Bicycle man leads us into a courtyard through golden gates, glimmering in the sunshine. He pulls the bridles of our steeds and tells his bicycle to lean against a wall.
“Stay there! Geez, you’re such a trouble maker sometimes!” He shakes his head.
“Uh…why don’t you go to the uh…bike racks?” Tiffany suggests.
He looks at us in horror, “Milady! Those bike racks are only for the bicycles of the Nobility. My common bike can never compare to those of the Lords and Ladies!”
“Uuhhh…okay…?” Man what the is this place?

————————

The Bouncy Castle is literally a bouncy castle. What in the world is this place? Apparently this land is called ‘Breadland’ and literally everyone here is some form of bread or pastry, apart from me and Tiffany and the Bicycle man. Bicycle man introduced me to a croissant, which he said was my husband. Man I want to get out of here really badly. I can’t take this anymore. As we walk through halls that are made out of plastic and brightly coloured, I pull Tiffany into an empty room.
“Dude we need to get out of here as soon as possible,” I sputter.
“But how?” she lets out an exasperated sigh.
“I don’t ing know. This place is ed up. I’m married to a freaking croissant.”
“If you think that’s bad I’m engaged to a bagel.”
“Whole grain?”
“Whole grain.”
“Man, you have the worst luck.”
“You think I don’t know?”
“But I can’t be that bad if you have someone as hot as me around all the time,” I smirk.
“Jessica we both are in committed relationships with bread—you know what me,” she says as she throws her arms around me, as I do to her and she initiates the first instances of passion with a searing kiss.
“Don’t mind if I do,” I smirk.
A hand s my .

This is great.

————————

It turns out that Tiffany had in mind even before we entered the room, and had locked the door right after we entered. Thank god, because during the deed we heard Bicycle man running around calling for us and it was distracting, but did not stop us from going at it like rabbits. I am lying on the ornate sofa, which seems to have been hand made and containing amounts of gold, with Tiffany and all her ness above me. Her long hair sticks to her skin, wet with sweat and I swear to god I will never let myself forget that image. Her fingers trail along the patterns of the sofa’s fabric.
“It’s a beautiful piece of art,” she begins. And I almost when she the outside of my ear, “it’d be a shame if you were to come all over it.” I can’t see her face but I know she is smirking right now.
“Uuggghhhh well isn’t it just great for me that I have no sense of shame.”
“Yes…great for both you and me,” she presses against my exposed neck and I succumb to the darkness behind my eyelids and the moans in my throat. Tiffany could be really ing hot when she wanted to. 

It’s great.

————————

Throughout the night we hear bicycle man calling for us, but the hassle of gathering the clothes which we had thrown all over the room was too great and we just spend the night lying with me on top of Tiffany, the both of us on the sofa. 

————————

“Jessica we need to leave this place now,” there is a panicked tone to Tiffany’s voice and I wake up in a daze.
“What’s goin’ on?” I mumble. I sit up. Tiffany is now fully dressed, while I am still . And gross. Ew.
“I woke up in the middle of the night cause I was hungry and long story short I ate my fiancée and your husband,” her speech is rushed and her eyes dart around the room in fear. For a moment I forget that we are in relationships with baked goods and am a bit freaked out.
“Wait—what?”
“I ATE THE ING BREAD LET’S GET OUT OF HERE,” she pulls me up from the floor and out of the room and begins to run.
“TIFFANY WHAT THE I’M I NEED CLOTHES.”
“OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO HIGH MAINTENANCE,” she groans as we turn back.
“Miladies?” Bicycle man appears from a room, in an owl onesie. “OH YOU SEEM TO BE BUSY I’LL JUST GO NOW.” He slams the door.
“What—“
“HURRY UP AND GET CHANGED YOU IDIOT!!”
“OKAY!!! JUST CALM THE DOWN!”

————————

I have just finished putting on the dress. Tiffany has just realised that there are only three beings capable of persecution in this building. One of them is Bicycle man. She is an idiot.

I want to leave this place.

_________________________
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someone asked for jessicaxcroissant
it happened
that ship sank tho
LIKE TAENGSIC T-T
I really ran out of ideas for this chapter
It is literally 129% crack
Also the semi-ty parts
whoa
I can't believe I even thought those things
oh well
it was fun tbh