—”

                “You coached him?” Donghae interrupted.

                “Yeah, you know," Hyukjae said, as if this was enough of an explanation.

                Donghae shook his head, crossing his arms like a father who was finally getting the truth out of why his son had suddenly acted out. It was startling how fast Donghae could make the transition from childlike to adult. "No, actually, I don't know. What do you mean, you coached him?"

                 Hyukjae swallowed. "Yeah, you know," he insisted, "to have similar interests as you and it was working. You both like sports, so that was the easy one. I mostly just had to fill him in on the other stuff, like what your favorite movies were, your musical taste, how you love animals and anything in miniature."

                "Anything in miniature?" Donghae asked, faced scrunched in confusion.

                "Yeah, you love children," Hyukjae clarified.

                "Then, why didn't you just say that I love children?"

                "I didn't want to freak the guy out. You barely started dating!"

                "We weren't dating! I had a boyfriend, Hyukjae," he yelled. "And I'm pretty sure for a date to actually be considered a date, the other party has to be aware of it."

                "Listen," Hyukjae began, waving it off like Donghae hadn't just made a very valid point, "you two were really hitting it off, and every time I asked if you liked him, you said yes.”

                Donghae rolled his eyes. “Like I said, I thought he was your boyfriend. I thought you were just asking for my approval," he said, but then shuddered. "But, now that I’m thinking about it, he was much too flirty, and that whole riding crop fiasco...what was that?”

                Hyukjae mimicked the minor convulsion as he recalled the memory, it was going to leave a mark. "But his intentions were good," he explained as though it was obvious. "He was 'too flirty' because he was flirting with you! He was supposed to be your boyfriend, not mine. He was just trying to impress you."

                “But I had a boyfriend,” Donghae reiterated, and Hyukjae wanted to strangle the man standing before him. The fact that Donghae was with Kyuhyun, was a fact he wished was fiction.

                “Donghae, what part of this aren’t you understanding? Siwon was for you," he explained again, punching each syllable in exaggeration. It wasn't hard to understand. Really, it was a brilliant plan but its brilliance was in its simplicity, or so he thought.

                “Then, why were you there?” Donghae questioned, and even Hyukjae had to recognize it was a good one. It gave Hyukjae pause. It all made so much more sense before.

                “Because," he began, before clearing his throat. "Because, I knew you wouldn’t go out with him alone, since you have a boyfriend and I know how loyal you are, so I invited you along as a friendly gesture, under the premise of showing my new friend around town.”

                Donghae's foot started tapping. “So, you decided to trick me into dating him?”

                Hyukjae squeezed and the bear's eyes bulged, or was it Hyukjae's? Shaking his head in defiance, he defended himself. “No, don’t say it like that. It wasn't like that.”

                “But that’s what you did…to me and Siwon, really."

                Full attention on the bear he held within his hands, he didn't need to look up at Donghae to know he was disappointed, he could hear the disappointment in his voice. Hell, even the bear looked disappointed.

                “I only wanted you to like Siwon so that you would break off your engagement to Kyuhyun," he tried to explain, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat, "but then he announced the move sooner than expected, like five years too soon, and then Siwon messed it all up by—“

                “Falling for you, right?” Donghae interrupted. His foot was no longer tapping and silence, once again, reigned true. Hyukjae had nothing to say.

                Never had a green bear seemed so fascinating.

                Donghae continued, “I'm right, aren't I? That's what I walked in on last night, when I forgot my jacket, wasn't it? I thought you two were already together, but...Siwon was confessing to you, wasn't he?”

                Hyukjae nodded. He felt like . He couldn't believe things had gotten so complicated. It had started so simply too.

                Siwon was a guy he had met at the gym a few months back. Hyukjae had always been on the slimmer side and the guy had a body Hyukjae envied. When he mentioned this to him, Siwon had agreed to help him out a bit, and soon they started working out together. He was a great guy honestly, a successful market analyst, who despite all his money and connections, didn't have a cocky bone in his perfect body. He was humble, old fashioned in his view on love and marriage, easy on the eyes and absolutely perfect for Donghae.

                It wasn't until last night that Hyukjae realized Siwon's eagerness to go along with his 'brilliant' plan, wasn't so much brilliant at all. Siwon admitted to thinking that Donghae was cute, and wanted an opportunity to meet him at first, but once their outings started, he found that he was looking forward to seeing him more. Siwon told him that the more time they spent together, trying to woo Donghae, the more he was falling for him instead.

                His exact words were, "I don't have to be anyone other than myself with you."

                It was then that Hyukjae started realizing how ed up his plan really was. Siwon actually admitted to feeling guilty, going through with the charade for as long as he did, since he was falling for the wrong guy. Siwon was the last person who should have felt guilty though. It was Hyukjae who should have felt guilty, did feel guilty. Siwon had no idea that Donghae was in a relationship and Donghae had no idea that he was being set up. He was playing them both. He was stupid and selfish and a complete tool.

                The crazy thing was, Hyukjae was single. There was absolutely no reason that he shouldn't have been head over heels for Siwon after his confession, but he wasn't. He didn't know why, and it made him feel like . Siwon was a great guy. He was perfect, for s sake, so why then didn't he want him? Even after spending half the night trying to make things kosher between Siwon and him—apologizing for his single mindedness, his blind lack of understanding—recognizing just how wonderful Siwon was, all he felt was guilt. And Siwon, being the gentlemen he was, forgave him.

                Hyukjae was beginning to realize that last night was only the beginning. He really had been blind, because it was only now that he was finally starting to see.

                 “What the were you thinking, Hyukjae?” Donghae asked, demanding an answer.

                Hyukjae glanced up and struggled to keep his gaze. “I don’t know. I don't like Siwon, not like that. I don't know how it happened. I mean, he’s nice and perfect, really, and I probably should but I don't. He’s not for me. He was for you. He’s more your type than—”

                “Stop saying that!" Donghae yelled and Hyukjae shrunk back a little, even the bear looked guilty and he had nothing to do with it. "Siwon’s not my type, and that’s not what I'm getting at, Hyukjae. Why are you playing with people’s feelings like this?”

                “I didn’t think of it like that," he said, in remorse, and he hadn't.

                “You didn't think at all.”

                “He’s not right for you,” Hyukjae explained, trying to defend himself.

                “Then why were you trying to push him on me?"

                Donghae could be so dense at times. "No, not Siwon, Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun's not right for you."

                The foot started tapping again. "How would you know that? You've barely made an effort to get to know him."

                "Oh, I tried..." Hyukjae mumbled under his breath. Everyone thought that Kyuhyun was so witty, and funny but Kyuhyun was an entomologist.

                Who was an entomologist?

                This fact alone was enough to convince him that he was wrong for Donghae, who had an innate fear of dragonflies, as stupid as that was. Bugs were Kyuhyun's life and if Hyukjae had to hear the story of how his insect fascination began, one more time, he was going to flip. In fact, if he had to hear Kyuhyun say anything else about himself, he was going to flip. Everything about the man was an over share and he just couldn't accept that Donghae was dating the guy. It was ridiculous.

                "I’m a big boy, Hyukjae. Next time you might want to talk to me about it before doing…this!” Donghae threw his hands up in the air. “That’s the reason why this whole, stupid plan was devised? You went to all this trouble because you don’t like Kyuhyun? Why? Why don’t you like him? You’ve never given me a concrete reason and because doesn’t cut it.”

                Hyukjae didn't think, he just spoke. "He's a bug scientist," he deadpanned.

                "So?" Donghae defended.

                "You hate bugs."

                "I'm not the one who has to work with them, he is. What does this have to do with anything?" he asked, fully exasperated.

                Hyukjae guffawed, as though Donghae had said the stupidest thing in the history of everything. It was so evident. "Everything!"

                "What are you even talking about?" Donghae yelled back.

                "It's obvious that he's not right for you," he tried to explain, matching his voice to the pollution outside. "You're wrong with him. He's wrong for you. You’re not yourself with Kyuhyun," he dissolved, finally uncovering what had been bugging him (no pun intended) about their relationship.

                “How would you know?” Donghae shot back.

                Hyukjae was tired of being the bad guy, of being the crazy one. He messed up, he realized that, more now than anything. He wished he could go back and not be stupid, not be selfish, but despite his shortcomings, he was right in this. Donghae deserved someone like Siwon, someone who would care for him, dote on him, want to be with him all hours of the day and not let him gallivant around the city in some twisted ménage à trois. None of this would have happened had Donghae picked someone more suited to him, someone who cared for him like—

                “I’m your best friend, that’s how I know!" Hyukjae shouted, throwing the stuffed bear at his face in anger.

                Donghae's eyes narrowed at the grave insult. He picked up the green bear which had fallen to his feet—the one that Hyukjae had won for him just last night, the same one that Donghae had clutched so close to his heart in appreciation—and chucked it out the window. Hyukjae was shocked and strangely, hurt.

                “My best friend? You mean the guy who decided to ditch me shortly after we broke up. You can’t just waltz in after a five year absence and expect things to go back to the way they were. How do you know who I am anymore? What makes you so sure Kyuhyun isn’t perfect for me? So what, he likes bugs? Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe, a bug saved my life and now I like bugs too! Maybe Kyuhyun was exactly who I needed.”

                He was so stupid sometimes, it hurt. Did the man really expect him to believe that a bug saved his life? “That's dumb. Stop saying dumb things...and maybe? Maybe he's who you need? Shouldn’t that sound a little more definite? He is the man you’re moving to America for, after all.”

                “Shut up, Hyukjae. You don't get a say in this! You went to New York, without so much as a warning. You just left and you think a few emails, six to be exact, is enough to sustain the title of best friend. You left me. Who am I supposed to be myself around, if the one person I can actually be myself around, isn’t around?”

                Hyukjae tried not to dwell at the stupidity of the statement. “I’m here now.”

                Donghae started pacing. “And why do you think I jumped at the opportunity to hang out with you and Siwon? The only time I got to spend with you, was when you were with him. I can’t believe you can be so dense," he said, and Hyukjae thought the insult was something akin to the teddy bear calling the frog green.

                “Of course he fell for you, Hyukjae. Anyone who spends any time with you can’t help but fall for you. You’re such an idiot sometimes. Didn’t you think it was a little odd that I was going on all of those 'dates' when I already had a boyfriend?”

                 “No, I just thought my plan was working.” Why would he think anything else?

                “Your moronic plan,” he corrected.

                “Who's the moron here? You just confessed you were doing it for me," Hyukjae defended.

                “Exactly," Donghae said, pausing in front of him, as if daring him to say another word on the subject, as if that one word explained it all. The man was nothing if not infuriating.

                Hyukjae blinked, then swallowed, not even sure what they were arguing about anymore. He was about to say something clever (hopefully) when the words finally sunk in. "Wait, what?”

                Donghae inched closer, within reach but still untouchable, holding him captive with his eyes alone. “Why did you do all of this Hyukjae? Why go to all of this trouble when you could have just said, 'Hey. I don’t think Kyuhyun’s right for you. Here are some reasons why; a, b and c; and I think you can find someone better, etcetera, etcetera.'"

                Hyukjae didn’t say anything and Donghae sighed, as if giving up, taking a step back in the process. “I have to go. I don’t want to miss my flight.”

                Hyukjae grabbed his hand, stilling his movements.

                Donghae looked tired suddenly, as though he had been engaged in a battle of wits and maybe he had. "What the , Hyukjae? What do you want?"

                “Do you love him?” Hyukjae asked, letting his mouth lead where his mind hadn't dared to go.

                “Yes,” was Donghae’s simple answer, his eyes finding the light of the window once again, changing their hue from dark brown to a haunting amber.

                “Does he love you?”

                There was a second’s pause and then a nod. “Yes. In his own way, yes.  I think he does...but none of this matters anymore.”

                “Do you love him as much as you love me?” There was no stopping him now, the words were out before he could think about the repercussions. It wasn't a thought he indulged in often, in fact, he tried desperately not to think on it at all. Once spoken though, it felt right, albeit a little scary. There was no coming back from this. No matter the answer, it would change things between them. But, maybe things needed to change.

                He heard Donghae swallow hard before answering, gaze still fixed outside the window. “No.”

                “Stay,” Hyukjae pleaded, squeezing his hand.

                “Why?” he asked, eyes landing on his once again, back to dark.

                “Because you love me more,” he answered, going for broke.

                “Not good enough," he sighed. "I’ve loved you since college. You know that. You knew that. You always have, even if you didn't want to admit it. I need more. ”

                “Stay.”

                “Why?”

                “Because I love you more,” he admitted, and he had to admit, it felt good to say it. It felt better than good.

                Donghae shook his head and tried to dislodge his hand from his. “You’re just saying that.”

                “Stay,” he demanded this time.

                “Why?”

                “Because you deserve to have someone who puts you first. Someone who concocts crazy schemes just to get you to realize how great you are, or how stupid you're being.”

                "Is that what you were doing? Gee, thanks," Donghae laughed, more an expression of relief than humor. The sound carried well above the outside world and replaced the deluge within his own.

                “I love you,” he breathed out, pulling the man closer as he let his arms envelope his waist, resting his head against his stomach.

                “Stop saying that,” he bit out, but contrary to his words, he threaded tentative fingers through Hyukjae's hair, egging him on. Hyukjae closed his eyes, feeling something snap into place, settling him down a little more with each .

                “I say it because it’s true. Stay.”

                “Why?”

                Hyukjae opened his eyes and with the new found elation, a feeling of euphoria erupted from within. This was right. This felt right. He still had the sense of free fall, that feeling right before the realization hit, that strange balance of fear and anticipation. None of this was planned but it didn't seem to be a problem. He had been stupid and selfish and he needed the man standing before him to know this. He needed Donghae to know how much he matters to him. He wanted him to know just how much of his life was his to have, because he could have all of it, every last bit.

                Feeling like he had to prepare an in depth presentation with no more than a minute's notice, neck straining, he smiled as he pulled Donghae down to sit by his side. “I don't have all the answers Donghae," he said, clasping his hands once again, weaving their fingers together on his lap. "I only know what I know."

                It was like jumping into a freezing pool on a hot summer's day, but the shock was a good shock. He took a deep breath as he let the truth envelope him. He couldn't stop now, even if he wanted to.

                "We broke up in college and it was mutual, if I remember it correctly. I never really questioned why you agreed so easily, but I remember being relieved. The last thing I wanted to do was break your heart.

                "For me, as for most people, college was a time to find myself, and I did. I found out what I wanted to do and the way to get there. I also found you, and you were great, are great, but you were distracting. I found that when I was with you, I didn’t care about myself so much. It scared me, I think," he admitted, biting his lip. "Do you remember the time when your fish was sick, and you were panicking because you didn’t know what to do?”

                “Yes," Donghae mused. "You came by shortly after with a pellet that was supposed to get rid of all of the white gunk on his skin, and it did.”

                “Yeah, but what I failed to mention was that I had a final that hour. I skipped it and spent that hour finding a pet store with someone who could help me with your vague diagnosis of ‘white gunk’ on the fish’s scales.”

                “You did?” Donghae asked in mild shock.

                “I did, and I had to repeat that class the following semester. I was lucky to get the add. It could have set me back a semester to graduate had I not. My decision to drop everything for a fish, wasn’t the right one. I knew that, but when it came to you, I didn’t care. So, although it hurt, I had to back off a bit from us but like the fool I was, I still found myself getting lost in you, so I proposed a break up. I didn’t want to, but it was something I had to do. You seemed relieved, so then I thought that maybe I was holding you back.

                "Even when I came to regret it, even though it was my idea, I thought that it was what you wanted it in the end. So I let it happen, I let us go. New York was an opportunity to clear my head, an opportunity to see if promoting was what I really wanted to do, another chance to find myself. It was an escape and I thought it worked but I lost myself there, which was ironic. Sure, I found my calling, but the only person I wanted to call was you. When I finally did, it was only to find out you were engaged to an egotistical nerd who had a hard-on for roaches.”

                “He’s not a nerd.”

                Hyukjae laughed. “Is that really what you should have refuted there? Honestly Donghae, I don’t get it.”

                Donghae chuckled, letting go of his hands before leaning back, laying himself along the striped comforter, draping an arm across his eyes and tucking the other behind his head. The shirt he was wearing rose enough to give Hyukjae a pleasant peek at his smooth stomach. It took everything he had at the moment not to touch his skin. He knew he didn't have permission, not yet. They weren't done here. There was still a ways to go.

                 “I was relieved," Donghae exhaled, "but, probably not for the reasons you thought. I was scared too, but scared you would leave me. I noticed you backing away and I guess I started preparing myself for the inevitable. It was hard, but by the time you suggested we break up, I was ready for it, even though I didn’t want it. It was a relief for it to finally be over and done with, to no longer have the fear of 'is today the day he finally dumps me?' looming over me. So, when you gave some lame excuse about focusing on our future and being better as friends, I took it. It was all that was left, so I took it.

                "At first it was hard seeing you get back out there, going out all of the time, dating or promoting or both, but I put up with it because you were still in my life. Even if it wasn’t in the way I would have wanted, you were still there but then you left to New York... and that’s when I met Kyuhyun. He gave me hope that maybe I could be happy without you. Kyuhyun has his faults but in the end, he wanted me. That’s more than I could say about you.”

                “But I wanted you. I've always wanted you. I want you. I love you,” Hyukjae confessed. The words weren't poetic, they were truth. He didn't dance around them, in fact, he stumbled a bit.

                “I want to believe that but I’ve always been here, Hyukjae.”

                “Are you really going to put this all on me?”

                Donghae sat up, looking pained and confused.

                “Like I said, you seemed relieved when we broke up," Hyukjae continued. "I thought you liked us better as friends. I dated, sure, but I’ve never had a boyfriend Donghae. I’ve never taken anyone as seriously as I have you and I don’t think I ever could, but you had—have Kyuhyun. You moved on. You’re going to America and getting married and living the dream. You’ll probably adopt 2.5 children and buy a two-story home with a white picket fence and a pool out back.”

                “Kyuhyun doesn’t want kids.”

                “Not even half of one?" Hyukjae joked.

                Donghae snorted and sat up. Hyukjae immediately claimed his hand again.

                "But you do.”

                Donghae hummed in agreement.

                “I love you Donghae. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that the decision I made years ago was the right one, and maybe it was at the time, but it isn’t anymore. I love you. I do. I always have but I guess I was scared to admit it...and if it takes the threat of you leaving to remind me of that fact, a fact I lost along the way, then so be it. Don’t go. Kyuhyun's not good enough. I love you.”

                “But, Kyuhyun—”

                "Will be fine without you," Hyukjae finished for him. "I’m the one that needs you and you know it. There’s a reason why we haven’t been able to let each other go and now that it’s out in the open, I don’t think we should ignore it. It’s out there Donghae. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I love you so hard right now.”

                Donghae laughed, a shameless display of pearly whites. “You love me hard? What the are you even talking about?”

                Hyukjae smiled, leaning in close enough to draw his nose up along his neck, smelling that familiar smell of Donghae. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore because I’m crazy in love with you. In fact, I don’t know what we’re even arguing about. I love you, so why are we talking and not making-out or something.”

                “Hyukjae,” Donghae said his name in a warning tone, despite leaning in closer. “What are you doing?”

                “I love you,” Hyukjae answered, his breath tickling his skin.

                “Hyukjae,” Donghae warned again, his eyes fluttering closed.

                “I love you,” he whispered into his ear.

                “Hyukjae.”

                “I love you,” he repeated before kissing the smooth skin under it, pecking his way down the neck.

                A car horn blared from the street below, rising above the forgotten road work and Donghae pushed him away just as suddenly. When Hyukjae looked up into his face, he saw tears in his eyes. “I can’t do this right now, Hyukjae.”

                The horn blared once again. “I have to go.”

                He watched in shock as Donghae flew out the door, beyond his sight and down the stairs without looking back, leaving Hyukjae as the one that was left behind this time.

 

 

15 minutes later…

 

                “You are such an ,” Hyukjae said, squeezing the man adoringly in his arms as they stood, once again, in the bedroom.

                “I am? What about you?” Donghae asked, slapping his arm.

                “I confess to you and then you just leave! You broke my heart," Hyukjae said.

                “I came right back didn’t I? I only bruised it a little, stop being so dramatic," he said, followed by an eye roll of exaggerated proportions.

                "You were crying! I thought you were leaving me."

                "I was overwhelmed by all the touchy feely stuff. You wait five years to tell me this, five years! What did you expect? Besides, I left my luggage. That was a pretty big indication that I wasn't going anywhere. You’re lucky I had the common sense to go down there when I did. Who charges that much for sitting in a car? It’s ridiculous. I should report him, really.”

                “I'm the one that paid for it," Hyukjae grumbled.

                "As you should! There was no way I was going to pay for that cab when you’re the reason it was down there so long to begin with. Stop complaining."

                "I’d pay quadruple that, if it meant keeping you here with me forever.”

                “And you would have had your wish had I not gone down there when I did...you’re such a sap.”

                “And you’re an ,” Hyukjae said, followed by a quick pinch to his backside.

                Donghae pushed him away teasingly, rubbing at his sore skin, feigning hurt as the tiny hint of a pout made its way to the surface. Hyukjae missed this, he missed Donghae's childish side.“Why am I still an ?”

                “You broke up with Kyuhyun last night and didn’t tell me," he said, reminding him. "You had me thinking you were still together.”

                "I don’t think anyone can really be 'together' with Kyuhyun. Besides, it's not like it stopped you or anything. And, I tried to tell you but you were too busy confessing your love for me.”

                “I love you.”

                "Oh, no. There you go again," Donghae complained but stepped into Hyukjae's arms anyway.

                "I love you," he confessed again.

                “You better,” Donghae answered with a peck on his lips.

                Hyukjae smiled and pecked him back. “So, how did he take it?”

                Donghae rested his head against Hyukjae's neck, settling himself comfortably into his arms before explaining. “Well. I think he was disappointed but not heartbroken. I think we were both fooling ourselves a little. I needed someone to love and he wanted to love someone. I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved him, it’s just not the head over heels type of love. And I think he loved me, as much as he could love someone, he’s just not the head over heels type.”

                "The packed bags?" Hyukjae inquired with a jerk of his head before rubbing his hands along Donghae's back.

                "Tickets were non-refundable, so I thought I'd use the time in California to clear my head and figure things out. It was actually Kyuhyun's suggestion, he's like that, forever sensible. He changed his flight to earlier this morning so it wouldn't be awkward. I'm going to miss him."

                Hyukjae stopped his fingers from playing on Donghae's back, unable to ignore the way his admission made him feel, but he didn't want to let go. Thankfully, Donghae squeezed a little harder, reassuring him before continuing. "But, I do feel more like myself now. It's just that, with Kyuhyun, I think we both found a certain sense of comfort in our relationship and didn't realize that it had stopped being a romantic one. It's like we've been broken up for a while now, but neither one of us recognized it. It's better this way."

                Hyukjae let Donghae's words filter, fighting hard against his insecurities and the fear of rejection. “Ok, you still love him. I get that, but you love me more, right?” He was being selfish again, he knew that, but he after finally recognizing who he wanted and having that someone in his arms again, he needed to be.

                Donghae lifted his gaze and kissed him, really kissed him this time. It was slow as their lips became accustomed what used to come so natural, but they were soon well acquainted. “What do you think?” he asked.

                Hyukjae smiled but followed it quickly with a frown. “I think it’s weird you won’t say it back. You’re making me feel anxious. Just tell me you love me and we’ll get married and have 2.5 babies.”

                “2.5?” Donghae laughed into his mouth as he leaned in for another kiss, which Hyukjae willingly accepted.

                Reluctantly though, he pulled away. "Yes, Donghae Jr. was in a minor accident, but we love him nonetheless."

                Donghae stared at him incredulously. "Donghae Jr.? I'm not the one that's accident prone."

                "My laptop begs to differ," he said, recalling Donghae's not so compatible relationship with electronics. "But fine, Hyukjae Jr. was in a minor accident?"

                Donghae laughed and swat at Hyukjae again. "Firstly, that was years ago, get over it. Secondly, how minor could it be if Hyukjae Jr. is  missing an entire half?"

                "He still has his good half?" Hyukjae shrugged.

                Donghae laughed and pushed him back until they tumbled carelessly onto the bed. Righting himself, he waited patiently as Donghae crawled into his lap, straddling his thighs. "Should we get started then?"

                “You have to say the magic words first. You know what I want to hear," Hyukjae teased.

                Donghae, finger to his mouth, posed as if deep in thought before spouting an answer. “Um… me?”

                “Hmmmm…judges?" Hyukjae asked, placing a hand to an imaginary ear piece. "Yes. Yes, they’ll accept that.”

                “You’re an idiot," Donghae laughed.

                “Never said I was smart.”

                “Nor did anyone else…” Donghae replied before slipping his tongue inside his mouth, relearning the landscape, a home away from homes.

                 “You love me yet?" Hyukjae asked between kisses.

                “I never stopped."

                Hyukjae laughed, cupping Donghae's , drawing him closer to grind against his growing . He groaned into Donghae's ear. "You're never going to say it, are you?"

                "Lee Hyukjae, I love you so hard.”

                Hyukjae laughed. "Is there any other way?"

                "Idiot."