Chanyeol spent months going through the process of applying to attend school in America. He got a job to start saving up a year in advance. He began studying English a lot more avidly, and researching American styles and fads and whatnot. The thought of going to a new country, a new culture, and specifically, America, one of the coolest countries in the world… well, for Chanyeol, he could hardly contain his excitement. Except for one thing – he had to contain his excitement, because it was a month before he was leaving and he still hadn’t told his best friend that he was going.

It wasn’t that Chanyeol had gotten away without raising Byun Baekhyun’s suspicions now and again. His best friend knew Chanyeol, and knew he wouldn’t go out of his way to just do things like getting a job, spending hours filling out paperwork, taking tests, making mysterious visits to unknown places that Chanyeol wouldn’t tell him about… Chanyeol was lazy, and didn’t make strenuous effort for unnecessary things. It didn’t add up. But Chanyeol would just avoid the topic, make excuses. He was still in denial. As great as the opportunity was to go to the United States, the idea that he would be away from Baekhyun for almost a year was becoming more and more of a very huge problem.

In the beginning, it hadn’t really occurred to Chanyeol. It was almost like he’d been thinking Baekhyun would be right there along with him. But then, when his time came to tell Baekhyun about it, he had suddenly felt like he shouldn’t be telling Baekhyun at all. Like it was a secret that his best friend couldn’t know. Chanyeol couldn’t even understand why it was a big deal at first. But then after a while of thinking about it, he knew that telling Baekhyun would mean fighting with him, making a big deal about it, and then spending the days counting down being miserable. Because neither of them would be looking forward to saying goodbye. So instead of making Baekhyun sad for a whole year in advance, Chanyeol thought it would just be best not to mention it until just before he left.

Now it was less than thirty days until he’d be hopping on a plane to the other side of the world, and nothing had been spoken of. Chanyeol had spent every minute he could of the summer with Baekhyun so far – which was, any time he wasn’t working. That wasn’t a stretch for their usual, anyway. They were always attached at the hip. But Baekhyun kept bringing up “this year will be the best” and “I can’t wait to be in the older half of the school” and “we’re gonna have so much fun in music together” . (Chanyeol didn’t even want to think about the last one. He’d been playing guitar for years, and Baekhyun always said he was such a good player, as well as a great singer, and he should join him in the music program. But Chanyeol was shy about singing around people who weren’t Baekhyun, and he’d always denied the older. This year he had promised he would join – that was, before he’d found out about the exchange student program.) Baekhyun had always said eleventh grade was the best year in high school, although Chanyeol never understood why. But Baekhyun was just so excited, and all of his plans included Chanyeol. Everything Baekhyun ever did had to include Chanyeol, and Chanyeol had never minded, until now.

One night in the beginning of August, Baekhyun was at Chanyeol’s for a sleepover. It was late, and they were lying in Chanyeol’s bed, spouting random things and laughing too much the way people did at sleepovers, when Chanyeol blurted out, “Hey Baek, I’m going to America.” Lucky (or not) for him, Baekhyun just laughed, thinking it was a joke.

“Oh, really?” Baekhyun teased. “You gonna go to Hollywood and make it big?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “No. New York.”

“Ooooooooh, how exciting,” Baekhyun said, smirking. “The city that never sleeps. I dunno if that’s a good match for you, ‘Yeollie.”

“I mean it, Baek,” Chanyeol muttered, looking Baekhyun in the eye, but the older still wasn’t buying it.

“Right, well, pack me in your suitcase when you go.”

“I can’t do that.”

Baekhyun finally stopped grinning, face scrunching into a frown. “What are you being so serious for? Are you mad or something?”

“I’m leaving next month, Baek.” Chanyeol’s gaze left Baekhyun’s face after that, but Baekhyun just hit his chest – harder than usual – and told him to stop messing around. When Chanyeol still didn’t respond, Baekhyun grew very quiet, and Chanyeol couldn’t dare to look up at him, fearing what he would see.

After a while, Baekhyun uttered, “Are you really going?” Chanyeol nodded, trying not to grind his teeth together because he could hear how close the older was to cracking. “You’re not coming back, are you? You’re leaving forever.”

“What? No!” His eyes jumped up to Baekhyun’s, seeing some of the worry lapping away as he spoke. “It’s just for – I’ll be back, Baekhyun. I wouldn’t leave you.”

“Damn right you wouldn’t,” Baekhyun offered, smiling half-heartedly before scooting towards the younger. He hesitated before asking cautiously, “So, when are you coming back?”

Chanyeol pulled him closer, and unlike usual, Baekhyun didn’t struggle to get away. He just waited for Chanyeol’s response.

“June,” he answered after a while, and they didn’t say anything more after that. Baekhyun curled himself against Chanyeol, and Chanyeol tucked Baekhyun’s head under his chin, and they just laid there for a long time, not speaking, not sleeping. They weren’t angry, or sad; they just were together, taking one another in before the time would come that they couldn’t.

“

For the rest of the summer, neither of them brought up Chanyeol’s too-soon arriving departure. They enjoyed their time together, which really did become every second that Chanyeol wasn’t working, and though their dread hung over them, they both decided to ignore it. While they were together, they refused to be miserable.

On September first, less than a week before school would begin again and Chanyeol would be leaving, Chanyeol woke up to find Baekhyun lying beside him as usual. Not unusually, Baekhyun was already awake. However, Baekhyun normally woke Chanyeol up, lest Chanyeol would slumber all day (because he would), and his first thought would have been that Baekhyun’s refraining from doing so was odd, if it weren’t for the tears in the older’s eyes, though they were quickly brushed away with the hope that Chanyeol wouldn’t notice them. Baekhyun painted a smile on his face, but Chanyeol could still see the darkened spot on the other’s pillow where tears had dampened it.

“Morning,” Baekhyun croaked.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked, voice thick with sleep.

“It’s nothing,” Baekhyun answered quietly. “Don’t worry.” Chanyeol frowned. He couldn’t handle riddles when he’d just woken up, but he knew Baekhyun was lying. Baekhyun laughed, attempting to smooth out his messy bed hair. “Really,” he said, his miserable tone sinking under a cheerful one. “We’ve only got six more days together, they should be the best, right? Memorable, so you don’t forget me.”

“I’m not going to forget you,” Chanyeol mumbled, rubbing at his own eyes.

“Uh-huh. You probably can’t even remember what movie we watched last night.” Chanyeol’s silence proved his point, and it made Baekhyun laugh again. “See. I don’t need my goldfish dongsaeng forgetting me when you’re all caught up in the pretty American people and places and whatever. So, we’re gonna have the most awesome last few days together, and there won’t be any crying or sad stuff. Got it?”

Chanyeol appreciated Baekhyun’s attempt to sound so bright and joking when the boy was clearly trying to convince himself as much as the younger. “I don’t cry,” he grunted, trying to sound very, over-the-top manly and trying to look super serious. At Baekhyun’s snort, Chanyeol broke character and had to laugh too. “What’s the plan, then?”

“I have lots in mind, no worries.”

Admittedly, Baekhyun could be a bit crazy sometimes, and Chanyeol had his doubts that Baekhyun might make them jump out a plane or go bungee jumping or something crazy like that. He was lucky, though. Baekhyun took him all over the sites in Seoul; to the COEX Aquarium, Namsan Tower, the Trick Eye Museum, the Gwangjang Market, and even out to Lotte World, all on his expense – costing over 150,000₩ for both of them, not including shopping (though Chanyeol argued with him to pay for himself everywhere they went; he ended up buying their meals instead). And Chanyeol loved it. He loved going to the aquarium, though they had both been before at least once. He loved seeing the Teddy Bear Museum in the Tower (which was somewhere Chanyeol had always said he’d wanted to visit, and Baekhyun knew it), and going to the observatory, and leaving a lock on one of the lock trees with Baekhyun. They took lots of pictures of each other interacting with the art at the museum, and bought presents for each other (and lots of food) at the market. And of course, Lotte World, the last place they went, two days before Chanyeol’s plane would leave. Every day was great.

But there were little things, things that bothered Chanyeol. Things that Baekhyun would say when they would go to the places. At the aquarium, he pulled Chanyeol back to a hidden away area, and told him that when he had a girlfriend, he would take her there to kiss her. When they went to the Teddy Bear Museum, Baekhyun said he wanted to buy one for the girl he loved, and when they bought a lock, he said one day he’d put one on with that girl too. (And, happy as Chanyeol was with Baekhyun’s message on their lock – “Chanyeol, my best friend. Let this year go by so fast. I’ll miss you. Baekhyun ♥” – it felt like it wasn’t as significant as Baekhyun and his lover’s lock, even if the latter didn’t exist yet.) Even in the market, Baekhyun pointed out couple shirts, and at Lotte World mentioned how some of the rides he and Chanyeol went on were made for couples. Chanyeol wasn’t even sure why it bugged him so much. Because he’d always been the centre of Baekhyun’s attention, he supposed, and because he got jealous easily. The thought of Baekhyun devoting all his time, love, affection to someone else was hard for Chanyeol to swallow.

That didn’t really matter though, he realized on his last night in Seoul, because for the next ten months, Baekhyun wouldn’t be able to pay attention to Chanyeol. He would have to find someone new to care about, whether Chanyeol accepted that or not.

That last night, Baekhyun held on to Chanyeol so tightly Chanyeol knew it was going to leave marks, but he held on right back because he knew exactly how Baekhyun felt. They had to get up early in the morning, but Chanyeol found it hard to fall asleep. Even after Baekhyun zonked out, breaths ghosting across Chanyeol’s collar bones, Chanyeol just lay there awake, trying to memorize the feeling of Byun Baekhyun, his scent, his heartbeat, the sound of his breathing… It would be nearly a year before he got to experience any of it again.

The morning went by rained on by Baekhyun’s tears. Chanyeol couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen Baekhyun cry, as he rarely but most often did out of frustration. But today Baekhyun’s tears came freely from the moment he woke up until they parted at the airport. Baekhyun stayed with Chanyeol and Chanyeol’s family until the very last moment, when Chanyeol’s plane was called for passengers to board. He met Chanyeol’s eyes at the sound, and Chanyeol saw his tears renewing.

“No crying,” Chanyeol told him softly. “You said so. You have to have good memories. ‘Cause next time you see me, I’ll be taller and cooler and you have to remember the dork I am now.”

Baekhyun choked out a laugh. “Right,” he sniffled. “And I’ll be as tall as you, and still cooler.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” They both laughed, and then Baekhyun threw his arms around Chanyeol, refusing to let go for a few moments.

“I’ll miss you,” he whispered. “Every day. You have to message me and Skype me every day, okay?”

Chanyeol didn’t want to bring up the time difference, so he just said, “Of course. We won’t even be able to miss each other, we’ll talk so much. We’ll get sick of each other.”

“I’m okay with that.” Baekhyun squeezed him, and then let him go so his family could say their goodbyes too. Chanyeol hugged his mother, father, and noona, exchanging goodbyes with each before looking back to Baekhyun again.

“I’ll see you soon,” Chanyeol promised.

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” Baekhyun teased sadly. “Bring me back lots of souvenirs. Or an American girl. I’d be okay with that too.”

Chanyeol offered him a smile. “I’ll do my best. Bye, Baek.” Heart feeling heavy, he began walking away, rolling his suitcase along, but he felt his hand being grabbed before he got very far, and turned back to be pulled into one last hug by his best friend.

“Bye, Chanyeollie,” he sighed, face buried in the younger’s chest. “I love you.”

Chanyeol could feel his shirt being dampened, but he barely even noticed. Baekhyun had just said I love you, which wasn’t something they had ever said to one another before. However, the way he said it was so comfortable and natural and Chanyeol believed it, and the feeling was mutual. Baekhyun was his best friend, of course he loved him. What else enabled him to put up with Baekhyun all the time, and vice versa?

“I love you too, Baek.” Baekhyun didn’t let go, and as much as Chanyeol didn’t want to leave him, he really did need to go catch his plane. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Baekhyun finally released him, giving a teary-eyed smile and a final goodbye. At last, Chanyeol was able to go, and he didn’t turn back, because he didn’t want to make this any harder for himself than it already was.

If he had looked, he would have seen Baekhyun sobbing, eyes never leaving Chanyeol as long as he was in sight (and long after), holding himself back from chasing after his best friend to stop him from getting on the plane.

“

Several long hours and Chanyeol was on the other side of the world. He slept for a lot of the plane ride, and spent the rest of the time nervously anticipating his life for the next several months. Touching down in New York was overwhelming for him, but he did his best to stay calm.

It was crazy, seeing everything in English, and so many people of different ethnic backgrounds, and just… being in America. New York was intense from the first moment, and although it was almost as large in population as Seoul, it was so very, very different. Chanyeol wasn’t sure ten months would be enough time to get adjusted to this place, but he tried not to worry about that, searching through the airport for the family that would be taking him in.

He didn’t even know what they looked like, or they what he looked like, but it didn’t take long before he found them. Two middle-aged people and a blonde-haired girl who looked around Chanyeol’s age and was undoubtedly their daughter. The woman was holding a sign that said “Hello, Park Chanyeol!”, which was how he knew they were the right people, but somehow they seemed to know he was him without any signs. He approached them tentatively, gathering as much as he could looking them over before bowing and offering a “Hello, I’m Chanyeol”. The man reached out to shake his hand, introducing himself as Mr. Mayfield, and then the daughter, and the mother rolled up her sign before giving Chanyeol a hug. Right away, Chanyeol could tell he would get along with all of them.

On the way to the Mayfield’s home, the girl, Amber, and Chanyeol’s new mother chatted with him, asking him about himself and Korea, and how good his English was, and telling them about themselves and New York and whatnot. Amber was going into twelfth grade at Chanyeol’s new school, so she assured him they would see each other around. Mrs. Mayfield worked in real estate, and her husband had an important position in a well-known business, so they were reasonably well off. Their home confirmed that. From the outside, it seemed plain, with a large, brown brick exterior and a simple door, but inside it was very beautiful and open. They entered into one huge, long room that served as both a kitchen at one end and a living room at the other. Four doors led off to three bedrooms and a bathroom, and the master had a half-bathroom of its own. The Mayfield’s gave Chanyeol a quick tour, pointing out whose room was whose, and which would be his. His designated room was the one on the end, beside the bathroom. There was just a bed and a dresser, but he figured that was all he needed anyway. Mr. Mayfield told him if he wanted anything to decorate his room, they could go look at things after he was settled, which Chanyeol appreciated.

It didn’t take Chanyeol long to unpack his single suitcase and backpack. After eating a meal with his new family, Amber offered to drive him down to the school – since it was too far a walk; they would get a ride with Mr. Mayfield every morning – and so Chanyeol got to see his new high school for the next year. She also drove around the school – in Lower Manhattan – showing him the Chinatown, good restaurants to go to for lunch, Little Italy, etc. They even found some Korean restaurants, and Amber assured him that they would all check the places out sometime.

Chanyeol was impressed that his new sister could drive when she was only a year older than him, but he was also surprised by the fact that the school was so far away. The family lived in Brooklyn, and there were plenty of high schools all around, yet he would be going to one in Manhattan? It struck him as strange. But Amber just shrugged it off.

“It’s not inconvenient. It’s on dad’s way, anyway; he works down in the financial district. He’ll just drop us off in the morning and go to work.” She pointed off in a direction. “He works in the financial district, which is somewhere down there. Do you know Wall Street and stuff?” Chanyeol nodded. “It’s near there, anyway. But for us, it just means we get to sleep in an extra hour because we aren’t walking.”

“That’s good,” Chanyeol said at the mention of more sleep. Sleep was always good.

“Mhm,” Amber nodded. “Anyway, it’s a pretty small school, there’s only like two-hundred students, but there’s at least ten other Asian kids. No Koreans, though, I’m pretty sure. I don’t actually know that much about Korea. What are you guys known for?”

Amber spoke very fast, and Chanyeol comprehended much slower. But he had an idea of what she was saying. Something significant about Korea. “Kimchi?”

“What’s that?”

“Hmm… food.”

“Ah. You’ll have to make us some.” That stressed Chanyeol out a bit. He wasn’t good at making kimchi. Maybe he’d be able to buy it somewhere. “So, is Korea a spicy country?”

“Spicy?” He knew what spicy meant, but he didn’t understand how a country could be spicy.

“Yeah,” Amber said. “You know, one of those countries where the food is crazy hot and no one can eat it but them.”

“Oh, yes. Korea – yes, our food is spicy. Foreigners say that.”

Even though it was hard to speak English, it was easy for Chanyeol to talk with this girl, which was nice. He had been worried he might be with a mean family, or one that wasn’t understanding or something, but they were all very friendly and made sure Chanyeol felt at home, so that was one less problem he would face.

School was another thing. Sitting in the back seat of the car again in the morning, driving to the school he’d visited yesterday, Chanyeol felt his stress levels rising. He wasn’t going to know anyone in his grade, there was a language barrier, culture difference, it all seemed like way too much for him to handle, and he just kept thinking that he wished Baekhyun was there. Even though it ended up being alright, and a couple guys ended up talking to him and asking him to join them at lunch, it wasn’t the same as at home, without his best friend.

And even though he had wanted this for a long time, and yes, putting his nerves aside he was really excited, Chanyeol knew it was going to be a long year with Byun Baekhyun missing.

“

Getting used to American life was hard. He had eight classes a day, something he was used to, but they were shorter than the ones at home, and school ended two hours earlier. After that, there was no after school-school to go to. He was free for the rest of the evening (although he did have homework). However, most days the Mayfields would take him somewhere, show him a new site, and so he was never bored or anything. It was just different, and kind of nice, too.

The worst part was waiting to talk with Baekhyun. Chanyeol was waking up when Baekhyun was heading to night classes, and his lunch fell at two in the morning, Korean time. They texted each other, but often waited hours for the other to respond. It was easier on the weekends, and Chanyeol would get up early or stay up late in order to Skype his hyung. They would talk and talk for hours, until it was two in the morning in Korea and Baekhyun was trying hard to stay awake and Chanyeol would have to tell him to go, that they would “see” each other again next weekend. Being able to talk this way was better than nothing, but it still wasn’t the same.

Chanyeol tried to take lots of pictures in order to show his friends and family when he got home.  Usually, though, he would bring his camera along and then get too caught up in whatever he was seeing and forget to actually capture the moment. He had a few pictures, at least. He took pictures of all his friends, because Baekhyun said he wanted to see them all, and see if there were any really pretty girls. And there were some girls who Chanyeol thought were pretty, and if he weren’t a foreigner struggling with the language, he might be bold enough to ask them out, but as it was he didn’t ask any of them on a date. Even if he did, he wouldn’t know where to take them.

That didn’t mean he didn’t get asked out. It turned out Chanyeol was pretty popular, since he was “pretty good-looking for an Asian” (no one said Americans were tactful). Although at first he didn’t realize that dating in America was different than in Korea (which was awkwardly discovered after he accidentally got a girlfriend and Amber asked him about it, before having to explain what he had gotten himself into), he soon enough made his way to going on dates with girls from his school, friends of Amber’s, and even girls in his neighbourhood. Except, he didn’t actually enjoy the dates so much. Mostly the girls asked all the same questions – what it was like in Korea, how he liked America, etc – and it was actually pretty boring. Some of the girls were too handsy, or tried to kiss him – and some of them did kiss him – which he thought was just weird. Different culture, yes he understood that, but that didn’t mean he liked it.

It was worse when Amber started inviting him to her friends’ house parties, or to go out on the town. And since it was New York, the city that never sleeps, there was always something happening every second of the day, but seemingly even more at night. Which at first Chanyeol thought was super cool (until he had to wake up the next morning and was exhausted for the rest of the day). Amber – who was really an awesome sister, rarely getting annoyed with him or fighting or things like his noona did in Korea – insisted on taking him clothes shopping (though she enjoyed it more than he did) and bought him several “club-worthy” new outfits. Then, on nights they would go out, after she did her own makeup, she would pick an outfit for him and style his hair.

One time, she asked if she could put makeup on him, and seemed a bit surprised when he said okay. Not that he would ever wear makeup back home, but he was used to seeing “pretty boy” celebrities in Korea – that all the girls loved – wearing makeup. Also, he was in New York, he felt obligated to do some outrageous stuff while he was there. So why not?

That night, girls were all over him. They went to a youth club, but people were drunk and wild all the same. Apparently, Chanyeol looked good when he was all done up, because he wasn’t left alone for more than a few seconds. One girl, who was very drunk, tried to make out with him, and Chanyeol was too shocked at first to even stop her. By the time his brain was functioning again, she had him pinned against the wall, and he had to not-so-gently pry her off of him.

“I – I don’t want to-” He didn’t really know what to say, so he just apologized and left hurriedly. Feeling flustered, he ended up leaving the place and waiting outside for Amber to come out. Fortunately, she spotted him leaving and didn’t take long to go after him.

“Hey, Chanyeol, are you alright?”

“I think… too much for me,” he sighed. She nodded understandingly, and offered to take him home, which he accepted.

Chanyeol didn’t like girls dancing with him, or kissing him, or going on dates with him. Not girls he didn’t know, anyway. He thought that he would rather go on a date with Baekhyun than with any of the girls he’d been with.

Things started to go downhill from there.

“

A day in early November, Chanyeol was video-chatting with Baekhyun, but for once Baekhyun wasn’t at his own house. He was at their friend Jongdae’s house, spending the weekend there.

“But don’t worry, Jongdae isn’t good enough to replace you,” Baekhyun assured him teasingly, earning a smack on the head from Jongdae.

“I don’t need this,” he grumbled before leaving the room. “No stripping for the camera, Baekhyun!” he added as he left.

“Dang, how did you know my plans?” Baekhyun called back, and Chanyeol laughed. “I’m gonna do it,” Baekhyun said to his laptop. “Just to bug him. Brace yourself for the y body that is Byun Baekhyun’s.” And with that, he did indeed start taking off his clothes, and Chanyeol’s eyes widened.

“Woah, woah, I don’t want to see this!”

“Please, you so do,” Baekhyun said, mock-ily, giving an exaggerated wink. “Like you haven’t seen it all before, anyway.”

“Yeah, but I don’t need a show,” Chanyeol complained. “Keep it in your pants.”

“I can’t if I’m not wearing pants,” Baekhyun told him, winking again.

“You’re gross.”

“I am hot as hell,” Baekhyun argued as he kicked out of his jeans. “Well, I’m kinda cold without my clothes actually. This wasn’t well thought out.”

“Nothing you ever do is,” Chanyeol noted. A second later, he saw Jongdae sidle in on screen, a bowl of chips in hand, side-eyeing Baekhyun.

“I hate you,” was all he had to say.

“Because you wish you had this fine bod?” Baekhyun asked, gesturing at himself. “Or because you wish you were in this bod?” Jongdae rolled his eyes. “Oh please, I’m better looking than that one chick-”

“There is no one chick, Baekhyun! Any chick is hotter than you.”

“No,” Baekhyun shook his head. “Strong no. I won’t stand for your poor treatment. It must be jealousy then.”

They bantered on for a few minutes, as they always did, and then Chanyeol cut in saying that if Baekhyun didn’t start paying attention to him, he was going to take screen shots and post them on the internet for the world to see. Not a moment later, Jongdae’s noona walked by his room and saw Baekhyun and squealed, making Jongdae quickly shut the door. In the distance, Chanyeol heard her saying, “Baekhyun, my dongsaeng, when did you get so y?” and Baekhyun’s face turned very red. His clothes went back on after that.

And that’s how it started. Chanyeol didn’t get all the details, but Jongdae’s noona went from being “even more annoying than Jongdae” to Baekhyun’s girlfriend. It wasn’t right away, but after a while Baekhyun would take even longer to answer texts, he would be “too busy” to Skype with Chanyeol this weekend, he was hanging out with Junie-noona on this day, and the next, and the next… And when he did talk to Chanyeol, it always ended up being about her. It didn’t take long before Chanyeol was the one not talking to Baekhyun.

He didn’t even know why he was so mad at Baekhyun. Chanyeol could understand being annoyed at him, because it was annoying for Baekhyun to always be talking about the girl. But the anger? It seemed uncalled for. Chanyeol supposed that was just his jealous nature kicking in, but then, why would he be jealous? He wasn’t this jealous of Jongdae or any of Baekhyun’s other friends who were hanging out with him while Chanyeol was away. Was it because Junie was spending more time with Baekhyun?

Chanyeol found out soon enough.

Baekhyun’s rarer-than-ever Skype calls always happened at Jongdae’s nowadays. One morning, Chanyeol woke up to a message from his best friend saying, “Skype when you get up~” that had been sent half an hour earlier. He hurried himself out of bed and went to his computer, logging into Skype and calling Baekhyun. But it was Jongdae whose face popped up on his screen, and Jongdae who said he would go find Baekhyun, who had gone off to Junie’s room. Jongdae took Baekhyun’s laptop with him, and though he kept the camera focused on him, his words were enough for Chanyeol.

As he opened Junie’s door, he said snappily, “Byun Baekhyun, get your hands out of my sister’s shirt and your tongue out of ! Your best friend is online.” A moment later, the laptop passed hands to a blushing Baekhyun. “I’ll pretend I didn’t just see that,” Jongdae added as Junie whined in the background.

“Hi Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said, hurrying away.

“Hi,” Chanyeol returned, suddenly feeling very sick. His call didn’t last very long, because he could barely speak and when Baekhyun asked if he was okay, he lied and told him he wasn’t feeling well and should probably go. Baekhyun told him to feel better, and Chanyeol just said goodbye and closed the call.

Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He wasn’t just jealous of not getting to be with Baekhyun. Oh God, when did this go so wrong?

The thought of Baekhyun touching someone else, kissing someone else, being intimate and passionate and… who knows what else he and Junie had done. It burned a hole right through Chanyeol. His chest felt bound, so tightly constricted it was hard to breathe; venomous envy was scorching in his veins. It was like maggots were eating his heart, and it made Chanyeol want to throw up.

Chanyeol was jealous because he wanted Baekhyun. Really, really badly. Not like, as his coveted best friend that no one else could claim as their best friend. Like, a dating, boyfriend kind of relationship. He wanted Baekhyun to touch him, and kiss him, and do whatever else he wanted with him, not some girl he didn’t even know that well who was annoying and not his best friend.

Oh God, Oh God… He didn’t even want to think about it.

He could not like Baekhyun that way.

“

Sometime in late February, Chanyeol stopped talking to Baekhyun. Not like, he wouldn’t answer a text until the next day, but more, he wasn’t answering texts at all. When Chanyeol would go online, Baekhyun would message him or try to video-chat him, and Chanyeol would immediately go offline. After a couple times, Chanyeol stopped showing up online permanently. Baekhyun even tried calling the boy’s cell, though it was long distance, but Chanyeol didn’t answer there either.

Baekhyun messaged Chanyeol repeatedly, at first joking around and asking where he had gone, then asking why he wasn’t answering. There were only a couple of possibilities that Baekhyun could come up with. One, Chanyeol was really busy. But he would at least let Baekhyun know that, wouldn’t he? Two, his phone had been stolen or broken, but that didn’t explain why he wouldn’t answer online messages. Maybe his phone and laptop had been stolen, but surely his family had a computer he could use.

The last guess Baekhyun had was that Chanyeol just wasn’t talking to him.

But why would Chanyeol not talk to him? Had Baekhyun said something wrong during a conversation? He couldn’t remember offending Chanyeol… Maybe it was something else. Maybe Chanyeol had made some possessive friends, or worse, a girlfriend; someone who didn’t want him to have any contact with his old friends. Or maybe Chanyeol was just having so much fun in America that he wanted to forget all about Korea, and he was going to apply to stay overseas permanently and he was too much of a coward to face Baekhyun and he thought Baekhyun would just forget about him. That was possible. Baekhyun didn’t like that idea, though.

He tried to remember the last time he talked to Chanyeol, what they had said. It had been almost two weeks since their last contact, when they had video-chatted one night (well, it was the morning for Chanyeol). It happened on the weekend, and Baekhyun remembered the call hadn’t lasted very long, because – because Chanyeol had said he was sick! Holy crap, how had it taken him so long to figure it out?! Chanyeol must have been ill, maybe in the hospital. Maybe he’d been allergic to some American food without realizing it, or maybe it was an American sickness.

Baekhyun was just panicking over it when Junie texted him – as she always did; she never left him alone for a second – and he couldn’t even be bothered to read what she said. He just messaged her back saying, “Don’t text me right now!” His phone went off again a couple times after that, but he ignored it, worrying over Chanyeol. How would he be able to contact his best friend? Why didn’t he have Chanyeol’s American home number?

After his phone rang an annoying amount of times, he finally checked his messages from Junie. She was whining a lot, as always, and saying he was a terrible boyfriend and he treated her terribly and how could he be so mean to her today of all days? What? It wasn’t her birthday for another few months, how was today anything special? Sighing, he scrolled up to see the first message he hadn’t read before he’d texted her back.

Uh oh.

“Happy one-hundred day anniversary, my boyfriend! What are we going to do to celebrate our love? You’re devoting all day to me, right? You should sleep over tonight ;) ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥”

Oh boy. He had chosen a bad time to snap at her, and he was never, ever going to hear the end of it. Groaning in frustration, he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. He couldn’t handle this right now. His best friend was in lord-knows-what condition, and that was taking up all his thought capacity at the moment. An annoying girlfriend was the last thing he needed to worry about.

Honestly, Baekhyun wasn’t sure how he’d ended up with Junie. She was really pretty, of course, and could be convincing when she wanted to be. And at first, she had put on a show, making Baekhyun think she had grown out of being so annoying. But as soon as she had scooped him up, she went back to being her irritating self. She wasn’t all bad, and somehow she kept roping Baekhyun back in with sweet words and kisses – and endless nagging; she was worse than a mother – but for a while he’d just been thinking of ways to get out of the relationship. He didn’t like her, and she kept trying to convince him to sleep with her – she was two years older, which was one reason he kept getting talked into staying with her, because having an older girlfriend was always really cool – and he didn’t want to, and she was just clingy and ugh. Maybe now was a good time to break it off anyway. He knew that at least Jongdae would be reasonable about it; he’d been telling Baekhyun they shouldn’t be together the whole time, and he didn’t want his friend dating his sister. Although going to Jongdae’s house would be awkward. Whatever. Baekhyun didn’t have to suffer if he didn’t want to.

“Ugh, fine. Let’s just break up then.”

Junie was quick to respond, backtracking, but Baekhyun just told her he was tired of her and it was the end, sorry. (He wasn’t really sorry.) Then he went back to worrying about Chanyeol. He tried texting him again.

“Chanyeol, please just let me know you’re not dead or in the hospital or something. Just tell me you’re alright, that’s all I want to know.”

After he sent it, he realized the time difference. But when he did the math, it should only be eight at night there, so Chanyeol should answer, right? If he was okay. He had to be okay…

His phone went off once, making him jump, and then it rang again and again. But it was just Junie, and in aggravation he told her to stop messaging him. It went off twice more, another message from Junie – and one from Chanyeol.

“?? I’m not dead.”

Baekhyun sighed, exhaling his fears. But new ones quickly came back to him. If Chanyeol wasn’t sick, then, was he ignoring Baekhyun?

“Why haven’t you been answering me then? I was worried about you ㅠㅠ”

Chanyeol didn’t answer for a while, and Baekhyun thought he’d gone back to being non-responsive.

“I dunno.”

“What kind of an excuse is that? Why were you ignoring your best friend?”

“Good question.”

Baekhyun didn’t like Chanyeol’s two-word responses, and he didn’t understand what Chanyeol was trying to imply either. Feeling angered, he typed back, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, I guess.” Baekhyun was about to send a message back to him when another came in. “I guess I don’t feel like talking to you. Please don’t message me anymore.”

Baekhyun’s stomach dropped. This was some sort of practical joke, right? Chanyeol never got mad at Baekhyun, certainly not enough to stop talking to him. He was just playing around.

No messages came in. No “Haha, just kidding”, no “Gotcha! You were worried, right?” Nothing. Baekhyun had done something wrong. He couldn’t think of what it could be, but he knew he’d messed something up and now Chanyeol was upset and Baekhyun couldn’t handle that at all.

“

Chanyeol couldn’t face Baekhyun. When he realized his feelings for his best friend, he got so scared that he would ruin their friendship that he just wanted to avoid the boy as much as possible. At least until he sorted everything out and got the foolish idea out of his head. He could not like Baekhyun. Not when Baekhyun was – well, Baekhyun. His best friend, his favourite hyung in the universe, the boy he spent so much time with and who hugged him and shared a bed with him and… and who had a girlfriend. Because Baekhyun liked girls, and he did not like Chanyeol. Chanyeol didn’t even like boys, or he thought he didn’t. But Baekhyun was very much a boy, and he knew that, and he liked Baekhyun, so maybe he did like boys after all? That was hard enough to get his head around. He didn’t feel attracted to boys at all; he’d certainly never liked one before. But now Baekhyun… But Chanyeol couldn’t worry about having a ual identity crisis, he was having a Baekhyun crisis and that was stressful enough.

Liking Baekhyun was not something he could do. Well, he could, but it wouldn’t get him anywhere. Baekhyun didn’t like him, and Baekhyun would never want to be with him, and it would just be a lot of pain if he went on like everything was okay when it wasn’t. And so he stopped everything to do with Baekhyun. He couldn’t talk to him the way he used to, knowing nothing was going to change, knowing how he felt and how Baekhyun didn’t feel. But at the same point, he wanted – no, needed – Baekhyun in his life. His best friend. There was no one Chanyeol cared more about in this world, seriously, and he couldn’t mess that up over his feelings. He wasn’t supposed to have these feelings, for goodness sake!

Yet when he told Baekhyun not to message him, and Baekhyun obeyed, it hurt a lot. They really had grown apart, hadn’t they? Baekhyun seemed to think so. Because he had his girlfriend now, and he’d spent enough time away from Chanyeol to realize that Chanyeol wasn’t that great, there were lots of other people who could substitute as his best friend he wouldn’t miss Chanyeol. And Chanyeol didn’t want that to happen at all. The idea made him want to cry.

And he might have. He might have cried for a long time. He might have been crying when he heard his phone buzz, and his vision might have been blurry as he tried to read the words swimming before him.

“Chanyeol –
I don’t know what I did, but I know I did something wrong. I’m really sorry, if I said something that upset you, I didn’t mean it at all. You know I joke around, but if I hurt your feelings I didn’t mean to. You know I love you a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. And I feel really bad for making you upset. So please forgive me, okay? Tell me what I did wrong, and forgive me because I don’t want you to be mad at me. And I’m sorry for ignoring you so much lately, I haven’t meant to but Junie always gets mad when I don’t give one-hundred percent of my attention to her. I just broke up with her today anyway, so you don’t have to worry about that anymore. Let’s not fight, okay? Can you forgive me?”

Chanyeol was overcome with guilt seeing Baekhyun blame himself, and tried to write back as fast as he could without making typos.

“It’s okay, Baekhyun. It’s not your fault, I’ve just been having a tough time with some things lately. I’m not upset with you, I’m upset with me. I forgive you, and I’m sorry you broke up with Junie.”

“I’m not even sad about ending it with her. She was a pain ㅠㅠ But are you ok? What’s going on over there?”

Sorry Baek, I can’t tell you that one. He was sure Baekhyun was thinking something was bad in America, and he probably could have made up an excuse. But Chanyeol didn’t feel like lying and then having to stick with that lie forever.

“It’s nothing. Just working through stuff.”

They changed subjects after that, and their conversation returned to the norm. Exactly what Chanyeol didn’t want. He couldn’t be normal with Baekhyun now. After a couple minutes, he messaged Baekhyun.

“Hey Baek? I’ve been thinking about you and…” He erased it and started over. “I kinda realized something about – well, I need to talk to you when I get back.” He hesitated for a long time before adding, “About you and me.” Hitting send before he could talk himself out of it, he threw his phone to the end of his bed, fearing Baekhyun’s response. When the phone buzzed, it took him a minute to gather the courage to look at it.

“O~kay? You’re not calling off our friendship right? ㅎㅎ”

No. It’s the opposite. He wanted to tell Baekhyun, but he knew he had to do it face to face. “I’ll talk about it when I’m back okay?”

“Must be really important ㅎㅎ”

“It is.”

“

Baekhyun had to wait over three months for Chanyeol to tell him what he wanted to talk about. After he brought it up, he refused to say anything more about it, and Baekhyun was really worried. He never had confirmed or denied that he was going to end their friendship, which was terrifying. Baekhyun was dreading the idea that Chanyeol might come home just to say goodbye to him. He didn’t want that; he didn’t want Chanyeol to have outgrown him, to think he was too mature for Baekhyun. But Baekhyun was really worried that was what it was, because Chanyeol wasn’t talking to him the same way he had before. He seemed reluctant to talk to Baekhyun at all.

The time passed by murderously slow as Baekhyun began to doubt himself more and more in Chanyeol’s eyes. He counted the days, and it felt like the countdown to being eternally miserable. Every day, he thought about how much he loved Chanyeol, and how he didn’t want to lose their friendship. He would do anything to keep him as his best friend; there was no one else that Baekhyun felt nearly as close to as he was with Chanyeol. After six years of friendship, he couldn’t go his own way without Chanyeol now. He could change, be more mature, whatever Chanyeol wanted from him. As long as he didn’t have to say goodbye.

The more he thought about it, the situation, their friendship, and just Chanyeol in general, the worse he felt.  Chanyeol made him so happy. Chanyeol was his rock. It wasn’t even that he just wanted him. Baekhyun needed him. He loved him. Like, a lot. Like, he could spend the rest of his life with Chanyeol and be happy for every single day. Chanyeol was his sun, his trees, his water and oxygen and just everything Baekhyun needed to live was in that boy and if he went Baekhyun would die. Not literally, but his soul would die. He was dangerously dependant on Park Chanyeol staying in his life forever. He didn’t even care how greedy he was. Baekhyun needed Chanyeol.

At long last, the night before Chanyeol would be coming home finally came. One more sleep, Baekhyun told himself when he went to bed. Just a few more hours and you’ll see him again. Chanyeol was supposed to land the following evening. But it turned out that his thought was fulfilled much earlier than he expected.

Baekhyun was woken up after what only felt like a few hours of sleep, his hair being petted softly. He could hear a mantra, “Wake up, Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s coming home today,” being whispered nearby. Baekhyun had asked his mom to wake him up, but it seemed too early. When he opened his eyes, he saw it was still dark out. Chanyeol wouldn’t be home for a while yet, why was she getting him up now?

Slowly it dawned on him that the voice did not belong to his mother. It was far too low and all too familiar, and he rolled over to see Park Chanyeol kneeling beside his bed, hand outstretched to touch Baekhyun’s hair. Baekhyun stared for a minute, processing, and then gave a squeak as he jumped out of bed and threw his arms around the younger. Chanyeol laughed, lifting him up off the ground and squeezing him tightly.

“How are you home already?!” Baekhyun cried as Chanyeol put him down. He looked the boy over – still tall as ever and somehow even more handsome, his features more mature and less rounded – but he was still Chanyeol, and for the moment, everything seemed perfectly normal between them, as though it hadn’t been a year since they last touched one another.

“You are the only one who didn’t know I was coming home last night, not today,” Chanyeol laughed. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well, geez,” Baekhyun said, amazed. “My parents knew, too?” Chanyeol nodded. “Wow. I’m stupid.”

“Yep,” Chanyeol agreed, and Baekhyun smacked him. Chanyeol grinned, but uncertainty appeared in his eyes, and then Baekhyun remembered the conversation they were fated to have, and all his nerves returned to him.

“As much as I want to hear all about your past year, I guess you want to talk to me, huh?” Baekhyun asked nervously. Chanyeol gave a nod, looking equally anxious. “Okay… Well…”

“Baekhyun-”

“Wait,” Baekhyun said quickly, afraid to let Chanyeol continue. “Just - before you say anything, I just have to tell you…” He took a deep breath and then began speaking very fast so Chanyeol couldn’t interrupt him. “I want to tell you that I really want you in my life so badly and I hope you aren’t here to say goodbye to me and I love you and will do anything to keep you in my life. I mean whatever you want I will do it and if you want me to change I’ll do anything okay so don’t give up on me because I really, really need y-”

He was cut off when Chanyeol grabbed hold of his shoulders very firmly and pulled him forward to kiss him on the lips. A soft whimper came from the back of his throat at the suddenness and the absolute passion of Chanyeol’s action. Chanyeol’s hands moved to Baekhyun’s neck, fingers twining into the hair at the base of his neck and pulling him closer, tilting his head to kiss Baekhyun deeper. Baekhyun stayed very still, shocked, and let Chanyeol kiss him hard for a moment before pulling away. Chanyeol’s forehead was creased in a frown, and his eyes stayed closed taking it in, and Baekhyun just stood there, wide-eyed, mouth falling open, utterly stunned.

“I like you,” Chanyeol breathed, eyes fluttering open. When his eyes met Baekhyun’s, he felt his own heart skip nervously at the honesty he saw there. “And I’m afraid you don’t want me the way I want you.”

Baekhyun was speechless, trying to regain the ability to think. He hadn’t ever considered that Chanyeol liked him, and had never thought about liking Chanyeol that way either… But then, maybe he always had liked Chanyeol that way. At least romantically, he could imagine. But he’d never, ever thought of kissing Chanyeol, and he’d never have even wanted to.

And now Chanyeol had kissed him, and if Baekhyun had had any notion that it would have been something wrong or terrible or gross… It hadn’t been. It wasn’t like, end of the world, enough to make him turn gay kind of a kiss, but it hadn’t been bad either. It was sort of… nice. It wasn’t any different than kissing a girl, but instead it was just Chanyeol, and that… Well. Baekhyun was sure at one point or another he’d said to himself, If I were a girl I’d probably like Chanyeol.  But the idea of liking another guy – let alone kissing one – was pretty ingrained in his head as something impossible. And he’d just done it. And it was nice. And maybe he wouldn’t even mind doing it again.

Of course he had to find out, first.

He reached up to kiss Chanyeol again, this time closing his own eyes and letting his lips feel the other’s. Chanyeol’s lips were different than Junie’s, and Chanyeol was a bit more awkward and a bit less sloppy, but beyond physically, the feeling was entirely different. It wasn’t reluctant or not enjoyable, maybe because he didn’t like Junie the way he liked Chanyeol, or he just didn’t like Junie at all. But even compared to other girls he’d kissed, it wasn’t the same. He felt closer with Chanyeol, somehow more at ease despite both of them being boys and that being weird in his mind. And he kept pulling back only to kiss Chanyeol again, because he was finding that the more he did it, the more he liked it and the more he wanted. After a minute, though, Chanyeol pushed him away gently, giving him a desperately questioning look.

“I didn’t know I wanted you like that,” Baekhyun said, panting lightly. “I hadn’t wanted you like that – but now... We should try this. Can we try this?”

“’This’?”

“I dunno, just… kissing and – let’s just see where it goes,” Baekhyun suggested. “You like me, and I’ve always loved you, and I mean, I never would have thought to go anywhere further with you, but I want to. It’s not like I have to, but I want to at least try to be with you. Because I think you might be really good for me.”

“Better than Junie?” Chanyeol teased.

“Anything is better than Junie,” Baekhyun grumbled, and then he pulled Chanyeol into a long hug. “I’ve missed you a lot. I never thought this would be how we reunited. But I’m glad. I’m happy you’re home. I’m happy you’re with me again.”

“Anywhere’s home if you’re there,” Chanyeol murmured, and Baekhyun felt himself blush a bit. “I didn’t know I felt like this about you when I left, but being away from you…”

“I know,” Baekhyun sighed. “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til you decide to desert it for a year.”

“Hey!” Chanyeol pulled back. “That is not how it happened! I didn’t want to leave you behind!”

“No, you just conveniently forgot about me. Jerk.”

Chanyeol pouted. “Are you ever going to forgive me for that?”

“No,” Baekhyun said firmly. “But you’re back and you’ll never do it again if you want to live a long life, so it’s okay.” Chanyeol gave him a grin. “I cried because of you, you jerk. And I don’t cry over crap.”

“Well I’m not crap.”

“True. I couldn’t let my boyfriend be crap.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Yep,” Baekhyun confirmed. “You can’t back out now. You are stuck with me. This is the life you have chosen.”

Chanyeol pulled a face theatrically. “Do I even get to see my other options?”

“No, you should’ve thought of that before you chose me.”

And that was it. Both of them were filled with relief that the most foreboding conversation passed with total ease. Maybe at first it was scary, but as soon as they knew things were more than okay between them, it smoothed out no problem. Sure, they were known to make a big deal out of things, but they both seemed to realize that it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like anything really changed between them. They were still best friends; they still teased and joked and had fun endlessly. But now there was a new component to their relationship, and although it took a while to test out and figure out, in the end it just made their bond that much stronger.

And when they visited the aquarium, museums, and Lotte World again, Chanyeol was the one Baekhyun loved. It was Chanyeol who Baekhyun took to all his hideout spots to make out with, Chanyeol who Baekhyun bought a teddy bear souvenir for, Chanyeol he rode the couple rides with and even bought (extremely ridiculous, over-the-top) couple shirts with. And it was Chanyeol who bought a new lock at Namsan Tower with Baekhyun.

Chanyeol, my boyfriend. I guess it was always yours whose name belonged on this lock with mine. I love you. Baekhyun. ♥