Prologue:

Sometimes, he does contemplate death. Or something convenient like sleeping and then never waking up because honestly, he's just too much of a coward to actually kill himself.

So yeah.

Sometimes, death doesn't seem so bad. But mostly because his life so hard.

And even he doesn't understand why it feels that way. It doesn't make sense! He's at the top of his class, he's fairly popular, girls like him, guys think he's cool but he sees her and he sees her face (and it's a great face) and she smiles at him and his heart beats faster and his mind goes blank and there are no words in his mouth and his throat is dry and his palms are sweaty and it doesn't help at all that she sits beside him in class.

Ahn Joo-hee will definitely be the death of Kim Sunggyu.

Unless, of course, he dies from something else first. Fingers crossed.

His friends always of his predicament. They've always known him to be terribly self-assured and confident. Cocky, they may even say. But well... That's only because he's good. Pretty awesome actually. Like, if he met himself he'd totally go "Wow! You're a cool guy!" Because it's true.

It is.

Really.

Anyway.

So no one really gets why Kim "Cool Guy" Sunggyu gets all tongue-tied at the sight of Ahn Joo-hee.  They grew up together and have been attending all the same schools since preschool so whywhywhywhy is this happening? When did it become so hard for him to talk to her when in middle school he never thought twice about pulling on her braid?

"I think having to watch you watch her and being all cowardly in general is what's giving me indigestion, hyung." Sungyeol grabs at his stomach jokingly.

Sunggyu shoves him away and tries to concentrate on eating his lunch and not staring at Joo-hee from across the cafeteria. Apparently that might be considered creepy or something. "Or it might be all the coming out of your mouth."

"Touchy touchy," Woohyun teases as he settles his tray of food down in front of Sunggyu. "What's up? You know, aside from this guy's temper?"

And yet again, Sunggyu finds himself the of his friends' jokes. He rolls his eyes as they hi-five each other, throwing punchlines all at his expense. Well. At least someone's having fun. He lifts his eyes to look at Joo-hee who is sitting with her friends, her head tossed back and her eyes sparkling as she laughs.

"You should just confess," Dongwoo says simply. He grins before taking a bite out of his apple, looking all self-satisfied like he's answered one of life's greatest mysteries.

Sunggyu tries his best not to narrow his eyes at one of his best friends and tries even harder not to look at him like he's an idiot because obviously confessing is the problem. If he can stand in front of her for more than fifteen seconds without suffering from severe heart burn and feeling like he's at the brink of a seizure then maybe confessing would be possible.

Except he can't. So it isn't.

So there.

Shut up.

He catches Myungsoo looking at him with an amused smile on his face before turning back to his mobile phone. His cousin has always had it easy with girls practically falling at his feet. There's no need to worry about confessing to someone when everyone is confessing to you. Although, battling the horde of females is a bit of a nuisance. Still. Definitely the greener side of things.

Lunch ends, thankfully, without Sunggyu killing anyone. Including himself.

And the rest of the day progresses as usual. With Sunggyu struggling not to implode from the proximity of Joo-hee's seat to his. (Just a little under one meter. In case someone's wondering.) It's just that she's so... cute. And approachable. Or approachable to people who aren't head over heels for her, he guesses. She's a little clumsy and he usually hates that but with her it's just... endearing.

So when she asks if she can borrow a pen because she's somehow misplaced hers, all that comes out of his mouth is a lot of blubbering that sounds like "Oh... uh... um... wa... uh... ah..." as he tries to retrieve his spare pen from his school bag. It catches on one of the folds of the bag so he pulls, but it doesn't budge. He can feel his cheeks coloring and Joo-hee tells him that she can borrow a pen from someone else and that cuts through his heart better than a knife can. By the time he can pull the pen out, she's asking their classmate seated on her other side.

Unfortunately, he would be lying if he says this doesn't happen all the time.

Another day passes without any progress and Sunggyu is this close to just cutting off his balls because what's the point in having them if he can't even use them? At least that's what Sungyeol insists since Sunggyu is apparently unable to "perform manly duties."

(Pfft. Big words for someone who's never had to confess to the love of his life. Seriously. He doubts he would even be friends with the dude if Myungsoo didn't always insist on hanging out with him. Okay, that's not quite true. Sungyeol has his uses. Like fixing things that are too high for others to reach.

Anyway.)

It's after cram school and he and Myungsoo are walking home, their friends all gone their respective paths to their own families. It's a clear sky for a winter night and the stars are out and twinkling.

"I like it when it's like this," Myungsoo murmurs softly beside him, "When the universe looks so big that it makes me feel so small. It makes me feel like... it's okay to do anything that I want."

Sunggyu frowns. "That makes no sense. Doesn't it make you feel the opposite? Like insignificant and stuff?"

"You would think that, wouldn't you?" Myungsoo chuckles. "But isn't it when you feel that you have nothing to lose do you feel braver?"

He has a point. Myungsoo always has a valid point when he gets quiet and sentimental like this and Sunggyu is always left to ponder the ways of his life. He looks up at the sky and studies the stars as they wink at him as if they know a secret that he doesn't.

"Stupid stars," he mutters, kicking an innocent stone that has the misfortune of coming into contact with his shoe. "Stupid stone."

He looks up again and stops abruptly. A shooting star.

Before he even thinks of the practically (read: manliness) of his decision, he makes a wish.

Please help me be a little bit braver.