CHAPTER EIGHT

Without a word, he takes my hand, open the door of his bedroom, pull me inside and lock the door. “I’m sorry.” His voice is so livid of emotion.

All I feel inside is numbness. “You want me because you need a mother for your son.” The accusation seems hit the spot because he can’t look me in the eye. “And you will do anything to make sure I won’t walk away.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Who is the mother Yunho?”

He rakes his hands through his hair. “She’s dead.” Then he locks his eyes with mine and adds softly. “I’m not his father. His parents are dead.”

I don’t buy it, but I do want badly to believe it. “Who is his real father then?”  I ask sarcastically. What am I? five-years-old girl?

His eyes are haunted with the ghost of his past. “My dad. Junior is my brother.”

My jaw drops. I am so speechless I can only stare at him as he sits down on the bed. Does he plan to fool me? What does he mean?

“I left because my dad called. Mom didn’t like it. He said he was in trouble and need my help. Turned out he had this huge debt that if he couldn’t pay, they would take his life instead. He was a bastard but I couldn’t just let him die. I worked my so hard to pay off his debt. It took me two ing years.  That’s why I couldn’t come back.” His hand reaches mine and he pulls me closer.

My body is no longer listening to my head. The missing piece finally falls into its place. This is the truth that I’ve wanted to hear forever. But why does this is hurt too much? Maybe it’s because I’ve always thought the worst of him. Oh God, I’m so stupid.

He looks up with sad eyes. “Have I told you that my father was a bastard?”

I nod. My hands lift up to his hair. I him, communicating with my hands because my mouth can’t do it without breaking into sobs.

“After knowing he had me as a back up, he went back to his old life, gambling, drinking, and even . Eventually he got hooked to this young lady. My father was handsome for an old man. He showered her with money I got for him.”

I keep his hair. He pulls me even closer until I stand between his legs.

“He got her pregnant.”

I know that even until now, the fact is still tearing him apart. No children would ever forgive their father for cheating on their mom. He buries his face in my stomach. His hands are shaking in my waist.  

“They told me they would get rid of the baby. But the look on her face –“ Yunho shakes his head as if he is still seeing her. “She was afraid of my father so she pleaded me with her eyes. I should have walked away, told her that it was none of my business, but I couldn’t. I knew that my father came to me because he was afraid he couldn’t afford the baby. He was manipulating me.”

My eyes blurred with tears. I feel sorry for all the suffering he had to endure.

“So I promised them I would help. I even let her lived with me during the pregnancy so I could keep an eye on her, taking her to check up on doctor and making sure she ate well for the baby. Unfortunately, the guilt of betraying my mom always came haunting me every night.” He groans in agony.

I tighten my arms around him, rubbing his back all the while murmuring words into his ear. I want badly to take his pain away. This is not Yunho that people usually see. Yunho is a strong, stubborn and demanding man who will face everything that comes in his way. I love that Yunho, but I love this Yunho even more, this generous and caring man in my arms. I kiss the top of his head.

Eventually, the tremor leaves him and his body sags heavily into me. My heart swells with love for this man. I could call his father names, cursing and swearing, but it won’t take away his pain. “Oh Yunho I’m so sorry.” I keep kissing the top of his head.

Now that I think about it again, I’m ashamed of my self for blaming Yunho. He is as much suffering as I am. We both are the victims.

“Tell me that I did right.” He whispers hoarsely.

I can’t tell if he’s crying or not. But my respect for him won’t deter only because I’ve seen him crying. It only makes him more human. We all learn from mistake and pain, and eventually those things will make us even stronger.

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