“I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing. Just prayed to a God that I don’t believe in.
Cause I got time while she got freedom. Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don’t break even”
-The Script, Breakeven.

Youngbae stared worriedly at the back of his best friend, the man was currently standing before the glass wall of his office, his hands clasped firmly behind his back as he stared blankly into the far distance away.

Something hadn’t been quite right with Jiyong for a few days now, ever since the day he had met with the one and only Choi Seunghyun. Initially, Youngbae had brushed it off as Jiyong being in one of his infamous mood; displeased at not only being unable to secure the deal with Choi as he wished but to also have met a quirky individual such as Choi. He had known his friend’s general low tolerance for humans, much less the eccentric ones. But this was something different, it was as though Kwon Jiyong had entered some kind of funk and Youngbae didn’t know how to get him out of it. Hell, as far as Youngbae was concerned, Jiyong wasn’t even showing a slightest hint of wanting to talk about it, and so Youngbae fretted worryingly.

Youngbae cleared his throat awkwardly as he stood by Jiyong’s desk “So… it’s 945pm now, do you want me to call Seungri to save you a seat in the VVIP section of the club tonight? I heard that he’s having some sort of special promotion in the club tonight. Sounds like it might be fun.”

A beat of silence passed before Jiyong replied tiredly with a sigh, “Don’t bother about it, I’m not in the mood to club tonight.” And Youngbae’s worry-o-meter went up by another notch. Just what was going on in Jiyong’s thick skull?

Before Youngbae could give into the urge to question his friend, Jiyong broke the silence with a pained whisper, “Do you think she would ever forgive me?”

Youngbae frowned, “Who?” Who had Jiyong pissed off so much? But more than anything, who was that someone that Kwon Jiyong cared that much about till the extent he worries about being forgiven? As far as Youngbae was concerned, Jiyong was someone whom doesn’t give two s about pissing someone off no matter the time and place.

Jiyong ignored Youngbae’s question, his sight cast far beyond the night city skyline that twinkled back at him, lost in the realms of his mind. “For Kiko.” he said numbly, “For pushing her so far that death was the only solution she could think of to escape… do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

Youngbae stilled, knowing all too well of the identity of the individual Jiyong was speaking of. He couldn’t remember the last time Jiyong spoke of her, willingly or not, no matter the past efforts Youngbae tried. In his book, Im Yoona was taboo; someone that Jiyong had been all too happy to pretend hadn’t exist for the past seven years. What had brought this on out of the blue?

Jiyong carried on, unmindful of his friend’s increasingly worried stance. It was as though his treacherous thoughts had finally taken form and refused to be silenced any longer. “If I had believed her then, if I had turned a blind eye then… if I hadn’t treated her the way I did after--” Jiyong took a shaky breath, “after I found out, would everything have been different then?”

Jiyong shut his eye tightly at the onslaught of the one memory that cut him the most; one of Yoona’s betrayal, the catalyst that had set him on such a war path, on such a rampage that he had single-handedly cause the death of the one person that mattered to him the most.

It had been the hectic study break period, the month where submissions were due and finals exams were fast approaching. Young Jiyong had had enough of being forced to stay at home, night after night, studying in solitude under the guidance of a private tutor, and so he had snuck out, opting to bring some health food to his girlfriend who had favored studying in the silence of a somewhat empty campus late into the night despite Jiyong’s reservations. He had been so excited at the prospect of seeing Yoona again that the sight of witnessing Yoona getting hot and heavy with another male student in an empty classroom had left him absolutely shattered.

He had saw red then, thinking that Yoona had been a victim of circumstances- see! He had told her it was unsafe to stay till so late, campus security or not- and had been all geared up to barge into the classroom to save her from that disgusting pig that he recognized to be Yoona’s fellow classmate, only to halt at the unmistaken sound of a feminine quiet moan.

He had staggered backwards then in shock, needing to place some sort of physical distance between him and the cheating pair. Yoona was doing this… willingly? But why? Wasn’t she happy with him? Why hadn’t she told him she was over him, that she wanted to be with someone else? Why did she chose to hurt him in the worst way possible?

The glint in Jiyong’s eyes had hardened then, his fists balled tightly against his side despite the tears in his eyes and the bleeding hole in his heart. She was just like the others after all, one of the many that sought to take advantage of him in any way possible. Jiyong scoffed in disbelief, to think he had thought her different, that she was the one, someone to cherish and to hold till the end of time. And so it was then he swore that he would make her pay, to hurt her in spades for the pain and ridicule she inflicted onto him; the start of the path of destruction.

It started with him lavishing his attention to any other girls in the school, seniors or freshmen alike, it hadn’t matter as long as they were pretty, uncaring of Yoona’s confused and hurt looks, uncaring of the rumors that Im Yoona was once more open game now that she was no longer under the protection of the infamous Kwon Jiyong. He turned a blind eye to the bullying, alternating between a poker face and a small smirk every now or then even though his heart had bled and raged at every word and prank that was thrown at her, fighting the instinct to protect her, to draw her back into his arms. He ignored Yoona’s pleas to talk things out, ignored each and every form of intervention Sooyoung and Youngbae had tried to deliver, be it in the form of fiery explicit rants or words of advice accompanied with a disapproving look. In Jiyong’s opinion,there was nothing left to be said or done, not after what he had saw that night.

And soon after, flirting with other girls before Yoona was no longer enough. And so he decided to increase his pain, her humiliation, by being openly with other girls, disregarding Youngbae’s and Sooyoung’s disgusted looks. He hadn’t cared then, as long as he was hurting Yoona, be it in terms of her pride, or even better, her heart; just as she did to him. The final straw however, came in the form of Kiko.

He hadn’t expected to see her then, hadn’t expected for her to catch him in the act itself, but that hadn’t stopped him from delivering his brand of revenge had it? Even if it had cost him everything to keep the smirk in place as he performed the deed before her despite the bile rising in his throat. He had drew away so fast from Kiko the minute Yoona took off crying, uncaring of Kiko’s protest. He didn’t finish, how could he? How could he when he was so revolted with himself that he ran to the nearest toilet to empty his stomach’s content the moment his jelly legs could function. He was utterly disgusting.

The tear in his soul then hadn’t mattered, neither did his tears nor the final crack in his heart. Jiyong knew then, with a certainty resonating deep down into his bones, that that was the killing blow to their relationship, that he has destroyed the both of them beyond any form of salvation. It hadn’t taken long before the days led up to the day at the cliff, the day he lost her for good. And Kwon Jiyong hated himself with a passion since then, never really forgiving himself for what he had done.

Youngbae stared sorrowfully at Jiyong’s back, his own throat tight at the recollection of his own memories. With a heavy heart, Youngbae strode over to Jiyong before laying a comforting hand onto the other man’s shoulder, knowing that the man needed his best friend right now, knowing that despite Jiyong’s apparent indifference and blatant ostrich handling of his past, the man had never stopped blaming himself for Yoona’s death.

“Hindsight is always 20/20 my friend. Sometimes, the most irrevocable damages are done to the one whom we love most, pain blinds us and drives us to the extreme. But Ji, no matter how much we may regret certain things, no matter how much we wish to take certain things back, the past is called the past for a reason. We can’t change things no matter how desperately we want to. The only thing left is to move forward, and to atone for our sins when the