~*~

"It's okay son. Everything's going to be just fine."

My mother's attempt to console me was touching, yet it was ineffective. There was no consoling me. This day was the single most dreadful day in my life. The moment I woke up, I feared the events coming to occur. From the breakfast I had to bear to finish, to the dressing up I had to do while crying, up to the ride towards that sacred place where I had to see the faces of my Taeyeon and my Jiwon.

There was nothing else in the world that could make me more emotional than seeing the peaceful faces of my wife and child.

Now that I have bore the entire morning I have dreaded so much, I have finally stepped foot on the holy ground that would bless the separation of the past and the present. The Church of the Holy Spirit in Seoul brought upon an air of sadness, of happiness, of pain, of peace, it was everything ever possible to feel. I was torn. As I looked myself in the mirror just below the graceful statue of the Mary, I felt myself choke from sadness. I realized that the sadness overwhelmed the other emotions.

"Let me fix that for you son," my mother offered, appearing behind me on the mirror.

I turned to face her, and she fixed my tie for me. She was smiling so serenely, and I read through that melancholic happiness. Just like me, I was positive my sick and aging mother only found sadness and pain when we reached this Church chamber I was assigned in to prepare for the ceremony. The ceremony that would change my life forever. The ceremony that would let the past go. The ceremony that would dictate my future. The ceremony that would bury all the pains and the sufferings of yesterday to the ground. The ceremony was supposed to cleanse me, yet why did I only feel the weight of the ugly past pull me down?

"I don't know if I'm ready for this life," I admitted to my mother, choking as I spoke.

I was really crying now, because as the event loomed in closer, I feared the cleansing that would happen. I also feared seeing Taeyeon and Jiwon again, wearing such peaceful and happy faces.

"Everyone's here for you. Your father, your sister, me, Kim umma, Kim appa, Jiwoong, Hayeon," my mother consoled, finishing up with my tie and cupping my whole face. "We're all one family, and we will never let you walk alone."

"I don't think I can talk. H-how can I talk umma?"

"Just say what's in your heart. You have to talk, Kwon Jiyong. This ceremony is for your wife and child. You need to lead this event with confidence, because everyone's here to celebrate your family. Don't let our Taeyeon and Jiwon down."

I have let them down the moment I allowed them to hurt and suffer. The memories of the painful events that happened four months ago crippled my heart and soul. I felt my stomach churn in that familiar pain I constantly felt whenever I remembered what my wife and child had to bear through.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

We both looked to our left and watched the door open ajar, revealing the kind Kim couple.

"Kim in-laws, how are you?" welcomed my mother, leaving me to give the old couple a warm hug and kiss.

"Hello Kwon in-law, we're very great," answered the soft and peaceful Kim umma. "Can we talk to Jiyong before we start?"

"Of course you can!" and that's when my mom came back to give me a kiss and an embrace. "I'll see you later son. Say a little prayer."

She left me in the Church chamber with the two people I still couldn't see with eye to eye. The Kwon couple hurt just as much as I did when we watched Taeyeon and Jiwon suffer my punishment. I couldn't forgive myself for hurting the Kim family. I felt my lowest, my most shameful, whenever I was in the same space as them. I bowed respectfully without meeting their eyes, even kneeling to the ground to express my deepest shame and respect.

"Good morning Kim umma and Kim appa, I hope you're both doing well," I greeted, bowed to the ground.

"Get up from there," commanded the firm Kim appa. "Let's see each other eye-to-eye son."

Son. Everytime Kim appa called me that, I felt tremendous pressure on my shoulders. It made the shame dissipate a little, yet I felt even more guilty to be accepted into their family like this when I caused their first daughter nothing but pain and sacrifices. We all sat down on the chamber seats, facing each other under the holiness of the revered images of our religion.

"You look good son. Certainly better than the last few months," Kim appa commented, smiling slightly at me.

"Thank you appa. So do you."

The silence followed, and I found myself unable to look them in the eye once more. I couldn't say anything, couldn't offer to speak about a single thing. What do I tell them when the ceremony today was aimed to heal the wounds of yesterday? I couldn't say anything, because I wasn't even sure it was possible to heal any of our wounds. We were deeply wounded, almost killed, and very much pained with the things that have transpired thus far.

It shocked me to see Kim umma stand up and leave her husband's side to sit with me. She took my hands in hers, and looked at me kindly.

"It's time to move on from the past, son-in-law. We have to live life facing the future. So you have got to stop punishing yourself and dwelling on the past."

She squeezed my hands so hard while saying that, and I felt the tears I have fought bravely to hide all come out. I have crumbled down for the first time since I woke up to face this most dreaded day.

"It's hard to let go when the pain's still there. The past is all my fault, umma and appa. I'm sorry for letting you all down."

"Don't do this son," Kim appa said, his own voice also choking. He looked down and I could tell he was tearing up too. "I'm sorry, for doubting your love, for stopping you from getting back together, because of me... th-they..."

And he couldn't continue. He didn't have to, because we all understood that pain.

"We all made mistakes, but we can't keep hurting ourselves for them," said Kim umma, who turned out to be the strongest of the three of us today.

"Jiyong, thank you for bringing us back the child who ran away from us because of her dreams," Kim umma continued emotionally, finally giving in to her tears.

"I've always been against your profession, because it took away Taeyeon's childhood, it separated our family, it stole her right to a quiet and a normal life. And it... h-hurt her... broke her..."

She cried a little before talking again. To hear that Taeyeon's life suffered under the curse of the stardom we both dreamed of, it killed me. I regretted all the dreams and passion I have spent in becoming that one star that was revered by millions. Because of that dream, I couldn't have my wife and child whole.

"I'm just thankful that you two made Jiwon, and made my daughter leave the industry, even if just for a couple months. Though it was just a little while, the short time that we lived with Taeyeon were some of the happiest moments of our lives. So thank you, son, for bringing me back my first daughter."

Kim umma wiped my tears while she cried too, and that's when we both looked to Kim appa, who has now lost himself.

"I miss her. I already miss her so much," Kim appa cried, resonating the very same thoughts I had been feeling. "And Jiwon... sweet and innocent Jiwon... I  d-don't know how to live w-without them..."

That's when my heart just burst out, overwhelming with emotions. I stood up and bowed to the ground again.

"I'm sorry appa... I'm sorry I took them away from you..."

But Kim umma forced me up from the ground, shaking her head in disapproval at what I was doing.

"Kim Seungwoo, Kwon Jiyong, stop this self-blame! Today is not about who was at fault. Today is about celebrating Kim Taeyeon and Kwon Jiwon. Is that clear?!"

But neither of us spoke and instead just silently teared up. Before either of us could say another word...

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Somebody pushed the chamber door ajar, revealing the face of my sister Kwon Dami.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, but the priest has arrived. The ceremony's starting in a few minutes."

"Honey, son-in-law, am I making myself clear?" Kim umma asked before we all followed outside. "We can't come to the ceremony half-hearted about our willingness to let go of the past."

"Today is about my daughter and my grandchild. I understand that honey," Kim appa had the courage to say.

I also nodded and answered, "This is about Taeyeon and Jiwon."

"Good men," she said, and that's when the three of us exited the Church chamber together. Outside, the rest of the Kim and the Kwons welcomed us.

"You look handsome oppa," Kim Hayeon greeted.

"Hello brother. It's good to see you healthier," Kim Jiwoong said.

"Thank you Hayeon, Jiwoong," I answered to them, giving the warmest of my hugs.

Then, behind them I saw the rest of my family.

"Son..." Kwon appa said, stepping forward to hold my two shoulders with his hands. "A new life starts today. After this blessing, let the Holy Spirt cleanse the wounds of the past. We will all take a step towards a fresh start, as one family."

I nodded, and my father gave me a very touching kiss on my two cheeks, and a tight hug. Then, it became my elder sister's turn.

"We're here for you bro. You are never alone. Noona loves you," Kwon Dami assured me, burying herself in my chest.

"Be a strong man out there son. Be the man who deserves our Taeyeon and Jiwon," Kim appa gave me his last words, and those words became more than enough to give me the courage to continue.

Because in the Church itself where hundreds of people waiting for me. Just like me and my family, there were here to celebrate and Kim Taeyeon and Kwon Jiwon. And as their husband and father, it was my duty to lead this event.

~*~

"You're not just my baby-carrier, and you most definitely are not my . You're my wife, Taeyeon, and you're everything that role entails. So please be the wife who takes all my pains away."

Don’t be sorry,

that makes me more pitiful

With your pretty red lips

please hurry, kill me and go

"Thank you for being with our family today. You're all people we love dearly, and it warms my heart to know that you're here to celebrate with us. Because today is nothing short of a celebration. Today is all for Taeyeon and Jiwon."

They all cheered, some smiled, while the others cried. I was doing all three at once. There were hundreds of people before my eyes, and each of them mattered to Kim Taeyeon and me. As I thought of just the right words to say, I felt myself choke up. I suddenly glanced at Taeyeon's face, and she had never looked more peaceful than she did now. My kind and beautiful wife.

"Please don't leave me Tae, even if I'm like this. You're the only one who's keeping me sane. If you and baby girl weren't here, I'd be dead by now."

I’m all right.

Look at me one last time

And smile like nothing’s wrong,

So when I miss you, I can remember

So I can draw your face in my mind

"Please pardon me for taking time to speak here. But I can't think of any other way to show you, tell you, how much Taeyeon and I loved each other. Because we did. We loved each other so much that I don't know how I've come to deserve her