[Flash back from 3 years ago]

The girl was waiting in her bike, whistling with melody. She scratched her head; making a popping sound in . She whistled again, doing it repetitively as she tapped her index finger on the handle bar of her bike. She looked at her wrist watch.

“What took her so long?” She sighed.

The girl in pink scarf ran towards her. “Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!” She huffed and the cold smoke came out of . It was snowing in Seoul. People are wearing the thickest clothes to keep themselves warm. And by that, most people just stayed in their home.

“Taetae, sorry~ I have to make some errands, our club moderator is so demanding!” She pouted.

“Aish~ no hot choco for you!“ Taeyeon .

“But Taetae it’s not even my fault to begin with.” Tiffany looked at Taeyeon, pouting.

“Aish~ this kid! Stop acting cute and get in.” Taeyeon laughed, revealing the dimple on her right chin.

“I’m not acting cute, it comes naturally!” Tiffany smiled gingerly as she rides on Taeyeon’s bike, sitting on the back seat.

“Fany-ah, hold tight.”

Tiffany wrapped her hands on Taeyeon’s waist. Taeyeon checked on Tiffany first before stepping the pedals on her bike.

• • •

“Mom, we’re home.” Taeyeon and Tiffany removed their shoes and placed it in the shoe rack. Her went out of the kitchen and approached the two school girls.

“Both of you should prepare, we’ll be eating dinner in a short while. Tiffany, dear, I already called your dad and siblings, they’ll arrive in any minute now. Both of you should go up stairs and take off your scarves.” Her mom reprimanded.

“Yes Mrs. Kim.” Tiffany smiled showing her eye-smile.

“Oooh my little cute Miyoung~” Mrs. Kim pinched Tiffany’s right cheek.

“Mom please don’t praise her, you’re making her head big.“ Taeyeon scoffed.

“Don’t listen to my daughter, Miyoung-i. She’s just a little jealous because I praised you more than her.“ Mrs. Kim laughs as she teases her daughter.

“I’m not jealous!” Taeyeon snorted folding her arms. Tiffany just smiled prettily, that’s the only thing she does.

“I’ll be busy, so Taengoo I’m expecting you to accommodate our pretty Miyoung-i. I’ll just call both of you when it’s time to eat.” She patted Tiffany’s head and smiled at them.

• • •

“Ew, Taetae got jelly ‘cos her mom praised me!“ Tiffany stuck her tongue out as she teases her bestfriend.

“Ew your , I’m not a kid. I don’t easily get jealous.” Taeyeon stuck her tongue as she merongs Tiffany.

“Yes you’re a kid. You don’t even look like fourteen! You look more like a pre-schooler to me!“ Tiffany laughs without any sound coming out from , only the air comes out, clapping her hands like a seal.

“Ha-ha very funny.” Taeyeon scoffed as she took off her scarf and hanged it inside her closet.

“Ew Taetae, why you no fun.” Tiffany sat on the bed, looking at Taeyeon, making a cute pouting face.

“Because─“ Taeyeon was done hanging her scarf, she moved towards Tiffany, slowly forwarding her face. “Your jokes are lame and puns!“ She blew on Tiffany’s face, it made her bangs a bit messy.

Tiffany squealed. “Ya! Taetae brush your teeth!” Tiffany whined and shrugged her whole body.

“Oh did I forget to brush?” Taeyeon checked her teeth on the mirror. “Oh yeah, I did forgot.” Taeyeon joked as she laughs weirdly like an old woman.

“Ahhk~ that weird laugh again!” Tiffany whined again, covering her ears.

“This is my asset!“

“What the?! Ew~ that’s not an asset. This is an asset.” Tiffany raised her shoulders as she shows her cute eye-smile to Taeyeon.

“Yuck!“ Taeyeon grabbed the nearest pillow she could reach and threw it on Tiffany’s face.

“Ya! Not on my pretty face! Someday this will make me rich and popular! She touches her face, checking it as if the throw wounded her pretty face. “You!“ Tiffany crinkled her nose, pointing her index finger on Taeyeon.

“What?” Taeyeon stuck her tongue. Tiffany stood up, as she gets a pillow and hits Taeyeon, playfully. She pounds her with all her might, but of course it wasn’t that painful.

“Stop! Stop! I’m sorry! Y-you’re the prettiest girl on Earth. Please. Stop!“ Taeyeon shrugged , she defended herself, blocking Tiffany’s blows. “Ooof!” Taeyeon stepped back and landed on the bed. Tiffany stopped pounding her as she raised the pillow above her, ready to make a final blow.

“Any last words, Dorktaeng?“ Tiffany smirked evilly. Taeyeon rose and swiftly grabbed Tiffany’s waist as both of them landed on the bed. They started laughing and then there was silence.

They looked at each other’s eyes, Tiffany noticed she’s on top of Taeyeon and so did Taeyeon. Tiffany was about to get off her but Taeyeon stopped her, instead she hugged her tight. They didn’t say another word. They remained on that position and there was silence in the room. Taeyeon smoothly holds Tiffany’s neck and slowly letting her leaned on her. Tiffany just let Taeyeon pulled her without questions or hesitations.

Taeyeon kisses her. trembled as it covers Tiffany’s soft pink lips. She presses against her, needy, and prods Tiffany’s lips open with her tongue. Tiffany leans in and pressed back ─ she kisses her back! Eyes were totally shut; their tongues were intertwining inside, feeling the moment.

Taeyeon stopped , she pulls away and so does Tiffany. Tiffany’s lips were wet and glistening. She her lower lips and smiled at her bestfriend. Taeyeon obsereved Tiffany’s reaction but it seems it’s not what she expected. She thought she’ll receive a slap or something, but Tiffany kissed her back. Could it possibly Tiffany likes her like she does?

She doesn’t know.

Even though they were bestfriends since forever, sometimes she can’t understand her, especially what she thinks. Tiffany is hard to read.

“What was that for?” Tiffany smiled gingerly.

Taeyeon swallowed, gaining enough courage to tell how she felt for her. “Tiff” She breathes deeply. “I-I love you.”

“I love my dear Taetae too. You’re my bestfriend after all.” Tiffany smiled. The word bestfriend hit her. It shattered her heart.

“N-no. Not i-in a bestfriend way...” She stuttered, she’s already teary when she said those words.

“Sorry, Tae but..” Tiffany says soflty.

“I know Tiff. I’m sorry. I know. Maybe I’m just confused, or... maybe not.” Taeyeon’s tears fell on her cheeks.

!

Taeyeon cursed in her thoughts. Tiffany was about to say something but Taeyeon stood up and wiped her tears.

“Tiff, just forget what happened, ok? I... I think I’m just confused. Falling in love with my bestfriend is weird and stupid, right?” Taeyeon laughed bitterly.

“Taeyeon... I’m sorry but I─“

“Don’t feel the same? I know.” Taeyeon says hoarsely.

“Taeyeon, you’re my bestfriend. I don’t want to hurt you but I don’t feel that way.” Tiffany’s voice was concerned.

“Yeah. I know... I’m sorry. Like I said, I was just confused. Let’s just forget what happened, today.”

Tiffany didn’t say another word. She looked down on the floor, as she sat properly on the bed. They heard a knock on the door. “Come in.” Taeyeon said in a groggy voice as she wipes all her tears. Her sister Haeyeon, Taeyeon’s small version, went inside the room. She looked at Tiffany then shifted her eyes on Taeyeon. “Unnie, mom said to go down. It’s time to eat.”

“W-we’ll be there.” Taeyeon said nonchalantly.

Taeyeon watched her sister stepped back, closing the door; she sighed.

Tiffany stood up and held on Taeyeon’s hands. “Taeyeon.” She says softly.

“Tiff, let’s not talk about it. Forget what happened.” She brushed Tiffany’s hand off her. Taeyeon brushes her hair with her fingers, looking at the mirror. She, then, opened the door knob.

“Let’s go down.“ Tiffany nodded and follwed her.

It was definitely Seoul in December ─

Cold.

[End of flash back]

• • •

It was rowdy throughout the corridors as students making their way out of their classrooms: yelling, laughing, running and buzzing; noise was a total pollution. Especially in the cafeteria, full of hungry students making their lines. Students' tummies were grumbling as if the worms inside are telling to feed them. This is a usual scenario every lunch time.

Taeyeon opened her bag and got surprised. Her mother prepared a lunch box for her. She noticed that there were two lunch boxes inside. She thought her mom might also prepare one for Tiffany. She sighed and closed her bag, going out the classroom. She made her way in the cafeteria and searched for Tiffany. She saw her with her friends talking while making their line to order their lunch. She approached her.

“Oh god like the guy is so erted he looked at my and I was like─“ Tiffany stopped talking when she noticed someone patted her shoulder; she turned behind her. “Oh Taetae!” Tiffany was quite surprised.

“Mom prepared lunch for you.“ She gave the lunch box to Tiffany and walked away after handing it to her.

Tiffany excuses herself to her friends and ran towards Taeyeon, grabbing her hand. “Tae! Wait!”

“What?” Taeyeon said nonchalantly, facing Tiffany.

“Let’s eat lunch together.“

“What about your friends?”

“Nahh~ I just told them th─“ Tiffany wasn’t able finish her words, someone bump her hard, making her lunch box fell from her grip. “Ahk!” She gasped. “My lunch!“ She looked at her spilled lunch box, sadly. She frowned.

Obviously it’s not crowded on the spot where they were standing. Taeyeon saw the girl intentionally bumped Tiffany. She glared at the girl, who was pretending nothing happened. Taeyeon clenched her hands; she will definitely remember that ’s face.

“Tae..“ She looked at Taeyeon in a teary eyes.

“Don’t worry you can have mine.“ Taeyeon handed her lunch box to her.

“But─“ Tiffany paused.

“It’s ok Fany.“ She reprimanded.

“No! It’s not ok..“ She looked down on the floor, looking back at the spilled food; frowning.

Taeyeon scratches the back of her neck. "Let’s share lunch together.” She pats the head of Tiffany as she comforts her. She held Tiffany’s hand making their way out of the cafeteria. Tiffany let herself being pulled by Taeyeon, she looked at her bestfriend’s back with their hands holding tight from each other. She moved her fingers and intertwined them with Taeyeon’s. Taeyeon noticed their hands, she smiled and hold Tiffany even tighter, making her feel more secured.

• • •

“Welcome to hell!“ She gestured her hands like a tourist guide introducing the place.

“Hey!“ Tiffany chuckled at Taeyeon’s dorkiness, she punched her arm softly.

“I was just kidding.“ She snorted.

Tiffany looked for a good spot to eat; she looked at the view of the campus as the wind touches her skin. She looks at Taeyeon. “You really like this place huh...“

“Yeah, the only place to...“ She almost say ‘temporarily forget pain’ good thing she paused and think first before saying it. “rest..” She continued.

“I see.” Tiffany looks at the view again. “No wonder you like it here so much. It’s peaceful.”

Taeyeon just nodded. She too, watched the view from where they are standing. Usually every noon is the hottest; the sun hits directly to the ground, but today is cloudy. It is really nice to see the whole view from above. Less noise. Only the chirping and the sound of the calm wind can be heard. This is what Taeyeon wants, tranquility. She closed her eyes and smiled, feeling the placid place. Tiffany watches her bestfriend, she snapped her fingers. Taeyeon opened her eyes and looks at Tiffany.

“Taetae let’s sit there.” She grabbed Taeyeon’s hand and pulled her to sit on the bottom side of the bleacher. They sat on the bleacher, as Tayeon opened their lunch box and Tiffany was awed by the looks of their lunch. It’s like a Japanese bento full of cute nutritious and delicious foods stacked inside. Mrs. Kim really made a good job.

“Taetae! Your mom is so amazing! This really looks cute, can’t wait to take a bite!” Tiffany forked the rolled omelet egg and took a bite. “Mmm this tastes sweet. Its delicious!” She ate happily. Taeyeon watch her bestfriend eat brightly, she unconsciously smiled. Tiffany looked at Taeyeon in question.

“Is there something on my face?” She wipes .

“Ah no. I just... I miss this.“

Tiffany stopped eating. “It’s been a while“

“Yeah─ We haven’t eaten lunch together.“ Taeyeon scratches the nape of her neck.

“You don’t eat with me“

“You’re always with your friends─“

“I’m your bestfriend“

“I can’t always demand─“ Taeyeon scoffed.

“That’s true but─“ Tiffany trailed off as Taeyeon opened gesturing to feed her.

“Feed me.” Taeyeon demanded.

“What?─ Taeyeon you’re not a baby anymore.” Tiffany chuckled.

“I thought I’m your bestfriend? Feed me.“ Taeyeon pouts cutely. Of course Taeyeon’s cuteness is effortless. Even she doesn’t do anything she even looks cute in any angle. Her cuteness makes people wanna punch walls. Even Tiffany wants to punch walls whenever she sees her act cutely.

“Taeyeon stop that you’re making me wanna punch walls” Tiffany snorted.

Taeyeon’s eyes widened. “Whaaaaat? I didn’t do anything. I just want you to feed me that’s all!” Taeyeon sulked, cutely. Tiffany sighed in defeat. She forked the omelet─

“Say ah─” Tiffany chuckled, as she feeds Taeyeon.

“AHHH─“ Taeyeon opened widely.

“Now it’s my turn Taetae, you feed me─“ Tiffany reprimanded and Taeyeon obeyed.

They really look like a cute couple; happily feeding each other. Taeyeon wished for this, but they could only do this feeding thing in a bestfriend context, nothing more, nothing less. But at least she’s with her. She’s already happy by this.

As much as possible Taeyeon wants to be contented, but most of the time she thinks she can’t stay being only bestfriends with her. It hurts her. She really wanted more─ but they can't. They really CAN'T. She implanted in her mind that she can't be with Tiffany. She have to plant it as many times as she can, that she and Tiffany can't be together. She put it in her head that being in love with Tiffany for the past few years until now was a big joke─ She kept lying to herself into thinking that way.

No one can beat her love for Tiffany. Not even one of Tiffany’s past boyfriends and for the incoming boyfriends in the future. If only she loves her back like the way she loves her. Then, she can say she’s already contented. She’ll be the happiest person alive.

“Taeyeon what’s wrong?” Tiffany looked at her in concern.

“Nothing. Just the dust─” She lied. She immediately wiped her tears away.

I'm such a stupid for loving you this hard.