Undefeatable Heartbreakers

Description

The Beginning

To The Real Story

 

You were an orphan from the start. You graduated from the smartest university at a young age. When you first started to love,your heart had been broken and ever since then you promised never to love again. You moved on and got a job to be an undercover agent, playing with love along the way. But you always wondered, 'will I ever break my promise?'

 

He was lucky to have a family,but after they had all died mysteriously in a fire,he needed someone to be with him. He was very kind to his first love,but after she had broken his heart,he decided to change. He turned into a bad boy and a player. He got a job as an undercover agent and joined a gang. He  promised never to seperate from them,but will he keep his promise?

 

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The past started wrong,but will it end that way to?

 

"You do what we say."

 

"This is all my fault,it's beacuse of my past isn't it?"

 

"You broke our contract,now you pay...with blood"

 

"Umma I'm scared."

 

"Will you always be by my side?"

 

"Always."

 

"What if I die?"

 

"Then I die too."

 

Foreword

Note to reader: 

           This story begins with the past. You'll then get to the present. The whole story will involve action,murder,romance,some torture,and much more. If you keep reading then you are brave........nah! Just kidding about the being brave thing! If you like it then you are welcome to comment or subscribe,upvote, whitchever. The story is interesting,I asure you,but if you don't like it,I won't judge. I guess it just depends on the person's likings. And if you don't feel comfortable with the first few chapters, you can stop reading.Don't worry, I won't be mad. SO, ARE YOU READY 4 THE BIGGEST ACTION ADVENTURE??!!! Go on read the first chapter,it's not that bad.   :D

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                              -   marmar- out  ;)  

Comments

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Lesleyanne
#1
Chapter 10: Hey! Just read your update! Those visions make me kind of curious as to what L.Joe really did to her at the cinemaplace lol. If it had anything to do with that. I hope he didn't drug her or anything. xD
Thanks for the update btw! It's great seeing you update!
Lesleyanne
#2
Chapter 8: Hey! I'm glad to see an update! Haha. Truthfully, I read this earlier today while I was at the mall lol. I kinda laughed at the beginning, where Luhan was described to be 'waving the hot dogs in the air', cause I could almost picture him doing that it was hilarious! But, but he's succumbing to their plan.... :( Even though I don't know what it is, he went with them!
And I should have realized this earlier but it was a bit of a shocker for me to find out L.Joe was working with the criminals. But then I realized it kinda pieced most of what had happened in the earlier chapter, together. That makes things alot more interesting!
Btw, in this chapter, the perspective of which you're writing in gets quite confusing. Because when you say "You", it usually refers to us, readers, as the OC Kim. But when you said "Don't you think?" at the scene where L.Joe had tied them up on a tree, it made it seem you were talking to your audience rather than referring to Kim. I don't know if i'm making sense DD:

But nonetheless, I love hearing that you're enjoying while writing your story! Personally, I feel that's all that counts. Somehow I felt happy reading that bit! Thank you so much for the update! <3 I look forward to the next! <3
Lesleyanne
#3
Chapter 7: Aww! You mentioned me! <3 I feel so touched! <3 I haven't been on AFF for so long, so I wouldn't know any more means to get your story noticed. However, I do agree that it's all patience. Also, I feel if you naturally just enjoy writing your story, your readers will enjoy it as much as you do. Don't rush. Your fanfic will get the attention it deserves! :)
This chapter was rather short. However, I liked how you ended it. I kept scrolling down to see if there was a continuation lol. Looking forward to the next!
Fighting! <3
LittleStarinthesky
#4
love the concept, very refreshing! ^ ^
Lesleyanne
#5
Heeey! I like the concept of your story! Firstly, there aren't that many fanfictions revolved around secret agents and what not so it brings a different kind of twist to general fanfictions. Secondly, it also brings alot of anticipation and excitement as to what may come about next. Your story is also written well, so that's wonderful to see!
I was given this piece of advice too when I first started writing my first fanfic. Why don't you add more tags to your story to get it more noticed? I hope it helps!

P.S. I'm kind of an exo fan. So it was a plus point for me to see Luhan in the picture! Fighting author-nim! <3
aegyo-wink #6
Chapter 2: Exciting! It's really good so far!