When you’re hurt, time seems to move at an even slower pace. It’s almost as if it’s begging you to feel the pain. Pain demands to be felt. It’s so terribly unfair. Happiness is always never enough, and pain is always never insufficient.

                Luhan didn’t say much about Baekhyun’s disappearance. He kept a quiet stance, which is a stance Kris also developed. He said it would be better to keep quiet before releasing a statement of some sort. “I’ll try to do this with the least amount of media scrutiny possible.”

                Perhaps his idea of ‘least amount of scrutiny’ means #baekhyun and #youstarling and #bxl  being the top trends on Twitter, over 20 different calls to the company from all different magazines and newspapers, every news channel covering the disappearance and total and complete isolation.

                You probably wouldn’t understand what I mean by that. Yes, we were instantly the hot topic, even BBC covered the news. But as much buzz as there was over the event, no one actually came to us. Newspapers and interviews from tabloids don’t count, because they are like vultures. They take what they want and leave your carcass. It’s like being in a cage and everyone is staring at you, swapping gossip, but no one actually dares to touch you. I’m guessing it’s because everyone is afraid of Kris or maybe they don’t want to interfere because it would complicate the situation, or maybe because they didn’t want to because it would put themselves at risk.

                That would probably be the most selfish thing ever. Talking about it and not doing anything. Talking about it as if just talking would solve everything. Acting as if you knew everything when you didn’t. Fighting over it but not fixing. No one knows what really goes on behind doors, and do you know why? Because my boss does a very good job of shielding us.

                As a considerably new staff to the company, it bothered me that I would feel so much pain and hurt. I suppose I was more emotionally attached than I thought. Baekhyun meant more to me than I realize. As I pondered why, I stopped outside of their dance studio and peered in. Luhan was rehearsing alone with Minseok’s eyes trained on him.

                Minseok looked like he hasn’t closed his eyes in years. His eyes were red and lips were dry. Luhan was focused on the mirror, sweat dripping all over, dancing again and again. He had to learn Baekhyun’s lines and take over all his dancing roles. They had more back up dancers than before and he had to be extra careful because now he’s doing his ex-member’s work. I wanted to go over and stop him, pull him into a hug and make sure he is okay, but I didn’t. Probably because I couldn’t and mainly because he wouldn’t want me too. He told me he could handle this by himself.

                A week passed on just like that, with the media scrutiny toning down just a wee bit. Luhan flew to London with Jodi for the MTV EMA. Kris and I held the fort here. Despite the time difference, we all live streamed the event, making sure our boy is doing a good job.

                “There he is!!” I gripped Tao’s arm and some popcorn spilled out. Tao, Kris and even Joonmyun gathered at our house to watch the live event. Kris had a beer bottle in his hand, despite being 6 in the morning, and he sat up straight when Luhan appeared. He was looking as handsome as possible, in a gorgeous fitted tux with the cameras flashing all over. He had a small smile on his face and I could see a certain twinkle in his eye. I could tell he was proud. Proud to be in London and proud to have finally made it.

                “He looks amazing.” Tao smiled.

                “Yes he does. Look at him! He’s so proud to be there!”

                “That’s my boy.” Kris smiled. Tao turned his head and I know he detected the tiny hint of bitterness in his voice. Luhan did an interview on the red carpet and I finally released a long and lengthy breath after the interview was over. No mention of Baekhyun.

                I’m not sure if I was happy about that.

                The rest of the show was actually pretty exciting, but aside from Tao, who is a huge Katy Perry fan, no one seemed particularly interested.

                “How much longer till its Luhan’s turn?” Joonmyun asked.

                “He should be on any minute now.” I checked my watch. I didn’t realize he had slipped a hand on my shoulder until I felt the hand pat me.

                “He’ll be fine.” He reassured me.

                “I’m okay. You should say something to Kris.”

                “I think Tao has that covered.” I looked over and saw Tao slipping a hand on his thigh and patting it lightly.

                “About the date you agreed to go on…”

                “IT’S HIM!!” Tao jolted upwards and pointed at the screen. Luhan was coming up on screen. I could feel my hands getting clammy and even Kris was on the edge. When his lonely silhouette came up, something tugged at my heart.

                Luhan actually did an amazing job. He really did. He was on key, perfectly styled, his moves were slick, and he was confident and charismatic. The audience loved him too. They were on their feet, clapping and cheering away.

                “Wow…” I breathed.

                “I can’t believe he did it.” Tao said.

                “It was good.” Joonmyun told his cousin.

                “Yeah, given the circumstance.” Kris nodded.

                “Yeah.”

                “Yeah.”

                And that was it, nothing more to be said.

                Luhan also won Best Worldwide act. Well actually, BxL did. He went up to collect as one half of BxL. Or the only half of BxL anyways. He was smiling politely and he did his signature bow as he collected the award. When he came to the microphone for his acceptance speech, we were all hitching our breath with the same question in our minds.

                “I would like to thank my manager Jodi, all the staff and managers at Starling Entertainment and of course all the fans who voted for me. I am more than honoured to win this award and without you, I wouldn’t be here. I promise to try my best and present an even better image to you all. From now on, this is a new beginning. Thank you.”

                He got off the stage as the applause continued. The MC came on to introduce Coldplay as the next performer but Kris shut the TV off.

                We got an answer to our question. No Baekhyun.

                “Did you tell him this?” I looked at my boss.

                “I told him to refrain from answering questions related from Baekhyun’s disappearance.” Kris said, finishing his beer.

                “And?” I pressed on.

                “He did what he was told. He did a good job tonight.”

                “I don’t know how you can be so calm.” I muttered under my breath.

                “I’ll leave you guys. Come on Joonmyun, let’s head back to the office. Tao, thanks for having us.”

                “It’s a pleasure.” Tao said, giving Kris a friendly hug. Joonmyun gave me one and a soft smile. “Call me.” He whispered.

                “About the date…” I tried to explain but he stopped me.

                “I can wait until things cool down a bit. You’ll have a lot of work to do later in the afternoon.”

                “Thank you.” And I mean it from the very bottom of my heart.

                When they left, Tao and I went back to picking up empty bottles and cleaning up the place. “So what did you think of the show?”

                “Honestly?”

                “Yes.”

                “I thought Lady Gaga’s dress was weird and Ariana Grande should not have worn those shoes…”

                “Tao, honestly.” I chuckled. Tao giggled and he looked at me. He paused before saying

                “That is the most incomplete performance I have ever seen. Despite being perfect.”

                “I know.”

                You can take someone’s lines and cover his dance, but how do you eliminate someone’s presence? Luhan was told to pretend Baekhyun was not there, but knowing that he really wasn’t there made it harder.

                But he didn’t tell anyone. Telling made it even harder.

                                                                                ****************************

                Kyungsoo was speechless when he saw Luhan’s acceptance speech. He was curled up in bed with the lights low since he didn’t want to wake Leo up. He stayed up all night since he could hardly sleep. He didn’t know what to expect for Luhan’s performance. He tried to keep an open mind. He just didn’t know it would hurt so much.

                After the acceptance speech, Kyungsoo turned his phone off and tucked himself into bed. Class doesn’t start until 8, so he could at least get 2 hours of sleep. He tried to sleep, but it worked more or less. He felt like he slept, but his body said he didn’t.

                The past week was more than terrible for him. It was the pits. His fansite was up in arms over the situation. He had to explain to his fans that he would be on hiatus for a short while, citing the fact that he needed space. That was the truth. He couldn’t bear to look at BxL without crying, or even hear their songs without crying. He forced himself to change his wallpaper to a picture of a cupcake, but old habits kicked in and he changed it back. He tried to hide away from social media, but there is this terrible urge to go on anyways just to see what new updates there were. Maybe Baekhyun came back. Maybe he’s releasing a statement explaining why he did it. Maybe this is all nothing but a fancy publicity stunt to draw hype for their debut. After all, who else would do such a crazy thing other than Starling?

                None of those things happened.

                Jongin was a wonderful companion during the time. He comforted a teary Kyungsoo, who actually broke down in the middle of class a few days ago for no reason. He got them sweet treats and tried his best to make Kyungsoo feel better. Truth be told, Kyungsoo didn’t know what would have happened to him if it wasn’t for Jongin.

                He cursed himself internally when he woke up. It’s stupid and it’s lame. He’s crying over someone who doesn’t know him, over someone who didn’t know he existed. He’s crying and making himself miserable over something that had nothing to do with me. Why did he care so much? Why was he so in love with them?

                He should never have fallen so hard. He never should have loved them and started all this. Then it probably wouldn’t hurt so much. He wouldn’t be so distracted and so dependent on every rumour that floated about. He shouldn’t believe them, but he’s so desperate for something to happen he would almost believe anything. Luhan’s speech was the one that shot it down.

                Baekhyun was not coming back.

                A new beginning. Was Luhan over him? Did he stop being mad at Baekhyun? Or maybe he was never mad at all. Maybe he secretly hated him. Maybe he liked it that Baekhyun left. From what he saw, Kyungsoo knew Luhan could do well on his own, but why did he have to do that? Why didn’t he say something to Baekhyun? Why did he act like he was okay?

                The logical side of him believed that Luhan did so because he has an image to uphold, and he didn’t want to cry on the biggest night of his life, and he didn’t want the fans to worry. Luhan’s love for the fans is well known, and he has always felt like Luhan really did care. He probably didn’t want them to be upset. He wanted to give them strength. He wanted them to know it was time to move on. The emotional side of him was sad and hurt, like he was slapped in the face, and also a tiny bit angry.

                But what if Kyungsoo didn’t want to? He didn’t want to move on. He was clinging onto the memories of Baekhyun and Luhan tightly. He didn’t want it to change. He liked it the way it was, and what’s wrong with that? There’s no crime in staying the way they were. It’s too early for anything like this. He knew it was silly to expect BxL to stay that way forever, but it was just too early. He wasn’t ready for this. He just wanted a few more years to enjoy their company. He just wished he knew where and what Baekhyun was thinking. He imagined them crying, lonely and heartbroken. Or maybe they are not sad. Maybe they are celebrating. Maybe they are silently still in contact. Or maybe they were not the close family they always said they were.

                He wiped his tears in the shower and realized he cried a little less than yesterday. He could feel time’s deadly magic on him. Time was healing him, slowly but surely. Time was taking away the pain, and eventually all the memories.

                I will not do that. I will not let time do this. Kyungsoo let time take his heart away to fix, but he locked his memories in a box and stored it in the deepest corner of his mind so that they will never be taken. Time can’t take everything, especially when you don’t let it.

                Life was resuming as normal. Kyungsoo smiled when Jongin stood outside in the hall, waiting for him. “You okay?”

                “Yeah.”

                “You smiled a little more than yesterday.”

                “Probably because I’m slowly getting over it. It has been a week.”

                “Omelettes for breakfast?”

                “Sure.” Kyungsoo let Jongin take his hand and they walked down together.

                It’s actually a good thing to be in so much pain, because only then you appreciate the love around you. Right now, Jongin’s love is the oxygen he needed.

                                                                ************************************

COMMENT #23

Congratulations to BxL!! Luhan looks amazing!! Hwaiting oppa!

COMMENT #34

I wish he had said something about Baekhyun. He was his former member after all. Shouldn’t there at least be a thank you?

COMMENT #45

I actually think it’s a good idea not to say anything. If he did he would offend people and that would cause more trouble.

COMMENT #56

Come on now what is this ? This is just damn right disrespectful! This award is for two people, not one! Why is Luhan taking all the credit?!

COMMENT #77, in reply to comment #56

Because Baekhyun ran away, dip.

COMMENT #78, in reply to comment #77

Says the person who has a duck derp face for an icon.

COMMENT #131

I bet Baekhyun is totally regretting his decision.

COMMENT #230

I wonder if he is watching. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. #BaekhyunFTW

COMMENT #300

Pls sign this petition to help stop Starling from mistreating their idols. #justice4baekhyun2k14

COMMENT #421

Cue the fanwars.

                Baekhyun was watching indeed. He was curled up in the sheets on Chanyeol’s bed in Chanyeol’s home, watching Luhan’s performance. He was glad Luhan did so well. He always knew Luhan had it in him.

                Sure, Luhan failed to mention him. He felt sad and hurt by this but he told himself to dismiss it. He had no right to say that when he just abandoned Luhan himself. He probably didn’t deserve it either. Hopefully Luhan will be all right. Maybe one day he will forgive and understand him.

                But in the meantime, he will have to make do with the fact that he misses him like hell.

                And every comment he read, hurts him more than it should.

A/N: Another update!! XD