Our tomorrow will be better, right?

Sweetheart, It's Our Secret!
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     “Let us stop acting and become real.”

 

As soon as these frightening yet oddly comforting words reach Do Kyungsoo’s heart, he finds himself on the verge of wanting to step out of his comfort zone and into Kim Jongin’s awaiting embrace. The cold walls that he once built up for himself, to block out the cruel world that he lives in, is once again being broken down by no other than the man in front of him. It’s always him, always Kim Jongin that will successfully enter his life with just a charming smile and his usual silly acts.

From the very beginning, the idol was able to catch him off guard.

From the very beginning, the idol was able to steal his breath away.

From the very beginning, Kim Jongin was able to enter Do Kyungsoo’s heart with just one touch.

Kyungsoo wants, oh-so-much, wants to accept this reality. He wants to surrender and admit defeat, to give into his heart’s wishes, and return the blooming love that Jongin has for him. But then he realizes that no, no he can’t break down. Kyungsoo can’t let go of the walls he built for himself, he can’t let go of those cruel memories lingering in his mind, and he can’t let go of the pain in his heart. Do Kyungsoo just isn’t strong enough to move on; he’s still afraid.

Jongin flutters his eyelids open, smile still bright as ever and it makes Kyungsoo’s heart sink in guilt. The idol breathlessly laughs, because this is really happening right now – he’s actually confessing his long hidden feelings to the man that he adores. “My feelings are sincere, Kyungsoo. I don’t know when I’ll be able to confess this boldly again, but trust me please. I really, really l—”

“Jongin,” the smaller man’s voice barely goes above a whisper. It’s breathless and bitter.

The idol raises an eyebrow in confusion, “Yes?”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Kyungsoo lowers his gaze and hesitantly removes himself from the man’s warm and comforting embrace. The CEO can’t bear the image of Jongin’s fading grin, or the glint in his eyes that immediately disappear as he takes a step back. Inhaling a deep breath to stabilize his wavering emotions, the CEO shakes his head and emits a bitter laugh. “You’re confusing love with—”

Right at this moment, Jongin’s heart almost stops beating. His breath hitches and words are caught in his throat. He doesn’t know if he can breathe or not, because it feels as if someone is squeezing the oxygen out of his lungs. All along, he thought that maybe, maybe there was a chance of him to become someone Kyungsoo can rely on. He thought there was a chance to become Kyungsoo’s man, to be by his side everyday and do the silly things that couples tend to do. However, the sight in front of him has him taking several steps back in doubt, terrifying him with the thoughts that he probably ruined their forming friendship. Jongin knows he always s things up, and maybe confessing to Kyungsoo is the worse of them all. His worse nightmare seems to be occurring right in front of him. Luhan was wrong – no, he was wrong. Jongin was wrong for giving into his wants.

The idol inhales a shaky breath of air and runs a hand through his blond locks, “I – I understand perfectly.”

Kyungsoo closes his eyes tightly at the sound of Jongin’s trembling voice, “No, Jongin, listen to me.” He tries to explain, lifting his head up and grabbing a hold of the male’s wrist. It’s as if he’s trying to give a signal to the idol to not believe the words that comes out of his mouth.

“You have work, right? I’ll leave.”

“Jongin, wait!”

“I’m sorry, okay? Let’s pretend this never happened!”

Seeing how broken Jongin looks, how his eyes are no longer shining, Kyungsoo grasps tighter onto his wrist and shakes his head. All of his earlier thoughts seem to gradually vanish, and the CEO despises how much the idol affects his emotions. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to accept this reality – he doesn’t want to break Jongin if they continue to advance into their elationship – but seeing how much he’s already broken the male, his heart is being stabbed countless of times with a sharp knife.

Exhaling shakily, Kyungsoo shakes his head and gazes at Jongin for reassurance. “I never answered you; why are you so quick to come up with a decision for me?” His words are soft and cautious, because he knows he’s doing something that he’ll regret later on. Kyungsoo really doesn’t want for the past to happen again; he doesn’t want to repeat his mistakes, yet why does it feel as if he’s already doing so?

Jongin nods his head gently, “You don’t have to give me answer now.” Hearing the CEO’s statement has given some reassurance to his nervous heart, and the idol is taking the chance to do everything he can to not ruin their existing relationship as friends. Timidly, he grabs Kyungsoo’s warm, comforting hands and gives them a slight squeeze. “My showcase is tomorrow. If you show up, even for one second, I’ll be satisfied no matter what your answer is. You can reject me, or you can accept me. But if you don’t come at all, I…” he pauses midway, too frightened to continue, “I’ll understand.”

The idol musters up a bright, forceful smile to tell Kyungsoo that he’s okay and without delay, Jongin removes his hands from the CEO’s and walks out the grand office.

Kyungsoo’s hands lifelessly fall back to their original positions and the stunned CEO stands there in complete silence, heart conflicting between love and guilt.

 

 

 

Before entering the elevator, Kai brings a hand up to his eyes as his shoulders start shaking. He soon composes himself, hoping that no one will catch him in this broken state. He has to be strong, strong for Kyungsoo and himself no matter what the future has in store for the both of them. Kai has wasted so many chances already that he can’t waste the very last chance anymore. Still, even if Kyungsoo ends up rejecting him, it’ll be okay because he at least got to confess his feelings.

As long as Kyungsoo will end up happy, it’s okay.

As long as their current relationship isn’t torn and ruined, it’ll be okay.

But, somehow, the idol can’t help but to put the blame on himself. If only he didn’t give into his feelings, if only he found out a way to stop this love from blooming into a beautiful, forbidden rose, none of this would have happened in the first place. Because of his stupid, careless self, Jongin has put the two of them into complicated situations. There’s this small voice in the back of his head, it’s haunting and bitter voice constantly telling him that, “No, Kyungsoo doesn’t like you; he’s just being considerate.” And Jongin, oh Jongin, he’s on the verge of believing it.

The image of Kyungsoo backing away from him, how he avoids any eye contact, and the conflicted expression that he gave him, it’s pushing Jongin to believe that this is all one-sided in the end. Perhaps, the kiss that Kyungsoo initiated was really meaningless. Perhaps, everything that’s happened between them was just a fragment of his imagination making him consider that Kyungsoo felt the same for him.

Just as there’s a bitter side to love, there is also a hopeful side.

And despite having these fearful thoughts, Jongin is still holding onto tomorrow’s outcome.

Perhaps then, Kyungsoo will come and give him the answer that he patiently waits for.

Kim Jongin can’t give up, not at this moment he can’t.

 

 

 

A gentle knock on the door distracts Kyungsoo’s attention from his own thoughts. He inhales a breath of air and straightens his jacket, his fingers pressing up against the smooth material, and clears his throat. “Come in.”

The door opens and his assistant walks in, his gaze seeming to pity the CEO. Baekhyun walks up to his boss’ desk and presses his lips together, uncertain if he should inform Kyungsoo of the sudden news. Pressing his lips together, the assistant decides to start a brief conversation. “Kyungsoo, I…I saw what happened.” Indeed, Baekhyun did witness everything that went down between his boss and the idol an hour ago. His only intention was to deliver the document that are currently in his hands, but decided to go against the act and instead chose to stay behind doors.

Upon hearing this, Kyungsoo’s brown orbs widen in shock, “What?”

“And I might have a reason as to why he did that suddenly.”

Baekhyun place the document on the CEO’s desk and observes as the male’s gaze flickers back in forth between him and the stack of papers. His heart aches at the sight, and as Kyungsoo’s close friend, Baekhyun dearly wants to comfort the broken male.

The moment Kyungsoo gazes over the title of the document, his breath stills.

His assistant sighs sadly, “Let me ask you this one more time.”

“Baekhyun, I—”

“Are you willing to let go of your past and take the chance before it’s too late?”

 

 

 

The drive home is painstakingly long, and Kyungsoo constantly glances at the document resting in the seat next to his. His heart is panicking at the thought that the dreadful document brings, and unconsciously, his grip on the steering wheel tightens.

 

“Genie Entertainment’s CEO has filed a request to end the contract. It looks like Kai won’t be living with you anymore.”

 

Just the thought of not seeing or hearing Kim Jongin around the house – their house – has the CEO shaken up. Kyungsoo has become so used to the idol’s presence – Jongin’s stupid thoughts, silly acts, and comforting touches – that a house without him will become empty, cold, and lifeless. As soon as he pulls into the parking in front of the house, Kyungsoo immediately grabs the document and runs up the gravel stairs, past the gate, and into the front yard. He takes in notice of how there is no light emitting through the curtains of the windows, and realizes that Jongin is still not home.

Of course, why would he be home?

“He has a lot to prepare, huh?” Kyungsoo questions no one in particular and takes languid steps to the front door. The feeling of disappointment rises within his chest as he puts in the password and unlocks the door.

 

“It looks like Kai will be moving out the day after tomorrow. Are you…okay with this?”

 

“I don’t know,” he sighs against his parted lips and takes off his laced-up leather shoes before entering the dark living room.

A sudden memory pops into the mind – the day when he discovered the idol’s body sprawled out on his crimson couch, eyes closed and drool seeming to escape from his mouth. This brings a small, amused chuckle out of him. Kyungsoo then glances at the door to his library, and another memory comes up. He remembers how the music emitting form this very room distracted him from his precious work. And yet, despite hating how loud the music was, it was the very thing that led him to agree to attend the idol’s concert. He remembers witnessing how hard Jongin practiced that day despite having an injured ankle to work with. Rubbing his elbow, the CEO turns to look at the living room again, this time with a new set of memories.

As if a movie is playing right in front of him, Kyungsoo sees the two of them rehearsing the script Jongin was assigned. He tilts his head to the side as he watches how Jongin approaches him, eyes glazed with so many emotions of love. The very words Jongin whispered that day is still clear in his mind.

 

“I like you.”

 

These very words, in spite of hearing them from the depths of his mind, are tugging at his vulnerable heartstrings. Kyungsoo thinks back to today’s confession, although wishing for it to have never occurred, gives him a small smile because yes, Jongin’s feelings are sincere. It’s a misfortune, though, because he, himself, cannot find the same courage to accept the male’s confession. Answering only takes one second, yet why does it take so long to come to a final decision?

Kyungsoo is conflicted between choosing what his heart wants and what he should do to avoid the past from repeating itself.

Letting out a defeated sigh once more, the exhausted CEO takes a seat on the crimson couch and relaxes his body. He leans his head back and closes his eyes, questioning why he had to meet the idol from the very beginning. Why couldn’t they have just stayed as strangers? Why did they have to meet under such tight circumstances? Why didn’t he just stay back at his office as intended? Why was Kim Jongin chosen out of all the idols there were to choose from?

Was all of this what people called fate?

Did fate bring them together through all of this chaos?

Kyungsoo presses his lips together and takes out his phone, opening his eyes to check the time. It’s getting close to nine, and Jongin is still not home. Upon realizing that he just thought of the male, the CEO emits a bitter chuckle and places his phone on the coffee table.

 

“Are you willing to let go of your past?”

 

Baekhyun’s question comes to mind, and the CEO runs a hand though his brown locks, messing up its perfection. His heart feels like it is being stabbed again, and there’s nothing to mend it – no cure, no medication, nothing. His heat is bleeding continuously from its painful wounds, but the very moment Kyungsoo is reminded of Jongin’s sweet smile, everything seems to be okay.

Kyungsoo’s terrified at how such a small, sincere gesture has him distracted from his painful past. All of these years, he’s been trying so hard to close the wounds, yet nothing seemed to work. He once thought these opened wounds would never be healed, however when Kim Jongin entered his life, one-by-one, the wounds were beginning to mend. Sure, it would take greater efforts than just Jongin alone, but Jongin was the start – Kyungsoo’s beginning to healing. It’s as if Kim Jongin entered his life to tear it apart dramatically, only then to put everything back in place with so much care and love.

“Jongin,” the CEO finds himself whispering the comforting name, “what should I do?”

 

 

 

The idol finishes up his recording with a forced smile, but because he’s done this so many times now, to the spectators, the smile is real and devoid of any sadness. He quickly changes out of his white suit and into a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt. This is the moment where the courageous Kai disappears and becomes the normal Kim Jongin of the world. This is when perfection becomes un

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Bubbl3s321
August 7th, 2018: Thank you for reading!

Comments

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OdetteSwan
909 streak 0 points #1
Chapter 45: I finally finished reading.
Jongin was the constant Kyungsoo needed in his life.
Thank you so much for sharing.
OdetteSwan
909 streak 0 points #2
Chapter 23: I have been reading this fic since yesterday.
Now, that boy in the accident is still alive. It was a pity that he didn't get to meet Kyungsoo in the party.
Zndjcjaj #3
💙💙
Zuranya
#4
Chapter 45: Loved this story!
o3villem
#5
Chapter 45: My heart is seriously craving for more. It was such a beautiful story.
Judohan1
#6
Chapter 45: Thank you for this heart warming story
tonnettie
#7
I couldn’t even remember that I did subscribe for this before. But I’m excited to read it again
Pandafee
#8
Chapter 44: What a long chapter but I'm glad that everything seems okay now