To Protect Oneself
The Outcast Club
Without Knowing It All - Lim Kim
*This chapter focuses on the above song and lyrics, so I highly suggest that you listen to it as you read! One of my favourites! :)
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You don’t even know very well
You don’t even know everything
But why do you always give me a hard time?
The song flowed through her ears as she tapped her fingers against the cool glass of the window.
“Yura.”
You talk about a ‘me’ who is not like myself
With facts that aren’t true
And you give me a hard time just like that
“Yura.”
Her eyes fluttered open as she tugged down her headphones, slinging them around her neck. She stared at him, waiting for him to respond.
Ken blinked before nodding, “We’re here.”
Not even bothering to put away her headset, Yura glanced out at the tall building.
Hanyang High read from the rather strangely placed plaque in front of the school. Yura silently exhaled. Time to face the real music, she kept a stoic face.
Yura swung the car door open and was just about to leave when a hand gently touched her arm, “Hey.”
She froze and glanced back in bewilderment.
A blanket of silence covered the insides of the car as Ken stared at her, expression unreadable. Finally, at a loss for words, he let out a meek smile.
“…Shinbi told me to tell you not to worry about making friends.”
Yura stared right back before she let out a small, reassuring smirk. “I won’t.”
Ken’s golden brown hair swayed to the side as he jerked his head towards the building, “Hurry along then.”
Yura softly smiled before pulling on her headphones again, the gentle melodies filling her ears.
*
I worry myself with a cautious heart
I barely took one step forward
I’m so afraid of this world
The wind toyed with the ends of Yura’s long black locks, breeze delving into every single strand.
I’ve grown used to this fear
And the silence becomes part of my body
As this loneliness just gets pointless
Streaks of sunlight peeked in and out of the branches on the tree, pouring onto her face. Yura groggily opened her eyes, putting a lithe hand up to cover her face from the blinding light. It was a futile attempt.
Don’t hate me (you make it so that the me who is not like myself becomes me)
The music was at a very quiet volume and drowned out the sounds of the outside world. Yura slowly sat up on the bench she had been lying down on. Hidden from prying eyes, the bench near the grand tree was her secret spot where she usually spent her lunch time relaxing.
How long was I asleep? Yura wondered as she yawned loudly.
Don’t hate me, don’t hate me, don’t love m—
The song abruptly cut off when Yura pulled down her headphones, resting them against her neck. At that precise moment, the bell rang with a shrill echo.
Just in time, Yura raked a hand through her slightly wavy black hair, still feeling a tad drowsy from her nap. She forced herself onto her feet and shoved her hands into the pockets of her plaid uniform skirt, heading to class.
It was usually quiet outside, as most students preferred to hang out indoors. Yura mostly slinked away by herself to avoid picking a fight with them, what with their annoying chatter and all.
A hushed crinkle sounded, and Yura dug into her pocket, pulling out a wrinkled sheet of paper. She unfolded it, feeling a heavy weight on her chest. She read it while taking easy strides across the school grounds.
CLUB CHANGE REQUEST FORM
Name: Han Yura
Grade: 11th year
Current Club: Help-a-Friend Club (HFC)
Club Change Request: Arts Club
That morning, she had gone straight to the office to pick up a form to request to change her club. Without thinking, she had scrawled the info down, and chose a random club off the top of her head. Now all she had to do was hand it in.
But something made her falter. Was she really doing the right thing to give up so easily?
She could see it now – Yoomi’s expression would definitely be something she wouldn’t want to see. Sure, she’d be devastated, but then again, the news of her quitting the club probably wouldn’t be too shocking. The kids of HFC had probably told her all about how big of a jerk Yura had been to them anyway.
A groan escaped her lips. She did not want to deal with that. While shoving the paper back into her pocket, she heard a faint voice that startled her out of the blue.
“So you called me out here… and what?” A snarky voice huffed, “Hurry up and make it snappy – I’ve got class. I can’t afford to be late.”
Yura blinked and furrowed her eyebrows at the sudden voice. What the…
“Well? What do you want?” The same voice demanded.
From the corner of her eye, Yura spotted Haera and Hyeri together near the back of the school. That’s an interesting pair, she raised her eyebrow. Still, she was wary around Haera. Deciding that whatever they were up to was none of her business, she backed away.
…Until her name was mentioned, of course.
“I-I want you to apologize to Yura!” Haera blurted.
Now her interest was piqued. Yura stopped to listen – class wasn’t an issue at the moment.
“…Huh?” Hyeri gave her a look of disbelief, arms crossed.
“Y-You heard me…” Haera squirmed under Hyeri’s judging gaze, “I know you were the one who told the others to set me and Yura up on purpose. You heard that Yura was a new member of HFC and you sought it as a chance for revenge!”
A chance… for revenge? Yura leaned against the wall, arms crossed.
Hyeri stared at her nails with a scoff, “And what makes you think I did it?” Her short bob swayed as she raised an eyebrow, “Do you have any proof?”
“Right after Yura told him off, Jaeyong got upset. I remember exactly what he said: ‘Damn that Hyeri… She said it would be fun to tease Han Yura, but instead, she made idiots out of us. In the end, we only got cursed at!’”
“WHAT?!” Hyeri screeched, “He said that?! That loudmouthed son of a—“ She stopped herself instantly, suppressing her anger in silence.
It was quiet for a while.
During that time, her scowl was replaced by a snide smirk, “Alright, Shin Haera. Fine, you win.”
“R-Really?” Haera straightened up. She’ll apologize?
“Shame though – I’ll never admit to planning it all, even if my life depended on it,” she smiled venomously.
Instantly, Haera’s expectant grin fell.
“You-are-such-an-idiot,” with every word, Hyeri poked her head hard, shoving it this way and that with her finger. “How are you supposed to testify without cold, hard proof? Words can always be manipulated with. Teachers won’t believe you even if you try to convince them. Not without proof, that is.” Hyeri smirked, “And judging by how stupid you are, you probably thought that I would just break down and confess all my faults to the principal, didn’t you? With that ideal, pathetic dream of justice you have? I don’t think so.”
Haera didn’t move, and was in a state of shock.
“Oh honey,” Hyeri chuckled lifelessly, putting a hand on her shoulder, “Don’t you know the basics? I’ll tell you a secret – you should have recorded this whole conversation. At least that would be an example of proof. But you didn’t, and now everyone will have to choose who liar is – the queen of the school, Go Hyeri, or the pushover, try-hard Shin Haera…”
Hyeri whispered in her ear, and Haera’s eyes widened in mortification with every word. "Who's not even a anymore."
"Is it your hobby to pick on the first person you see, or are you just picking on people to annoy me now?"
Both Hyeri and Haera froze, startled by the new voice. “What? Who’s there?!” Hyeri demanded, eyes wavering nervously.
“Yu…ra…?” Haera whispered, recognizing the voice.
“Ding, ding, ding,” Yura appeared in front of them, approaching the two nonchalantly, “We have a winner.”
“What the hell?! Why are you even here? Get out; this has nothing to do with you!” Hyeri tried to shoo her off, but Yura just dodged her waving hands.
“On the contrary, this has everything to do with me. I believe the real question is: why are you still here? Because supposedly, this whole ordeal has nothing to do with you, and the CCTVs can testify to that.” Yura glanced up at the cameras eyeing them from above, which tracked down everything that went on in the whole school grounds.
“H-Hah!” Hyeri scoffed, but Yura could see her forming a sweat. “The CCTVs can’t catch us from here! We’re out of their line of sight! I could do whatever I want here and they’ll never find out.”
“Oh yeah?” Yura smirked, pulling out her phone from her pocket, “You forgot we have another CCTV. And conveniently, mine has been , recording this whole thing from start to finish. Thanks for the tip earlier, by the way – the one about recording the conversation? It’s been put to good use.” She jiggled the phone, a smug smirk playing on her lips, “I catch on fast, don’t I?”
Frantically, Hyeri clawed for the phone, but Yura swiftly maneuvered it away. “Hm,” Yura grinned, “You’re much shorter than I thought, aren’t you? I bet 15,000 won that I can somehow squish you under my foot like an ant. What do you think, Petite?” She glanced back at Haera.
Despite herself, Haera let out a chortle and nodded silently with a smile.
“Well, little ant? Wanna give it a whirl?” Yura tipped her head towards Hyeri. Hyeri shook with anger. Having nothing else to say, her furious eyes locked onto Haera’s. Before Yura could do anything, Hyeri snagged her arm. Haera cried out in pain.
“Listen well, you . Even if I did set this up,” Hyeri’s pointy nails dug into Haera’s skin, “I never forced you to say bad things about Han Yura or doubt her,” she deviously grinned, “No, that was all you and your judgement. You only have yourself to blame. You’re not innocent, you’re tainted – both in mind and in body.”
In a flurry, Yura snatched Hyeri’s arm and tightened her grip around it. Hyeri let out a painful yelp, but Yura’s eyes were deathly serious now. The fun and games were gone.
“I wouldn’t be talking if I were you. You’re not all innocent either,” Yura sneered menacingly. “Mark my words – one day, your true personality will be revealed. And you’ll regret everything you’ve ever done.”
When Yura let go, Hyeri cast a dark glare of loathing to the both of them and stormed away. Yura continued to glare at her retreating figure before turning around and walking. When she noticed Haera wasn’t following, she rolled her eyes and pushed her along, “Walk, woman.”
It didn’t take long for them to grow farther away from the scene, but every step felt like an awkward eternity. Haera didn’t dare to say a word, but timidly looked up at Yura from underneath her brown bangs. Yura checked the time and cursed under her breath, “Damn, already late for class.”
“L-Listen, um….”
Yura side-glanced at Haera, who watched her both anxiously and curiously, “About Hyeri’s reply… Um, about me… being… t-t-tainted—“
“That’s none of my business.” Yura looked away, and that was the end of that.
Haera faltered and stopped walking in surprise as Yura continued without her. Blinking, Haera ran to catch up with her.
When they went inside the building, Haera realized that Yura was heading in the opposite direction of her classes. “W-Where are we going?” She quietly questioned.
Yura gave her an odd look, “…Where else? You need ice, take a look at your arm.”
Sure enough, Haera’s arm was raw and stained a faint red. Yura continued to walk when she remembered something and halted. Aw, damn it all. I forgot that Yoomi unnie is the nurse. I don’t want to face her now.
Abruptly, Yura turned around, “Listen—“
Without warning, Haera slammed into her, “Ah!”
Extremely quickly, Yura’s hands shot out and grabbed her arms to steady her before she could topple over.
“Ouch…” Haera rubbed her nose. It had banged against Yura’s solid figure.
Yura let out a relieved sigh and gave her a pointed look with her sharp, unfriendly eyes, “You’re really weak, you know that?”
Usually, people would get upset or angered by her blunt remarks, but Haera looked up at her with wide eyes and broke out into a sheepish giggle, “I guess so…”
Taken aback, Yura blinked but lightly steadied her and let go. She raked a hand through her loose hair, “…I’m going to class. Whether you decide to ice that,” she glanced down at Haera’s red arm, “or not, is none of my concern, but I suggest you do if you don’t want it to get worse.”
Without saying anything more, Yura briskly walked past the small Haera, who could only watch her leave. She pondered heavily over something before she finally mustered up the courage to call out to her, “H-Hold on!”
Yura stopped but didn’t turn around.
“E-Everything Hyeri said was true. I admit… it was my fault. I shouldn’t have agreed with everything those guys said, and I shouldn’t have doubted you. I’m really sorry!” Haera timidly glanced up at her, “You’ll… still be a part of the club, won’t you? I promise – there won’t be a second time this happens. Now that I know they’re bad people… I won’t believe them again!”
Haera dejectedly stared down at the floor. “It’s just…I know that you’re a good person. And I want to be your friend.”
Haera stood in silence, her heart thumping in anticipation and overruling the throbbing pain of her arm. Would Yura get angry with her? What if she didn’t want to be her friend? Had she already left?
Miraculously, however, when Haera looked up, Yura was still there. It was quiet until Yura finally spoke.
“I don't think I'll rejoin the club.”
Haera’s heart constricted.
“But… thanks,” Yura said. Haera’s eyes widened – there was more than just an empty ‘thanks’ in the way she said it. Although it was just a short word, her voice sounded… warm and genuine.
Thanks for what, though? I didn’t do anything… Haera silently wondered.
“And Petite,” she said, and Haera looked up quickly. Yura was looking back at her with a gentle gaze. Though she wasn’t smiling, Haera could sense the sincerity in them.
“Don’t let them push you around. You may be fine with getting hurt, but there are others that aren't fine with it.”
Yura’s voice echoed in Haera’s ears as she watched her disappear into the halls.
Very, very faintly, Yura’s music continued to play.
I should have protected myself
I should have protected myself like that
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Ack!
Sorry muzicians for a very delayed update~~ ;_;
It seems like I'm getting busier and busier... ㅠㅠ
Thankfully I was able to update! I'm excited for what's to come, and I hope you all are, too! :)
And I noticed that there are a lot of new readers! I just wanted to say welcome and I hope you enjoy reading until the end~ ^^
Oh, and muzicians - if you have twitter, please continue to support BTS on there with hashtags (#BTSYourePerfect and #JHopeYourePerfect) as well! Some anti-fans unfortunately are posting malicious comments towards the boys (especially Hoseok) and they all saw them. It's unfortunate that those people have to result in spreading hate to people for no particular reason, specifically J-Hope, Jin, and Rapmon. D:
I believe all the members are irreplacable, and without even one, they wouldn't be "BTS"! I know I'm not the only one that thinks that way! :)
(oh and guys I just watched YG's WIN finale and I was sobbing for so long OTL. Delayed, I know! xD)
Have a good day~
-muzikmaster.
[The Outcast Club] Well damn guys, I just updated. I kept you all waiting, didn't I? Hope you guys enjoy, and I'll be working on some more updates soon!
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