MARCH 16, 1998, Monday

            Yoon-hee sat by the Kim’s front porch, happily watching the soft rain falling down on her thin hands. The gloomy skies could not bring her smile down for she had been waiting for this very day. TaeYeon, her closest cousin-Oppa, was dinally coming back to Jeonju after such a long time. She longed for the days when they used to play pranks on their older cousins and she loved having him around the most. They were like best friends and they were both inseparable. Even when it rained, they couldn’t be held down. They would still play outside merrily without caring what the adults would say.

            She could still remember clearly their last conversation before he left years ago.

Year 1991

            “You miss me already don’t you?” TaeYeon snickered as he ruffled her hair.

            “I do, Oppa,” she pouted. “Who will be here for me? You’re my best cousin ever!”

            “Well there’s still Kangin Hyung or hmm… Ryeowook Hyung. Heechul Hyung, too. Aren’t they pretty cool Oppas of yours too?” TaeYeon said.

            “They are not the same as you,” Yoon-hee wryly smiled. “And besides, Heechul Oppa is weird.”

            “Aren’t we Kims all weird?” TaeYeon chuckled.

            “Er… I guess we are,” Yoon-hee giggled.

            “Anyway,” TaeYeon patted her head, “don’t be sad, Yoona. It’s not going to be forever. We may be separated by distance, but we’re family. We can’t exactly deny that fact.”

            “Are you sure you won’t forget me?” she said with puppy eyes.

            “Forget you? Cham! Not in a million years, are you kidding?” He laughed heartily. “It’s really hard to forget family members. And if there’s anyone whom I would go back for in this hometown of mine, it’s you. Besides, your my best dongsaeng ever… haha, don’t tell HyoYeon that,” he whispered.

            “Really?” Yoon-hee laughed. “Anyway, what are you planning on doing with Jessica Unnie once she comes back from America?”

            “O-oh? Her? Well… we’re still friends but I don’t think she’s coming back after a long time.”

            “What a bummer. I miss her. Now I’m gonna miss you too?”

            “It’s not the end of the world, Yoona,” TaeYeon said. “I’ll come back for you. I’ll come back.”

            A car stopped in front of the hanok-like house and her long, slim legs instantly sprang up. They’re here. They are finally here. TaeYeon’s father came out of the car and Yoon-hee cheerfully bowed her head towards him. He smiled at her and then proceeded to assist TaeYeon out of the car with an umbrella on hand.

            Yoon-hee had been anticipating this moment for so long. TaeYeon was finally here. She still could not believe it. TaeYeon really did keep her promise. He did come back. Out of excitement, her grin was as wide as it could be.

            TaeYeon, on the other hand, stepped out of the car glum as ever for it was the day Tiffany’s hands slipped away from his reach. Nothing but regrets and self-hatred fueled him, painting his life a drab and irritating world. Even when he looked towards Yoon-hee who had the brightest smile just for him, he could only lower the umbrella to cover his eyes to shield it from the possible sunlight.

            When he walked towards the porch, Yoon-hee waved her hands excitedly. TaeYeon did not pay any attention, making her a little upset for this was not how she imagined things would go. She thought, despite the rain, he would’ve ran to her and hugged her with open arms, or laugh merrily at how tall she had grown—for she was almost as tall as him. There was no comment—not even a sound or glance. He just trudged slowly with his eyes down while constantly glancing back at the car to see if his family was catching up.

            “Oppa, you’re so mean,” Yoon-hee pouted as he climbed up the steps of the porch. “You’re not even saying hi?”

            “Hello,” TaeYeon heartlessly bowed his head as he shot her a short glance and focused his eyes back on his family. Yoon-hee tilted her head in confusion, finding him strange for greeting her a little too formal.

            “What the hell was that?” Yoon-hee grumbled and crossing her arms to her chest, unable to hide her disappointment. TaeYeon’s eyebrows scrunched but did not give her a glance; neither did he speak a word. Yoon-hee was blown out of her mind at how far TaeYeon’s “fit” or “joke” was taking. She hasn’t seen him for a long time and this is how he treats her?

            When she was about to burst he was bewildered at what he was doing. TaeYeon let the umbrella down and wondered how to get it to close. He saw his father do it a couple of times but it always blew his mind how it worked. As far as he could remember, he’s never done this before so he wanted to give it a try. But just how does it work? He held the wet, pointy end of the umbrella and tried to close it by pressing down, but it was stuck. He applied more strength to it and it was slightly bending to a close, but it still did not work. Yoon-hee scratched her head and scoffed. Just what is happening to him that he’s suddenly acting stupid? Everyone knows you close the umbrella from the inside.

            “You need help with that, Oppa?” she laughed with a worried gaze.

            TaeYeon cleared his throat, feeling a little embarrassed that he needed someone to help him in simple matters again. He reluctantly handed her the umbrella and determined to learn how to do it. In no time, Yoon-hee was able to close it and Jinwon was silently amazed.

            HyoYeon stood before them with Ginger on one arm and greeted Yoon-hee with a slap on her arm. “Yoon-hee-yah! It’s been a while!”

            “Unnie!” she smiled and hugged her with her long arms, feeling a little happier since she was greeted warmly, unlike someone who can’t even close the umbrella…

            “Have you guys been acquainted?” HyoYeon said.

            Yoon-hee clicked her teeth and had a scowl on her face, “I just closed his umbrella for him.” TaeYeon caught on that she was a little angry and immediately felt sorry knowing he wasn’t able to pay her much attention. He knew his upset heart was getting the best of him today.

            “Thanks…,” TaeYeon shyly said to at least acknowledge her help. The two girls were blank for a second, and then HyoYeon sighed. His voice clearly gave away that he did something that he regretted again, and he was trying to set things right. She was sympathetic towards him since knew all the struggles he was going through today even when he barely said anything.

            “Let’s go in, Oppa,” HyoYeon said to TaeYeon, softly pushing him into the house.

As the two girls followed behind him, Yoon-hee mouthed, “What’s his problem?”

            “I’ll tell you later,” HyoYeon replied without a smile. The restrained sadness seen in her eyes confused Yoon-hee for she had never seen her so serious. It’s like the TaeYeon and HyoYeon she remembered did not completely come back at all.

***

            “I heard about what happened… is he okay?”

The adults gathered around the dining room to catch up with what had been going on in their lives. And though they tried to keep their voices down so the kids wouldn’t hear, TaeYeon, who was sitting lifelessly by the couch, was sure they were talking about him and the accident he had gone through. The big controversy of his accident was a big topic among her parents. It was hard for them to stop talking about it since his memory loss had been such a shocking tragedy.

            “He’s… still recovering,” sighed his father.

            “Does he really not remember anything?” his grandmother asked.

            “He’s remembering bits and pieces, but… we can’t really say for sure,” said TaeYeon’s mother.

            Meanwhile, Yoon-hee could clearly hear their conversation from the stairs, puzzled at what they were talking about. She approached HyoYeon who sat beside the motionless TaeYeon and awkwardly gestured to HyoYeon, telling her she needed to talk to her. And so, they went to her room where only Ginger kept them company.

            “What happened to TaeYeon Oppa?” Yoon-hee began. “What are the adults talking about?”

            HyoYeon told her about the accident and what condition TaeYeon was in today, but she did not mention to Yoon-hee the much worse situation concerning his girlfriend, Tiffany, who was pregnant with his child.

            HyoYeon and her parents made an agreement not to tell the others about Tiffany. Respecting the mother of his baby’s wishes, they promised not to tell him, the father, which means not telling anyone around him about it at all. TaeYeon was already in a fragile state anyway. Above everything, Stephanie wanted and pleaded for those close to him to let him continue living a somewhat normal life.

            “So… he’s really forgotten all of us?” Yoon-hee’s voice broke in disbelief.

            “Well… as far as I know, he doesn’t remember a thing,” HyoYeon sighed. “Maybe he will in time.”

            “How long do you think it will take him to remember?” Yoon-hee wondered.

            “I don’t know. I guess we have to try our best to make him remember,” HyoYeon said.

            “Now that he’s back to where he spent his childhood on, I’m positive that he’ll remember us one-by-one,” Yoon-hee optimistically thought.

            “I hope it’s that easy…” HyoYeon sighed.

            As the conversation about TaeYeon’s condition went on among the adults, TaeYeon stood up and walked around the house. He wandered to anywhere just so that he couldn’t hear anyone, just so that he could be left alone.

            You may think he left because he was sick of hearing the same things over and over again, but that was not the case. Today it was slightly different. He still could not get over the fact that Tiffany would no longer be a part of his life starting from today.

            And the words that continue to echo in his head since he hopped on to the car…

            “Can’t you make me stay?”

            “I can’t do that…”

            “Look, I love you…”

            “I loved you, too... but you’re not the same to me anymore.”

…was making him tear up and break down now and he didn’t want anyone to seem him drowned in this new emotion called heartbreak.

            Teary eyed, he went outside where the rain was still pouring. He thought he’d be alone, but there sitting by the porch swing was his grandfather staring into nothingness. The old man didn’t even notice him slam the door shut just now.

            His grandfather, old, big-bellied, and fragile, just sat there watching the rain pour down. His sagging complexion and expressionless face made it hard for TaeYeon to read what could be on his mind. And since TaeYeon kind of expected everyone to know him, he was a bit confused as to why his grandfather wasn’t saying anything. TaeYeon stood there, waiting for his grandfather to take notice of him, but the old man did nothing other than breathe.

            Feeling like he needed to respect the grandfather he didn’t really know, he sat beside him, slightly rocking the swing. He shyly bowed his head as the old man stared at him with his apathetic-like eyes. Coldly, the old man turned his head away and coughed roughly.

            “What should I say?” TaeYeon thought as he found himself inaudibly sighing and gulping after every other second. His grandfather didn’t greet him or even speak a word. They just sat there in silence, making TaeYeon’s muscles tense up. He has never felt this kind of feeling—being ignored. Even though he hated the way that his grandfather never said anything, he didn’t really take it as a negative thing.

Did I do something wrong?

Should I not have sat beside him?

Did I bother him?

Those were the words he asked himself while he was with his grandfather. But it was followed with a deep sigh as he realized something,

            “So this is what it must feel like…”

***

            As