And just like the past five years, he sat in front of their graves, talking to them like how a son would be.

When he first saw the old couple, they were estatic.

Our Seohyunnie, she is our baby in the family. We trust you, Kyuhyun.

He knew he had broken their trust, like how he broke her heart, their little baby girl. His baby girl, when he used to cradle her in his arms when she woke up from her nightmares awhile after her parents passing.

And now, she’s back.

And he is in a total mess. Hurting one after another.

(3 hours ago)

“Oppa… Mum asked us back for dinner tonight.”

“I told you, I won’t be free. Why do you have to plan and meddle into it again?”

She was taken aback.

He had his temperaments, but he never once shouted at her. Since she knew him, when he was a young boy and she was a baby girl, he had never once raised his voice at her.

He was being weird this few days, impatient and temperamental.

Yoona knew, it was her.

Seohyun always had her magic around him. Her aura was present, even when she is physically not. Her motions were able to affect his emotions easily, even in the past. A surprise kiss, a book present, a handmade scarf; were able to send him flying, coming to her, bragging about how he and her were perfect while her heart wrangled itself up. When they had their quarrels, he came to her, regretting not letting her win and making her brainstorm with him the ways to make up.

One tiny action, was able to make a hill out of a mole in him.

And even after five years, it was all still the same.

He saw her flinched, and his heart softened.

Yoona, the girl he chose to be with, leaving his heart with the woman he married and loved. His ultimate decision.

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He never knew about how she felt about him, until he was married.

He had always though her as a sister, his sibling since young. His best friend, his confidante, his family. She was one of the most important person in her life.

And then came one reckless night, he was drunk in Guam. And he woke up to the flawless face of the woman he had treated as his little sister for his entire life, sound and serene under the ray of sunlight shining through the gap in the curtains.

He had never doubt her beauty, but his eyes were only for Seohyun all along.

He panicked when he found them undressed, under the covers. With blood stains on the pure white sheet, glaring at him as if he was the one who had stripped it of it’s white pure glory beauty, staining it’s innocence.

Which he did, to his little sister. The sister in his heart, he had slept with her, made love to her.

Like a woman, and not a sister.

She was so still in her sleep, like a mermaid in the sea, sound and serene. He was mesmerized for a second, when he snapped back into reailty. The face of his wife, his love.

He had betrayed her.

A million things ran through his mind when he got out of that cursed bed, finding the trousers he had flung off in a hurry last night at the corner of the room, his shirt stained with a faint pink gloss of Yoona’s lips. His boxers together with her knickers. Like they were the ones who done the deed last night, soaked with the scent of their sweat and love making.

And while panicking, he realized she was already awake, sitting in the chair, trembling. He felt his heart softened as he looked at her, fragile and weak. It was her first time, and it was with him, a brother figure. And worse, one that’s married with a loving wife. He started apologizing, running his hands through his ed-up hair, frustrated with himself when she came over, and confessed all she had inside of her all along.

Her love for him, since forever.

His heart softened as he felt her on his chest, her tears wetting his torso, her cries muffling inside his ears. His arms hovered behind her back, pondering over to put hug her and console her tears, or to push her away.

When she finally stopped, he told her that he was sorry and to forget about everything last night. And he will do his utmost best to make it up to her.

And they went back to Korea, and he thought that everything will be alright when he scooped up his little wife waiting at the airport gate in his arms, and Yoona laughing together beside them.

But things were not that simple after all.

His father was a major wreck at him at work. He had always doubted his son’s ability to take over the company, constantly stretching him and turning down his proposals and it didn’t help when that client had to pull out of the deal at the very last minute before signing the contract. The company was at a huge loss as they had already started work since it was supposedly a settled agreement and his dad wouldn’t take it lying down. He had tried so hard to please his parents since young, but even top grades and top honors had not helped in gaining their trust. He was frustrated and demoralized always to realize that he was not the best in their eyes.

He had always kept his troubles at work from Seohyun. She was constantly worrying about him ever since he once slipped off about his problems at work. His parents loved her though, and she had never understood why it was needed to please them by stressing himself so much. She had not known how he craves for their attention, when he had to be scheduled to meet his parents once a week, for an hour, in their living room, with them checking up his progress report in school. He had practically grown up under the care of Yoona’s parents who had the time to watch him sing, teach him soccer, painted with him. He had yearned for his own’s parents love, something that he was never able to have in his hands, while Seohyun gained their love easily. She never knew.

But Yoona did. As a young girl, she had always stood by Kyuhyun, and visited the Chos frequently. They were friendly and nice to her, and they were a close knit family as business partners. Yoona was always the one he turned to about the problems at work, as she understands how needy he was in the sector of parental love, and she was working under him, able to help and understand him better.

And when he started having lots of trouble at work, the quarrels between him and his wife was on the rise. She was constantly worried and paranoid that he was hiding things from her, and often ended up as a cold war when he insisted that she was crossing the line to work matters which did not concerned her. He watched her winced.

“You mean I do not understand anything? You mean I am too foolish to meddle in your work, not up to your brains, your standard? I just wanted to help, you know it. I wasn’t stupid that I am not working, but you were the one who didn’t want me to work after marriage.”

“I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t meant that.”

Frustrated to continue, he walked out of her. The first time he did that.

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And the next thing he remembered was him drinking his heart out at the pub he frequents for company dealings, the waiter trying to wake him up, him calling for help on his speed dial.

And he woke up again, like months ago, in his glory beside the woman who they had a pact that they would keep the night months ago under the cover. And there, he had done it again.

And it started recurring, and he find himself retuning for more.

Yoona was gentle, sweet and understanding. Like a doe, she washed his worries away in bed. When he had his moments, he did not want to go home and face his wife, in case he had to hurt her by walking out on her again. Seohyun had always feared people walking out from her, even for a second, for fear they might walk out of her life, like her parents did.

But he knew it wasn’t going anywhere. Hurting his lovely wife by making love with another woman, as an excuse not to hurt her when he or they were upset. And hurting his little sister by making love to her as a release, knowing very well it won’t get them anywhere.

And he was determined to stop this vicious cycle.

To get back on his feet, to embrace his wife once again. To get back to when everything was in their respective places.

Back to normal.

Till, he was told about the little life that was growing in Yoona. His child. Their baby.

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Even after five years, he wasn’t sure if he did the right thing.

He knew he was responsible for the baby, and he could only blame himself for not using enough protection, on nights he was too frustrated to care too much but to release himself in her.

He cannot bring himself to say that, he never wanted this baby.

It was a little life that was created base on his carelessness and foolishness. But he couldn’t let it just die out because of his selfishness, while hurting the woman he had cared for his entire life.

But by protecting his sister-like lover, he had left the woman he had loved his entire life in agony and pain.

He knew his betrayal was anguish, beyond words to Seohyun.

When he left her in their house, the house that contained so much of their love, he felt her helplessness.

When he walked out of her. Her life.

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And this five years was never easy.

Going to his hyung, someone who trusted him so much with his beloved sister. Telling Eunhyuk his leaving. Getting punched and hit. Hurled with words that he never thought of.

And he deserved it. He wanted to die for leaving her. He will do anything for her.

But there’s Yoona, and their unborn child.

Then to his parents, about the divorce. Seohyun had played a great part  in his family bonding, making him grow closer to his parents after marriage. She had the vibe in her to make everyone happy and they loved her. He knew his parents were mad at him, but the woman was Yoona. Their bestfriend’s daughter. They could only keep silent, and had never bothered with him anymore.

And he had never hear anything from Seohyun till that day, till he received their divorce papers, signed by her.

He knew there was no turning back anymore.

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The world crushed upon him when Yoona told him, the baby was gone.

He had gone through so much to meet this little life he had created, and it is as if he was cheated by it. But it wasn’t Yoona’s fault, and she was upset enough in losing their baby. He held her in his arms, as he told himself let bygones be bygones, and he will now start his life again.

And Yoona was there for him as always, when he broke away from his father’s company and setting up his own. His life was overcome by work, as he fight his way through till what he was able to attained today. Yoona was there, she loved him, he knew it, but he cannot find himself reciprocating. It was still a best friend, a sister deep down in his heart. Adding on to that, a room mate, a partner. He cared for her, doted on her. But it was not love, he couldn’t bring himself to say it, to hurt another person again.

But for five years, he had been waking up to the same dream he had, her eyes boring through his as Seohyun voiced through his head

‘… do you not love me anymore?’