VI

Courage
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VI

Donghae stared at the mug in his hands, his eyes following the fog that rose from it as it faded into nothing. He sniffed quietly for he had woken up with a runny nose that morning, but he couldn’t tell if staying in his wet clothes for too long or the tears he had cried the night before were the reason for it.

He couldn’t get the look in Eunhyuk's eyes out of his head as the other had let go of him, just how shocked the elder had seemed. There had been so much denial in his eyes, so much fear just like kissing him had been the biggest mistake of his entire life. And with having too much time to think about all possible scenarios that waited for him now, Donghae slowly started thinking the same.

The brunet wondered why Eunhyuk's reaction had even surprised him; he had reacted like he had expected it after all. He had known all the way that Eunhyuk wouldn’t welcome him with open arms after telling him about his feelings, but there still had been his hope. And this hope had grown when Eunhyuk had told him that he felt the same, had grown even more after he had kissed him, that's why he was so devastated after he had left him in the rain. 
Exactly this reaction had been Donghae's biggest fear and it was the reason why he had told him that he didn’t want him to think differently about him after knowing who he fell in love with. And yet he surely did it now, Eunhyuk didn’t think the same about him and he didn’t even want to know what he thought. But he had promised to not do it, hadn't he? Donghae was scared, scared to death that he had destroyed their friendship with his stupid feelings he simply shouldn’t have.

He sniffed again and heard the steps of the person entering the kitchen coming to a stop. "Are you getting sick, Donghae?" he heard the leader's voice not that far away from him and shook his head.

"No, I just… forgot to wear a jacket when I went out last night."

"You were outside last night? I thought you were in the other dorm?"

"I was, but…" He had to pull himself together to not start crying again as he once again thought about the last night's happenings. "We decided to go for a walk."

"We?" Leeteuk asked, grabbing a bowl for his cereal. Donghae lowered his head.

"Me and… and Hyukjae."

"Oh, sure." He laughed. "Who else?"

"But didn’t it rain heavily last night?" Yesung inquired, looking up from the book in his hands. "I woke up because of it."

"I bet you weren’t even sleeping", Ryeowook assumed as he slumped down beside the elder. "You have the weirdest sleeping habits out of all of us… What are you reading? One of those esotericism books again?"

"Oh, this one is really good." Yesung approvingly nodded to himself and let his gaze drop to the book again to continue reading. "It's about how the moon influences our feelings during tide and why the chances of falling asleep during full moon are higher when you go backwards through your bedroom door."

Ryeowook gaped at him in complete silence for a couple of awfully long seconds before he turned his head to look at Donghae. "You better drink your tea, hyung. You really look sick today", he said and with that completely ignored whatever Yesung had said.

"I'm not sick", the brunet weakly tried to defend himself. "I just didn’t sleep that well."

"That's no wonder when you walk around in the rain at night." Leeteuk sat down beside him and placed his hand on the younger's forehead. "Hm… Doesn’t feel like you're running a fever." With a finger under his chin he made Donghae turn his head to look at him. "Your eyes are pretty red, though."

Donghae freed himself from the other's hold and looked back at his mug. "It's nothing."

"Hyukjae was with you, wasn’t he? Aish, that pabo… He knows how weak your health is, he should've taken care of you better."

"Please." Donghae's grip around his mug tightened so much that his knuckles turned white. "It's not his fault. It's my own… Everything's my fault."

His voice was quavering despite his attempts to sound like this whole subject was no big deal to him when in fact it was enough to unravel his world. He felt the eyes of all that present landing on him and had to bite his lip to not start crying again. Leeteuk placed a careful hand on his shoulder.

"Donghae, are you-"

"What the flying , Kim Ryeowook?!"

The main door hit the wall with a loud bang before Heechul stomped over to their table. Ryeowook's eyes widened and he backed away a bit on his chair. "Hyung, what's-"

"Why didn’t you prepare breakfast last night?! I'm starving and there's absolutely no food in the God damn fridge! In none, I checked both dorms!"

"I thought the dorm auntie-"

"She has her free day today, you idiot! What am I supposed to do now, eat cereals or what?!"

"Yes, because that's what we also eat?" Leeteuk asked calmly. Heechul snorted and rolled his eyes so hard that he most likely saw his own brain.

"I'm not as easy to please as you! I want my ing food and not some cheap and moldy cornflakes drowning in a puddle of milk that expired three weeks ago! Is this so hard to understand?!"

"But hyung", Ryeowook tried his luck again. "I can't start cooking for you now, we-"

"Oh, you can, Kim Ryeowook! You can! Otherwise I'll rip your-"

"Heechul."

It was a gentle and low voice that said this and it immediately made Heechul turn his head. Han Geng was standing in the door, a gentle and small smile tugging on his lips.

"I can cook something for you if you want."

Those few words were enough to turn Heechul into a sheepishly smiling kid that immediately clung to Han Geng's arm. "Okay", he practically purred and threw Yesung a deadly glare as the younger let out a small cough. Dragging the other out of the dorm, the entrance of another member almost wasn’t noticed; at least not until he decided to speak.

"Morning. Is Youngwoon-hyung here?"

Donghae's head shot up as he heard the familiar voice and he felt his stomach drop as he looked at Eunhyuk. He was pale, had dark circles around his eyes; the other looked just as exhausted as him and clearly avoided to send him even the tiniest glance.

"Morning. Nope, he isn’t", Leeteuk answered. "But he should show up here in a few minutes. If you want to wait here-"

"It's alright, I'll wait downstairs."

Eunhyuk nodded slightly to himself and started walking past them; it took all of Donghae's will to part his lips in an attempt to make him stay.

"Hyukjae."

But Eunhyuk didn’t react, didn’t even slow down his steps as he walked out of the kitchen and out of Donghae's field of vision. Silence fell upon them after they had heard the main door falling shut and Donghae tried

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hyukflavor
#1
Wow, it's trilogy! Gonna suscribe it firstttt
haeinmyheart
#2
ive been talking anout this fic on my twitter and it brings back memories huhu so might as well reread it hehehehe
wayforrokkugo
#3
Chapter 37: what
wayforrokkugo
#4
Chapter 34: aww heechul :(((
wayforrokkugo
#5
Chapter 33: omg since hyukja couldn't hit her can i do it instead like a slap on the face or smth 😭 but i love hyukjae just ruthlessly defending donghae, himself, and his choces 💙💙
wayforrokkugo
#6
Chapter 30: god i kinda wanna burn this woman alive but okay
wayforrokkugo
#7
Chapter 29: i hate her i really do
wayforrokkugo
#8
Chapter 24: oh thank god she's somehow gone,,,, i hope she doesnt come back
wayforrokkugo
#9
Chapter 23: lord i hate this soojin girl so bad
Kethryveris
#10
Chapter 37: J'ai adoré cette histoire, malheureusement j'avais commencé par Euphoria que j'ai trouvé vraiment dure et que je n'ai pas réussi à lire en entier (j'ai dû lire beaucoup de passage en diagonale, je pleurais trop). Par contre celle-ci m'a vraiment touché tout le travail de Hyukjae sur lui même, tout l'amour que Donghae lui offre et qui l'aide et le soutient. Bref c'est une fic magnifique... Sauf l'épilogue qui m'a de nouveau projeté dans Euphoria mais je comprends que ce sois nécessaire.... Je vais de ce pas lire Joy. Merci Authornim