Nightfall
NightfallPale skin. Long black hair. Flat bluish lips.
Luhan tries not to stare. He tries not to let his mind take notice of the woman standing behind the person he's talking to but he finds his attention keeps on flying back towards her in her torn white top and shredded pink skirt. The books she's clutching tightly across her chest are torn and tattered and her light brown handbag with a little key chain of a bear that's hanging by the side is all dirty on her bruised up shoulder.
"So let me get this straight,"
Luhan listens halfheartedly at the girl sitting across from him, eyes still looking at the woman just standing there.
"The Goryeo Dynasty came before the Joseon Dynasty. And in the Joseon Dynasty, how many kings were there? Or do we call them emperors?"
What happened to her? Luhan rakes his eyes over the woman. She's also barefoot, a thing he just noticed and there are ugly scratches on her legs. She's hunched over just a little bit, her hair covering her face. But before he can observe more, Luhan hears a loud snapping sound near his ear and he leans his face away from the source of it.
"Hello," The girl Luhan is with, snaps her fingers at him, glaring. "I haven't got all day here."
Luhan blinks back at her, forgetting for a moment who she is when reality starts sinking back in. Freshman. Met her on the way to Literature class. Needed a help with her history paper. Due tomorrow.
"I'm sorry." Luhan apologizes, scanning the girl's drafts again and trying to get his head to start making out a decent research paper for her. "What section were you having a hard time again?"
"On which king or emperor do I think is the most exceptional ruler." The girl sighs, reading through her notes. "We've been over this three times already."
Luhan mutters another apology as he gets back to work. Again. He usually doesn't have any problem working with other student's papers. He's getting paid for it anyway. And he always manages to get them a good grade.
But he's kind of distracted right now. Like the sudden chill he's feeling in the library. The way the hairs on the back of his neck seem to stand on end. He's distracted because of the woman just standing there...
"I'm leaning towards King Seongjong. He seems okay..."
Luhan studies the woman's handbag closely, the sight of it being dirty seems all wrong. The dirt isn't black. Nor is it brown like mud. But it's kind of red. A dark crimson red...
"... And he's an artist. That kind of makes him creative."
Luhan swallows down his discomfort as he realizes what it is.
Blood.
"Should I read up on his hobbies?" The girl gives a small tsk. "I should've listened to my high school teacher when we were dealing with this back then."
Luhan can't take it anymore and he clears his throat, eyes shifting back to the papers he's holding.
"Um..."
From the corner of his eye, Luhan sees the girl stop reading her notes to look at him.
"Did I get that part wrong?" She asks, her voice, soft and confused makes Luhan bite back the things he wants to say.
Stop it, Luhan. Don't even go there.
"No. That... You got that part alright." Luhan mumbles. He can feel his hands sweating, a trait he has when he's nervous and he releases his hold on the girl's notes for awhile to wipe his hands on his jeans.
"It's just um..." Luhan starts, wondering how to go about this without scaring the girl in front of him.
"What?" She asks, inching closer.
Stop it. This isn't any of your business.
But Luhan can't help it. He never has. He always says things about this resulting to unpleasant reactions. He knows what will happen when he says anything about this at all but he just can't help it and before he can even stop himself one more time, words start spilling out of his mouth.
"Do you know a girl with long hair who has a light brown handbag with a little key chain of a bear on the side?"
The girl just looks at Luhan as he says this and Luhan breathes in slowly.
"She... She seems to need your help."
The girl just continues to look at him and Luhan takes this as a sign that he should continue.
"She's hurt." Luhan says quietly, looking at the table now than anywhere else. "She... She's wearing a white top. And a... a pink skirt. She's waiting for you to notice her- "
A loud smacking sound echoes throughout the library as the girl's palm comes across Luhan's cheek hard and Luhan feels his head snap to the side, the searing pain of flesh hitting flesh burning his left cheek after realizing what just happened. If the library was silent before, except for the rustling of papers and pens scribbling along the desk, the library sounds dead silent now, all eyes turned towards the direction of where Luhan is at.
In a normal situation like this, a normal person would ask what was the matter with her, slapping him. He just asked a random question. All she could've done was just answer it quietly. But she slapped him instead and in a normal situation like this, Luhan would be the one appalled at her sudden outburst.
But this isn't a normal situation. Nothing is normal in this situation.
Because Luhan isn't a normal person.
So Luhan sits there, stunned but not quite since he's expecting a reaction like this. He has one hand touching his cheek lightly and he doesn't dare look up at the girl that's now standing in front of him nor at the woman with the long hair that's still behind her.
"." The girl says through her teeth after glaring at him and Luhan wants to explain himself. But he doesn't open his mouth anymore, doesn't even look at her.
Instead, Luhan just lowers his head as the girl starts gathering her things and throwing them inside her bag before leaving the library. He does, however, look up just in time to see her exit the doors and he catches a glimpse of the woman with her pale skin and long hair following her, the chill in the room returning to a normal temperature.
Luhan utters a sigh of relief but he knows what comes next so he doesn't let all his breath out in a single heave, saving some for himself when he needs it later on.
"What happened?"
Luhan hears one of them say and he shuts his eyes as if that can block out what he's going to hear.
"He happened. That girl who left, Luhan talked about her sister."
Ah. Her sister.
"Oh my God. So insensitive."
"I know right. And I heard him describe her."
"What the hell?"
Luhan squeezes his eyes shut tighter.
"Yeah. He even told her that her sister was waiting for her to notice her."
"Sick bastard. He shouldn't be allowed to talk to people anymore."
"I know. And she hasn't even gotten over that car crash let alone her death. She still blames herself..."
Luhan pushes his chair back and gathers his own stuff, not even putting the books he borrowed back in order as he walks quickly towards the exit. He should get out of here before those voices multiply and he knows it shouldn't take any longer now. He needs to get out before it turns ugly-
A foot suddenly sticks out from where he's walking and Luhan trips on it, his face colliding hard against the floor. He feels his head spin and warm blood trickling down his nostrils and he grimaces as he picks himself up.
Walk away, Luhan. Walk away.
Luhan shuffles around, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve, cringing at the pain and he stares dizzily at the blood staining his sleeve, his head still pounding from the fall.
Walk away. NOW.
Someone snickering catches his attention and he momentarily forgets about the pain as he hears it.
"Freak."
Freak.
Humiliation washes over him and Luhan feels his legs shake. Not wasting another minute, Luhan runs out of the library, runs out of the hallways, keeping his eyes locked on the outside world. He ignores the streaks of different colors emanating from the people around him, the shadows he sees and the images of dead people walking among the students and he holds his breath, holds himself from breaking down until he finally manages to breathe in fresh air and take in the sunlight.
But it isn't until he's finally home, finally under the comfort of his covers that night, does he let out a deep long sigh and Luhan drifts off to sleep forgetting the freak and the burn on his cheek and the image of the woman with the long hair and her light brown handbag with a little keychain of a bear on her side.
* * *
Luhan has been a freak for as long as he can remember.
He can't pinpoint the exact age when he started becoming a freak so he assumes it must have been when he was still a baby.
But Luhan can remember some points in his life where he recalls being slightly aware of being not normal. Like the time he was three and he used to have a playmate. He remembers the sleepovers, hiding under the blankets with a boy his age, laughing and playing with the flashlight. He remembers eating breakfast with him, playing hide and seek and making mud pies. He was the first friend Luhan can remember until he introduced him to his parents one day and they said they couldn't see him.
Or that time Luhan was in the third grade and he was so fascinated with the girl in his class for being too colorful. On some days she had yellow and orange lights dance around her skin making her the prettiest in the class. On other days it was murky brown. And when she was angry, the lights on her skin were bright red and this made Luhan stay away from her when she was in that mood. He didn't understand at first why she had colors like that. But then as he studied the rest of the people in his class, he realized he can see that they too had colorful lights dance around them. It was the first time Luhan can read auras.
There were other things that Luhan can do without him knowing the reason for it. And as he grew up, more and more things start to happen. Some good. Some bad. And Luhan has just learned to ignore them, keeping his "freaky" self a secret.
There were others like him. He's read about them in books. A fancy word used to describe these people were psychics. Those who were able to understand and feel the supernatural. But Luhan isn't a psychic. He isn't special and can't be someone fancy like that. Luhan is a freak. And this, sadly, is how Luhan sees himself.
So it isn't very strange for Luhan to encounter the supernatural everyday in his life. He's seen the dead, read auras, sense when something bad is about to happen. But he has never dealt with these things single-handedly, afraid that if he does, like playing with the boy when he was a kid, these weird things might get to him and might make him look worse than a freak. He would be seen as crazy. He can always tell when something isn't right and he always (well, sometimes) keeps himself away from it.
So when Luhan meets Oh Sehun for the first time, a boy with eyes so black and his skin as white as paper, with his lips cracking and the bags around his eyes heavy, a very clear sign that this person isn't just stressed out but pretty much not normal, Luhan doesn't help but step back away from him, causing him to stumble on the ground and landing on his hard.
"Oh, hey. You okay?" Sehun asks, crouching down to look at him and Luhan catches a glimpse of his tired black eyes before looking away and pulling himself up.
"I'm okay." Luhan mutters, dusting himself off and trying not to look like the fall didn't hurt. But it did and he'll probably feel the worst of it tomorrow.
"Okay." The boy says, straightening up and tapping his feet impatiently and Luhan scowls knowing he didn't care that Luhan fell. He just asked because he was trying to be kind.
Human. Luhan checks. Only a human can be this impatient.
"So, will you do it?"
Luhan looks confused by this. Did this boy ask something before he fell?
"What?" Luhan asks and the kid rolls his tired eyes at him.
"I asked you if you were the sophomore named Luhan and if you can help me get an A on my physics test in two months."
Luhan blinks up at him. Oh. Right. He must've forgotten all that when he saw his eyes.
"So, will you?" The boy who introduced himself as Sehun earlier, a senior at the high school campus located two blocks away, crosses his arms in front of him. "Everyone here says you write their papers for them and you always get them an A. I just need you to tutor me for two months."
Luhan knows this kid is rich with his shiny watch and his branded shoes and bag. He also knows he's one of those spoiled rich kids with the way he talks and how impatient he is.
But Luhan also knows that this kid is different because of his eyes.
"I only deal with university students." Luhan mumbles in reply, turning around to walk away from him before he starts analyzing more than just his eyes and ends up saying something else instead. That incident at the library is still fresh in his head and he wants nothing more than to avoid a recap of it in this scenario.
"You tutored someone in elementary once." Sehun says, catching up to him as Luhan still walks away. "The guys down at the library said you did."
Go away, Luhan wants to say to him. He knows what those eyes hold. He's seen it from a lot of people around campus and he wants nothing to do with people like them. This kid may not be part of the undead nor has colorful sparks around him. No. This kid has something different. Something Luhan can't help him with even if he tried to anyway.
"And I can pay you more than what you usually charge for a paper." The kid adds.
"I'm sorry. I'm really busy." Luhan replies. He hates having to see people like this. Because Luhan isn't all that heartless. People like Sehun are victims with no hope to get better. Like a deadly sickness they don't know they've caught and Luhan purposely distances himself from these kinds of people so he wouldn't care when they're suddenly gone.
Luhan is about to turn another corner when cold clammy hands circle around his arm and he gasps both at the touch and at being turned forcefully around to look at him.
Sehun is tall for a high school student and Luhan finds himself inching slowly towards the ground as Sehun towers over him, face looking dead serious and nails sinking into his skin as he continues saying,
"I need you to tutor me."
The way Sehun says it this time is slow making Luhan feel as if he doesn't have any other choice. Every word he said feels like it's being forced into him and Luhan gulps, mustering every ounce of strength he has to pull his hand back, dreading those black eyes that seem to bore into him.
But Luhan is Luhan. And even though he'd rather ignore this kid and would like nothing to do with him, his curiosity eats at him. This trait which has Luhan being labeled as a freak in the entire school surfaces when he gets a hold of something of the unknown right up in his face. And even if he really just wants Sehun to go away and never bother him again, even if he doesn't want anything to do with him, he knows he won't be able to stop thinking about his black eyes and his ugly cracked lips.
"A-alright." Luhan agrees, straightening up as Sehun's cold grip release him.
"We'll meet during my free time." Sehun mutters, not even caring to ask Luhan's own schedule as he s a piece of paper in his hand. "I'll wait by the fountain in the entrance."
And with that, Sehun leaves, backpack hung over his slouched form as he hurriedly walks away.
Luhan sighs as he stares at the paper with Sehun's schedule on it. He just broke one of his own rules to never deal with people like him again. People with the supernatural attached to them.
Staring at the paper and remembering Sehun's cold fingers pressing it into his palm, Luhan hopes he's strong enough to mind his own business this time and fight the will to care.
* * *
Oh Sehun is what Luhan calls a victim. A victim of his own nightmares.
People who dream and dream and dream and mistake these dreams as good dreams not knowing that it's their nightmares fattening them up to feed on them. This is who Sehun is. With his black eyes and cracked lips and pale cold skin. Luhan knew it at first glance what he was suffering from.
And Luhan also knows how people like Sehun can never be saved.
Luhan has seen dozens of people with Sehun's condition. He knows that they spend their time sleeping and dreaming, meeting someone and getting that chance tobe 'free' with them. He knows that these people aren't aware they're being consumed by their dreams, swallowing them whole when the right time comes. He knows that they disappear eventually. And people wonder why a lot of missing persons exist.
It shows in the eyes first. How lifeless and blank they are. But Luhan being who he is (a freak), he can see more than what people would just notice. Stress, the others would say. Lack of sleep, some would pipe in. But Luhan knows it's because of something else.
An incubus. That's what Luhan knows. He knows they the life out of these people by making them dream what they want to dream. It used to prey on children for their mind was the easiest to penetrate. But children knew how to manipulate their dreams subconsciously, dreaming of different things and places in a span of a few seconds, escaping from the clutches of their incubus without knowing how. Adults were then easier. Teenagers too. Oh especially the teenagers. With their hormones and their constant need to find the meaning of life and love and acceptance.
Luhan knows all these things because he once met an incubus in real life and told him everything. Apparently they are able to get out from the dreamworld once they the life out of their prey, trapping them and making them stay in their place. Luhan never met him again and he didn't want to. Their black auras that stay with them even as these monsters turn into humans once more never made Luhan feel comfortable. Just the thought of them walking around in the same world Luhan lives in makes him uneasy even if they don't have the power to control someone else anymore.
Luhan finds himself lucky that he hasn't been consumed by his dreams. He makes it a habit to find the good things in life no matter how depressed he is by it. He may be a freak but being one has taught him a lot of things. Like always keeping one foot on the ground. Being a freak has trained him to not put both feet in a world he cannot understand. This is how Luhan protects himself, with one foot always glued to reality.
But with this new acquaintance in the form of a student named Oh Sehun, Luhan wonders if his foot can hold him in place and not meddle with an incubus' prey.
Because he wouldn't want to be there when the time comes for Sehun to disappear.
* * *
Their tutoring session starts two days after they meet. Luhan sees Sehun dressed in his high school uniform with the same backpack hung over his shoulder by the fountain as promised. He's wearing the same look, like he's bored out of his wits and he's doing that impatient tap that he does with his foot. He's still the same bratty kid from two days ago. But the only thing different this time is how the bags under his eyes look even more heavy.
"Hey,"
At least he knows how to greet me, Luhan thinks as he nods.
"Would you like to work at the library?" Luhan asks and Sehun shakes his head.
"Out here is fine."
They settle on one of the benches on the side of the school's entrance, Sehun sitting across from him while Luhan takes out a few extra papers and his calculator to get ready. Sehun does the same thing, taking out his notes and books and Luhan's eyes widen as he sees the advanced subjects Sehun is taking.
"Aren't you a high school student?" Luhan asks.
"We have a college preparatory program." Sehun explains briefly before taking his backpack out of the way and facing Luhan again. "We can start with basic physics."
Luhan doesn't ask about anything anymore after that. He quickly starts off tutoring Sehun what he needs to learn, making sure to only have his eyes on Sehun's notes.
But Luhan still can't help but observe Sehun even as he talks about velocities and accelerations. He notes how Sehun doesn't have an aura, which is sometimes normal since not anyone can bring it out naturally. He's also very relieved that no one is hovering behind him or anything unnatural. It helps him concentrate on what he's doing at present, which is explaining how a car travelling at x m/s arrives at x seconds.
"Can you explain that again?" Sehun asks, pointing at the problem at hand and his fingers brush against Luhan's skin. Luhan jolts at how ice cold his hands are and Sehun looks at him in confusion.
"Sorry." Luhan mutters and starts explaining again what Sehun missed.
Luhan considers his ability to multitask a talent. And by multitask, Luhan means the ability to still do what he's doing at present but thinking of other things as well. Like how he's talking about the amount of time a car accelerating at that certain speed arrives and how Sehun's eyes are getting droopy at each word.
It takes about half an hour for Luhan to finish a section of Sehun's notes and by then, Sehun's looks like he's about to doze off. Luhan isn't surprised. Someone like him usually dozes off in an instant. Especially now that night is approaching. But Sehun is still somewhat awake, maybe even half listening to what Luhan is telling him.
"I'm going to get us some coffee." Luhan offers a few minutes later when he sees Sehun fight back a yawn but the high school student shakes his head.
"No, no. I'm fine." He says, motioning to the next part of his paper. "We should get started on this part next."
But Luhan stands up, shrugging. "Well I'm not fine. It's cold out here and I need coffee."
Sehun waves him away.
"Do you need anything while I'm getting some?" Luhan offers the brat and he shakes his head.
"I'll just go over these while you're away."
Luhan shrugs again as he walks to the nearest coffee vending machine for something to wake him up as well.
He understands how people have their own lives to live and Luhan knows he shouldn't be concerned at all. But Luhan wonders what Sehun is going through to have him be a victim of his own nightmares. Is he not living a good life? He looks rich, Luhan notes as he watches brown liquid pour over his cup after inserting his coins. Maybe his parents don't have time for him then? Or he's suffering from a heartbreak? Broke up with a girlfriend? He should have a girlfriend. He can be attractive if he tries not to frown so much.
Luhan inserts another few coins for a second glass. Sehun didn't want any. But he'll offer him some anyway.
Walking back with two paper cups of coffee in his hand, Luhan tries to get back into tutor mode when he stops as he sees Sehun asleep. He's sleeping with the side of his face mushed up on top of his long arm which is sprawled on top of their table, papers getting crumpled beneath it and shoulder rising up and down gently as he sleeps.
Luhan takes his seat across from him and settles both cups of coffee beside him. He watches the young boy who's already lost, his mind wandering around with someone he thinks is real.
Should I wake him up? Luhan thinks. He's not safe when he's asleep.
But Luhan doesn't have the heart to. Sehun sleeping, his eyes closed, hiding those lifeless eyes when he's staring at Luhan makes him look normal and Luhan lets him have his sleep. Luhan lets him play with his nightmares. Sehun is a lost cause anyway.
It takes about three hours for Sehun to wake up and realize where he is and how dark it is already and Luhan accepts his apology and promises of "It won't happen again" and they call it a day as they pack up their things. Sehun leaves with a small thanks and hands Luhan his payment for today's session and reminds him of the next tutoring schedule they have.
Luhan just nods his head and waves him a goodbye knowing how the next time will probably have him drifting off again.
The next time, Luhan knows Sehun's eyes will become worse.
* * *
Fitting in. That is what's bothering Sehun.
The kid just moved to Seoul recently, leaving behind his friends and other things he holds dear in his life because his father got promoted at a company. He's one of the popular kids too, has already built up a reputation, only to be taken away at the last minute.
Luhan found out when Sehun asked if he could tutor him in their house rather than outside the university one evening and Luhan was welcomed by his beautiful mother and rows and rows of boxes stacked along their hallway.
"Come in." Sehun's mother had greeted him enthusiastically. "Sehun will be down shortly."
Sehun follows after his mother, Luhan notes. She has a slim face and a tall figure. They both have the same hair color and slender fingers. The only thing that's different is that his mother smiles. Sehun doesn't.
The house is big for just three people living in it along with a couple of maids. No siblings, Luhan notes as he sees the photos lying on the tables.
"We haven't fixed everything properly." Sehun's mother explains. "All these things can't be rushed."
Luhan nods, as if understanding and he takes a seat on the couch that still has plastic wrapped all over it.
"I want everything to be perfect for our new home." She continues to say, smiling at the mess and Luhan feels sorry for her knowing that in a few months, their son will be gone and nothing will be perfect.
"Thank you for tutoring Sehun. He really needs your help." Sehun's mother sighs. "He's having trouble fitting in at class with all these new subjects."
Luhan just nods his head in reply.
Sehun descends from the staircase a few minutes later and Luhan isn't surprised to see him rubbing the sleep off his eyes with the back of his hand.
"That's the third nap you've had today." His mother says as she passes by him. "School must be really tiring."
Sehun just mumbles a "yes, it is" before greeting Luhan and inviting him inside their empty library.
"Sorry for making you wait so long." Sehun says, plopping down on the seat right next to him, hiding a yawn. Luhan pretends not to notice and shakes his head.
"It's okay. Shall we continue where we left off?"
The sooner they finish today's topics, the better Luhan feels. He can see the way the circles under Sehun's eyes have darken in just a few days and he knows the dreams are getting better which means he's getting worse and Luhan doesn't want to be around him when it eats him up. Sehun's cheekbones are more prominent along with his jawline. He's a thin and tall kid in the first place, his frame slightly bigger than Luhan but even Luhan can tell when a person looks sickly.
So he tries to ignore Sehun as best as he can, concentrating on the numbers and words and symbols scribbled down on his notes. He finds Sehun's handwriting horrible. He can't even read some of the words written down. They're halfway through Newton's Law of Gravitation, Luhan trying to make out the words himself when he feels a small thunk on his shoulder and Luhan doesn't even have to look at what hit him when he hears a soft snore in his ear.
Luhan carefully raises his arm and checks the time. Fifteen minutes. They went through fifteen minutes before Sehun dozed off and Luhan should have just moved today's schedule in the morning where the sun could've been helpful. But now that it's night, where sleep was most likely to tempt him, Sehun is long gone again, dreaming of things that Luhan will never know.
Luhan doesn't want to wake him up. But with their position a little awkward, Sehun leaning his head on his shoulder and Luhan sitting there as stiff as he can, Luhan has to. For a thin person, Sehun is heavy and Luhan shakes him with all his might to wake him up. But Sehun just continues to snore and Luhan gives up and lets him bruise his shoulder.
What could you possibly be dreaming about that you can't even feel me wake you up? Luhan turns slightly and looks down at him, hoping Sehun notices the movement again and he's greeted by a pair of small, thin lips over a pale face. Sehun looks like a normal person again, a handsome normal person, with his eyes closed and Luhan decides that maybe it's better for Sehun to sleep forever. That way, he doesn't look like his nightmares are out to get him when he's awake.
Luhan lets him sleep for another hour this time, waking him up fully when he feels him move a little bit and they continue where they left off, Luhan pretending that he hadn't noticed Sehun fell asleep on his shoulder while Sehun apologized for falling asleep in the middle of their tutoring session again.
Sehun doesn't know and will never know that it's Luhan's shoulder his head sleeps on every time they meet for their tutoring sessions and he ends up dozing off in every single one of them.
And Luhan doesn't know it as well but he's slowly starting to fall for this boy with his cracked lips and pale skin every time he looks to his side and sees him up close asleep and looking like he's at peace.
* * *
It's almost a month since they've agreed to these tutoring sessions when Luhan first sees the shadows.
They're sitting together at a small bakery, their tables filled with papers and a calculator and a couple of pens with some biscuits and a half eaten croissant on their plates. Luhan is nodding approvingly at the recent score Sehun got from his physics exam as he scans his answers while the other is sitting across from him, looking somewhat pleased that Luhan is satisfied with his work.
"Congratulations. You actually did learn something over the past month." Luhan teases as Sehun scowls.
"Hey, I'm always listening to you. You're just a boring tutor."
Luhan just chuckles in reply knowing Sehun is pretty much thankful for his help anyway.
They're a bit close now. They're comfortable enough to joke around with each other and talk about other things than school but not enough to make them feel as if they're friends. They talk about things that are safe, things that don't seem like the other is prying. And besides, Luhan can feel how Sehun is still closed off to the world. He knows he's still adjusting to the new life he's living. Just last week some of his old friends called bringing a temporary smile on the kid's face that Luhan likes seeing. But after that, Sehun kept on sulking around from missing them too much and he would sleep longer than usual making Luhan wait in his living room for half an hour before he came down.
Not only that but Sehun seems to look worse. But as always, Luhan ignores it.
"So now that we're done with physics why don't we actually get started on chemistry today?" Luhan asks.
"Ooh. Fun." Sehun sarcastically replies. Luhan rolls his eyes at his lack of enthusiasm.
"We'll get you a B+ for this." Luhan assures him and Sehun stands up, grabbing a biscuit to nibble on.
"I'm going to get some hot chocolate. You want any?"
"No thank you." Luhan replies, preparing himself for the next topic. Chemistry is going to be a little tricky since it had been years since Luhan tackled the subject. And he really doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of Sehun. He did assure him he'll get him a B+ for it.
It's the sound of glass breaking and a small scream from a waitress up front that has Luhan looking up from the table of elements he's reading to find a small crowd gathering. All the others from the bakery seem to be standing up too to get a good look at all the commotion and Luhan is about to ignore it and return to Sehun's notes when someone yells,
"A kid just fainted! Someone get help!"
Luhan freezes in his seat for a few seconds when he realizes Sehun still hasn't returned and he knows there could be a few kids that man was referring to. But somehow, he kind of senses that it might be Sehun and Luhan has always trusted his strange instincts. So he rushes up front, pushes at the crowd with his small frame to get through and when he finally sees who it is, Luhan can't even breathe as he sees a familiar face unconscious on the ground with blood all over him.
No, Luhan shakes himself. That's not blood. That's hot chocolate.
Luhan crouches down by his side and is relieved to find him still breathing.
"Do you know this kid?" The man beside him asks and Luhan can only nod, still a little shaken from seeing Sehun this way even if he has seen him like this countless times.
Because Sehun is fine.
Sehun is just asleep.
"Is he alright? Should we call an ambulance?"
Luhan shakes his head and finds it in him to speak up.
"H-he's fine." Luhan says, lifting Sehun's shoulders up as he hooks his arm around him and cradles his head. Luhan doesn't know what the hell he's doing because he can't carry Sehun at all but he can't let him out of his sight either. "He's fine."
Thankfully, Sehun stirs a moment later in Luhan's arms but doesn't completely wake up and the man who yelled for help earlier offers to carry Sehun back to their table, making him sit down and lean by the window. Luhan sits beside him, making sure Sehun doesn't fall and a waitress brings them a glass of water and some table napkins to help get rid of the stickiness of the hot chocolate that he's in.
"Thank you," Luhan says and the crowd disperses, leaving Luhan alone to tend to Sehun.
Pulling him close, Luhan reaches around Sehun's shoulders to hold him in place as he taps his cheek to wake him up. Luhan usually doesn't do this. He usually lets Sehun sleep and wake up whenever he wants to because he never cared what Sehun could be doing in his dreams. But right now, Luhan feels a little angry at it, at whatever is keeping Sehun asleep because it made Luhan worry. It had hurt Sehun, making him faint in the middle of the day, spilling hot chocolate over his front and making him hit his head on the ground hard.
But the anger disappears quickly. Luhan forgets about being angry at it when fear replaces the emotions he's holding as Sehun slowly wakes up and Luhan doesn't see any trace of Sehun in his eyes. All he can see are black shadows flitting in and out of this boy's gaze.
At first Luhan thinks it's just a trick of the light. But Sehun is up close and Luhan can see it. He sees the black things swirling inside his eyes as if they're the cause of Sehun being in a daze. Luhan, afraid of his dreams taking Sehun then and there, afraid of seeing him disappear right before his eyes, shakes the boy harshly and Sehun blinks a couple of times before he does finally wake up, his eyes back to its tired gaze and Luhan breathes a sigh of relief at having this part of Sehun back.
"What happened?" Sehun groans as he clutches his head and he cringes as he feels his damp shirt sticking to his skin. "And why am I covered in..." Sehun lifts his shirt up to sniff on it. "Chocolate?"
"You fell asleep." Luhan says, the anger coming back to him once again and he gathers all their things and stuffs them in his bag.
"I fell asleep?" Sehun asks, still a little disoriented and confused when Luhan grabs his arm and pulls him up.
"Hey-"
"You need to change out of your clothes." Luhan just says and leads him out of the bakery, out of the stares that people were starting to give them and he doesn't stop to even look at Sehun and see how he's doing until they reach Luhan's place which is just nearby.
"You didn't have to drag me around, you know." Sehun mutters, rubbing his wrist from where Luhan held on to him as Luhan pushes the doors to his place open.
I know. Luhan answers silently. He doesn't tell Sehun that he had to drag him around for fear of seeing him faint again. He didn't want to let go of him for a single second, afraid of the shadows in his eyes taking over anytime now.
"And why are we in a library?"
Luhan makes Sehun sit down on the counter nearby.
"It's a bookstore."
"You own a bookstore?" Sehun asks and Luhan nods his head.
"My father does." Luhan reluctantly lets go of Sehun's hand as he sees the chocolate stain on his front. He knows its just chocolate but the image of it looks like blood and Luhan tears his eyes away from it.
"I'll just grab an extra shirt." Luhan mumbles, leaving Sehun alone as he walks up to his room.
He returns a few moments later with the largest shirt he owns and a huge cup of coffee in one hand. He tells Sehun to change in the bathroom right around the corner really quick and come back and the whole time Sehun is just staring at him strangely.
Luhan hates that stare. Dozens of people have given Luhan that stare, a stare that seems to ask what's the matter with you and soon enough Sehun will be calling him a freak too. But Luhan doesn't care. For now, Luhan wants Sehun to get rid of that blood stained shirt - chocolate, it's chocolate! - and wants him to stay awake because he can't have him doze off. He can't have him disappear on him again and run around in his dreams. He may like seeing him asleep because he looks more peaceful that way but he needs Sehun's tired eyes open for now.
He doesn't want to see the shadows in his eyes again.
Sehun walks back to him dressed in his own shirt and he plops down on the seat right next to him. Luhan nudges the cup of coffee for him to take when Sehun shakes his head.
"Take it." Luhan says but Sehun continues to shake his head.
"I don't need it." Sehun replies. "I don't like coffee anyway."
Luhan's jaw tightens. "I don't care. Take it."
Sehun looks at him, surprised at Luhan's attitude. Luhan was never one to be a pushover and he's surprised at himself as well but he wants Sehun to just take the damn coffee and drink it.
"Why?" Sehun asks, eyeing Luhan carefully. It's another one of those stares that Luhan hates because this is the part where he's judging him now. From being a freak to just being strange and Luhan grits his teeth as he pushes the coffee cup closer to him.
"Just take it."
"No."
Luhan stands up and slams his fist on the table, glaring at Sehun who had leaned back in his seat, eyes widening at the sudden outburst.
"Take it so you don't fall asleep and start dreaming!"
Luhan breathes in heavily. He breathes in then breathes out. Breathes in again and stops when he realizes what he just did.
He just gave himself away.
He cared. He's not supposed to care.
Sehun is still staring him and it's a look Luhan can tell that has him afraid. Luhan feels his insides start to sink because Sehun is afraid of him. Sehun is afraid of him.
"Sehun..." Luhan says slowly and Sehun suddenly stands up, backing away from him. Sehun looks afraid and who wouldn't? Luhan knows what he does all this time and no one is supposed to know about that except Sehun and the person in his dreams. The person he considers precious to him. The person who's about to destroy him.
"I... Don't." Sehun has his arm out, stopping Luhan from coming closer and Luhan watches as dread fills him.
"Sehun,"
"Don't!" Sehun says, raising his voice this time and Luhan flinches at that. "Stay away from me."
Luhan feels himself nod slowly and he watches as Sehun scrambles out the door and Luhan knows now why Sehun didn't want him to come any closer.
Because Sehun just saw him as a freak.
* * *
It's no surprise that their scheduled tutoring sessions come to an end. Luhan didn't expect that to continue after what happened back at his place. Sehun didn't show up for any of their sessions for two weeks now and Luhan should feel relieved. He doesn't have to stare at his eyes, doesn't have to see how tired he is, how life is slowly being out of him. How the shadows have managed to take over.
It takes all of Luhan's self control not to head to Sehun's house or wait for him outside the gates of his school just so he can check up on him. He's worried about Sehun when he shouldn't be. Luhan shouldn't have cared in the first place. Now all he can think about is Sehun gone. Is the boy still around or has he disappeared without Luhan knowing.
Luhan has no one to blame for being distracted now except for himself. Gone are the promises he made that he'll always keep his nose away from other people's lives. Seeing dead people he can handle. They don't hurt him. Sometimes they need his help and they bother him by popping up right in his face and Luhan would try to help them in exchange for peace. And for bright auras, Luhan can look away from it. But people like Sehun, people he knows will disappear soon... Luhan should never have learned to care.
He's taken by surprise when one evening, Luhan is locking up his father's bookstore. He's in charge of the whole place for the weekend while his parents are away. He's just clicking the lock in place when he looks up and gives a startled gasp to see Sehun looking at him from outside.
It takes awhile for Luhan to function properly because he's standing there taking in how Sehun looks. Sehun doesn't look like Sehun. His eyes don't look human anymore, like the life inside of him is gone. He looks too small and thin for the clothes he's wearing. Sehun's hair looks flat and limp like he's just gotten out of bed and Luhan wonders if that's what he's been doing this whole time. Sleeping.
Luhan unlocks the door and slowly opens it but no sooner had he done that, Sehun pushes his way inside and Luhan backs away from him. The chill emanating from Sehun's body makes Luhan shiver and he quickly sinks back into the warmth of his own home.
"How do you know?" Sehun asks, voice cracking as he stares at Luhan. Luhan doesn't have to ask what he means. It's been weeks but the last thing they've said to each other still lingers in the air.
"Does it matter?" Luhan asks, finding his voice.
"Yes." Sehun replies, his chapped lips before continuing. "I want to know if you've been sleeping with him too."
Him.
Ah.
His incubus.
Luhan shouldn't be surprised that the reason Sehun is here is more out of jealousy than the need to inquire about his dreams. Luhan should laugh this off. Sehun is accusing him of seeing his incubus. As if Luhan would even like to be near them.
"No." Luhan answers him.
"So you do know him?"
"I don't." Luhan shakes his head. "But I know what they are."
"What they are?"
"They're called an incubus." Luhan finds himself explaining. "They the life out of you."
Sehun's dead eyes widen at this. Luhan doesn't know why he's explaining this to him. Luhan has never found himself explaining what these things are to a living person. He always never has the chance to and being a freak has always made him keep his mouth shut.
But somehow, this time. He wants to tell someone. He wants Sehun to understand.
"They're dangerous." Luhan finishes and suddenly, Sehun laughs. It's not the kind of laugh one would deem pleasant. Because Sehun's laugh sounds strained and forced. Like he doesn't believe him even just a little bit.
"No." Sehun shakes his head. "No. He's not dangerous. He's anything but dangerous."
Looking at Sehun and hearing his answer has Luhan feel defeated. Of course Sehun will never believe him. No one does.
Luhan, not wanting to convince him even more since Sehun seems like he can't be convinced, asks him,
"Then if he's not dangerous, why does he hurt you?"
Sehun looks at him.
"He doesn't hurt me."
"Yeah?" Luhan challenges. "How many times have you fainted during the middle of the day for the past two weeks?"
That question was supposed to be just a test. Luhan doesn't know what's going on with him for the past two weeks. They haven't seen each other. Of course Luhan wouldn't know. He's just asking, guessing. But he knows he caught Sehun off guard with that statement with the way he steps back, droopy eyes widening at him.
"H-how do u know about that?"
Luhan's chest tightens. He didn't expect that to be true. But for Sehun to acknowledge that he does faint at odd times of the day has Luhan feel even more worried when he's not supposed to feel like this.
"That's- that's not his fault. I'm just... I'm too tired all the time I..." Sehun turns away from him. "I don't even know why i'm explaining this to you."
Sehun walks away hurriedly, closing the door to the bookstore as he leaves.
It takes all of Luhan's will power that day not to chase after him.
* * *
It's been a month and Luhan hasn't heard from Sehun.
He's scared. It's disconcerting to feel this way. Luhan has lived all his life like this, surrounded by strange things and he's supposed to be used to it. He sees things out of the ordinary all the time and yet, he's worried about this boy who has the shadows haunt him.
So in the end, his urge to step inside people's lives even when he knows he shouldn't, wins. Luhan decides to pass by Sehun's house one morning wondering what he'll find. A mother in mourning maybe. Signs all over the place in search of a missing boy. A new family that decided to move in.
What Luhan didn't expect is to have Sehun greet him by the door. Luhan takes in how he looks, standing there in his pajamas. On one hand, there is relief flowing through Luhan's veins to know that he's still alive and he still exists. But on the other, Luhan doesn't know what he's looking at. Sehun's eyes are completely sunken and skin ghostly pale than ever. A small breeze makes Sehun's shirt cling to his body and Luhan can make out how much weight he lost. His cheek bones are more prominent in a very unhealthy way and Luhan can't even utter a simple greeting, the shock of seeing Sehun like this making him mute.
They stare at each other until Sehun tries to speak up, mouth opening for words to come out but Luhan can't make out what he's saying. Sehun is stuttering, croaking out something and Luhan finally realizes why he's like this.
Sehun is panicking.
"What's happening to me?" Sehun wheezes, hands trembling and Luhan let's go of every rule he has set before coming here. That he shouldn't interfere. That he was just going to see what's going on. What Luhan does is take Sehun's bony wrist in his hand, ignore the cold clammy feeling he gives and leads him back inside the house.
No one's home at the moment it seems. Luhan can't make out a sound. He leads Sehun up the stairs because he knows that's where his room is but as soon as they're there, Luhan doesn't know which door to choose and it's Sehun who leads him to the right one. Luhan makes sure the doors are closed shut before turning to him.
He's shaking. Luhan doesn't know whether that's from fear or being cold and since he can't do anything about the fear, Luhan makes sure he can at least relieve him of the cold. Luhan grabs the comforter off his bed and wraps it around Sehun, letting his trembling fingers grip it tight.
"Don't sit down." Luhan tells him. "Don't lie on the bed. Don't even close your eyes. I'm going down to make coffee."
Sehun nods, lips cracking as he tells Luhan the kitchen is down the stairs to his right.
"I'll be back quick." Is Luhan's reply, opening the door once more and stepping out.
Luhan is surprisingly calm, hands not even shaking as he scoops out instant coffee. He makes sure he's making Sehun a huge cup. There's hot water ready in a thermos so he doesn't have to wait long and he finds his way around their kitchen, locating where everything is.
He's finished in about five minutes and when he heads back up and opens the door, he sees Sehun just pacing around, still with his huge comforter wrapped around him.
Luhan makes him sit down.
"Drink it." Luhan helps him carry the cup since Sehun looks like he doesn't have any strength to lift it. "Make sure you drink it this time."
Luhan watches as Sehun drinks and then scowls at the bitter taste of it, tongue darting out from the beverage being too hot. But Luhan makes sure he drinks some of it, letting the drink warm him up until Luhan can see beads of sweat on his forehead. He doesn't care if it's scorching Sehun's throat. He needs him awake.
Luhan takes the comforter off of him when he sees him sweating and he wraps it around Sehun's waist.
He sits beside him silently. None of them speak up or talk to each other. Sehun isn't shaking anymore and Luhan tries to relax. He waits for Sehun to talk to him and while sitting there, he lets his eyes roam around Sehun's room.
Sehun's room is painted a dark blue. There are posters on one side of the walls of groups Luhan has never heard of and a small picture frame of Sehun along with a bunch of kids wearing the same uniform he has in it on his desk where his laptop is on.
It's not of his new school, Luhan notices.
Luhan continues to let his eyes wander, noticing the white curtains and the messy closet in front of him to Sehun's bed that looks like the sheets have been recently slept in to a few trophies on display and finally, to Sehun who's staring back at him.
Luhan holds his gaze, trying not to be affected by how hollow and lifeless those eyes are.
"Can you see me?" Sehun says quietly, breath smelling stale along with a mixture of coffee.
"Yes. Of course I can see you." Luhan answers back.
Sehun's shoulders that Luhan wasn't aware was too tense earlier, droops a little and Luhan sees how relieved he is.
"I-I don't know what happened." Sehun starts, voice still low like he's whispering. "But my mom... She came to tell me lunch was ready. And I was s-sitting there," Sehun points to the chair he has by his desk. "Working on my paper for history. But she didn't seem to hear my reply when I said I'd be right down. She wasn't even looking at me when I was right th-there."
Luhan notices Sehun is slightly trembling again.
"She kept on calling my name." Sehun continues. "And I was so annoyed because I was right there. When I stood up to meet her and she- she..."
"Sehun, calm down- "
"She walked right past me, Luhan."
Luhan looks at Sehun's panic-stricken face.
"She- She walked right past me and I- My skin- I disappeared. My arm- everything was all transparent and - "
Luhan grabs him by the shoulders to stop him from trembling.
"Sehun, calm down."
Sehun does so. Or tries to do so by breathing in and out deeply and Luhan is thankful he's still a little sane to be listening and telling him all this.
Luhan gives him a minute to calm down. He doesn't dare let go of his shoulders. Sehun doesn't seem like he wants him to, one hand holding on to his wrist. Luhan pities him. Sehun is so scared and there's nothing Luhan can do. Luhan can't fight something that wants Sehun so bad. That is not up to him.
"What's happening to me?" Sehun croaks out.
"It's your incubus." Luhan carefully replies. "He's... He's taking you into your dreams."
Sehun looks at him. Luhan can't tell whether he's shocked or not because Sehun honestly looks like nothing Luhan has ever seen.
"I... No... No he can't... He can't do that."
Luhan ignores how Sehun is still in denial and focuses his attention on the way he's rubbing his hand on his.
"He can't. I mean, he a-asked me if I would... and I do want to. But I have school... and I can't... I can't leave mom... Dad's not here a lot and..."
Luhan listens to him. At least, Luhan thinks, Sehun wouldn't want to leave completely.
"But I... I want to." Sehun whispers making Luhan stop rubbing his shoulders comfortingly. "I... I don't know..."
Luhan looks at him.
"You have to make up your mind."
Sehun nods. "I know but... But if I get to be with him, then everything will be okay, right?"
Luhan drops his gaze at that.
"If I get to be with him, that's fine... right?"
Sehun's words, that desperate tone in his voice, has Luhan look back at him.
"Luhan," Sehun asks, his name sounding desperate in his lips too but Luhan knows the next question isn't because he's desperate for him. No one has ever used a tone like that to him anyway. No one has ever needed Luhan.
"Luhan, I... I get to be with him... right?"
Luhan shakes his head.
"No. You can't."
In all his life, Luhan has never told anyone how an incubus affects someone's life. People aren't just open to the world of the supernatural. Luhan can't remember a time he was given a chance to tell someone else about this. But here he is, sitting in a room of a victim, telling him how his dreams will remain as dreams forever, telling him how there's no way that he can live happily ever after with him. Because dreams can never be real for him. Sehun's dreams will him and trap him in a world where he has everything and will also mean nothing. And the person he has come to love, the person in his dreams, will be here in this world, walking around and living a life he stole.
Luhan finds himself explaining the system and every word that is coming out of him, Sehun looks more and more in denial.
In the end, Sehun stands up and shows Luhan out the door calmly.
"I think I'd like to be left alone now."
Luhan looks at him, wanting to stay and make him more coffee.
But in the end, he can only nod and leave.
* * *
It takes another three days for Sehun to come to Luhan and this time, he looks so scared that Luhan takes him inside the bookstore even if it's the middle of the day and there are customers waiting for him.
Luhan tries not to be surprised with what's happening to him anymore. He tries not to expect things, that he'll see him again everytime they part ways. Sehun looks like his usual lifeless self and Luhan tries not to stare too much to make him uncomfortable. But he can't exactly look away not when Sehun is clutching at his hands, trembling and looking over his shoulder.
"Sehun, what's wrong?" Luhan asks as he pulls him inside the employee's area so as not to worry the customers.
"Something's after me."
Luhan looks behind him and sees nothing.
"Who?"
"Shadows." Sehun whispers.
Luhan doesn't even have to ask him to stay anymore. The mere fact that Sehun is scared and is running away from all this gives Luhan a small ounce of hope that Sehun does not want to be taken by his dreams.
Like the last time, Luhan makes him coffee and tells him not to rest his head on the table.
"Whatever you do, don't sleep." Luhan says to him, holding his own cup of coffee in his hands. "Whatever you do, fight it."
"I can't." Sehun says, sipping from his cup. "I love him. I can't."
There is a pang of jealousy hitting right through Luhan's chest. Love. Luhan only knows one kind of love. It's love for family. Luhan loves his father and mother. Luhan loves how they treat him as the most normal son in the world even when they know that Luhan is a freak. Luhan knows they love him back too even when he sees the extraordinary and it is that kind of love that Luhan knows is the only thing he needs in order to survive in this world.
But Luhan would also like to know what kind of love Sehun goes through. The love that Sehun feels when he sees his incubus. Is it the same kind of love Luhan sees at school when he sees couples holding hands and kiss by the lockers? Is it the same kind of love he sees when White Day comes and everyone gets flowers and chocolates?
He's jealous. He's jealous because he wants to know, wants to feel if that kind of love is something he can have too. Something he is allowed to feel even when he's a freak.
"You know you can't love him." Luhan just says quietly. "Because he'll take you."
Sehun swallows hard at this.
"He'll take you, Sehun. The shadows. They'll come for you."
Sehun just sips from his cup.
"Do you want to leave your family?" Luhan asks.
"No." Sehun replies quickly and Luhan knows he can use this against him. His love for family. The only love Luhan knows.
"Then don't sleep." Luhan replies.
Luhan is not aware then that it is that day, that fateful day that Sehun comes running to him scared, is the day that Luhan decides on saving what's left of him.
* * *
Luhan's day used to start out like this:
He'd wake up in the morning and open up the book store while his father is still asleep. He'd prepare breakfast for two people, just for his mother and father, since he doesn't eat breakfast. He's always in a rush to head to the university. His father would be down by then to look after the bookstore and Luhan will spend the day studying and attending lectures and tutoring students who needs his help.
In the evenings, Luhan would help his mother cook dinner. He'd then close up the bookstore so his father can sleep early and Luhan would spend the rest of the night cleaning before heading off to bed.
With Sehun in the picture, Luhan's days have started out and ended like this:
Morning's are spent opening up the bookstore and making breakfast for three people. A huge thermos is made for coffee and Luhan packs that one extra breakfast and rushes to the highschool where Sehun is at to give it to him. Sehun always tells him not to make him coffee and give him food but Luhan insists so he doesn't have to feel too tired and drowse off in the middle of the day.
In the afternoon, Luhan waits until Sehun is out and he tutors him. He tutors him until Sehun is whining and grumbling about studying too much and how his brain is about to explode. He tutors him in his bookstore where afternoons don't bring much customers and they're left alone to themselves. And when they're done, when Luhan is assured that Sehun is tired and is safe to sleep, he lets him go home and promises to see him in the morning.
Luhan has a theory. It's something he's not sure about but decieds to test it on Sehun. Sehun only dreams about his incubus when he's looking for him or when his mind is the most relaxed. Luhan thinks that the only way to fight it is it to exhaust Sehun's mind, make him feel tired physically and mentally so when he sleeps, he dreams of a dreamless sleep, both mind and body too tired to think of anything else in his unconscious state.
So far, Luhan's plan works. Sehun doesn't sleep in the middle of the day nor does he drowse off so easily. His appetite is back and so is his bratty attitude. But Luhan would take anything, anything other than the sickly lifeless kid he saw. Sehun's lips no longer crack and his eyebags have started to lighten up a little. And he eats, something he forgets doing before Luhan decided to meddle.
Sehun's mother is pleased that Sehun has a friend and allows Sehun to sleep over at Luhan's house all the time making it easier for Luhan to monitor Sehun's condition. It pains him to know that sometimes, Sehun still looks for his incubus while he sleeps and when Luhan feels like he'll find him, he'll wake him up and distract him with stories of the unknown, stories that he has never told people before about what he sees, making them sound like he's telling it from another person's point of view.
Sehun is a good listener. Or Luhan has just never had someone who would stay and listen to his stories. The dead girl that won't go away in the university's art department, the professor with the most darkest aura Luhan has ever seen in his life. Luhan tells Sehun everything so he can forget about his problems. And slowly, slowly, Sehun forgets about his dreams and the person he's looking for.
It's very challenging to save a person that somehow does not want to be saved. Luhan fears the night and its lonely hours creeping up to the both of them. Luhan would sometimes find Sehun asleep and lost in his dreams in the middle of the night, hands reaching out to something that isn't there. And Luhan would fill his hands in his, imagining that Sehun is reaching out for him instead, telling him he'd want to stay in this world. They'd both wake up, hands laced together, holding each other. Sehun does not seem to mind and Luhan does not say anything about it.
"Why do you care?"
Sehun asks him this one afternoon while Luhan is helping him review for his finals. There are two cups of coffee by their side and Luhan eyes the white thin smoke hovering above it. He knows what Sehun is asking. Why does Luhan care so much about him when Sehun is just that bratty high school kid who needs to be tutored?
"I mean, I'm sorry if that sounds rude and It's not that I'm glad someone cares but... Why do you?" Sehun asks.
Why does he? Luhan doesn't know. He doesn't know why he cares about Sehun and his condition. He did have a choice to let him disappear. And yet he's still here, watching over him, helping him get rid of his dreams.
"I don't know." Luhan answers honestly.
It's the truth. He can't seem to think of just one good reason why he cared. For now, he just does.
"Thank you." Sehun replies, flipping a page on his textbook and reading a portion of his notes. And Luhan stares at him, surprised that someone is thanking him for meddling into his life. For caring.
"Is he..." Luhan bites on his bottom lip. Sehun looks up from him, eyes filled with curiosity now and Luhan relaxes because it's okay. He can ask.
"What's he like?"
Sehun seems to think about this for a moment and Luhan wonders if it's all right to ask this of him when he's trying to forget now. He still dreams of him but not all the time anymore. Not too much that he faints in the middle of the day.
But Luhan is curious. He's curious about the incubus who has managed to capture him in his dreams.
"He's an angel." Sehun says. "He's nice... and charming. He's very friendly. He takes care of me when I sleep. He listens to me rant on and on about my friends and how much I miss them and," Sehun chuckles and Luhan is attracted to the way his eyes crinkle on the sides when he gives off that laugh. "He makes really bad jokes. But he makes me laugh."
Luhan nods, as if he can understand all these things, how good Sehun describes him to be but knows that he isn't.
"I miss him." Sehun says after a pause and those words slice through to Luhan's chest. "I miss Suho."
Luhan does not know what to say to this.
"That's bad, right?" Sehun asks and Luhan catches his eye. "Missing someone you can't have? Missing someone who isn't real?"
Luhan looks away from Sehun's gaze.
Is that bad? Is it bad to want someone you can't have?
Luhan does not know.
"Drink your coffee." Is the only reply he can give to him.
* * *
Sehun is almost living at Luhan's all the time that he was bound to find out just how much of a freak he is.
It happens one night, in the middle of the night, where they're both asleep. Luhan is awakened by a sudden chill and a really bad odor and he opens his eyes to see what that is when he comes face to face with a slowly decaying corpse.
It's a terrifying sight so see, just when he has his guard lowered, to see something like that up close. He may be used to it but seeing as he's busy with Sehun's condition, he forgot that he can see things. He forgot for awhile that he can see bright lights and other horrifying things since Sehun is a distraction. In fact, Luhan feels normal with him for awhile.
But of course he's not. He's reminded that he's still a freak with this corpse looking down at him while he sleeps.
Luhan ends up screaming, a strangled scream that has him thrashing in bed, pushing whatever that is away from his face. He's never had dead people all up in his face before and even if he knows how they can't hurt him, it still terrifies him how they show up, bringing with them a look of how they just died.
It's Sehun who manages to calm him down and tells him to open his eyes. Luhan does so, opening his eyes so slowly and he sees the dead standing by a corner in his room. It's still there, the rancid odor lingering near his bed. Luhan doesn't realize how much he's trembling when he's suddenly enveloped in a warm embrace.
Luhan has never had someone apart from his parents hold him like this, the back of his head near someone's chest, Sehun's long arms circling around his shoulders. Luhan isn't breathing properly, still terrified at what he just woke up to but he's also feeling a sense of comfort that he has never felt before. Being scared is something he's used to facing alone at all times of the day. But to have someone hold him and keep on telling him it's okay, it's just a nightmare even when Luhan knows it's not a nightmare and these things never go away completely, makes him feel relieved. That for the first time, someone is there. Someone real is holding him close.
Sehun finds out that Luhan sees the dead a few days later from Luhan's parents.
"It must be hard." Sehun says one afternoon as they walk home from school and Luhan had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, frozen in place when he realizes that Sehun knows.
"Hard?" Luhan asks carefully.
Sehun nods, turning around to look at him.
"It must be hard to see things like that all the time."
Luhan blinks back at him.
"You don't think it's... strange?" Luhan continues. "That... that someone is a freak for seeing these things?"
Sehun looks at him and Luhan tries to study his expression. He tries to see if Sehun is lying or just joking around.
But he doesn't seem like he is.
"No." Sehun replies. "I think it's amazing that you can still do the things you do even when you see them all the time." Sehun shrugs his shoulders. "I'd probably pee my pants every time I see them popping up at class."
Luhan can only watch, dumbfounded as Sehun turns around and continues walking.
* * *
They're used to being with each other all the time now.
Luhan is invited for sleepovers or just dinners over at Sehun's place and Sehun spends most of his weekends at Luhan. They always head to that old theater downtown where they play classic kung fu movies that Luhan is surprised Sehun likes. They grab bubble teas on the way home and sometimes coffee especially when they're out late at night. Luhan introduces Sehun to his favorite books and Sehun lets Luhan play with his favorite video games.
When they sit, their shoulders touch or their knees bump against each other. When they're in bed, Sehun's legs are splayed across Luhan's stomach and Luhan pushes him away to no avail. Sehun uses Luhan's shirts to sleep when he forgets to bring a change of clothes and Luhan finds extra pens in his bag after every tutoring session. Their stuff is mixed up all the time that Luhan doesn't know which one is his.
They're used to so many things. They're used to each other, the gazes and the laughs. Sehun looks alive more and more each day and Luhan comes to find that he likes him looking alive. Luhan likes him. It took him a lot of time to admit that to himself and for once, he tries out being selfish. He tries how that would feel, doing something and wanting something for himself too. He imagines that whenever they're together, Sehun is his friend. Sehun is his company. Sehun is his. He tries to stretch the time whenever they're together. Because he knows that by nightfall, the horrors come and that's when Sehun doesn't belong to him anymore. Sehun belongs to his dreams.
But that doesn't stop him from helping him. He tires him out with board games and mind puzzles before bed. He tires him out with soccer, the only sport Luhan is good at and where Sehun . Luhan lives each and every day to help Sehun love life rather than his dreams.
One rainy day, while they're stuck at an empty area under a closed up store's shed, waiting for the rain to calm down so they can head home, Sehun bothers Luhan by asking him to hold the umbrella for him.
"My hands are filled with books." Luhan tells him but Sehun tells him to just do it.
And while Luhan shuffles the books in his arms, taking the umbrella away from him, still grumbling how Sehun is a brat, Sehun's hands cup the sides of his face, making Luhan look at him as he presses a kiss to his lips.
There are butterflies, warm butterflies fluttering inside Luhan's stomach and chest when he feels Sehun's lips in his. It's nothing but a very simple kiss but Luhan feels like it's enough to send small explosions in his head. Luhan has his eyes wide open, his lips just frozen, not even kissing Sehun back. Sehun's eyes are closed and Luhan feels a little cross eyed at staring at him from such a short distance.
Sehun pulls back slowly, Luhan blinking back at him and just like that, Sehun takes the umbrella from Luhan's hand again and stares out at the rain. As if what he did was nothing. As if kissing Luhan is so normal.
And that's when the butterflies and the fireworks calm down and Luhan is left with a small ugly feeling inside his chest.
"I'm not Suho." Luhan says quietly, staring out at the rain too.
From the corner of his eye, he sees Sehun look at him. Luhan swallows down his discomfort.
"I know."
Luhan looks at him just as Sehun looks back out at the rain again with a small smile.
"I'm glad you're not." He adds.
The small ugly feeling in Luhan's chest disappears when they continue to walk home, Sehun helping Luhan with his books this time and with his other hand holding on to his.
* * *
It's almost a year since they've met, since Luhan meddled into Sehun's life and brought it back for him. A year of finding a friend and learning how not everyone sees him as a freak. A year of helping Sehun wake up to reality and helping him live his dreams. He has friends now and there are many girls at his school who Luhan has heard has a crush on him. But oddly enough, Sehun still spends his weekends at Luhan's place rather than go on dates or to the mall with his new friends. Luhan isn't sure what exactly they are when they've kissed three times now and they don't seem to talk about it. But Luhan tries not to be bothered about kisses and feeling dazed whenever Sehun does that.
The darkness that comes at nightfall doesn't seem to scare either of them anymore.
Sehun doesn't have to be tired for him to sleep better. Luhan doesn't have to make him coffee anymore too. Sehun sleeps peacefully with his arms around Luhan or with his head on his chest. And he wakes up with drool by his side causing Luhan to smack him with a pillow and wrestle him until Sehun gives in and changes the sheets.
"Do you still miss him?" Luhan asks one day while they're in his room doing nothing. He asks him this after a long long while of not talking about his incubus.
Sehun looks up from the new book Luhan leant him. "Who?"
Luhan wonders if Sehun is just playing along. That he honestly doesn't know who Luhan is talking about. But Sehun really doesn't know. He still remembers his incubus. Luhan knows he remembers what they used to do in his dreams. He knows that Sehun remembers the life being out of him and how his eyes looked dead. But he wonders if Sehun still remembers his incubus' face and his name and it's a relief to find that Sehun's attention doesn't seem to be on his dreams anymore
"No one." Luhan shakes his head. "I got it mixed up with someone else."
Sehun gives him a look. "You're silly."
Luhan chuckles. "I am."
Sehun settles his book on his side and pokes Luhan's knee with his foot.
"No one." Luhan shakes his head. "I got it mixed up with someone else."
Sehun gives him a look. "You're silly."
Luhan chuckles. "I am."
Sehun settles his book on his side and pokes Luhan's knee with his foot.
Luhan looks at him.
"Um, listen." Sehun starts. "Do you want to, maybe, want to go watch a movie with me this Friday night?"
Luhan continues to look at him.
"My exams are done by then." Sehun adds, noticing the strange look Luhan is giving him. After all, they always go and watch a movie together. Why would Sehun ask him this now?
"My exams are done by then." Sehun adds, noticing the strange look Luhan is giving him. After all, they always go and watch a movie together. Why would Sehun ask him this now?
Unless...
"Is this..." Luhan asks, the butterflies in his stomach and chest fluttering about. Luhan always gets these weird fluttering inside his chest whenever he's with Sehun.
"Yeah, it is." Sehun answers and the butterflies skitter towards his skin to his toes now too. "This whole thing with you, all the kissing and cuddling and random strolling out at night or at any time of the day is getting a little weird don't you think without us knowing what all this is?"
Luhan laughs at Sehun being so blunt that the butterflies die down and all that's left is comfort and familiarity. That he can do this with him and he doesn't have to be nervous about anything. That he can be selfish and it's about time to be selfish and try things out once in awhile.
"Is this..." Luhan asks, the butterflies in his stomach and chest fluttering about. Luhan always gets these weird fluttering inside his chest whenever he's with Sehun.
"Yeah, it is." Sehun answers and the butterflies skitter towards his skin to his toes now too. "This whole thing with you, all the kissing and cuddling and random strolling out at night or at any time of the day is getting a little weird don't you think without us knowing what all this is?"
Luhan laughs at Sehun being so blunt that the butterflies die down and all that's left is comfort and familiarity. That he can do this with him and he doesn't have to be nervous about anything. That he can be selfish and it's about time to be selfish and try things out once in awhile.
"Alright." Luhan nods and Sehun suddenly has a smile on his face. "I'm paying for the movie though because, well, hyung and all."
"Okay, fine. But you have to eat dinner at my house and sleepover."
"Oh dinner at your house so you don't get to pay. Very smooth, Sehun."
Sehun laughs, not even bothering to argue about that as he twists around so his head is in Luhan's lap. Luhan looks at him and brushes his hair away from his face as Sehun continues reading his book. Looking at Sehun, Luhan makes a promise right there that he'll never deal with the dream world anymore. He can't afford to have this person he deems special to him be reminded of the past he once lived and the nightmares he thought to be were sweet dreams.
Luhan goes back to working on his school papers, all the while thinking about how everything is going to be different, better, from now on.
Comments