Random Rambles: Yay, a short update! It's all I could come up with, given the very little free time I had today ::TnT"::  Don't know when I'll be able to update again, but hope it'll be soon ~ thanks again, sweethearts, y'all are so patient, hugs for everyone! <3 

***

They're not my brothers!

I'm really leaving! 

Who could care for anyone who's as unpredictable as the winds?

I'll lead you home. Follow the light.

The bountiful voices echoed in his mind, but even in his unconscious state, Lay knew that it were his memories and that of his brothers, floating around in what he could only presume were his last moments of life. But why, he thought sadly, were only the sad and painful memories coming to him? Where were Kai's happy memories of racing Kris? Chen's memory of running and laughing bravely in a rainstorm while others cowered away to stay dry? Why did he hear Luhan's bone-chilling screams the first time he was overwhelmed by all the voices? The emptiness of Xiumin's loneliness. Chanyeol's dejection. Sehun's hesitation. D.O.'s hidden fury turned into desperation. Tao's sadness. Suho's hopeless worrying. Kris' insecurity. Kai's fear. Baekhyun's dark anxiety. Chen's guilt. 

Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. His own pain. What was the use of being able to heal if he couldn't take care of his brothers?

Why are you hurting for me, Lay?

The new memory. That voice. That voice that was filled with fragile gentleness it made his heart ache. A voice that should never feel pain. 

Smile for me. The voice said. Lay tried. He really did, but this time, he failed. When he opened his eyes, he stood in a world, bathing in a warm orange glow. The golden rays of the setting sun made his eyes squint, but once they adjusted, he was awarded by an amazing sight. Clear blue waters stretched out and embraced the peaks of purple mountains, rolling down into green grass fields as far as the eye could see. The sky was a painting of gold and fiery orange, pastel pink, and light blue dusting. But the stars didn't shine in the sky, they shone in his eyes.

I'm sorry, he then started as he slowly sat down, leaning against the bark of a mighty tree. I'm sorry, but I can't, was his soft reply, pulling up his knees. He wanted to enjoy the beautiful scenery before him, but the guilt of having let down his brothers and the voice, weighed heavily on him. The painful memories plagued his mind, and his body felt nothing but pain. He tried to stay strong, but Lay couldn't help it anymore. He was feeling too weak. 

I would like to sleep, he muttered, feeling his eyelids get heavy when the tresses of a willow his forehead. It was probably the wind that caused it to move, but Lay didn't mind. There was only so much he could bear, and he wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget. All the painful memories. He wanted to sleep hearing the sweet lullaby of happy memories, he wanted to sleep knowing that Kai was safe, and that his brothers were too. And that Jae-yah would be taken good care of. She deserves that, people to care, and protect her. 

That's it. See? You still know how to smile, the voice mused as Lay felt the tickling touch of a leaf flitting over his cheek. 

Because I finally saw a good memory in my head, he confessed honestly, his eyes already closed. 

What memory would that be? 

Lay's smile widened ever so slightly upon seeing Jae smile and wink at him. He heard her laughter, heard the sound of her voice when she called his name. 

Lay?

I'm not telling. This memory is mine. Perhaps his reply was childish, but he didn't care. He was drifting away from one dream to another, walking with an outstretched hand to chase after a running Jae. However, when she turned around, Lay was surprised to see Luhan's face instead. Jae transformed then and Lay noticed how when Luhan appeared, a butterfly flew away. 

Lay, don't chase dreams. Come back, Luhan urged through sealed lips. 

Lay-hyung, why did you do that? 

He blinked when Kai appeared next to Luhan, the environment changing into pure light. They were standing in a white area, there was nothing else there. 

Do what, Kai? he asked, though he knew what the younger man was talking about. He felt around his chest, but could sense no wound, nor any regrets for that matter. You know I'd a catch a thousand bullets for any of you. Just don't be sad anymore, please. 

Lay. Wake up. You think I'm kidding? I'm the duizhang, you have to listen to what I say! Wake up!

Why was it that Kris was always so full of confidence and charisma when he was trying to make a point? Insecurity shimmered in his eyes and mixed with unshed tears, but Lay saw strength in them, as well.  

You're an idiot, Lay-hyung! You better come back here so I can say it to your face- babo! 

D.O. was scary when he was angry and Lay flinched at seeing his raging face, but again, he saw the desperation through the fury. However, this time, Lay recognized the feeling of caring as well. As his brothers appeared one by one, side by side, in a circle around him, Lay found to his astonishment that the traits that defined their pain and suffering, also had the ability to make them stronger. 

Lay-hyung, Sehun whispered in a frail voice that was laden with sorrow, you know you're my favorite hyung, right? I'm sorry I was jealous of you and even thought bad things of you because of my envy... Please, don't leave. What are we going to do without you? 

Sehunnie... he mused. 

See? I knew you'd forget, unicorn, even though you promised that you'd remember, the voice sounded in the air. 

Remember what? he asked, genuinely confused when the gentle laughter rang all around him. 

That there's more than pain and sorrow in this world. You and your brothers are living proof of that, the voice stated calmly. Your love for one another makes you stronger and overcome all else. 

Just me and my brothers? Lay asked curiously, looking around the circle, hoping to find Jae. There came no reply from the voice. Instead, when he turned around, Jae was standing in the middle of the circle with him. She didn't speak a word, but she didn't have to. Her eyes said it all. Tears glistened and rolled over her face, the sight of it alone was enough for his heart to break. 

Please don't cry, Jae-yah, he begged, trying to wipe the tears away, but finding that he couldn't touch her. It surprised him, therefore, when Jae was able to reach out for his hand and hold him instead. 

I need you, Lay, she told him through her tears, her voice vulnerable and so very soft. I don't know what to do, she hiccuped, making him feel all the more distressed. What could he do to help her? What could he do to make her smile again? Should he start telling jokes? Heal her? How? How could he take away the pain?

Come back, please? I need you for this. I can't do this without you, she pleaded woefully, her tears falling freely from her eyes. Lay watched breathlessly as he witnessed Jae's grief and suffering, racking his brain to figure out how to make her feel better. 

I'm here, Jae-yah, he then whispered to her, managing to use her hand to pull her close. She didn't seem to realize and didn't even look up when he leaned his forehead against hers. I won't leave your side, I promise. 

I thought you said that you wanted to sleep? the disembodied voice asked, sounding very playful and amused.

Lay shrugged, focusing on his brothers before resting his eyes on Jae. I can always sleep another time. 

Even if it means that the dreams won't be as good?

As what? Reality? Lay jested, his dimple showing up from hiding when he heard the voice laugh wholeheartedly. I'll take my chances. 

You always had the softest heart, my unicorn. 

Lay smirked at this, trying to run his fingers through Jae's hair in an attempt to comfort her. She didn't feel anything. 

Doesn't that also mean that it's the strongest? he quipped. 

I hope so, Lay, said the voice in complete earnesty and concern. In your case, I truly hope so...