MEDIA & NETIZENS CORNER
MBC.COM LIVESTREAM BLACKOUT CONTINUES FOR A 2ND DAY
1. Why should the paying subscribers have to suffer from these idols' carelessness? It's not like we only watch for them.
G-DRAGON & TAEYEON INTERACTIONS TO BE EDITED OF HOUSE OF 20'S
1. Thank goodness. I am watching this for the other housemates. I can't care less if the two get kicked out.
PUBLIC CLAMORS FOR EXPLANATION FOR LACK OF GD & TAEYEON HO20 INTERACTIONS
1. Which public are you talking about? I'm happy their interactions are cut. No explanation required.
2. The 10% dip in the ratings agrees with this headline. The livestream service of MBC.com lost 200,000 subscribers in 1 day. You guys can hate and deny it all you want, but this show was only interesting with GD & Taeyeon in it.
GARDEN & FRONT DOOR, 12:00 AM (OFF CAMERA)
Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
I heard her cries, even if the glass door separated us. It was torture to hear such a sound. Most especially, it hurt. She said she loved and hated me, and saying that made me tear up this strongly. She was suffering, and I didn't know what to do about it. It felt as if talking would ease everything, but I realized nothing could be said to appease her. I had no right to console her when I caused those tears in the first place.
After three years, now I was reminded that I haven't fully forgiven myself for letting Kim Taeyeon and our beautiful dreams go.
"Aiiisssh..." she impatiently talked to herself, consoling her own. "Trouble, trouble, trouble."
Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
"Aigooo... why am I still crying like everything just happened yesterday? Stop! Gaaaaahd. Stop!" she added, playfully talking to herself. I could totally imagine the look on her face.
Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
"I'm sorry. Please don't take this the wrong way Jiyong," she called out in a tearful voice, laughing to ease the sadness. But I couldn't respond. I was silenced myself, for the same reasons her laughs defended her cries.
"Jiyong?" she called when I didn't respond. Why couldn't I even look at her again? "Yah, why are you ignoring me?"
Because I can't talk when I'm sad.
"Oppa? Kwon Jiyong? Yah!" Knock. Knock. Knock. She continued tapping the glass door to call my attention. It seemed my silence temporarily stopped her tears. "Why are you so quiet? I look like an idiot crying on my own. Hmpf!"
"Eh?" finally, I said a word, but my voice couldn't help but break. "S-sorry. I'm just... t-tired."
"Are you... crying... too?"
. Is it too obvious? Carefully, I dried my eyes. Yes, I was emotional too. To hear my strongest love express she loved me so much to the point of hating me... it struck such a powerful feeling inside. I couldn't help myself. When I wiped my eyes, somehow the tears kept coming out, and there was no sense talking. As a man, I had a dignity to uphold. Yet I remembered the countless times I kneeled before her, begging for her forgiveness, crying for her to come back to me. Those memories overpowered the pride, and I broke down.
The woman behind that glass door broke me and hurt me like nobody else has ever done. So I cried. In front of the million people watching us in the 24/7 livestream subscription worldwide, I cried.
"We are total idiots, such troublemakers. Aish!" Taeyeon muttered under her breath, surrendering to another earful of sobs. She must have seen my shoulders shake, causing her tears to resume. "This isn't good for either of us oppa..."
Sobs. We cried in silence for a long time. Too long, actually. The tears lingered until I found that the silence had to be cut.
"I also hurt that much, so I also hated you that much..." I admitted, finally able to string words together. I buried my face on my knees, trying to hide my sad face from the cameras.
"You don't say," she joked, muffling her voice from wiping her tears.
"...which could only mean I also loved you just as much. Maybe even more," I admitted, finally, after so many years of trying to bury the pain.
Sobs. Sobs. Sobs. No, wail. Taeyeon was wailing silently now, like in a whisper that couldn't be hidden.
"What are we doing Jiyong?" she asked in between her cries.
"I don't know."
"What are we saying? Why are we saying this? We have to stop this!" she screamed.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Don't say sorry! You're only making it worse."
She was shouting at me rather angrily, and I bowed down. It was difficult to talk when we were both crying like this. I composed myself and said the words I have practiced before, all day and all night. Words I wanted to say sincerely, but never had the chance to. Words that I promised myself would be said one day, but she never gave me the chance to.
"I'm so sorry Taeyeon. I never meant to hurt you, or hate you, or leave you. I only wanted to love you and give you everything...."
She sobbed harder, and now I actually found myself looking back at her. She was hugging her knees, and Spongebob, successfully covering her face.
"...I was going to give up everything for you, and I would have, I could have, had you let me. I just... want to know you've forgiven me. I can't go on another day in this house seeing you, talking to you, living with you, knowing that you still hate me..."
Before I knew it, the words cascaded down like a lose waterfall. There was no stopping me now. The lid to my well-kept feelings had been lifted, and this moment became such a catalyst to a turning point in my life.
"...before this show, it was easier to accept your hatred for me. We didn't have to see each other, didn't have to talk, and so I lived life as normally as I could while knowing you haven't forgiven me. But now... you're just... there. When I wake up, when I eat, before I sleep, I see you. I'm with you. We have to talk. We can no longer avoid each other's presence. All that, knowing that I hurt you so much, and that you hate me so much..."
"...that's just... suicide. Torture. It's like I can't even breathe here in the house. I didn't realize it until last night, when I got so affected knowing you could have been in danger. I still need you to forgive me... I want you to forgive me... or I won't survive while inside this house. I can't go on another day hearing your voice, waking up to your presence, seeing you smile and move and live and eat and drink and walk and talk and play, I just can't. How do I do that when I know you still hate me?"
Her shoulder shook so angrily, and she embraced her knees tighter, as if her force would stop the tears.
"I've said it a million times before, and I hope you can accept it this time. I'm so sorry."
Silence. Torturous silence. I bowed down, surrendering to her silent cries. I realized it was unfair to let out all these emotions in such a place and time. Maybe I cornered her. Maybe I suffocated her. Again. Like I did in the past. I stopped myself and bowed my head, crying silently again. I shouldn't expect anything to be said. What was I wanting for a response? Idiot. Idiot! Total idiot! She was shaking her head again and again. When she lifted her head, the redness of her face, the puffiness of her eyes, they told me of her pains. I felt so angry at myself again!
But then, she spoke, and my heart jumped so high.
"I feel like I'm ready to forgive you..."
I felt elated, full, as if my hunger and thirst didn't matter, or that my lack of sleep didn't exist. She was ready to forgive me after so many years! I felt so hopeful and so expectant. But why did she sound and look... sad?
"...but I'm afraid knowing that people are watching only clouds my true feelings and desires. I don't want to accept your apology here," she darkly answered, calm. I sighed in defeat, my heavy shoulders drooping again. The hunger, thirst, and fatigue came biting me back all at once. I felt the worst I have in a long time. "Let's stop this Jiyong. I don't and won't do this here."
Looking up, I saw that her tears have subsided, and that she seemed to be wiping the last of her tears. I was right in assuming she felt suffocated of all the things I just said. I felt so stupid once more. I didn't feel dejected, only regretful. I could have struck her wrongly again, lessening my chances to ever being forgiven. When she began folding her blanket, that's when I felt the finality of the moment.
"You're right. We can't do this here. I'm sorry for insisting," I answered.
"Just stop it! Let's just stop please!" she shouted, then...
Sobs. Oh no. Turned out she wasn't done crying. Just when she was about to lift herself up and clean up her camp, her tears got the best of her. She ended up sobbing again, hugging her knees in the corner. It was such a painful sight that I felt myself tearing up as well.
"Tae... stop now. I'll stop when you stop."
"I can't stop! I want to stop but it won't stop!" she said in a muffled voice, her face still buried on her knees.
"So I won't stop because I can't stop either," I admitted.
"But we have to stop! Stop it! Stop it! Make it stop!" she cried out, shaking her head and embracing herself tighter.
"I'm really sorry Tae--"
"I said don't say sorry anymore!"
"Alright I won't!"
"You're always making me cry Jiyong! Why do you always hurt me like this?"
That's when I heard the garden gate open, revealing to us a production staff member of the show. I was suddenly reminded that Taeyeon and I didn't own this moment. How must I have looked like to the people watching? Especially the editors and camera men who witnessed this moment live...
"PD noona..." I called out, recognizing the visitor. I immediately wiped my tears and stood up, politely bowing to the elder who entered the garden. "A-annyeonghaseyo..."
Maybe I was imagining it, but I could have sworn the noona's eyes were glistening with tears?
"I'm sorry to interrupt this... p-personal conversation..." the PD noona's voice shook, and I confirmed that she was indeed emotional. How embarrassing. .
"...please come with me Jiyong. We need to discuss something offline."
I looked back to check on Taeyeon, only to find her being escorted out by the PD hyung. Turned out both of us were being called for a one-on-one discussion. Taeyeon wiped her tears, and I could tell she was very embarrassed for what happened. I was, however, a little pleased that she still looked up to check on me. When our eyes met, our stares lingered at each other. The moment was comforting, especially knowing it wasn't just me who cried in the last one hour.
Taeyeon and I, we just cried our scarred hearts out to the whole world.
PRODUCTION CONFERENCE ROOM, 2:03 AM (OFF CAMERA)
"This is a strictly off cam meeting, requested by your company."
The head producer spoke, speaking directly to the housemate involved. On two different of occasion, YG and SM Entertainment's representative icons in the House of 20's were called for a closed-door meeting. It was an emergency that called for such a special treatment.
With the media buzz and netizen overkill currently happening, there was no doubt that the leaders of Big Bang and SNSD gave life to the show. Without them, the House of 20's was eventless. Not only were the actors, models and athletes boring and reserved, they were also scandal-free. Only Jiyong and Taeyeon's upbeat personalities, and totally unexpected colorful past, brought for good television.
"They want to pull you out of the show because of your controversial actions with another housemate inside the house. There is a lot of heated politics going behind the scenes."
The producers hit the jackpot on the very day the two idols started slipping up about their past. And when Taeyeon's singing cut of I Have Nothing, and its corresponding official video edited with her sweet moments with G-dragon in the House, went 10-million-views-viral, the production just ran away with a gold mine. G-dragon and Taeyeon's love line made the nightly ratings peak at past 50%, the web news gather 500,000+ comments, and the online streaming of the house events rack up 2 million subscriptions.
So when YG and SM camp lit a fire on the production office to pull out their talents, the head producers knew they had to make ends meet. If the trend love line left the house, they would lose millions of dollars. MBC's CEO only had one directive to the House of 20's executive producer -- make SM and YG happy or he'd be fired. Of course they would give in to the demands of Yang Hyunsuk and Kim Youngmin. Anything and everything to keep G-dragon and Taeyeon inside the house.
"To make the complicated plot simpler, SM and YG are threatening to boycott all MBC productions if we do not rewrite your contract with the show. YG wants G-dragon out as soon as possible, no negotiation. SM will only let Taeyeon stay if G-dragon is out. The lawyers of the three camps involved are still in discussion. In the meantime, here is what is and what should be happening inside and outside..."
"Due to the contract, you are still obligated to stay inside the house, and so you're still subject to the House Rules. Inside, you are allowed to talk to the other housemates. However, you are prohibited from talking to or being alone with, the other housemate involved. You will still participate in the games and activities, but as much as possible, avoid one another. Your company requested to cut out all of your interaction with the other housemate involved from the final output of the nightly episodes."
The producer knew that sacrifices needed to be made. Already two days passed with the lack of G-dragon and Taeyeon interactions, and the online boards were bombarded with complaints. Then, the poor SNSD leader slipped up she "loved" the Big Bang leader in front of 2 million subscribers of the MBC.com livestreaming HouseWatch. SM and YG both hit their limits, because they both sent their vans to personally force-evict their talents. That's when the executive producer decided to stop the livestream, and he directed the editors and writers not to include any of the revealing, and romantic, conversation from the nightly episodes.
"Now on to the outside events. As set forth by the contract, you still can't know the situation in the media and the netizens world. But you can know that the 24/7 paid livestream service in MBC.com is currently suspended. This means the housemates' real-time actions aren't broadcast live to paying subscribers. I don't have to tell you why that is. Obviously, your recent behavior and choice of conversation topics have ruffled a lot of feathers."
That moment when both G-dragon and Taeyeon said they loved each and hated each other? That was watched by the ENTIRE production team, half of which who cried.
"You can still be forced-evicted, depending on the results of the legal discussions currently happening. However, know that the entire staff and MBC are fighting to keep you inside the house.
"Lastly, you are forbidden to talk about any of this with your other housemates, most especially the other housemate involved."
GARDEN ENTRANCE, 3:17 AM (OFF CAMERA)
I walked like a ghost, still in disbelief of what I had been told. Not only did I find out that close to sixty production crew members cried from my confrontation with Jiyong, but the recorded tape was sent to the headquarters of SM and YG. My heart, my past, my pain, my tears, they would all be subject to the viewing of our company. I felt so ashamed of myself.
More so, I felt angry at myself because I wasn't ashamed that people found out. In truth, I felt ashamed that Kwon Jiyong now knew that I still hurt even after four years.
Four freaking years and I still cried like it only started to hurt yesterday. Four years, and still everything seemed fresh. I felt so frustrated and so disappointed at myself for not moving on. I was on the same ground as I was when I nearly killed myself because of my broken heart.
That same heart that Kwon Jiyong broke to pieces.
"We gotta talk," I heard him say, and I looked up. I forgot that I was being escorted back to the house. I saw that he just entered from the other garden door, also escorted by another crew member.
"You can't talk to each other," his , a PD unnie, called out.
"Screw the rules. I need to talk to Taeyeon in private and off cam," he disrespectfully declared, approaching me.
"You can't be treated differently. You are still in the house, and so abide by the rules," my , PD oppa, corrected Jiyong. He continued, "We're leaving now. Jiyong, your punishment still stands until further notice. Taeyeon, I don't think it's wise to accompany him here. Just go inside the house and wait for further instructions."
I nodded, unable to look any of the three in the eye. I was so busy being angry at myself. I wasn't thinking straight, not even internalizing that possibly the entire South Korea watched me say I loved G-dragon, or cried for him, or hurt for him. I just silently hated myself, again going through the same thing I went through in 2010, when I punished and forgot to love myself. I began to enter the hallway through the glass door, slowly, absent-mindedly. Did the crew members leave? Were we alone again? I didn't know.
Then I touched the doorknob towards the actual house.
I became frozen as he said that. Clearly, we were alone. Or maybe, the crew just let him break the rule. I hated myself for still having any sort of hatred or pain for him, so why did I still freeze at his command?
"You don't have to talk to me. You don't have to look at me, or react to me. That way, you would not breaking any rule. No matter what I say or do, don't talk back. Just listen, arraseo?"
Arasseo. But why? Why should you listen to him Kim Taeyeon? Just go inside. Or talk back. Break the rules. Don't do as he says!!! Yet even after ten seconds, I was still rooted on that same spot, holding the door knob, still and unmoving. Crying. Crying, really? Why?! Why couldn't the fifty cameras in the garden, or the presence of about a hundred people behind the scenes, knock some sense into me?
I heard him open the slide door. Looking back and slowly looking up, I saw that he already broke the rule by stepping beyond the door. He entered the house and came closer to me. For the first time in two full days, Kwon Jiyong and I did not have any barriers between us. It only caused more chaos inside of me so that my heart was pumping out crazily.
"I can't stay in this house. I will voluntarily leave tomorrow. YG's fighting to pull me out anyway," he softly said, piercing me painfully with those hazelnut eyes.
Then... he said...
"I can't live with you anymore."
So sorry. Forgot that many of you didn't have Big Brother in your countries. Hopefully the Livestreaming was finally explained. It just means that every single moment in the house is captured and aired live for the paying subscribers through MBC.com. It's like a live surveillance.
"I would never force you to--"
"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS MAKING ME GO CRAZY LIKE THIS? I WAS ALREADY FINE! I WAS MOVING ON! I WAS FINALLY NORMAL! I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS AGAIN!"