It had already been almost a whole day since Cha Soeun had last heard from Chanyeol. Last night, after he walked her home, he didn’t greet her at the window as he usually did, though she could understand. It had been a long day, but it was uncharacteristic of him not to see her off before going to bed. What was even more worrisome was that when she woke up, expecting to be greeted at the window from across the way, she wasn’t. Chaneyeol’s curtains were already opened all the way, but there was no sign of him. Maybe he went back to sleep, Soeun chanted to herself. But when she called him, there was no answer. When she texted him, there was no reply. There was only one other time when this happened, and it was when he was sick. That was probably it – he was probably sick.

            Ignoring the looming worry for Chanyeol because it could have just been another case of the common cold, Soeun decided she’d just get to work and attend to Chanyeol later. After Soeun had finished her work for the day, she immediately went back to the restaurant she went to when Chanyeol was sick and ordered the same porridge soup with chicken. This should do the trick, Soeun thought to herself as she proudly held the porridge to her body to keep it warm.

            When Soeun got to Chanyeol’s apartment, she knocked on the door, but only to no avail. The lights weren’t on, so Soeun assumed that he probably wasn’t home. If he wasn’t home, where would – could he – have gone? Other than work, he didn’t have anywhere else to go, according to Soeun’s knowledge. With her concern for Chanyeol rising, she punched in the passcode she asked for when Chanyeol had gotten sick the first time. Once Soeun expressed her worry and frustration about not being able to access his apartment in case of emergencies, Chanyeol told her the code to appease her. When the light turned green on the door handle, Soeun made her way in.

Already very familiar with the place, she made herself at home and put the porridge in the fridge. After taking care of that, Soeun went straight to Chaneyeol’s room, and there he was, snuggled up under his blanket, lying in the fetus position.

            “Chanyeol?” Soeun called out as she turned up the light, though she kept it dim. Chanyeol woke up from his slumber to a familiar voice. It was hard to open his eyes - almost as if they were glued shut, but that wasn’t the case.

            “Soeunnie?” Chanyeol immediately regretted calling her by her pet name once he lifted the blanket off his face to see that Soeun had made her way to the bed and sat in the open space. His heart hurt, calling her that.

            “Are you okay?” She asked, putting her right hand on his forehead to check for a fever. Oddly, his forehead wasn’t all that warm – it was normal. Soeun examined Chanyeol’s face and she could tell that his eyes were swollen and red. What exactly happened to him? Had be been crying?

            “Yeah, yeah.” Chanyeol retreated from Soeun’s touch and swiped her hand away, to which surprised her.

            “Are you sure you’re okay?” Soeun got up from the bed and asked worriedly.

            “Yeah, just tired.” Chanyeol said, looking at his hands. At that moment, it was like he was in his own world. Though he was physically there, he wasn’t mentally and emotionally all there. He felt so scattered and undetached.

            “You know you can talk to me, Chanyeol. I was there for you before, and I’m still here now.”

            Silence.

            “Chanyeol –“ Soeun tried again, only to be interrupted.

            “I said I was fine!” Chanyeol burst as he looked up at Soeun. Only when he saw her bewildered expression did he realize what he just did. “I’m sorry, I-“ He immediately tried to fix the problem that was about to arise, and suddenly, he recalled the events of their first date and how Soeun scolded him for saying “sorry” so many times.

            “What is wrong with you? Why are you being like this?” Soeun’s eyes grew wide shock and a bit of fury. “I can clearly tell that you were crying, yet you say nothing’s wrong!”

            “I just didn’t want you to worry about me – it!” Chanyeol was tripping over his own words and he felt like he couldn’t think straight. This was the first time he had ever felt that things were going farther than they needed to with Soeun.

            “Not worry about you?! How can I not? You haven’t answered any of my calls or replied to any of my texts! What happened? What’s going on?”

            “You wanna know what’s going on? I feel guilty, Soeun! Have you ever – no, I doubt you’ve ever felt as guilty as I do right now, and you never will, so just drop it!” Chanyeol couldn’t stop himself from saying those words; he was all riled up now.

            “What, what are you so guilty about?” Soeun asked, confused.

            “Ugh, nothing. Please,” Chanyeol looked at Soeun pleadingly. He didn’t want to hurt her with whatever his reply would be, and he just wished she could understand that – Joohyun would have, “Just drop it.”

            “How can it be ‘nothing’, Chanyeol? You’re not acting like yourself at all, and you expect me to take ‘nothing’ for an answer?” Soeun also pleaded stubbornly.

            “Just…how I feel…our relationship – and with someone she called her ‘friend’? I feel like I’ve betrayed her.” Chanyeol said half to himself, “I feel like I just threw her out, once she died…” Tears began to well up in his eyes.

            “So you’re getting mad at me because of how you feel? Chanyeol! What changed? What…” Soeun’s voice faded to nothing once she put two and two together. What did he say? Their relationship? He feels like he betrayed her? “Are you…guilt-stricken about our relationship?” Soeun asked, for lack of better words.

            Chanyeol couldn’t even look at Soeun in that moment. Looking at her would only assure him of the things he’s done so shortly after Joohyun’s death.

“I went to the police station today and I just realized – I could only imagine how Joohyun must feel – as if I’d tossed her aside…” Chanyeol said in almost a whisper.

            “So this is about Joohyun.” Soeun said exasperatedly as she put her hands on her hips, putting up a tough front, but gulped, afraid of the outcome of their argument.

            “Joohyun is probably –“

            “’Joohyun’ this, ‘Joohyun’ that! Chanyeol! Joohyun isn’t here anymore! She’s dead.”

            “She was murdered!” Chanyeol corrected. “And why are you talking as if she doesn’t matter? She was your friend too, wasn’t she?”

            “I’m not saying she doesn’t matter! But if you haven’t noticed, I’m a person who lives in the present, Chanyeol! Are you still not over her?” Soeun looked at Chanyeol’s expression carefully and was appalled by how sorry he looked in that moment. Was she also perhaps implying that Chanyeol lived in the past – or by all means – wasn’t over the past? “Would you rather Joohyun be here, than me?” Soeun asked in a small voice, afraid of how he would answer, “Would you rather be with Joohyun?”

            Silence.

            Chanyeol didn’t know how to answer Soeun’s question. There was no doubt that he still wanted Joohyun to be alive, but he had a hard time answering whether he preferred Joohyun to Soeun. This was the first time he actually thought about, and it was so difficult.

            Soeun took Chanyeol’s silence as his answer and gulped down the lump building up in before asking, “Then would you rather not be with me?”

            Chanyeol immediately looked up with wide eyes, surprised by her sudden question.

            “Yes! I mean – no!” Chanyeol stumbled on his words again.

“What?” Was the only thing Soeun could spout in the situation.

“What is it that you’re really asking, Soeun?” Chanyeol asked for clarification. He could feel his ears turning red and the tears build up behind his eyes.

            “Do you want to break up with me?” Soeun reluctantly asked. It pulled at her heartstrings to ask such a question because that was the last thing she wanted.

            “H-how could – how could you ask me that?” Chanyeol stuttered, not able to think clearly.

            “Just answer the question.” Soeun demanded an answer, even though her heart twisted in pain. Losing Chanyeol was what she didn’t want, and it was ironic that she was the one proposing the question, but she wanted to know if he wanted to break up.

            “I don’t know.” Chanyeol said after a moment of silence. With that response, Soeun stormed out of his apartment, unable to look at his sorry expression anymore. Hearing him say that he didn’t know if still wanted to be with her hurt as much as getting a bullet to the heart. “Soeun, wai-“ Chanyeol tried to stop Soeun, but she had already slammed the door shut.

            If it were anyone else, Chanyeol wouldn’t have gotten up from his sorry bed, but because it was Soeun, he actually got up and waited at the window for her. When Soeun got home, she went straight to her window, where she noticed Chanyeol waiting for her, but closed the curtains without even looking at him. It hurt Chanyeol to see Soeun – who was always so happy to see him across the way – close her curtains on him.

            Chanyeol knew he had messed up, and he was sorry about that. Chanyeol wasn’t over Joohyun, and he was sorry about that, too. He had hurt Soeun, and knowing that he was the one who hurt her when all she did was lift him back up every time he was down, made him even sorrier.

            That night, as Chanyeol lied in bed, he thought about the question that Soeun asked earlier. Not the one that hurt him to even think about, but the one about whether he preferred Joohyun to Soeun. How could he even compare the two who were so drastically different? As Chanyeol pondered the question, considering everything – the time he had known both of them, and the things they shared – he finally came to his conclusion.

| | | | | | | | | | | |

            Following up on his conclusion from all the thinking the night before, Chanyeol stopped by the flower shop and picked up a bouquet he knew the girl would like. Once Chanyeol got up to the sixth floor, just as he would in his own building, he went the exact way he would go to his own apartment, also. He was honestly a bit nervous. This would be the first time he was actually inside the building and the first time he was going to her apartment. She never let him come over before because she said that it might’ve been bad for her if people saw a man leave an unmarried woman’s place, so he complied. Chanyeol didn’t mind it – she still slept over at his place sometimes, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling of the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach.

            Chanyeol inhaled a deep breath, then exhaled, letting out all of the jitters, and tried to put the past behind him. He was still so extremely sorry, and he could only imagine how Soeun must feel, judging by how quickly she left last night. Before Chanyeol could even lift his hand to knock on the door, he contemplated all the possibilities of why Soeun wouldn’t open the door, if it so did happen that she didn’t. One: maybe she was still sleeping, though it was unlikely because it was already almost noon. Two: she was still so mad at him that she didn’t want to see him, and if in which case that did happen, he would try everything to get her to come out. Third and lastly: she took his “I don’t know” yesterday as a “yes” and really believed them to be broken up. Chanyeol hoped for anything but the last one to be the scenario he was going to deal with, though he would understand. Last night was just full of misunderstandings.

            Chanyeol took his chances with the first two scenarios being greater than the third one and knocked on the door, but to his surprise, the door opened. Dumbfounded, he stood there for a second, confused with what just happened. He knew that Soeun couldn’t have been the one to open the door, and he definitely wasn’t the one to open the door. Perhaps Soeun just didn’t close her door all the way. How dangerous! She didn’t even close the door all the way when she’s a woman living alone! Chanyeol thought to himself.

            The door swung open a bit, revealing her tidy apartment – as she once said that she couldn’t stand the mess – but he didn’t know what to do. He stood there outside the door, frozen in his spot. He didn’t know if it would be right to go in when Soeun wasn’t the one who invited him in, but it would be okay, wouldn’t it? They’ve been dating for several months now, so it should be okay. Right as he was about to take his first step inside when he saw a peculiar object that caught his eye, he heard his name being called by the one he wanted to see.

            “Chanyeol!” Soeun exclaimed in a panic when she saw that he was about to enter her apartment. Chanyeol stepped back out into the hallway and noticed the two bags of groceries Soeun had in her hands.

            “Hi.” Was all Chanyeol could say as he handed her the bouquet of flowers he picked out for her earlier, “Here, for you.”

            Soeun’s panicked expression turned into a glare when last night’s events flashed through her mind.

            “Let me help you with that.” Chanyeol offered to grab one of the grocery bags with his free hand.

            “I’m fine. Please leave if this is all you wanted to do.” Soeun said a bit harshly as she brushed past Chanyeol, entering her apartment and kicking the door closed, due to a lack of free hands. Soeun couldn’t lie; though she loved Chanyeol – almost too much for everyone’s sake – she was mad at him. She was furious with how he responded to her concern last night.

            Right – there was another theory as to why Soeun wouldn’t open the door: she wasn’t home. Chanyeol stood outside Soeun’s apartment once again, feeling dumbfounded – once again. What just happened? Feeling Soeun’s cold shoulder for the first time ever hurt Chanyeol more than he thought it would have hurt. He only knew of Soeun’s warm side – Soeun’s caring, kind, gentle, and a bit spontaneous side. This was the first time he had experienced such a rejection. Probably due to Chanyeol’s lack of interest in girls in high school and then college – until he met Joohyun – he had never felt so rejected in his life. At the same time that it was to be expected, he didn’t expect it. Last night’s argument was the biggest argument they had ever had, and they didn’t even argue a lot in the first place. Last night’s argument went too far for both of them, and they both acted and spoke irrationally in the heat of the moment.

            “Soeun?” Chanyeol slowly knocked on Soeun’s apartment door as she nonchalantly put the groceries away, ignoring Chanyeol. “Soeun, answer me.”

            Hearing Chanyeol’s pleading voice made Soeun just want to drop everything and open up the door for him, but her temptations aside, she couldn’t let him in her place, no matter what. If he saw her place, what would he think of her?

            “Soeunnie?” Chanyeol knocked on the door, bolder this time. He had already experienced Soeun ignoring him and rejecting him, so what else could she do to hurt him?

            When Soeun heard Chanyeol call her so lovingly, she couldn’t take not seeing him, consoling him, and holding him. After putting away the last of the groceries, then folding up the plastic bags, and setting them neatly in a drawer, she went over to the door and right as she opened it, was about to be hit by Chanyeol’s fist.

            Both Chanyeol and Soeun looked at each other in surprise.

            “I’m sorry!” Chanyeol was the first to speak, and it was to apologize for almost hitting her when their situation wasn’t at its best.

            “It’s okay.” Soeun forgave him for almost hitting her, but not for last night.

            “Can we talk?” Chanyeol mustered up the courage to ask after offering her the flowers again. Soeun smiled for the first time since he last saw her, and seeing her smile made him all the more relaxed.

            Soeun nodded, accepting his offer, “But let’s talk somewhere else.” She said before closing the door behind her and leading Chanyeol out.

            “O...kay.” Chanyeol said, confused about why they couldn’t just talk inside. Was she that serious about being judged by other people? She didn’t seem like the type to be so easily influenced by others. “But you should really close your door tighter. When I got here earlier, it wasn’t closed all the way.” Chanyeol warned.

            That was odd – Soeun did close the door all the way, and she remembered because she leaned on the door for support when she retied her shoes.

            “Really?” Soeun chuckled half-heartedly, “I will.”

            “You’re a woman who lives alone – you’ve gotta be more cautious.” Chanyeol said as he walked faster so he could stand beside Soeun instead of behind her. He didn’t like walking behind her – it made him feel like she was leaving him behind.

            “Yeah, uh…I will be more careful.” She assured Chanyeol, though her mind was elsewhere. How could her door have been open? It couldn’t be…her, right?

            “Good…uh… Where are we going, exactly?” Chanyeol asked.

            “You’ll see.” Soeun said, ridding herself of the impossible reason as to why the door was open.

            “Alright.” Chanyeol said, taking her hand in his big and warm hands.

            When Chanyeol grabbed Soeun’s hand, she intertwined their fingers, subtly telling him that she didn’t want to let go. Soeun’s actions only made Chanyeol feel more hopeful about his speech that he wasn’t so ready to give. What he was going to tell her meant a lot to him, and though she’d probably see past it and accept it all like she usually did, he was still afraid. He was going to tell her things that he couldn’t even admit to himself at first, but the fact that Soeun intertwined her fingers with his…he knew he made the right decision.

            From all the turns and the all-too-familiar surroundings, Chanyeol could tell where Soeun was leading him. They were headed for the park they often frequented before they started dating. Soeun walked hand-in-hand with Chanyeol to the swing set where they first really talked. When they each sat in their own swing, Chanyeol held the flowers out in front of him, hoping Soeun would take it this time. Thankfully, she took them with a small smile playing on her lips.

            “If you like it, then say it.” Chanyeol boasted about the good he’s done.

            “I like it.” Soeun said as sincerely as she could, to which only made Chanyeol’s heart flutter. He loved it when he heard Soeun speak in that tone – it made him feel like the sun shone only on him and her.

            “Soeun…” He began as he swayed himself back and forth, feeling a bit nervous again.

            “Hm?” Soeun responded, though her attention was now on the beautiful bouquet Chanyeol offered her. Seeing her so taken with the flowers, Chanyeol now had the courage to say what he concluded last night.

            “I’m sorry.”

            Hearing that, Soeun immediately whipped her head up so she could clearly see Chanyeol. Now he had her attention. “For…what, exactly?” She asked, afraid of the answer.

            “I’m sorry for how I acted last night.” Chanyeol exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

            “Go on…” Soeun urged, wanting to hear him say the rest of it, if it was what she was thinking, but definitely not hoping. She swallowed the lump in as she waited for Chanyeol to speak.

            “I acted rashly, and I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t have put my anger out on you. I also shouldn’t have put my guilt about Joohyun on you…and I’m sorry I hurt you.” Chanyeol tried to remember everything on the list he should apologize for.

            “Is that all?” Soeun asked, wide-eyed, waiting for the main reason he was apologizing. Sorry that he couldn’t do this anymore. Sorry that he couldn’t get passed Joohyun, and sorry that Soeun couldn’t be the one for him.

            “Th-that I can remember.” Chanyeol looked at her, squinting his eyes, trying to read her and trying to remember if he left anything he hasn’t already said off the list. Soeun sighed in relief when she heard that, and her lips before saying her piece.

            “I’m sorry, too, Chanyeol. I said some things…sensitive things, and I’m sorry about saying those things.” Soeun apologized for her part in last night’s argument. She, too, knew she didn’t say all the right things, but to her, they weren’t the wrong things, either.

            “Listen to me, Cha Soeun.” Chanyeol grabbed Soeun’s right hand and held it in both of his. “I thought a lot about what you asked me last night, and what I’m about to tell you, I don’t regret – won’t regret.”

            Soeun’s heart began to race; so this is where Chanyeol’s going to say it. This is where Chanyeol’s going to break her heart. This is where Chanyeol’s going to end things with her. “I’m listening.”

            “Good.” Chanyeol’s breath hitched as he inhaled, feeling nervous again, now that he had all of Soeun’s attention. “I thought a lot about whether I preferred Joohyun to you, and…”

            Oh no, here it comes, Soeun thought to herself.

            “No. I don’t.” Chanyeol said.

            “Look, Chanyeol, even though I brought up the topic of breaking up last night, I really don’t want to. It just came out, I don’t know, I just –“

            “Good, because I don’t want to, either.” Chanyeol agreed.

            “Yeah, good – wait, what? You…what?” Soeun asked, confused, trying to remember what Chanyeol said exactly.

            “I don’t prefer her to you, Cha Soeun.” Chanyeol said clearly, to which a grin began to grow on Soeun’s face.

            “So what does that mean?” Soeun asked.

            “It’s true – I do wish that Joohyun had not…died…” Chanyeol had a hard time actually saying the word, “But that doesn’t mean that I would prefer her company.”

            “Okay…” Soeun nodded her head, trying to understand what Chanyeol was saying.

            “Cha Soeun,” Soeun looked at Chanyeol again, “The time that I’ve known you and the time that I’ve known Joohyun is so different – the gap is as big as the different between you and her. You both are so different, I can’t even compare you guys. You have to understand one thing though: Joohyun will always have a piece of my heart. She was my first love, and a part of me can’t let that – her – go. The thing is, I love you. You’re the one who’s presently in front of me,” He referred to what Soeun said last night, to which they both chuckled, “And I want it to stay that way.”

            “Chanyeol…” Soeun was so moved, she couldn’t even speak. She didn’t know what to say to such a request. It was the request of her dreams, yet she couldn’t say a thing.

            “Have you become speechless?” Chanyeol asked, boasting about his speech he was finally able to spill.

            Soeun didn’t even flinch when Chanyeol bragged because she was still so taken with what he had to say, and what he said was completely opposite of what she was thought he was going to say. No words could explain how she felt right now. Even the words “happy” and “ecstatic” didn’t cover how she felt. In fact, it was more like “privileged” and “honored”, but even that didn’t cover the full extent of her emotions. Instead of saying anything at all, she swung herself sideways and pressed her lips to Chanyeol’s. Right as she was about to pull away because she was losing balance, Chanyeol wrapped his long arms around her, holding her to him, and holding her to their kiss.

            They eventually let go of each other, only to both be gasping for air.

            “What a kiss, Cha Soeun.” Chanyeol teased, making a subtle redness creep up Soeun’s cheeks. When she her lips in nervousness, Chanyeol just wanted to kiss her again, but stopped himself when she began to speak.

            “Don’t push it, Park Chanyeol.” Soeun said, only to back.

            “Should we head back?” Chanyeol suggested while biting his lip and raising an eyebrow.

            “Should we?” Soeun asked with a raised brow, copying Chanyeol, only her underlying meaning was different.

            With that, they both got up and walked back to Chanyeol’s apartment hand-in-hand again, only this time, more light-hearted and carefree, as they were before the misunderstandings.

| | | | | | | | | | | |

            It wasn’t until Monday in the afternoon when Chanyeol got a call from the police station, telling him they recovered the footage from the camera overlooking the pool area, and though they couldn’t figure out who it was that drowned Joohyun, they wanted to see whether he noticed anything in particular. At the sound of the news, Chanyeol raced to the station, leaving work early. Although he had a lot of work to do, considering he even missed all of last Friday, this was more important than work. Eager to just quickly see the video, Chanyeol didn’t even think to call or text Soeun where he was going – time was of the essence. The sooner – if possible – Chanyeol could give the police anything, the sooner he and Joohyun’s family could rest easier, knowing Joohyun’s killer was put away for life.

            Mr. Yang was the one who greeted Chanyeol when he finally got to the station, after fighting traffic for an hour, which really slowed him down.

            “Park Chanyeol. I can’t say it’s good to see you. I wish I didn’t have to.” Mr. Yang said as they walked to the technical support room, where they recovered the video.

            “I agree, Mr. Yang.” Chanyeol said as they entered the dark room.

            “Here,” Mr. Yang gestured to a large flat screen monitor that hung in the middle of the far wall, “The video.”

            They walked over and Mr. Yang gestured for the guy in front of a smaller monitor on his desk to play the video. Though it hurt Chanyeol to actually see Joohyun – his Joohyun – being killed, he had to endure it if he wanted to help her, so he did just that. Carefully analyzing every moment, since there was no sound, he tried to pick apart every piece of the perpetrator, trying to match it with anyone he knew, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know if it was because his mind was kind of everywhere, or because he really didn’t know anyone that matched the botchy person he was seeing. Right when he was about to give up, he noticed something on the perpetrator that seemed to be gleaming. What was it – where had he seen it? Thinking back, he remembered seeing a peculiar item just like it…in Cha Soeun’s apartment.

            “No way…” Chanyeol mumbled to himself as he focused the item.

            “Did you say something? Did you notice anything?” Mr. Yang inquired.

            “No, I didn’t.”

Author's Note (CarriedAway): Hello lovelies! I know it's been a long time since our last update and I personally apologize for that. I was having some techincal difficulties (literally), thus post-poning the update. Anyway, thank you, so far, for all of you that are keeping up with the story! Please, please, please COMMENT! I really want to know what you're all thinking about the story and about my/our writing! Other than that, definitely anticipate what's to come! <3