“First love, the love that clings to your heart forever, no matter how much pain it has caused, no matter how many tears have fallen, first love will never leave my soul…”

Dear Diary,

How long has it been? I can’t really remember. But to be honest, I don’t even want to remember. After 8 years, I returned to this place again. A place where everything started with smiles but ended with tears. Do I like it here? I don’t. Here was the place where my heart was broken into million pieces.

I used to dream and pictured myself to have a bright and successful future. My father said I have a great imagination and he think that was a great quality that I have for what I want to be in the future. I love to write, I love to tell story and I love to share it with people. I want to be a very successful writer and that was why this place was always my main target during my middle school. The most famous writers in South Korea were almost all graduated from here. I want to be one of them one day. That was my dream. An 18 years old girl’s dream.

But… everything really became JUST a dream when he came into my life. Everything changed. A coincidence encounter brought us together. He accidentally tripped my leg; I stumbled and fell on him. At the same time, I fell for him, fell into his life. Each moment I think of him, I asked myself. Did I really love him? All those time that we were together, although it was only a short moment, we were happy. At least, I was happy.

We talked, we smiled, we laughed, we fight… no! I mean I yelled at him because he never fights back. Never. Whenever I was angry, he just smiles. He doesn’t get angry. That was him… so kind, so calm, so perfect. He loved basketball, I love books. Nothing in common but it became a good combination. He played his basketball, I read my story book. We have a different interest but we love to do it in the same place. He was playing in the basketball court while I was sitting at the side, keeping each other accompanied. He loved to stole glances at me once in a while when he was playing, I smiled secretly pretend that I didn’t see it. My heartbeat raced, I blushed, and I trembled whenever he was close to me. He was always so close, too close.    

I look back to those times, as if it was yesterday. I smiled but with tears welled in my eyes. We convinced each other that we were just friends because we couldn’t let ourselves to cross over that dangerous line that set in between us. We met the right person, at the right place but in the wrong time. He was already someone else boyfriend when we met. We tried to keep our distance; we tried to control ourselves because we don’t want to hurt anybody. But was that fate? It kept pulling us together.

That day we were locked in that small and dark store room. Our lips were only inch apart, our eyes were locked in each other and our hearts were beating in the same rhythm. We inhaled in each other’s scents that drove both of us crazy but I know I have to restrain myself. But he didn’t. He leaned closer and closer, that was the first time our lips met. It was soft, it was tender and it was sweet. I didn’t move a single muscle and his lips were moving timidly on mine. I knew it was his first time kissing a girl, and also my first kiss. He pulled back, his face was flushed, and even his gaze was burning mine. I totally immersed into him and I have difficulty to breathe at that moment. The next thing I knew when I got my senses back was when his arms were tightly wrapped around me. We didn’t say or do anything after that. We just stayed in each other arms until someone came to unlocked the room. The unleashed feelings that were buried deep in our hearts make both of us realized we only have two choices. Admit it or deny it. We chose to ignore it.       

After so many years, is there anything still left between both of us? Nothing. It was only unknown feelings remained in the same place. Do I want to see him again? No. I don’t want to see him again. Not that I hate him but I don’t want him to know about me, about us. It doesn’t matter anyway. He might still on the other side of the planet now. I shouldn’t be too worried about seeing him again. Everything was over 9 years ago when I made the decision. The most important thing now is So Won. She was the reason why I came back again.  

Love,

Shin Hye.  

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“Good morning, ahjuhma.” A bright and lovely smile flashed on a beautiful little girl’s face when the door was opened. A middle aged woman, who stayed beside them, who was also their landlord of the house they currently rent, stood behind the door and smiled too when she saw the little girl.

Park So Won, a cute little girl with thin cheeks, huge beautiful eyes, tiny pointed nose and small lips is 8 years old this year. If her mother didn’t tell her age to anyone, people might think she was only around 6 years old. Her body was abnormally smaller and thinner than other children at her age. Although she always has a beautiful smile on her face, she looked pale and tired. She has thalassemia disease that needed blood transfusion regularly.

“Good morning, So Won. How are you today? Where is your eomma? I’m going to the wet market and just drop by to check if you need me to bring you to the school or not.” Kim Hae Sook said with a smile. When she first saw So Won and her mother 6 months ago, she did hesitate for a moment before decided to rent the house to them. A woman at her twenties with an 8 years old daughter without a husband, she believe anyone will question and curious about her. But looking at So Won, nothing else really matter. The line of bruised needle holes in her arms was enough to soften and pained Kim Hae Sook’s heart.

So Won put an index finger on her lips, signalling her to keep her voice low. She scanned into the room where her mother was sleeping before looking back at the woman. “Ahjuhma. Eomma was working overtime in the office last night. She only came home around 3am this morning. I off her alarm clock and let her sleep slightly longer today. She must be very tired. Since she started working with this new publisher after we moved to Seoul, eomma has been working until very late every night.” So Won whispered. “I think I will follow you to the school. Thank you.” She smiled sweetly.

That woman let out a soft laugh as she So Won’s hair. “What a sweet little girl you are. But if we didn’t wake your eomma up before we go, she might be late to work later. And she will freak out if she didn’t see you in the house. You better let her know first before we go.”

So Won tilted her head to think for a while before she nodded. She walked into her mother’s room and kneeled beside the mattress her mother was sleeping on the floor. She shakes her mother’s arm softly. “Eomma, eomma.”

Park Shin Hye’s eyes flipped opened almost immediately and pulled herself up in sitting position. She looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall and widened her eyes in shocked. “Oh my god. It’s 7.30 already. So Won-ah, we need to hurry. If not you will be late to school. Have you changed into your uniform and…” She paused when she saw her daughter was already wearing her school uniform with school bag hanging behind her. “Wow, you are done. Give me 10 minutes. I’ll brush my teeth and change.” Before she could stand up, So Won already stopped her by holding onto her arm. “Eomma, you don’t need to rush. Ahjuhma is outside. She said she is going to the wet market and she can bring me to school on the way. I just came in to let you know.”

“Eo?” Shin Hye quickly combed her hair briefly with her fingers and walked to the living room with So Won. She bowed slightly at Kim Hae Sook before she let out an awkward smile. “I’m very sorry to bother you again.”

Hae Sook smiled as she walked closer to them. “Don’t say that. So Won’s school is so near to the wet market and I’m just on my way.” She looked down at So Won and gently pinched her cheek. “And this little girl can accompany me as well.” She looked back at Shin Hye. “She told me you work until 3am last night. You must be very tired. Next time when you need to work late, just give me a call. I can stay with her until you come back and prepare dinner for her. You don’t need to come home, bring her dinner then rushed back to the office again.”

Shin Hye bit her lips, feeling sorry. “Because I was still new in the company so there was quite a lot of work I need to follow up. I’m really sorry to bother you. You already helped us a lot by renting this house to us and helped me to take So Won home after school every day. And now I even need to bother you to take her to school.”

“I know it’s not easy to work and have to take care of a daughter at the same time. I stayed alone and have a lot of free time. Taking care of So Won was actually an excuse. I just want to kidnap you daughter to accompany me.” Hae Sook said as she winked at So Won.

Shin Hye smiled looking down at So Won too. She know Hae Sook just want to make her feel better. She slowly nodded her head. “Thank you so much.” She said before squatting down and adjusted So Won’s collar. “Have you taken the deferasirox tablet already?” She asked softly. So Won nodded. Shin Hye smiled as she caressed her cheek. “Tomorrow will be the day we go to the hospital for blood transfusion. I’ll call your teacher to let her know later and take a day off tomorrow. You have to remember. No running, no cold water, no oily and fried foods. Have to wash your hand