Introduction to the Quarelling couple: BaekYeol

Byun Baekhyun. Park Chanyeol. Not exactly the most suitable pairing in the universe. 

One was fire and the other was fuel. Put them together and the whole place goes kaboom.

But if a bundle of wood comes in their way, the only way to get past is to help each other burn that stupid wood down.

This is BaekYeol's interview transript on life:

Me: Good afternoon guys!

Baekhyun: Helloooooo!

Chanyeol: Same to you.

Me: So today, I'm going to ask about a few things. In fact, there's only two topics to cover. Is that okay?

Chanyeol: Shoot ahead.

Me: So, I heard that there are problems ongoing in your circle of twelve?

Baekhyun: Haha we sure do! 

Chanyeol: Shut up you .

Baekhyun: Why should I? Anyway, it's just some minor stuff. 

Chanyeol: Very funn- Yah! It hurts! You fu-

Me: Uhh guys. You're on recording.

Baekhyun: Oops! Sorry!

Me: It's okay, oppa. The next and the last question is, what do you think on life?

Chanyeol: Hmm... Controversial topic. I would say life is going through school peacefully without retards following you around, then graduate and get a job. Then do some real afterwards.

Baekyeol: Psh mind your language Chan. Anyway, life is about eyeliner eyeliner and eyeliner! Wear them so you can scare away the es that bully you. I truly believe that you should be happy at all times and be a good friend.

Me: That's really interesting answers! As they say about life, it includes love. Any future plans?

Both: ... uh ... 

Baekhyun: I-I don't really know. 

Chanyeol: Me neither... 

Observations and notes: Interviewees seemed nervous. Kept looking at each other. C'mon guys. The whole school knows about your situation.

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Introduction to the Bubble-tea and BFF couple: HunHan

They are always seen holding each other's hands and laughing around school. 

The older usually has a bad attitude around others and legend says that only Sehun can calm him down.

Luhan and Sehun seem like the most peaceful people in the gang, in fact they are.

The problem is Sehun's mother works in the school...

Notes seen lying on the school grounds:

Hi Luhan hyung!

How was your test? Hope it was great! Hope you can meet me after school later.

Let's go drink bubble tea together. Without you, bubble tea doesn't taste the same :)

Love,

Sehunnie

To the most idiotic lovable guy:

Yah! Sehunnie! Let's go out later.

We need to buy presents for Wu fcking Kris. Psh he's so old and still wants presents.

Anyway, we can go walk your puppies later. Really looking forward to that! ^.^ <3

XOXO

Luhan hyung

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Introduction to the ing 24/7 couple: TaoRis

I've heard recipes for happiness, life etc. Recipes for destruction?

The two are often seen glaring at each other. Actually behind that wall, lies a sweet couple.

Anger one of them, the other will you get skewered. Anger both, you get skinned, broken and thrown down the cliff. 

My team of editors had a special interview with the two on this topic of destruction.

Here is the recipe for destruction TaoRis came up with: 

1 Tao's wushu sword

1 Kris' basket ball

1/2 tablespoon of Chanyeol's idiotism

1/2 a spoon of bickering

2 spoonfuls of kicking

500g of glaring

Step 1 - Throw in the basket ball and the sword. Mix well for five minutes.

Step 2 - Stir in 1/2 tablespoon of Chanyeol's idiotism. Mix till you see narrowing of eyes.

Step 3 - Afterwards, add 1/2 a spoon of bickering and 2 spoonfuls of kicking. Stir again.

Step 4 - When you see steam, pour in 500g of glaring and bake the mixture in the oven.

Step 5 - Take out the mixture after 20min. But as a pre-caution, stand back before you get slapped and kicked.

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Introduction to the 'Opposites Attract' couple: SuLay

Lay, or Yixing, is a very forgetful person. Suho or Junmyeon is a very responsible person.

Yixing likes to stare into space. Junmyeon is pretty down to Earth.

Just like how Yixing is the Sun, Junmyeon is the Moon, they are so different.

However, Junmyeon likes a certain someone with dimples, and Yixing likes a certain someone who is Über kind.

(Moon embraces the Sun. Get it? Anyone?)

Passer-by ZH's account:

"I was just walking past classroom 101 today and the room was empty except for Junmyeon hyung and Yixing hyung.

They looked like they were doing math together. The two of them were laughing and smiling. Junmyeon at one point was ruffling Yixing's hair sort of affectionately. 

After a few seconds, Junmyeon hyung leaned down and kissed Yixing hyung on the cheek! I think my eyes got blinded. How could they ever like each other?"

Account number 2 by ST:

"You know, today I f***ing saw Junmyeon and Yixing oppa walk home together. Guess what? Joonmyeon oppa seemed to be hitting on Yixing, but that dumb boy seemed very nonchalant about it. Joonmyeon oppa should deserve someone better, like me for instance.

My friends told me that Zhang f***ing Yixing doesn't have slightest clue that Joonmyeon probably likes him. What a retard."

------

Introduction to the kinda awkward but cute couple: KaiSoo

Kai(Jongin) is this awesome dancer. Kyungsoo is this awesome cook and teacher (who specialises in nagging).

The cute reason: They have great chemistry between them when they talk. The kinda awkward reason: Kyungsoo acts pretty squirmish when Jongin in around. In fact, he tries to avoid him. Jongin just stones down there when Kyungsoo disappears.

However even with that mysterious wall, it doesn't stop Kyungsoo and Jongin to act all couple-ly at times. According to some students, Kyungsoo would visit Jongin's house when his parents aren't around to cook for him. Plus some other fluffy stuff (that we will, 100% get into later).

The gang's thoughts on Jongin and Kyungsoo:

"Pretty cute." -Tao

"Eh they're good. As long as there's no PDA." -Chanyeol

"They're like a PMSing teenage girl. One day they're all fine and lovey-dovey, the next day they act like strangers." -Sehun

"OMFG THEY'RE FREAKING COMPATIBLE WITH EACH OTHER!" -Baekhyun

"Weird but kinda funny and cute at the same time." -Xiumin

"Anything's fine just don't let them get carried away- Hey there girl, looking nice today!" -Jongdae

"Okay okay. Nothing to be proud of either." -Kris

"Cute BUT weird. It's like, sometimes there's this personal war going on between them." -Luhan

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Lastly, the 'Chaser' couple: XiuChen

Why 'Chaser'? (Shh you Inspirits out there better keep quiet. For now) 

It's just because that's all what Xiumin and Jongdae do. Chase each other. 

Jongdae's been long well known for being the playboy-slash-troll. And Xiumin's got this eternal crush on him.

Ba-ba-ba! Problem number 1: Xiumin can't really get Jongdae to talk to him much, while he's dating all those girls.

Problem number 2: Jongdae keeps finding himself looking at Minseok, but the problem is he really doesn't have the guts to go up to talk to him.

These are recordings courteously sent in by Chanyeol:

"God. Xiumin! When are you going to get your over to Jongdae?" (Luhan)

"I don't know..."

"Can you stop not knowing? Don't you freaking study a little psychology?"

"It doesn't mean I can read his mind."

"Psh. Whatever, but you keep staring at him like a he's a delicious sushi."

"What no! I just don't know him well..."

"Do you f***ing like him?"

"I- Uh... I-I like- No no no. Wait what?! Gah!"

"Kim f***ing Jongdae. Stop being a f***ing coward." (Kris)

"But-"

"I know that you don't know Xiumin well, but at least you tried?!"

"I can't. You see with all these girls around-"

"God just send me and Tao in. We can clear those es off."

"It's not only that!"

"Then what? I can't stand both of you being wishy-washy all the time. It annoys the hell out of me. Chasing each other and then giving up. Every, f***ing, single time."

"I don't know."

"Do you like him?"

"..."

------

There you go my new readers! A little slice of the action in school. I must say things are getting interesting now.

(Ouch ouch ouch Hyun Jung you didn't need to hit me on the head- Ouch!)

There's my assistant editor, Park Hyun Jung for you. He just hit the nicest noona he'd ever met. (OUCH!)

Getting back to the topic, for you all to understand the drama unfolding currently, let me start from the beginning where it all began. Stay tuned for more updates!

And I may not be free every once in a while, so I'll be handing over this report over to a few of my trusty editorial board comrades when that time comes.

Until then! :)

Angel Lee Kim,

Head of the Editorial Board

Hyo Shin High

WARNING:

This newsletter and report is not meant to defame the persons or people mentioned.

Just kidding. It is. This is life.

newsletters101:a-special-exo-edition©

Anyone who plagiarises will inadvertently experience the wrath of all twelve boys and the editorial board.

This is not an experience I would recommend.

"F***." Kris said, staring at his phone.

"What now?" Baekhyun answered, glaring at him, "Tao not being around doesn't mean you can go f***ing people."

"No I mean, the editorial board is putting us on a feature book slash report slash newsletter."

"."

"They're going to talk about our relationships."

"Double ."

"And they're going release it soon."

"Holy mother f***ing double ."

OKAY GUYS THIS IS YOUR REAL AUTHOR SPEAKING.

I JUST HAD THIS TOTALLY RANDOM IDEA AFTER READING GOSSIP GIRL.

FORGIVE ME I WAS THIS RANDOM AND I WILL F***ING TRY TO COMPLETE THE OTHER FICS.

Anyway, I hope that the foreward isn't too confusing... Please tell me if you have any thing to ask! There will be strong language! So please be mindful:)

Basically, I'm going to start off with BaekYeol. (someone please comfort me and tell me that all these six ships are not dying)

ENJOY READING!!! :D *flies off to Neverland cos.I.think.this.story's.gonna.fail* 

 this, is me                                                                  this, is the rest of you

                                                                                              Probably...? XP

Thanks to Aegyo Graphics Shop, I've gotten this adorable poster!  Do check them out!

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