Late that night, Dongwook took you home. Your arm was full of presents. Most of them, you had to leave at Hyunbin’s house since they couldn’t fit in the car.
The lights turned on and you looked up. Your eyes widened in surprise *He didn’t sleep?*
Jaejoong came down. “You came home…”
You avoided his gaze and nodded. You passed by him to go up to your room.
“Wait.” Jaejoong said. You stopped and turned around. He came up so that he was at level with you. “…Are you still upset with me?” Jaejoong asked.
“Are you?” You searched his eyes. “You’re the one that told me to leave you alone, not the other way around.”
Jaejoong sighed, “I didn’t actually mean for you to disappear on me. Technically, we can’t do that. We live with each other.” You weren’t humored by his little joke. “What I’m saying is, I’m sorry for the harsh words. I was just really angry that day. Wouldn’t you be upset if I bad-mouthed your friends?” He asked.
“I guess.” You mumbled. *But not to the point where I say I don’t mean anything to you.*
“Ahyoung…” Jaejoong bit his lip. “She means the world to me. I’ve known her since I was little and I have never stopped loving her. I don’t think I ever can. So when you hurt her, it hurts me.”
*What about me? Doesn’t it hurt you when you hurt me?* You wondered.
“I knew all along that Ahyoung knows that I like her. I don’t care if she’s using me. As long as she needs me, I’ll be there. Can you…understand that?” He asked.
*No.* But you silently nodded.
Jaejoong breathed in relaxation, “Good. I’m glad we understand that. I have to add something else. You know how our marriage is superficial, right?” You numbly nodded. “I’ve been thinking…we get hurt a lot by trying to be in each other’s lives too much. I mean, it’s not like we really consider ourselves ‘married’, right? You don’t think of me as your husband forever, do you?” Jaejoong questioned.
*I do.* But again, you hid your true feelings and nodded.
“So we should be able to do whatever we want. If you come home late, I won’t call you. If I don’t come home, then don’t call me. We’ll just be leading two separate lives. That way, when we really do separate paths, it won’t be hard. Is that…okay with you?” Jaejoong asked.
*He wants us to be strangers again. How can he ask me that after I fell for him?* You swallowed your tears down. “S-sure. That’s what I wanted, too.”
Jaejoong was slightly shocked *Really?* “Oh. Well th-that’s good, I guess.”
You nodded and trudged upstairs.
“Hold on. I forgot this.” Jaejoong came over.
*What is it now?* You actually grew scared. You took a deep breath and turned around.
Jaejoong held out a box, “It’s not much but…it’s actually your Christmas present. Um, it doesn’t look like you have room.” He carefully wedged it between your shoulder and another gift. Jaejoong nodded, “Good night.”
You nodded back and went into your room. You put all the presents on your bed. The first gift you opened was Jaejoong’s. Inside was an exact replica of the angel figurine that Yoochun had given you, except this one was a necklace. There was a small note inside.
I saw this at a glass figurine shop in the mountains. It looked perfect for you. The angel reminds me of you. I know I hurt you and I’m sorry. Let’s try our best, okay?Merry Christmas – Jaejoong.
You cupped your hands over your mouth to suppress your sobs. *How am I supposed to ignore you when you act this way towards me? My heart is not a machine that I can just turn on and off. My feelings already went to you and I don’t know if I can stop them now.*
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