It's funny how thin the line between love and hate. I mean love and hate is the opposite of each other right? And yet there's only a very thin line to separate them. If you ask me: do you hate her? My answer will be, "yes i do." it will be easier for me if it's just stop there. But no, it's not. Because if you ask me: "do you love her?" Then my answer is, "yes i really do." How i wish i could just hate her, so my life won't be a mess like this. And my heart won't aching so bad like this. -T

Yes, i love her. So much. I know that for sure.

Yes, i want her to be mine. Only mine. That's why i'm so possessive towards her. That's why i can easily get jealous whenever it comes to her. 

Yes, i don't want to lose her. And i don't want her to leave me.

And yes......i am a selfish . I love her, and i also love him. I can't let go of her, and i can't let him go either. They said we can love two persons at the same time, but it will be in the different way or at least in different level of love. But in my case, i really can't choose. I can't choose one of them. At least not for now.

He didn't know about this. That's why he keeps smiling and laughing happily like that with me and his friends. But not for her. She knows everything right from the start. She's hurting so bad because of me. She's crying a lot because of me. And she can't tell anyone about this. She can't share her burden and her sadness with anyone. Because this is a secret. A secret between me and her. Yes, she's on her own. All alone. But she's a strong girl, i know. That's one of the reasons why i love her. She's strong when i'm weak.

And now i'm so scared as hell. I'm afraid she will get tired of me, she will give up on me and decide to leave me. Please don't do that. Please.. i beg you. Because.....i've start to build my world around you. And it will crumble down without you. -T