Love, Be Afraid

Description

Lee Howon worries about his liking of boys, afraid that he will not be accepted even after his grandfather chased mad preachers who will burn houses to "cleanse the sins of the men and restore their manhood".

 

Foreword

A/N: i stopped my procrastination from going the next level.

it was supposed to be "a cute old couple who eats a sundae every wednesday night that they never finished" but i don't even know what i wrote anymore.

fxdedtulips is not here to help me lmao

Dongwoo/Hoya

 

 

Andrea's Hills is no different than any other towns. It has the general features, and definitely became better since the 1940s although everything was in a much simpler state. Despite the fact that the homophobia and the preaching of God's love was only limited to "normal people" by the preacher, which no doubt created a transitory havoc. Of course, there was also the war. Men were sent away from their families to their decided fate and came back lesser than their previous return, none spared from the emotional and physical trauma. Fortunately, the world war ended. There was hope for everyone. Soon, the birth population grew and so did the town.

 

Here comes the twenty first century where the road welcomes the ones who seeks for peace, and bids farewells to the ambitious. Andrea's Hills is lively like the water that burst from the dam except its substituted with chatter, and everyone is familiar with everyone. Until recently, the town dulled like the wallpapers in an abandoned building. You would have thought how the town got into the top ten best towns unless you chance upon the cemetery, where fresh flowers are laid upon someone's grave, and maybe you would have felt a twinge of sympathy for his loved ones.

 

That's how close the town is, lending support and comfort when one most needs it, not only just friends. Hell, if you got dumped real bad by someone who couldn't see and make the best in you, not only will he have clogged pipes for months, even the fresh bread he buys will taste like it has been long due five weeks ago.

 

Hoya has been part of the town for as long as he can remember. His family is one of the oldest and respected in the streets. His grandfather was most remembered as one of the villagers who chased the mad preacher away and threatened to "use the horse whip on the back of your balls" if he was ever found lurking around any household to "cleanse the sins and restore his manhood", while his father got enlisted and was sent to witness the death of many men, including his friends. The sounds of the bombs and gunfire are still loud in his head, he once said. His friends shouting and disappearing in the next moment still clear behind his eyelids, as though all of it happened yesterday. He knew he wasn't the same when he returned back from the battlefield he was forced in, chanting on his bed that he was safe but still couldn't get his tensed shoulders to ease. Then he met a woman in a diner and the rest was history. 

 

Hoya had wanted to have a cliché fairy-tale-like love story when he finally met his one and only, minus the evil witch when he was young. 

 

That's when he met Dongwoo. 

 

Oh, Dongwoo-ah! He would exclaim, waxing poetry about his hair and how his eyelashes revolve around his world. How the angels gently clank bells when he laughs, the smile that will light the hallway to heaven. Everyone would laugh and ruffle his hair. "Lover Boy" they named him. 

 

But Hoya never gave a hint that he was talking about a beautiful boy, they always assumed a fine lady would be the centre of his life. He was afraid, even though his grandfather was the core support of the gay people in our small land. When Dongwoo finally accepted his courting and overwhelmed him with his own confession, Hoya was literally vibrating with happiness. However, his joy was shortlived. How can they hide this love from the rest?

 

They had to spend their dates in secluded places, often dodge away from each other when in public. They couldn't be open with each other, kiss like the people didn't matter because they were afraid of being casted out. Then Hoya's best friend found out.

 

Woohyun was the only friend Hoya has. They are practically brothers, partners in crimes, the peanut to his jelly, whatever best friends called themselves as. Hoya, Dongwoo and Woohyun were in the horse stables helping out a lady with the barn. Hoya excused himself minutes after the Dongwoo to avoid suspicion as they couldn't keep their hands to their selves. He escaped to the back of the log pile and kissed the boy so hard, they nearly fell to the muddy ground. Gods, they haven't touched each other for too long. Both so lost in their worlds and the taste of their spit mingling together, they didn't hear Woohyun called out or his gasp at the sight of them clutching shirts like a life line, nothing between their bodies. Then Dongwoo opened his eyes, only to see the wide eyed boy staring at the couple in shock, and pushed Hoya away from him like he was a hot poker. Hoya searched for a reason and saw his friend looking so lost in the love Hoya found.

 

"P-please, don't tell anyone. Don't tell my father. Woohyun..."

 

Woohyun snapped out of his stunned-like state and simply nodded.

 

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. You deserve it. Love. You deserve this love as long as he makes you happy."

 

Hoya couldn't trust his own voice, so he hugged his best friend tight as a silent thank you and hoped that one day when he tells his parents, they would react the same. If he ever picks up his courage to tell them so.

 

When he went home the very same day, it was like his father knew.

 

"Son?"

 

Hoya looked up from his plate. His mother had a night shift in the hospital and left a couple of warm dishes on the dining table, so it was just his father and himself.

 

"You do know I love you, right? Whether you get distracted at something and I shout at you?"

 

Clenching his spoon tighter, Hoya nodded, not trusting his voice beyond a quietly fervent, "Me, too." 

 

"I mean it. No matter what happens between us."

 

Hoya swallowed thickly. The words said with a different meaning behind it. He's his father, after all, flesh and blood. Of course he would have figured out, having seen Hoya's lingering gaze on Woohyun. Of course he knew about his feelings about Woohyun. What mattered the most was that he would still love and accept him. Hoya replied in a choked voice, "Yes, dad."

 

"You're looking a little peaky," his father said "Why don't you let me wash up? You go on upstairs, and I'll see you in the morning."

 

Hoya nodded. With a deep breath, he pushed to standing, crossed the room and pulled his father to a tight hug. "Thank you." He whispered against his shoulder, voice nearly breaking.

 

The ex soldier hugged him even more tightly. "They're just dishes."

 

Hoya choked out a laugh and hooked his chin over his shoulder, "They're more than just dishes."

 

"I know, son. I know."

 

Hoya squeezed once more then pushed back, smoothing his shirt front to avoid looking into his father's eyes. He just needed to hold it in for another moment, to keep it together until he could break into pieces in the quiet dark of his room. “I love you, dad.”

 

“Hey.” His dad hooked a hand behind Hoya's' neck, giving him a little shake and making Hoya laugh softly. His father waited until Hoya made himself look up. The affection and concern in his father's face almost undid him then and there. His eyes welled up with tears. His dad's worn, warm hand carefully cupped his cheek as he said, “I love you. Now go get some sleep. We'll work through all of this tomorrow.”

 

“Yes, dad,” he replied. In his room he stripped quickly, pulled on his night clothes, and prepared to spend the evening staring at the ceiling, trying not to remember the feeling of Woohyun's lips against his. He lasted about five minutes before he began shaking, hot tears streaming down the side of his face, pooling in his ears.

 

Soon, he would take Dongwoo out to dates in a ice cream diner just at the outskirts of the town. It was a big change to their time together which was only a day in each week. They would sneak out late at night and meet up at the shop, and eat a huge bowl of strawberry ice cream together, even though they never finished it. Yet they go there every Wednesday. Even when they both go to college, both work in offices at completely opposite ends of Andrea's Hills, both move into a house together, and celebrate each others' birthdays and anniversaries, when Hoya proposed to Dongwoo..

 

They still do.

 

Forty years down the road and still eat the same big bowl of strawberry ice cream despite their sensitive teeth. Brush the back of their spoon on their noses and have the other kiss it off. Hoya still waxes poetry about Dongwoo's angelic face, but now he can sing about how his body reacts to all the places he touches. 

 

Comments

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purple_music
#1
So beautiful...
AJ_TheFan #2
Honey this was amazing, keep up the good work