Friends

SCANDAL
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Your hero is here to save Taeyeon. You wanted a knight in shining armor, right? Request granted.

 

~*~

 

 

 

I was never the crybaby my entire life. Even my mom always told me that I rarely cried when I was an infant. My dad also always said that as a kid, I never easily cried even if I got physically hurt. The eight members I've lived with for the last ten years, they always commented on how I seldom showed my emotions.

 

The point was I didn't easily cry. Not because of sad movies or sad songs. Not because of teenage heartaches or sad stories. And certainly not because of a man. But since baby girl came to me, since I met Kwon Jiyong, it seemed I never let a week pass without crying. And these tears I was currently letting out, this cry, this breakdown, this explosion of emotions...

 

...was the worst I've ever had.

 

"Why are you crying? What is this? This is not right," Choi Siwon asked me, his lean arms surrounding my body, his hard chest providing a home to my head. "These tears are scaring me. Taeyeon..."

 

"Unnie... it's my birthday... please don't cry like this on my birthday," Im Yoona begged of me from the other side of the couch, and while she cried, I also felt Lee Soonkyu's hand on my lap.

 

"This can't be healthy for you. It's been almost an hour, and you haven't stopped crying. Talk to us," begged Jessica Jung, also sat beside Yoona.

 

Since the moment I stepped foot on our house that was filled with my friends, I had already been crying so helplessly. Turned out all the pains, the sufferings, the emotions, that I bottled up for so long, were just quietly churning inside my heart, until they've reached their limit. I had never realized it hurt when Jiyong hurt for her, that it pained me when Jiyong pined for her, and that it killed me knowing that he already chose her and left me all alone. I'd be alone again. I'd be alone with nobody else but baby girl.

 

Not that baby girl's existence did not comfort me. But all this time, whenever I thought about raising baby girl, Jiyong was always a part of that fantasy. That we'd be grocery-shopping as a family, ice-skating or camping, watching movies or swimming. I always imagined us walking infant baby girl in the park, going on play dates, or watching baby girl sleep in her nursery together. I didn't realize or remember until now that I had been envisioning the future with us three. To know that all those dreams were unachievable, it hurt me to a great degree.

 

So I cried. I cried because I felt pathetic. I cried because I pitied myself. I cried because I felt so alone. I cried, most of all, because I felt so betrayed. Although I knew my place in all this, I couldn't help but feel betrayed by my husband. Even if I pushed and pushed him to be with Mizuhara Kiko, although I gave him the free reign to commit adultery, I did not expect to feel like being stabbed in the back when he actually did it.

 

So I cried, because I underestimated my feelings. At the same time I also overestimated my strength, and most especially, my heart. I thought I was a rock. I was not. If I was, I wouldn't be crying this flood of tears just because my husband admitted that he slept with another woman. The same woman he slept with on our wedding night. The same woman he slept with during our honeymoon.

 

"Is it Kwon Jiyong? Did you and your husband fight? Did he hurt you in any way?" Kim Heechul asked consecutively, rather confrontational.

 

At the mention of Jiyong's name, I got ahold of myself, finally. I felt defensive of my husband. This isn't right, Taeyeon. You can't put Jiyong's name in vain just because you're hurt. So I tried to calm down, and shook my head profusely. Slowly, I pulled myself away from Siwon's hold. He gave me his handkerchief to wipe my face, and I did. I tried my best to calm down, to stop the tears, and it was very hard. It was such a challenge that it took another fifteen minutes. I must have looked idiotic all this time.

 

Once calmed down, I opened my eyes to see about a dozen of my friends sat and stood up all over my living room. Yoona and Seunggi were together in the small couch. Khun and Fany were on the other couch. Sunny and Sica were beside me and Siwon on the huge couch. Heechul and Donghae were both standing up with their arms crossed, towering before us. I didn't realize that Seohyun, Hyukjae and Kyuhyun were also with us. Seo Juhyun was crying so bad, and I felt even more guilty for affecting her like this.

 

"What's going on? Don't bottle it all up. Is this why Jiyong did not come in and greet us? You guys fought, didn't you?" Tiffany wondered, and she sounded angry at him. "Inviting us all must have been a gesture of apology for whatever he did."

 

"I just... I missed you all, nothing else," I lied, feeling so protective of Jiyong. I couldn't afford half of SM Town knowing my husband was cheating on me with my permission.

 

"I missed the old us, the old me, the old life, when there was no pain, when it was easier to breathe, when my stomach never ached..."

 

Crap. Stop giving out hints like that! You're only making it worse for Jiyong.

 

"You wouldn't cry this much just for missing the old times. You're lying to us!" Sunny exclaimed, her face filled with disbelief.

 

"I'm sorry. Just let me cry and not ask me of anything," I bawled out, because the emotions were overwhelming me once more.

 

"It's your husband, isn't it?" Tiffany asked.

 

"No!"

 

"He's hurting you, that's it," said Yoona.

 

"He's cheating on you?" asked Jessica.

 

"The ugly rumors from months ago were true?" asked Khun.

 

Until all of them asked me, giving out their theories one by one. It felt even more difficult to breathe, being suffocated by those questions, especially since half of them were true.

 

"Is he violent?"

 

"It's surely that Japanese girl!"

 

"Is he verbally abusing you?"

 

"How can he cheat on a pregnant woman?"

 

"The ?! You're really crying for G-dragon, huh?"

 

"Stop it! He's not hurting me, okay?!" I shouted with all my might, the suffocation permanently stopping the tears. They shut up as soon as I managed to look commanding and confident. When everyone was quietened down, I had already become calm.

 

"Look around you. This is the amazing life he's given me! And look at this bump of life in my stomach. This is the greatest gift anyone's ever given me. Jiyong is not violent, nor is he verbally abusing me. And don't believe the rumors you read and hear. You all know better that the media and the netizens spread lies about us all the time."

 

I couldn't believe I was defending Jiyong like this. It just didn't feel right to spread the truth about us, especially since it was no one's fault anyway. I strongly believed we were all thrown in this difficult situation, and it was just wrong to put blame or punish anyone for the pains we're all experiencing. I didn't want to punish Jiyong. He didn't deserve it at all.

 

"So why would you cry like this, if not for your husband?" Tiffany asked, still doubtful and suspicious.

 

"It's just... baby girl... she's making me emotional all the time. It's just the pregnancy, the nostalgia, the memories, and your presence. I'm just so happy you're all here. Isn't that enough to make me this emotional?"

 

No one replied, and I was positive it's because I did not convince them. After all, I wasn't the greatest friend in the world. I never expressed my love for them, and I never cried for them. I just hoped that the fact that I was pregnant was enough to convince them why I became such a huge ball of emotions. I spoke more, and tried to convince them that it was really just my condition. I shared with them how I cried easily even if Jiyong just bought me something nice, or how I now easily laughed at Jiwoong oppa's corny jokes, or how I felt like I loved Jiyong's family so much even if I only knew them for a short time. I explained to them how baby girl changed my disposition, my moods, my feelings. By the end of my random emotional breakdown stories, it seemed I have succesfully convinced my friends that I cried just because I missed them, and just because I recalled the decade-worth of memories we all had.

 

When I heard Seohyun, Yoona and Jessica sniff, I knew that I have completely sold my excuse.

 

"How about we plan a get-together?" Yoona excitedly asked, and this made us all recover from my sharing moments.

 

"Yeah! We can all eat out, schedule dinners with our friends, or go somewhere and just hang out," Hyukjae also volunteered the plans.

 

Pretty soon, everyone gave their inputs on what we should do and where we should go, until we've planned out the next two weeks filled with get-togethers and reunions. I liked the sound of it so much. It made me excited, positive, a little less lonely. Even if my stomach constantly churned with the pain of missing Jiyong (though we have only parted for three hours), I was somehow happy at the pending reunions with my friends.

 

Jiyong and I, we've been locked up in our tiny bubble for three months that it became so easy to forget that I had a life outside his house, or baby girl, or our unconventional marriage. When baby girl kept on hurting my stomach, I knew that she wasn't liking my heartbreak for her appa, and I felt the strong need to make it up to her. I needed to be happy. I needed to ease the aching of my heart. I needed to prevent myself from further mental and emotional breakdown.

 

For baby girl's sake, I decided that reuniting with my friends would somehow heal me from the unbelievable and unexpected pain that Jiyong and Kiko's reunion caused me.

 

"I would really love to hang out with you all. Let's do it!" I declared, triggering the celebratory laughters from my friends.

 

"Just because you're married doesn't mean you're not allowed to play with your friends anymore. Let's play and have fun!" Kyuhyun cheered on.

 

"YG family is not your family, we are. Don't force yourself in their company and have fun with SM Town!" Donghae happily exclaimed.

 

"Plus Seunggi!" Lee Seunggi oppa said.

 

"And Khun! We're hybrid SM Town members," declared Nichkhun.

 

I suddenly felt an inexplicable happiness, and I knew baby girl felt that too. I still wanted to thank Jiyong for inviting my friends over in his absence. If they weren't here, I would have gone absolutely crazy, and I feared baby girl and I would have been endangered with that kind of outbreak I had earlier.

 

Thanks to your aunts and uncles, we're still alive and fighting baby girl. I'm sorry for making you sad, okay? We'll try not to be sad. Hwaiting baby!


 

~*~


 

But the relief, the comfort, they were temporary.

 

When all my friends have gone, when the elders checked on me, exchanged stories with me, cleaned up for me, and have gone too... I was left in that dark hole of loneliness, and I felt it eat me up alive.

 

It took another kind of strength to lie to our parents about how joyful the babymoon was. Unlike Prague, where the last four day's joy helped me lie about how great the honeymoon was, the last three days in Paris were far from joyful. Because the pain was fresher, it became almost impossible to put a front.

 

Yet I survived, yet again. The Kwons and the Kims bought my delight and excitement in sharing how great the European babymoon was. Mom and Hayeon did not leave until I was dressed up and ready for bed. And the moment they did, the silence of the house became like big knives killing me slowly.

 

The sadness, it was unbearable. Especially since the pillows, the sheets, the scent of the room, they reminded me of those three golden weeks when Jiyong and I slept together, cuddling and talking after hours, falling asleep in each other's arms. Then I was reminded once more of how this house started from scratch. Empty on baby girl's third month. Comfortable on baby girl's fourth month. Homey on baby girl's fifth month. Three months of friendship under this roof, they deluded me, made me hope, made me dream. Three weeks of consummating our marriage that was once only about friendship, they pushed me, made me fall, made me hurt.

 

The eerie silence became too much, and the thoughts and memories overwhelmed me. Until I found myself crying again, hurting baby girl again. Why were the littlest of emotions became a million times amplified during pregnancy? I was sure that if I wasn't pregnant and hormonal, I would have been stronger. I would have been able to fight anything that's hurting me. But being that baby girl's here, just thinking of the way Jiyong snored, or the way I woke up to see him gazing at me, they made me go absolutely crazy from tears.

 

I'm sorry baby girl. Hang in there, okay? This too shall pass. Mommy just needs to cry it all out.

 

But an hour has passed, and I could not stop. This wasn't right. I needed to let this all out, or I would kill my baby. She was all I had left that provided me a shred of hope to live and to look towards the future, so I needed to protect her. With baby girl's safety in mind, I grabbed my phone and texted the first friend that came to mind.


 

Stephanie Hwang

Tiff, if you can find a way to come back to my house without anyone knowing, not even Khun, please do. I need you best...

Sent 11:34pm


 

The girls mentioned they were flying to Kobe tomorrow morning for the next Love & Peace stop, but I still held on to the hope that Fany could still break away from the managers to come meet me. If she was unavailable, the other girls would be too. The next best person on my list to talk to was Kwon Dami. I really didn't want it to be Jiyong's sister, but I figured she would understand me too. She knew the great love story of Jiyong and Kiko after all.

 

But fortunately, Tiffany came through for me, like she always did.


 

Stephanie Hwang

Of course babe. I'm just prepping for the flight to Japan. Give me an hour to sneak out. Please stop crying until I come back. Love you best.

Sent 11:41pm


 

She knew me too well to have known I needed her for something that made me cry. Even if I wanted to heed her command, there was no stopping the tears, so I silently teared up for the next hour, until she rang on my door bell.

 

"Now tell me the truth, from start, to finish, and don't leave any details off," was the first thing she said to me when I opened the door on her.

 

I kept quiet, and she entered the house, carrying a white plastic bag. I locked the doors, and together, we went to the same living room we just hung out in the whole day. Fany was now ready for bed too. Underneath her expensive Gucci coat was her baby pink pair of pajamas. I chuckled, in tears, at the sight of her sleeping wear. I remembered the years we lived and slept together. We talked, ate, laughed, at this same time at night. It was during these times when we became the best of friends in SNSD during our dorm years. Sooyoung and Yoona weren't the original shikshin. It was us, the midnight shikshins.

 

She finally uncovered the contents of the white plastic bag, and true to the memories, there were a bunch of food inside. Beef. Pork. Fruits. Juices. Milk shakes. Chocolates. She obviously made a stop to the nearest mart to buy all the food we loved to eat during our years of playing house together.

 

"I know you so well, Kim Taeyeon. Maybe even better than you know yourself," Fany declared as she took the food out the table. "You can't tell me it's just baby girl, or the nostalgia. It's more than that, and I know it. I just know it."

 

I watched her do her thing with a smile. How could I have forgotten that there was such a person like Tiffany I could share all my troubles with? We always came through for each other, every heartache, every boyfriend, every breakup, every family feud, every career dilemma, everything. But when baby girl came, we became so distant. Part of it was my guilt about bringing such a scandal in the lives of my members. So I distanced myself from them.

 

But I felt so thankful that even after the four months of living away from them, here was Stephanie Hwang still coming through for me. I cried silently with so much thanks, joys, appreciation.

 

"Tell me. Talk to me. Share to me. Don't make me a bad best friend," she asked of me, finishing the food preparation, then facing me to hold my two hands. By the time our hands intertwined, I was crying so badly again. "Let me do my favorite job in the world -- comforting you, giving you advices, stopping those tears, being your best girlfriend. Boo, please? I'm literally begging you to tell me. I'll kneel down if I have to."

 

"Thank you for coming Tiff," was all I could say in between the tears.

 

"Why are you crying best? It pains me that you're like this, and I can feel your pain too. Taeyeon... please... talk to me..."

 

"There's too many things going on in my life, and I don't even know where to start. I want to tell you everything, but I can't... no one else knows..."

 

"I know for sure, 100%, without a doubt, that you're bottling everything up. I know you haven't told a single soul, not your mom, not Hayeon, not your husband. I am very positive you're keeping it all there, that you're closing it all in, and you're slowly killing yourself. It's not good for my godchild. I don't want our first Soshi junior to swim in a mess like this. Open up! Let it all out! Talk it out! You're not bionic, you're not a robot, you're not a stone. You can only keep so much to yourself."

 

What she said only pushed me further on the edge, and I now howled pathetically. Tiffany has become so talented in reading me to a T. One of the reasons why I chose to distance myself from her was my fear that she'd be so smart, so good, in knowing all my secrets. We never kept secrets. Not until now.

 

"Taeyeon... please..." she begged, tearing up too at the sight of my pitiful self. "Anytime you're ready, I'm here to listen."

 

She got a napkin from the wooden center table, and she wiped my cheeks. It was pointless, because today, I had an unlimited amount of tears to cry. When I saw that she was in a bad shape as much as I was, I decided that now was the time.

 

For the first time since Kwon Jiyong came to my life, I was going to tell another soul the truth, from start to finish.

 

"This marriage isn't based on love... or happiness... or truth and honesty. The wedding... my relationship with Jiyong... they're all an act."

 

This first declaration was so strong, so apt, to summarize what's going on in my life. It was strong enough to stop Tiffany's tears. dropped open, and she shouted, "What?!"

 

"This is YG and SM's media management plan, to clean my image, to clean Jiyong's image, to restore SNSD and Big Bang's names. This was a coverup to obtain the public's trust once more, because the nations' idols can't be pregnant outside a marriage and from a one night stand. That's just not what SNSD and Big Bang's legacy should be."

 

Fany closed and dried her tears, crooking her head in confusion. I could tell this was too much to digest for her, and she even looked somewhere else, staring at emptiness with so much disbelief.

 

"Jiyong and I, we aren't in love. There's no secret relationship dating back to last year. We got drunk and slept together back in January, and we agreed to bury that one night stand in a hatchet. Until baby girl came to us."

 

"Everything was written down step by step, bounded in a legal document, approved and managed by SM and YG, G-dragon, and Kim Taeyeon. None of this happy marriage life is true. Everything's a fake. It's all a lie. I'm living a lie. I'm a lie."

 

As I summarized my life as a lie, I felt tears overpowering my calmness once more. I broke down and couldn't speak for a moment. Tiffany was just as speechless herself, because I felt us drown in silence for a long time.

 

"I c-can't believe this. Wh-why would you agree to this?"

 

"I had no choice, did I? I ruined SNSD. I lost everything, Steph. I almost ended my life when the fear of my pregnancy overwhelmed me. I drowned in alcohol, regret, depression, when baby girl was only eight weeks old. And Jiyong... he provided me a way to save SNSD and baby girl. He saved me..."

 

"So this was all his idea? Did he propose this grand wedding and fake marriage? Is the marriage even legal? Do your parents know?!"

 

"We're legally married. That part at least is true. And our families know, but they all have this fantasy that Jiyong and I... will fall in love... and live happily ever after. The elders are hoping so much for a happy ending we're never going to get."

 

"Please don't tell me this is a contract marriage that has an expiration date!"

 

"There's no expiration date." At least, not yet. I was positive that when Kiko and Jiyong got together officially, that Jiyong would eventually set a date for our divorce. I didn't want it to come from me. I had no strength whatsoever to dissolve this marriage and come clean to our hopeful parents.

 

"So why are you crying like this? Are you having a difficult time? If he saved you, then that means he's kind to you. You always speak highly of him, which tells me he's treating you right. If there's no expiration date, then you could continue and maybe learn to love each other. But why are you hurting like this?"

 

It was funny how it's easy for outsiders to dream about a happy ending for us. Like my parents, like Jiyong's parents, Tiffany Hwang was also very hopeful that Jiyong's kindness, this house, baby girl, were enough for a happy ending. If only they knew of a Mizuhara Kiko. If only they recognized that in this story, I was not the protagonist, but rather the antagonist, who broke apart a match made in heaven, throwing them to hell...

 

"Taeyeon... is there... someone else?"

 

Bingo. Tiff was so quick to catch on. When her question hit the right spot, I almost choked from the amount of tears clogging up my proper breathing.

 

"He's cheating on you?! It's that Mizuhara , isn't it?"

 

There was the hiccup in what could have been a promising love story. There was that bump in the road to a happy ending. My best friend finally recognized it. The fact that there was a Mizuhara Kiko already ruined this otherwise cliche romantic Korean drama. This was not a drama, not a manga, not a movie, not fiction.

 

This was our real life, and real life hurt so much like hell.

 

"Oh my god. I can't believe this. Oh my god!" Fany muttered, standing up and catching her forehead, thinking. She walked back and forth in that space after the table. "You've been living in this secret for almost four months? He's been cheating on you all this time?!"

 

When I saw how Tiffany's face was now filled with disgust, I once again felt defensive of Kwon Jiyong. It was very easy for anyone who learned of that fact to misjudge him, to see him as the bad guy, to hate him. It felt as if I had to explain for him, to make them see just how much he was suffering too. So I explained it all to Fany. How Jiyong and Kiko were deeply in love when the scandal broke out. How it was my fault they had to break up. How it was my fault why Kiko had to suffer. How Big Bang and SNSD's names forced us all to make decisions that would hurt us now but would benefit everyone else. How we did it all for our friends' careers, for our families' peace of mind, for our groups' legacy. And how I recognized that I could control things, help Jiyong get his happy ending, even if it hurt me. I explained it very well to my best friend.

 

Yet she did not buy any of it.

 

"WHY DID HE HAVE TO OFFER YOU THIS OUT IF IT MEANT MAKING YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL TO HIS FRIENDS?! THIS IS NOT SAVING YOU OR SNSD, THIS IS HIS PLOY TO SAVE HIMSELF! DON'T MAKE IT OUT TO BE THAT SNSD'S NAME WAS RESTORED BECAUSE OF HIM! THIS IS ALL YOUR SACRIFICE TAEYEON. YOU TOOK THE FALL FOR EVERYTHING, SO DON'T BE SAVING HIS CHEATING !"

 

Hwang Miyoung was so red in the face with so much anger, so much shouting, and I feared that our neighbors would hear her. I reasoned out with her, begged her, and gave her more explanations as to why I was doing what I did, and as to why Jiyong was doing what he did.

 

"YOU CAN'T PROTECT HIM LIKE THIS! NOTHING YOU SAY WOULD MAKE WHAT HE'S DOING ALRIGHT! I DON'T CARE IF YOU OFFERED IT, OR PERMITTED IT! HE'S LEGALLY BOUND TO YOU! YOU CAN SUE HIS ADULTEROUS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"

 

"Best please... I don't want our parents to hear you. They live close, so calm down," I begged of her, and she got ahold of herself and sat down with me. "Please don't be angry at Jiyong. He had his reasons, and he's had his fair share of sacrifices. He loves baby girl, and that's more than enough for me."

 

"God Taeyeon... please don't tell me you l-love him?"

 

Her question deterred me so that I was speechless for a moment.

 

"You're crying. You're hurting. You've reached your boiling point. You finally reached the limit that you had to tell me. You wouldn't be in this position if you didn't invest anything. Him cheating... is that what's hurting you the most?"

 

She declared my feelings for me once more. Yes, Stephanie really knew me more than I knew myself. This was just one of the many times when her inputs confirmed what I couldn't admit to myself.

 

"You should have closed your heart on him. You should have protected yourself better. If you knew from the start that he was tied to that Japanese model, why did you open up to him? You could have prevented this! You controlled this, until you let him drive this marriage for the two of you!"

 

"I did not plan this Steph! God, I did not choose this. How could I have prevented this? We lived under the same roof for three months. He showed me kindness, he gave me everything, and I was weak. I am weak. I feel helpless, and I have nowhere else to go!And Jiyong... he feels like home... like I'd be nowhere else but here..."

 

"You're killing me best. Just why do you have to be that damsel in distress who fell in love with her savior? It's cliche to be the heroine who fell in love with her captor and had Stockholm's syndrome. This is all wrong. This is not fair!" she angrily declared, holding her head with two hands and standing up again. She was now talking more so to herself than to me, muttering words that became such wake-up calls to me.

 

I began to tell her everything, from Prague... to Paris... there was not a single page in the last four months of my life that were left untold to Tiffany.

 

"I can't believe this. That ing bastard! Does he really think he can just leave you on your wedding night and honeymoon, and then offer you a babymoon only to cheat on you again?!"

 

But even amidst the things I said to build up Jiyong, to rationalize his adultery, to protect him, there was nothing I could say that convinced Stephanie. She was so angry, so closed on it, so firm, to think that Jiyong was the bad person. Suddenly, I regretted the way I told my story. Maybe I made it sound worse than it really was.

 

", I'M SO ING ANGRY! IT! HIM! I HATE KWON JIYONG! I'M NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE HIM! I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER TRUSTED HIM!"

 

My life story clearly made us both akin to swearing.

 

"This is not fair. Why are you the first one to fall in love? This is freaking unfair! Why?!" she cried out, so livid and so invested in the story. "What did he ever do for him to deserve my best friend's love and kindness and sacrifices?!"

 

Unconsciously, even if her questions did not really require an answer, I found myself enumerating and detailing to her just what Jiyong has done for me. He gave me a home. He took care of me and baby girl. He took care of my family. He gave me a rock, a solid wall, a shoulder, an ear, a best friend. Even if I lost SNSD, Jiyong made up for the kinds of friends I temporarily lost -- he became as wise as Seohyun, as funny as Hyoyeon and Sooyoung, as matured as Sunny, as diligent and responsible as Tiffany, as thoughtful as Yuri and Yoona, as dependable as Sica.

 

"Taeyeon, listen to me, and listen to me very carefully. You're highly sensitive, and your hormones are talking and feeling for you. This is not you. The real Taeyeon, the old Taeyeon, would never let a cheating bastard take control like this," she kindly said, the most calm she ever was since she found out. She also sat beside me again, and she was crying just as much as I was. Fany held on my two hands and put them under her chin.

 

"What use is this beautiful house? So what if he paid your contract termination fee, or bought you a car, or built you a garden, or moved your family closer to you? You have to realize what he's doing. He's acting kind, showering you with material things, precisely so you could be this selfless and giving wife who's indebted to him. He's being so kind to you, so you'd feel as if you owe him your permission for him to cheat."

 

Suddenly, it became my turn to interpret Tiffany's rationalization. I felt my stomach lurch so uncomfortably, and my chest felt as if someone heavy stomped on it. What she said... they made sense... I had been blinded by my self-pity and helplessness to see that. Was Jiyong really just being kind to get me under his bidding? I still refused to believed it. The man I lived with didn't seem capable to tie my neck up and treat me like a puppet. I was not that hopeless of humanity to think that Kwon Jiyong, my husband, would deliberately control me psychologically like that.

 

"Don't think like that Tiffany. Be more hopeful of other people. Best... what you're saying... Jiyong's not like that..."

 

"He's a two-faced lying !" she shouted suddenly, the calm demeanor out the window. She let go of my hands and wiped her tears. I saw how she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, as if calming herself. But she couldn't, because her next words sounded just as angry. "Don't cry for him! Don't give your heart to him. You have to pick up your pieces and wake up. WAKE UP! SNAP OUT OF THIS!"

 

She stood up and held on her waist, while her other hand caught her head again. It took her a few moments to speak again, and she just continued pacing around our house. When she faced me, she was still as angry.

 

"This is not love! This is captive syndrome. If you're telling me you did not even share any of this to your therapist, then you're not mentally healthy. Baby girl is making you weak and emotional like this. Pack up and leave and don't take this abuse. Gather yourself while it's early, and while you only think you love him. Don't give him anything, not kindness, not gratitude, not yourself, not your heart, not your body--"

 

"I don't have a captive syndrome! I'm not thinking my feelings. I feel it. I'm not sick, so stop saying I am sick! This has got nothing to do with my mental stability," I defended myself, not liking that she was making me out to be sick. I was not. Yes, I was depressed, but I wasn't unstable emotionally.

 

"Wait... please don't tell me you let him you again even after he impregnated you and brought you here in this impossible hell?" she asked me dauntlessly. I probably became too defensive at the mention of my body. She came closer to me and sat on the wooden table so that she was facing me.

 

"Once?" she asked, and I stayed silent. "Twice?"

 

I did not honor her personal question with a response. How could I answer about twenty times? She was already so angry as it was.

 

"Why don't you just shoot me in the head Kim Taeyeon?! !" she blurted out, again leaving the wooden table. Tiffany Hwang was never able to keep still when she was fuming mad. "That jackass has a wife to regularly, a baby to make all his dreams come true, a career to keep him going, his rude friends to defend him, and a supermodel mistress on the side?! YOU'RE ENABLING THE HELL OUT OF HIM!"

 

When she put it that way, it really seemed like Kwon Jiyong had the best of all the worlds. Meanwhile, here I was, with only baby girl to keep me going.

 

"This. Has. Got. To. Stop. Right. Now," Steph muttered through gritted teeth.

 

"Promise me you'll fight for yourself. If he can't stop his from ing his girlfriend, then learn to be selfish! At least get this house, . Take what's legally yours. Maybe not his heart, maybe not his , but at least his money. Everything he has is conjugal property, and it's all yours too. It's all baby girl's! Take all that you can get!"

 

"But don't let him take your heart, body and self-respect. No cheating bastard deserves that much. Not kindness. Not selflessness. Not respect. Not you. Not my best friend. Not my godchild. Not my Taeyeon."

 

Tiffany began to cry again. When she couldn't control her emotions, she chose to sat down beside me again.

 

"Best... please... wake up. Wake up, okay? This is Stephanie begging. Snap out of this, please? Deal?"

 

"H-how do I do that? How do I just snap out? I want to wake up too, because it hurts a lot... and it hurts more knowing that my baby's hurting too whenever I hurt like this. Tell me how Steph. Teach me now. Make me. Please make me..."

 

"Leave. Pack up your bags and leave. Get away from him."

 

"I c-can't do that. What would I tell our parents?"

 

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kpoponly
The I won the effing bid on my first freaking try?!?!?!?

Comments

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bingusgirl #1
its nearing the 10th year anniversary of this masterpiece. im gonna cry
chikafishy #2
Gonna read this story again cause i miss gtae so much T.T
momche2 #3
Chapter 28: After so many years I am reading Scandal again. Hands down it’s the best story ever written by a fanfiction author. And am reading it again for pure pleasure. Thank you author.
LoveTwentyFour
#4
coming back here to read this amazing fic! <333 this fic really made a mark on me and my fanfic journey.
zeeee99 #5
Wow, its crazy how good thisstory is. 6 years passed since i read this & i can say youre just good in bringing out angst which not everyone can do it.
windflower01
#6
Chapter 36: This is still my favourite and the best gtae story ever. Thank you.
tomotomo_
#7

Irashaimase!
Are you looking for a place to have fun?
A place where you can unwind and relax?
A place where you can call home?
We have it all for you!

★ Non-au Facebook based rp

★ All asian faceclaims are welcome
★ All ualities

Come and visit us at Tomo-Mart RP.
[ https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1534999 ]
[ https://photo.asianfanfics.com/user/2495679/b825e4.gif ]
Blue248
#8
Chapter 36: Hello hello there~~~
This is fabulous author-nim, thanks for the story, I love how you write this.
The ups and downs, extreme roller-coaster ahaha
chikafishy #9
Chapter 36: Back here again in 2022, reread this story again but still cant help to cry with taeyeon on every up and down.. still the best gtae story for me.. i remember this story that made me a gtae shipper in 2014

I hope you are okay author-nim, still hope you make a comeback :)
ieka_tieka #10
Chapter 37: i read this fanfics once in a while. it’s been my fifth time already 🥰