Chapter 4

I Love You More

            “This us unfair! I bet she’s sleeping with the –“

            “You’re just mad that you didn’t get the promotion, and she did.”

            “God, sometimes I just want to kill Joohyun! She thinks she’s the best –“

            “Wow! Just stop. Now you’re just going too far.”

 

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            From the first day that Chanyeol introduced Soeun to his café, they had established their routine. Cha Soeun and Park Chanyeol woke up at 6 AM every morning, waved to each other when they both opened the blinds, had breakfast, then was outside by 7, in order to walk to the café together. They became friendly with each other, in a short period of time, and it was no different this morning.

            “Hi!” Soeun waved as she skipped outside.

            “Hi.” Chanyeol waved with a full grin.

            They made their way to the main street, and walked to the end of the block, where a pixelated coffee cup stood out as the symbol of Chanyeol’s café. Right as Chanyeol reached for the door handle, Soeun blurted what she had been thinking about saying for the longest time ever.

            “Chanyeol!” She stopped him, though quite hesitantly.

            “Yeah?” He laughed, surprised by her sudden outburst.

            “I was wondering – did you perhaps wanna…go out some time?”

            “But we always do.” He obliviously answered.

            “No, like…a date, maybe.” She clarified. “I know it’s – it’s kind of soon, but – how soon is too soon, you know? Right?” Soeun scoffed, now completely regretting saying anything in the first place at all.

            “I –“ Chanyeol didn’t know how to answer her. “I don’t know.”

            “I know, I know. I’m sorry I asked in the first place.” Soeun quickly turned around and darted back home.

            Chanyeol thought about her proposal carefully. It’s not like he was over Joohyun – he wasn’t. However, he was trying to move on. The first step of moving on was getting back into the loop of things, and Soeun was the one who helped him back into it. Maybe he should give her a chance. He knew very well that he didn’t want to lead her on, and he would make that clear, but he thought that he should at least give her a chance.

            “Cha Soeun!” Chanyeol shouted out while cupping his mouth. Soeun stopped in her tracks at the sound of her name. “Turn around and look at me!”

            Soeun slowly turned around, and brought her hands up to her face, so she could hide how flushed she was.

            “What?” Soeun shouted back, sounding as if she was pouting.

            “OK!” Chanyeol held up an “ok” sign.

            “R-really?!” She asked, excitedly.

            “Really, really!” Chanyeol shouted back. With that, Chanyeol smiled, and then quickly disappeared into his café, leaving Soeun standing there, astounded and almost bewitched. This was the first time Soeun had felt this way since the first time she saw him. She was ecstatic, and her face had a permanent grin, making her look insane.

            After standing there for a good two minutes, staring into space with a silly grin, her reverie was broken when someone bumped into her.

            “Sorry!” They apologized as they walked away.

            If someone had not bumped into her, she would have stayed there even longer. Rather than feeling forgiveness for the guy, she felt thankful – thankful that he brought her back down to earth, so she could get back home, even though she didn’t want to leave.

           

            Once Chanyeol got home, he thought about the day’s earlier events. Even he, himself, was surprised by his response to Soeun’s proposal. As Chanyeol took off his shoes, he reran the moment that Soeun asked him on a date. She looked so cute, being bashful and all.

 

            The next morning was no different for both Soeun and Chanyeol. They waved to each other when they both simultaneously opened their blinds, and after breakfast, met in the middle of their buildings, so

            “Hi.” Soeun waved shyly.

            “Hi!” Chanyeol grinned. “How’re you?”

            “I’m good. You?” Soeun smiled.

            “I’m…excited.”

            “About what?”

            “Our date.” Chanyeol teased as he jokingly elbowed her side.

            “Right! Our date…” Soeun looked at the ground bashfully.

            “What, don’t tell me you’re cancelling on me…”

            “I’m not!” Soeun frantically waved, “I’m not – I wouldn’t.”

            “I’m joking!” Chanyeol held his stomach with laughter.

            “I – I know.” Soeun tried to play off.

            “So where should we go? Shopping? Swimming?”

            “No swimming!” Soeun blurted out, suddenly getting the chills.

            “W-why no swimming?” Chanyeol asked curiously, wondering why she was so sensitive about swimming.

            “I just – I can’t. I can’t be around big bodies of water.”

            “Did you have a bad experience with water?”

            “Something like that…” Soeun carefully explained. “I nearly drowned when I was younger.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “What? Don’t be sorry! You didn’t do anything wrong.” Soeun waved her hands, trying to rid Chanyeol of his unnecessary worry.

            “Okay, okay!” Chanyeol laughed at how flustered she was.

            “So – what were we saying earlier?” Soeun thought aloud.

            “Where we were going for our date.” Chanyeol grinned.

            “Oh yeah – “ Soeun blinked a couple times, realizing the reality she was currently living. It was so surreal that this was happening. “How about we just have a date at your café? I’ve never been inside, and it’d be nice to see you at work, too. Show me what your work is like.” Soeun smiled.

            “My café? Really? You’ve never been inside?” Chanyeol asked, taken by surprise.

            “Yeah. Is it that hard to believe?” Soeun asked, confused as to why Chanyeol was even so surprised in the first place.

            “I just thought – okay. Let’s have it there – our date.” Chanyeol smiled when he saw Soeun look down to the ground bashfully.

            Once they arrived to Chanyeol’s café, Soeun bid Chanyeol goodbye.

            “Friday!” Chanyeol shouted after Soeun, as she walked away. Soeun didn’t know what the feeling was, but she liked when Chanyeol called after her. It was almost as if they were a couple that fought, and the guy was giving in to the girl. Whatever that feeling was, she feeling butterflies every time.

            “Friday then!” Soeun turned around to smile and Chanyeol’s cheeky grin one last time before heading home. What was this feeling now? It was pure ecstasy.

            When Soeun got home, instead of going to her computer, she went to her living room window where she looked outside, all the way into Chanyeol’s apartment. Although she was feeling completely renewed and refreshed because of her progress with Chanyeol, and she knew that the apartment was empty, it was almost as if she could still see Joohyun’s shadow roaming around in the apartment. Of course, there was no literal shadow in there; it was like Soeun could see what Joohyun was doing if she had been alive.

            If Joohyun were alive at this moment, she’d probably be preparing lunch for Chanyeol after cleaning up their dishes at breakfast. She’d be scurrying around the kitchen, wondering what she should make today, and immediately get to cooking when she figured out what she’d surprise Chanyeol with for that day.

            Soeun quickly rid herself of those thoughts and got to work. Honestly, it was hard to work when she knew that she had a date with Chanyeol this Friday. This was everything she wanted – a chance with him, and for him to look at her. Though the latter was yet to happen, she could just feel it in her bones that it wouldn’t take long.

            While Chanyeol sat in his office, taking care of paperwork, his mind wandered to what it would be like to go on a date with Cha Soeun. To him, the only thing he worried about was: what if he was going too fast? What if it seemed like he was just jumping into things? Either way, to him, Cha Soeun was like a drug. She numbed him of his pain of losing Joohyun – and what’s more, she made him forget about Joohyun mainly because she was pretty much everything that Joohyun wasn’t.

 

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            “You’re allergic to seafood?” Chanyeol exclaimed in disbelief as he and Soeun did their daily routine of Soeun walking Chanyeol to work.

            “Why is that so surprising?” Soeun asked.

            “Nothing, it’s…wow, you’ve seriously missed out on so much.” Chanyeol said. The truth was: seafood was Joohyun’s favorite kind of food. She could never resist it.

 

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            “Wait, slow down.” Soeun tried to slow down her panting.

            “Am I walking too fast?” Chanyeol chuckled.

            “A little bit. I…don’t work out much.” Soeun confessed, feeling a bit shameful about it. This confession didn’t shock Chanyeol, it’s just that he was so used to going this pace because this pace was the same as Joohyun’s. Whenever he and Joohyun went for a walk, he was always keeping up with her, so it wasn’t surprising that this slow pace that Soeun wanted to go was new to Chanyeol.

 

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            Friday came sooner rather than later, and for obvious reasons, Cha Soeun was completely unprepared. Heck, she didn’t even know what she should have prepared. This was the first date she had ever been on in her entire life. The reason for this was because she didn’t like to socialize, she never developed any relationships that would have evolved into a romance. Today, she was more nervous than any other day when she met with Chanyeol every morning and walked him to his café. Of course, there were butterflies because she was always happy around him, but this was the only time when she would actually go inside and spend time with him in the café – something only she had ever dreamed of.

            The nervousness wasn’t only for Soeun. When Chanyeol woke up that morning, his first thought was, “is this the right thing to do?” But when he opened up the blinds at the same time as Soeun, that thought immediately disappeared, and he was ready. Even though he was ready to face the day and ready to face Soeun, he couldn’t help but also feel butterflies. It was weird for Chanyeol. He had only ever felt butterflies for Joohyun, and it was foreign to feel anything like this for anyone other than Joohyun. Though this was new, Chanyeol wanted to explore this feeling even more. It was the only way he would be able to move on – if he explored.

            “Good morning, Cha Soeun.” Chanyeol held out his arm out of habit with Joohyun.

            “G-good morning, Park Chanyeol.” Soeun said with feigned confidence as she awkwardly intertwined her arm with Chanyeol’s. When Chanyeol saw how uncomfortable she must’ve felt with her arm being in such an awkward position and all, he pushed her elbow down, so she was just holding onto his arm.

            “Just act comfortably. We’ve already gotten pretty close, anyhow.” Chanyeol chuckled as he looked at Soeun’s shy expression.

            “I know, it’s just – I feel like we’re going kind of fast.” And that was really how Soeun felt. No matter how much she wanted her relationship with Chanyeol to take off, she did honestly feel very shy. Soeun was originally a very reserved person, but with Chanyeol’s outgoing kind of personality, she had to push herself if she wanted to be with him.

            “That’s what I thought at first, too.” Chanyeol admitted. “But then I thought some more about it, and that’s why I said I’d go on this date with you. How do I know how soon “too soon” is? So I decided I’d take the first real step out of my comfort circle, so I can get back onto my feet.”

            “I’m that first step?” Soeun asked as she squeezed Chanyeol’s arm a bit.

            “Yeah.” Chanyeol exhaled a sigh of relief, surprising himself. He, himself, had just admitted that he took that first step to getting his life back together to both himself and Soeun, if she caught that. She did.

            “Thank you.” Soeun said as she walked past Chanyeol who opened the door for her.

            “You’re welcome.” He grinned as he inhaled sharply and looked around the busy café. “This place is –“

            “Amazing.” Soeun finished for Chanyeol as she looked around the place animatedly.

            The café itself was quite large with a variety of gaming consoles in the back. It was almost as if the café was a coffee shop combined with an arcade. There were children bustling around on the small consoles, and adults admiring the retro upright arcade gaming systems. This place attracted all kinds of people, and Soeun was pleasantly surprised by how carefree the atmosphere was though she shouldn’t have been, knowing that Chanyeol was the one who owned the place.

            “Do you like it?” Chanyeol asked, getting somewhat nervous about her answer.

            “It’s perfect.” Soeun breathed out, a bit overwhelmed by the amount of people and how many smiling faces there were. She wasn’t used to crowds, and she wasn’t used to being around “happy things”. Soeun felt a slight pang as she took in the scene before her. She could feel air swirling around the emptiness in her heart of the happiness and smiles that she had been deprived of her entire life.

            “I’m glad you like it!” Chanyeol sighed in relief. “Here, let’s go sit over here.” Chanyeol guided Soeun over to a table where it was actually pretty quiet, in such a hectic café.

            “Why’s it suddenly so quiet?” Soeun asked.

            “I had this place made like that.” Chanyeol explained. “The ceilings are higher and more hollow over there at the entrance, but you see, over here” Chanyeol pointed to the ceiling and Soeun looked up, “The ceilings are lower. The arcade area over there,” Chanyeol pointed to the back of the café, “Is like this, too. It’s only in the entrance that you feel like this place is really busy.”

            “How interesting…” Soeun nodded her head in understanding, “But it is busy. This place’s population is probably as much as EXO’s fan base.” Chanyeol howled with laughter at Soeun’s comparison.

            “Now you’re just exaggerating.” He said when he calmed down. “Is there something you wanna drink? Or eat? We actually serve a variety of food, despite this place being a café and all.”

            “What do you recommend?” Soeun asked, testing Chanyeol at how well he knew his own restaurant. To this, Chanyeol smiled and accepted her challenge.

            “The Crunchy Wrap and Strawberry mixed with Raspberry smoothie.”

            “I’ll just have to see and taste that for myself – see if I’d have recommended that.” Soeun teased.

            “Coming right up!” Chanyeol smacked the tabled determinedly as he got up to order.

            Soeun watched in admiration as Chanyeol went to one of the workers – who bowed to him first – instead of going to the cash register. “Get me two Crunchy Wraps. Make sure you take out all the crab from one of them, and also get me two Strawberry mixed with Raspberry smoothies.”

            “Why don’t you just get one smoothie, then you can both share out of like in those old movies?” The male worker suggested.

            “Just get to work, you punk!” Chanyeol put the guy in a headlock, then gave him a knucklehead jokingly.

            Soeun smiled to herself as she watched Chanyeol and his employee. She was so happy that someone like Chanyeol – bright like the sun and as warm as a fire – was in her life. She was nothing like he was. They were practically as different as day and night. Whereas she always seemed gloomy and quiet, Chanyeol was talkative and initiative. Chanyeol was someone she unconsciously desired to be, and maybe that was why she became so infatuated with him in the first place. They do say that opposites attract, but what’ll happen if she becomes the same as him?

            “Here you go!” Chanyeol brought a tray back with two wraps and two smoothies, breaking Soeun out of her dark reverie.

            “Thanks.” She smiled, immediately distracted by Chanyeol’s magnificent grin that always made her feel better.

            “No problem! Here, this one’s yours.” Chanyeol put one of the wraps in front of her. “I made sure there was no seafood in there.”

            “You remembered?” Soeun lightly chuckled.

            “Of course I remember. More like: how could I forget?” Chanyeol half asked himself. If he forgot, something bad could have happened, and if worse came to worst, Chanyeol couldn’t handle another tragedy so soon.

            “By the way…”

            “What’s up?” Chanyeol asked enthusiastically.

            “Why’d you choose strawberry and raspberry? Do you have any other combinations here?” Soeun asked, honestly curious, as she looked at the smoothies.

            “Well – we have a lot of combinations, I guess. We just have a bunch of different fruit flavors, and you can mix up to five fruits together. You can really mix anything you want together, honestly.” Chanyeol explained proudly.

            “Why strawberry and raspberry in particular?”

            “It’s my favorite.” Chanyeol widened his eyes. Bingo. This is exactly what Soeun wanted. All she wanted was to know more about Chanyeol. The small things… The big things. The minor details, and the major details that she probably doesn’t yet know about.

            “I see.” Soeun nodded.

            “If you could make your own smoothie, which two fruits would you put together?” Chanyeol eyed her as she pursed her lips in thought.

            “Kiwi and banana.” She finally decided.

            “What a weird combination.” Chanyeol commented.

            “Why’s that weird? You’re weird for putting two red fruits together.”

            “That’s not weird, that’s logical!” Chanyeol defended.

            “Then is kiwi and banana illogical?” Soeun pushed.

            “Not – not really, but it’s…it’s just weird. I don’t know how people can put those two together. Bananas are kind of plain, whereas kiwis just…burst with flavor. They’re so different.”

            “Like us?” Soeun looked at Chanyeol straight in the face for the first time today.

            “Yes!” Chanyeol blurted without thinking. “I mean – no, wait –“

            “It’s fine.” Soeun smiled, “I was kidding.”

            “No, I’m sorry –“ Chanyeol tried to apologize, afraid that he might have hurt her feelings.

            “Chanyeol!” Soeun’s smile showed all of her teeth, “Do you know how many times you’ve apologized to me since we first met?”

            “No…” Chanyeol answered as he thought about the question seriously.

            “One hundred and twenty-seven.” Soeun enunciated each syllable.

            “W-wow. Uh…Sorr-“ Chanyeol blinked.

            “Don’t say it! Don’t say you’re sorry. You’re always sorry for the wrong things. If I asked you why you were sorry, you wouldn’t know what you were sorry for half the time, and that makes me sorry for making you feel sorry.” Soeun sighed. “If you say ‘sorry’ so many times, until when will it become a word that is only a word without any meaning or sincerity behind it? Until when will it become useless? Until when will you stop saying it because you’re not sorry towards me, but yourself and Joohyun?”

            Soeun hadn’t really “blew up”, but she did, however, scold the crap out of him. The thing was, every word she said was true and Chanyeol knew it because her words silenced him. He didn’t know what to say and he was sorry because of that, but he couldn’t say that he was sorry to her face. She would only think that he was just saying it. Though they were both now silent, every word that Soeun said spoke to him, and echoed in his head. How could she know something or realize something that even Chanyeol himself didn’t know?

            It was true. Every word she said rang true. Although Chanyeol truly was sorry for something every time he said it, it wasn’t only to Soeun that he was saying it to. It was probably that last regret that had him saying sorry and apologizing so many times. He was sorry that he didn’t propose to Joohyun in time, and he was sorry that she couldn’t be the one to be sitting in front of him right now, at this moment. Although he was sorry that she couldn’t be the one to sit in front of him, he was glad that it was Soeun who was in front of him.

            “I’m sorry.” Soeun muttered.

            “Don’t be sorry!” Chanyeol waved his hands, flustered.

            “Now do you know how I feel?” Soeun asked, feeling kind of drained.

            “I do.” Chanyeol laughed. “But don’t be sorry. Every word you said was true.”

            “I didn’t mean to hurt you, if I perhaps somehow did.”

            “You didn’t hurt me.” Chanyeol breathed. “Quite the contrary, actually.”

            “How so?”

            “Instead of hurting me…you kind of…revived me.” Chanyeol struggled to find the right words. “Before, I was just living each day, trying to get by. If you weren’t there every day, I’d probably have trouble waking up every morning, and if you weren’t here, I probably wouldn’t have healed as much as I have.”

            “You give me too much credit.” Soeun shook her head.

            “I’m not giving you enough credit.” Chanyeol said, surprising Soeun. “You’re honestly probably the reason why I wake up every morning so happily. Because I know that when I wake up, I’ll see you. You’ll be there to wave back at me, somehow telling me that you’re there.” Chanyeol’s confession just about moved Soeun to tears. “Are you crying?”

            “I’m trying not to!” Cha Soeun looked down and wiped her cheeks with her bare hands before Chanyeol brought a handkerchief  and dried her face completely. “This is so embarrassing.” She muttered.

            “Just be comfortable. We’ve already gotten pretty close, anyhow.” Chanyeol chuckled, making Soeun laugh as well.

            Both Chanyeol and Soeun finished their wraps and smoothies over talk about a variety of things. It was like this was their first time meeting, and they talked about themselves to each other, confiding in each other, hoping that what they shared with each other would be known and cherished to themselves. After they left the café, they wandered the streets, window shopping, and realizing how well two mismatched puzzle pieces fit so well together.

 

 

            When Chanyeol finally got home, he replayed the events of the current day, and remembered all the things that happened with Soeun, and how they drastically differed from when the same things happened with Joohyun. Like when Chanyeol held out his elbow for Soeun to grab, it was always Joohyun who made the first move to grab Chanyeol’s arm.

            When Chanyeol first asked Joohyun what she thought of the café, though she didn’t say that she didn’t like it, she said that it could have used “more spunk”, even though it was exactly how Chanyeol wanted it. Soeun didn’t say that. She said it was “perfect”, and those were the exact words that Chanyeol used when he saw the place for the first time.

            The moment that Cha Soeun chose to put together the kiwi and the banana, he knew just how different Soeun was. When he asked Joohyun, she chose the same exact thing as Chanyeol, and this was one reason that he thought they were so perfect together – they had so many similar preferences.

            What surprised Chanyeol the most was that he had confessed so many things today without realizing them before today. First thing’s first: how did Soeun read Chanyeol so well? How did she read between Chanyeol’s every word and action? Now for the second part: why did Chanyeol suddenly fear how he felt about Soeun, though they were all only good feelings? Could what he feel for Soeun only be reliance because he knows that she’s someone he can always lean back on when he was feeling tired? Or did he really like her because she connected so well with him on a different level? Either way, these feelings scared Chanyeol, but as he concluded before, the first step of moving on was to explore his new feelings.


 

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carriedaway
11/26: coming soon.

Comments

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kawaiianimae
#1
when are u going to update authornim ive been waiting for so long now :((
chandib #2
Chapter 8: I do hope soeun isn't the killer putting the peace together she was sure that her door was locked but chanyeol found it open.that just means thAt someone may is setting her up.I hope so caz I really like her to be with chanyeol☺♥
Chrysaliis
#3
Chapter 8: it's been a little over a year but this story has always been on the back of my mind. just checking in here to let you guys know i'm VERY much still on edge with anticipation, and i hope you've both been well <3
carriedaway
#4
Chapter 4: LOLOLOL @ the EXO's fan base comparison.
huwihuwi #5
Chapter 8: it's not Soeun right ????? i don't think that Soeun would killed Joohyun just because she want to be with Chanyeol... and i really hope you can update soon.. i know that you guys are so busy but plz spend only a little of your time with your readers... fighting ! :)
lerian
#6
Chapter 8: I hate that I'm so lacking in 'guessing' :(
who is the killer omg i'm so curious.
Update soon authornim
matogalaxyV
#7
Chapter 8: I've had my doubts about Soeun and her sane-ness from the beginning of the story. She seems suspicious but at the the same time she's not. The only thing I came up with is that Soeun has multiple personalities or you know, she's really good at acting/she's a psycopath.....
teteixofanai #8
Chapter 8: Omg... Who's the killer ... Is she really dead.... Who's 'her' ... Ahhh there's too much going on... This story is so tence.... Pliz update soon
Purpleyshaa
#9
Chapter 8: After reading this story of yours, why do i have this feeling that the one who killed joohyun as soeun? or soeun was only framed up? well, im waiting for this story to be updated again :))