HYUKJAE POV

 

 

I stared at my ceiling room.

 

My chest felt full and something filling it more and more, like it will burst out soon.

 

And it’s my happiness.

 

I sighed in my thought while smiling. There’s only a person filled my mind who’s filling my whole heart too.

 

 

Lee Donghae.

 

 

My perfect boyf—tsk, servant.

 

 

...

 

 

 

AWH, IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY!

 

 

I still remembered how he (in my imagination) LOOKS LIKE someone who get jealous after seeing me having lunch with Siwon.

 

 

I don’t even know why he got mad like that. He never being like the earlier Hae i meet.

 

 

But he’s super sweet.

 

 

He even admit that I looks like his princess.

 

 

DAMN THAT’S.... aissh.

 

Thank god he’s home already. I wouldn’t be able to meet him and see his face if I’m still blushing the whole time like this.

 

It’s been an hour and a half since he took me home and this blush on my face is not gone yet.

 

 

Really... that guy.

 

Making me crazy a lot.

 

 

I rolled undirectly on my bed. My face’s still burning. Really, HAE! Stop making me like this. I won’t survive with this condition...

 

 

Suddenly, my phone rang loudly beside me, and I jolted out of the bed when I saw the caller.

 

 

Oh my ing gawd sweet baby jesus. IT’S DONGHAE.

 

 

I tried to calm myself quickly, and answered the phone. “yoboseyo?”

 

 

Silence.

 

Eh? Weird...

 

I know the phone is connected, but... i can’t heard anything except his breath sound, and sobbing sound.

 

 

...SOBBING SOUND?

 

 

“Hae, Hae?” I tried to call him but he still didn’t say anything. His sobs is getting clearer. Omo, what happened? I feel worried and scared feelings took over me.

 

“Hae...” I still try to make him speak, but I still didn’t hear anything from him but sobs that scratch my heart everytime I heard it.

 

What happened to him? I hope everything goes fine.

 

 

But I know it doesn’t, since... When Hae cries like this, I just know something is not right. AT ALL.

 

 

 

After only god knows how long I just hearing his painful sobs and stay silence, I heard those sobs is almost faded.

 

 

“H...Hyuk... Hyukkie...”

 

 

 

-----===-----===-----

 

 

DONGHAE POV

 

 

“...Dad?”

 

I whispered, more to myself.

 

 

That figure who I hate the most stared at me. I know he sighed and just after that, he speak up.

 

“What time you should go home actually from school?”

 

 

I crossed my brows. “why do you care?” I said, then walked more closer to him.

 

“what do you want?” I added, still with my unfriendly tone and expression.

 

 

 

But then, he stood up and walked closer to me. “Will you show your respect? This is my house, I have rights to enter this house whenever I want,” he said arrogantly.

 

 

I hate this guy, I really hate this guy.

 

 

“but you gave this house to me.” I said, staring straight at his eyes.

 

 

“that doesn’t mean I couldn’t enter this house.”

 

 

I sighed. “What ever. What are you doing here?” I said looking anywhere but him.

 

Please, don’t make me go to US. I don’t want to leave all of my friends here. I don’t want to live with him, and most of all…

 

 

I don’t want to leave Hyukkie.

 

 

 

“oh, I came to live here.”

 

 

I gasped slowly, and widened my eyes.

 

 

Live here? He will live here? With me?

 

 

That’s crazy like hell. He’s crazy. I don’t want to live with him. my life’s with him.

 

 

“Why that expression?” he said calmly which I found it really annoying. I want to punch him. but of course I can’t…

 

 

Only God knows how much I hate him.

 

 

I just silence while staring at nothing when he tapped my shoulder in disturbing move—I don’t know how I just find it disturbing—while stared at my face.

 

 

“I want to introduce you to someone,”

 

 

 

I felt something stab my heart. Don’t say that is it. Please don’t say that is it.

 

 

But before I could react, someone is coming from the kitchen.

 

A woman.

 

Should I admit she’s beautiful?

 

And if I meet her at another place, another time, I would think she’s… perfect role for a mom.

 

 

, what did I thinking.

 

 

 

I already feel a slight hate to her.

 

Damn it.

 

 

I—

 

 

“Oh! Are you Lee Donghae?” the woman suddenly said, walking closer to me and touch my face.

 

 

Annoying. Disturbing.

 

 

“I know why are you here, young lady.” I said with the same expression I used to my dad. I felt my chest is burning and… I don’t know, I just feel unsafe, I feel uncomfortable.

 

She gave a little smile and titled her head, pretending to be friendly, I guess?

 

“and why is it?”

 

 

I sighed. “whatever is it, I’m not support you. Get another life,” I said harshly. “I didn’t mean to stop you from marrying that bastard, I just don’t want anyone to replace..”

 

I stared deeply to her eyes. “..my mom,”

 

 

 

“Yah Lee Donghae!!!!” I felt a hand shrugged my shoulder roughly until I’m facing his—my dad—face.  He quickly slapped my face.

 

 

It’s hurt, but I don’t care.

 

 

“c-calm down, it’s okay,” I heard the lady said behind me. Tsk, I don’t need your concern. I just want you both to get out from my life.

 

“I know you will against this. But I will keep marry Yuka and live here. Understand?”

 

 

My chest is so heavy. My eyes were so blurry. I don’t know how to react or even respond. I felt dizzy and hate took over me.

 

Yuka? It’s not a name I want to be my mom’s name. I immediately hate that name already.

 

 

She will replace mom’s place and I don’t appreciate it.

 

 

 

“just remember that I hate you so much,” I muttered super slowly because I don’t think I have much energy, then I stormed out of this house.

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

I stared at nowhere. I was at park near my house now, sitting at an empty swing.

 

 

I hate today.

 

 

I really hate today.

 

Hyukkie should suffered because of his y ex.

 

Makes me suffered too.

 

Siwon took Hyukkie out.

 

And I don’t know a thing about it.

 

That person came to my house.

 

And ruining my already little remaining happiness.

 

 

I don’t have any happiness left for today.

 

 

I feel weak and fragile.

 

 

I sighed, then pulled out my phone. I don’t even know why I did it, I just want to talk to someone instead of being alone like this. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t like to be alone.

 

 

And the people I only think about, is Hyukkie.

 

 

Can I call him? will I disturb him? Does he taking a rest? Should I call only because of my own problems?

 

 

NO. no, Hae. You can not—

 

 

“Yoboseyo?”

 

I stunned. Since when did I press call?

 

My body doesn’t want to obey me.

 

 

I felt my heart melted right after I heard his voice. The voice of the person I love so much, and I’m such a stupid person who just realize it.

 

I want to speak, but I can’t. there’s no words coming from my mouth.

 

Only tears flowing from my eyes.

 

 

I know I shouldn’t cry. I know I must be strong. I know I have to solve and face my problem by myself. But… I feel like everything is melt just by hearing his voice.

 

 

“Hae, Hae?”

 

 

Uh, damn. I can’t speak any words. I just… can’t help it.

 

Don’t hang up the phone.

 

I feel safe knowing you’re here.

 

 

Why won’t any words come out?

 

“Hae...”

 

I want to reply him, but my tears won’t stop and if I speak, he will easily recognize that I’m crying. Even maybe, he already knew that from my sobbing sound.

 

 

I know forcing myself to speak leads to nothing, so I just let myself cry my heart out instead.

 

 

 

And after minutes, or maybe hours of crying, I stared at my phone. What, Hyukkie still on the line?

I took a deep breath.

 

“H...Hyuk... Hyukkie...”

 

I tried to speak but my voice is damn husky and stuttering.

 

 

Great.

 

 

“Hae!” I heard him sighing, and I can hear concern from his voice.

 

 

“Y-yeah,” I tried to respond.

 

“gosh, what happened? Where are you?”

 

 

I just silence. Should I tell him where am I? if he’s here, I won’t be able to hold myself from hugging him.

 

 

“I…”

 

 

“please tell me, where are you Hae?”

 

 

“I’m at park… near your house.” I said unconsciously.

 

Damn it! Why you can’t hold yourself, fishy! He’s in pain and need to rest! You are selfish.

 

 

“I’ll be there,”

 

Then he hung up.

 

 

No, I won’t let him walk that far, since he’s not fully recover yet.

 

So I ran through the park and heading to his house. I can see a figure opening that gate of it.

 

 

“Hyukkie,” I murmured.

 

Tsk, I forgot to call him master.

 

 

“Hae!” he exclaimed right after he saw me, then running towards me.

 

 

I feel my heart is beating faster.

 

 

“Hae… what happened? Are you okay?”

 

When I realize it, he already cupping my face and stare deeply to my eyes. God, let me kiss him… or at least hug him.

 

But I just stunned in place.

 

 

“Hae…?”

 

I blinked. “Hhh.. Master,” I call him back and almost for the nth time calling him with his name that I not suppose to call.

 

 

But, he put his finger on my lips. “Call me Hyukkie please, stop calling me master.” He said slowly. I catch his finger that’s still leaning on my lips and hold his hand.

 

 

“Hyukkie,”

 

 

He smiled. The most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. I felt like I want to kiss those red lips, but I know he wouldn’t like it.

 

“Hae, care to tell me what’s going on?”

 

He asked again.

 

I just stare at nothing while my hands still holding his. “My dad is coming.”

 

 

I can hear his gasp. “chinja!?” he exclaimed, looks very shock. Huh? Did I tell him already about my dad? I just nodded but in confused expression.

 

 

“I know about your dad from your friends, Hae,” he said, like knowing why I was confused. I just nodded understand.

 

 

“um.. anyway, want to drink a hot chocolate in my house? They said chocolate can make you happy,” he said shyly.

 

Hold it, myself. Don’t hug him when you didn’t really need to.

 

 

I nodded while smiling. His cheek formed a slight pink blush, makes him really beautiful in my eyes. I don’t know, why I didn’t realize this feeling earlier? it’s obvious that I love him.

 

 

---

 

 

“Here, Hae,” Hyukkie came from his kitchen, bringing a mug of hot chocolate while his other hand bringing his favorite drink, strawberry milk.

 

I smiled and  gladly accept it. He’s really kind. It makes my feeling getting stronger and stronger to him. “Thank you, Hyukkie,” I said and he just smiled.

 

He sat on the single couch in front of me, waiting for me to drink my chocolate. Yeah, somehow I felt better. I don’t know if it’s because of the chocolate, or because of the person I saw when I drink this chocolate. The point is, I’m feeling better.

 

“Hyukkie,” I called him after I drank half of my chocolate.

 

 

He raised his brows while smiling.

 

I took a deep breath and decided to tell him. “Dad wants to marry a woman,”

 

His smile suddenly disappeared and left his mouth opened in shock. “oh, my…”

 

 

But then I smiled to him. “But don’t worry, I will get used to it, even it’s still hurt me. And anyway, he said he will live here,”

 

His eyes widened. “really?” I just nodded and show a bitter smile.

 

 

“Hae,”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I hug you?”

 

God. Is it me who want to ask that! , my face’s burning. But I nodded.

 

 

He stood up, while I froze on the spot. My heartbeat is so fast like hell. Control yourself, fishy.

 

 

But I don’t think I can.

 

“u-um, just… I thought you’ll feel better when someone hug you…” he stutter shyly. I just nodded, can’t hide my little smile.

 

 

He reach out his hand to me, and what I didn’t expect very much is, I quickly hold his reached out hand and pulled him, making him gasped in surprised. Me too, getting super shock with what’s happening.

 

 

HE IS NOW SITTING ON MY LAP.

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

Thank god I’ve put my hot chocolate to a small table beside me.

 

If not, I would definitely drop it and it will ruin this moment. Oh gosh. Hae. Calm, please. It’s your fault he’s sitting on your lap now.

 

“H-hae,” I heard him whispered on my left ear. I stunned. He’s hugging my neck and I pulled him closer, round my hands around his waist.

 

This scent again.

 

 

He rubbed my hair, it slowly. I felt my heartbeat is going crazy.  Damn. I can feel his warm breath on my neck. It’s getting more intimate.

 

 

I feel strange…

 

 

“Hyukkie,” I whispered, can’t hold it. His scent is so addicting. can I kiss his… uh…

 

“H-Hae?” he asked and when I realize, my lips is only an inch from his neck.

 

 

OH MY GOD.

 

 

But suddenly he tightened his hug to my neck. “are you feeling better now?” he whispered super slowly, and .

 

 

 

I’m aroused.

 

 

 

 

I moved uncomfortable, but gave him a respond. “Y-yeah, Hyukkie,” I whispered back and I can feel his smile is curved. I can’t hold it.

 

 

I want to feel those lips on mine.

 

 

I want to kiss his neck and leave hickeys there.

 

 

Wait. Since when I’m? oh, I already tell that I’m aroused. But I know he won’t like it, since he’s not gay and stuff.

But the only thing I really really want now is…

 

I want to tell him that I love him.

 

 

But I’m afraid.

 

I’m afraid of rejection.

 

 

And I know he will reject me.

 

 

 

But… I can’t hold it.

 

I pushed him slowly until he’s facing me, and I cupped his face while staring deeply at his eyes. This view… Please hold yourself to not kiss those lips, Hae.

 

 

 He stared at my eyes, with both hands on my chest. I feel like we’re lovers.

 

I leaned closer.

 

 

 

he gasped slowly, but didn’t reject my move.

 

I can feel his breath already. He’s really close to me now, and our lips almost touching.

 

 

His eyes. I stared at his eyes and he’s starting to close his eyes slowly. Damn it, is he do this on purpose to arouse me?

 

 

Of course not. Pabo Hae.

 

 

I  leaned more closer, but then I put my thumb on his lips. He opened his eyes slowly and found my eyes staring at him.

 

“Hyukkie,” I whispered, not leaving his eyes from my sight. I know we’re really damn close now, but I really want to confess first before he reject me.

 

 

He blinked slowly.

 

 

“I….”

 

 

I love you…

 

 

 

------===-----===-----

 

 

HYUKJAE POV

 

 

“I…”

 

 

My heart is beating in unreachable speed.

 

 

I can’t think straight. He almost kiss my neck just now, and he almost kiss my lips too but then he stopped it just to said something.

 

 

Does he love me?

 

 

Stupid thought. Forget it, monkey.

 

I stared at his eyes and his eyes looking at mine super charmingly. I know I will melt soon. I don’t know how red my face it is now because of blushing.

 

 

“I uh, Hyukkie… I—“

 

Suddenly a phone rang.

 

 

 

I frowned. It’s his phone.

 

I can tell he’s cursing super slowly, but then he stared apologizing to my eyes. I sighed but smiled, stood up to free him taking his phone.

 

I sat back on my couch nervously.

 

Okay. What was happening just now?

 

He almost kissed me.

 

 

…

 

 

GOSHHHHHHHH HE ALMOST KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I feel I’m hardly to breath. Damn that phone! Why it should rang in such an important scene??

 

 

He took his phone from his pocket furiously. I wonder… what did he want to tell me? Aisshh… my face. Still burning like hell. I’m blushing a lot because of him.

 

 

I stared at him. He looks shock but I can see hate in his eyes. Wait…

 

 

I never saw those kinds of eyes.

 

 

I never saw hate in his eyes.

 

 

Who’s the caller? What did he do to make Hae having those kind of eyes?

 

 

He answered the phone. “What the hell is it?” he asked. Suddenly I know who is it. Obviously, it’s his dad.

 

“why do you care!? No, I’m not coming home today,” he said, then quickly stared at me pleading. Oh, I know what he meant. Sleep in my house? That’s fine, but… aish, whatever. He already saw my blushing face since beginning anyway.

 

 

But then, he stood up. “huh?” he looks thinking hard and sighing many times. But then he hung up the phone, back to his seat while holding his head desperately.

 

 

“Hae?” I try to ask what happened.

 

He stared at me. “Hyukkie, sorry, I think I have to go.” He said slowly then stood up again.

 

 

I can’t stand his expression. I can see pain.

 

Poor Hae. He must be really mad at his dad. But what can I do? I’m such a useless.

 

 

“Hyukkie?”

 

“O-oh? Okay…” I said, trying to escape from his painful stare, then suddenly he stood in front of me.

 

 

“take care of yourself, okay?” he said, try to give me a happy smile. but it’s failed. “I’m going now,” he messed my hair and walked out of my house.

 

I just standing here, in front of the front door.

 

 

Staring at his back.

 

 

Until it disappear.

 

...



this feeling....


why it is so uneasy?

 

 

 

 

 

=================================================================================

[A/N]: finally an update T_T so sorry! i'm busy studying for this week. it's an exam week!

please wish me get good scores! ^^

sorry too for updating so short, i actually made super long chap and i divide it~ i'll update more soon! XD

this chap title is Hae Pabo part 1 XD LOL~~~ *get smacked by Hae* Hae: i'm not a pabo! i just shy~~~~ me: -_-whatever

XD thanks for commenting~~!!!

 

tsmheartzxcyou: ooooo~ not yet! XD his dad wants to marry another woman... 

xoHEARTx: lol~ his dad didn't know yet XDDDD

EunHaePerfecteristic: actually Hae is a pabo in this chap ^^ *holding desire to not shouted in frustration*

leerimrae: yeah i know... it won't be good at all. XD 

vulyhsif: he almost confess. curse his father!!!!!!!!!!!! DX lol u'll see~

LollZipopZo: see, Hyukkie's got bad feeling too XD

DredhezRei:AH I'M FEELING SPECIAL~~~ yay for ur 1000th comment!!! XDDD *cheers with strawberry milk* oh is it cilffy? sorry~~ XD

YumiHikari: i hope i can make changmin happier~ ^^ 

nininguyen50: yeah, but i'm actually not happy because of his dad XDDD

uuleunhaecloudy: LOL~ it's perfect!! XDD watch out, terrible thing is happening......