I sigh again as I sat down at the edge of the bed, steps before the bathroom door. It has been almost an hour I been persuading Taemin to come out. He wouldn't tell why, but he kept to himself inside. I pound the door once again, heightening my tone.

 

"Taemin! open this door and come out now!"

 

"Why?! So you can me again?!" He replied, voice echoing against the tiled bathroom floor and wall.

 

"I was.. we, was drunk." I tried to explain once again for it seemed like the hundreth time.

 

"You're drunk everyday." He murmured.

 

"What's that?"

 

"Nope. Nothing! Go away!"

 

"Not until you come out from there!"

 

"Never! Go away!"

 

"Don't be so childish! You better come out before I---" A sudden idea struck me. I knew Taemin was curious of what I'd do, so I deliberately cut my words. I left the room beaming with excitement to find Itzel, just wondering how Taemin would handle the tempt from his baby calling his name. No he can't, he won't be able to.

 

I crept open the nursery door and called Itzel's name. Her cheerful voice did not  welcome me so I assumed she was asleep. She wasn't, for Itzel was not in her crib. Tho a bit confused, I went to the living room, where Taemin would always play with her. Itzel was not there also just as I suspected because I know, Taemin wouldn't leave her playing alone except in her nursery. It would be dangerous for the baby.

 

I felt a bit frantic when I go around the wide house and worry began to invade my heart. Where is Itzel? I return to the bathroom door once again and found Taemin peeking out to search my figure. He gasped when he was caught and shut the door hastily.

 

**********

 

There was another pounding on the bathroom door.

 

"Taemin come out!" Minho's voice drifted inside. "We got a problem! I can't find Itzel anywhere!"

 

"Liar!"

 

"I'm not lying, Itzel's gone! I have no idea where she is!" To Minho's serious tone, I doubt my feelings. Insecurity began to cloud my thoughts and before I could think twice, I had already flung open the door to reveal a worried Minho, his brows knitted together and sweat forming on his temple.

 

"Don't joke about this."

 

"I'm not! Why wouldn't you believe me?!" Minho yelled. He was stressed I realized, at the dissapearance of Itzel that only starts to hit my consciousness now, topped of me being annoying, had drove him almost to the edge. I flinched at his harsh voice, cool composure starts to slip off my control as I dread of the situations Itzel is probably in.

 

Minho looked away and sighed deeply as I fidget, trying to figure out about Itzel. What if she's hurt? What if she's gone? Is it my fault? I haven't been good enough, haven't I?

 

"....Min. Listen, Taemin!" Minho piped, hands on my shoulders to snap me out of my trance. I look up at his big, chocolate eyes definite with confidence and his usual strong gaze. "Don't blame yourself. Itzel will be fine. Let's try to find her before assuming anything."

 

It took a few seconds before I could reply a nod. Minho decided he'd go to the east wing and I take the opposite. I've never felt so dishevelled, mind churning in turmoil. My palms were sweating as I searched high and low at every corner and behind every furniture, calling after Itzel's name. Distinctly, I hear Minho's voice doing so as well and prayed he'd call my name and declared Itzel's there in his space, somewhere, just anywhere and safe.

 

I definitely remember I saw her playing with her squeaking duck toy this morning and I left a bottle of warm milk next to her in case she was hungry. Then I went to wash my hands, and when I look up on the mirror, I was horrified by the hickey and left the nursery to get a turtle-neck cotton shirt that I knew could cover up most of it. Didn't I shut the door properly?

 

I felt like crying. God, I'm so stupid.

 

**********

 

It seemed like forever since we've started the search. Father and Cheondung came by, initially to pick up paperworks, but upon hearing the unfortunate news, Father instructed Cheondung to stay and help the search while he finishes the papers in my office. Sometimes he'd get up and check on updates himself. I've never seen him so worked up, not even when Niel was lost years ago. Itzel is too dear, everyone is scared of her dissapearance right now. I can't imagine how Taemin is handling the situation.

 

It was when I walked into the second guest living room that I heard a sob. I found Taemin, broke down in tears as he sat on the floor at a corner. It pains me to see him like this. I sat beside him and he look up to me with red eyes still pouring and sniffing up runny nose. I didn't resist from hugging him as he didn't put up a brawl. He just sat there and cried on my chest.

 

"Shhh it's gonna be alright. We'll find her. Don't worry." I shushed, again and again. Taemin clutched onto my shirt, and crawled onto my lap himself as he buried his face on my chest. I cradled him gratefully. I like it if he let me spoil him, especially now, when he needs it most.

 

"It's--" Taemin sniffed, voice muffled by my shirt. "It's my fault.. isn't it?"

 

"No, no, it's not. Don't think like that. It doesn't matter, we'll find her. Itzel will be alright." I whispered soothingly and pat his head. "Trust me."

 

**********

 

I don't know why I'm cying like a little child, allowing myself to be fawned by Minho when what we should do is search for Itzel. It's just too much. I couldn't help it. It's scary when you think something has been there forever is actually not there when you look back; vanish into thin air without you realizing it.

 

And when it happens for the second time, you began to fear for the worst - this all happened because of you.

 

"Taemin, it's gonna be okay. Listen to me." Minho's softened voice drift in my ears.

 

Is it, really?

 

"Trust me." He repeated.

 

Thank you Minho.

 

I look up to him, eyes finally drying. Before I could open my mouth to say anything, Cheondung's dash into the room with hasty footsteps, phone in one hand. We both immediately glance to him and I shift away from Minho, eager for news.

 

"Nigel called." Cheondung informed.

 

**********

 

I watch as Nigel finally tuck his phone back in his coat. He turns around and sat at his former seat, opposite of me. Itzel who sat next to him continues to nip on a cookie, eyes wide open to the surroundings and mouth smudged.

 

"I don't know if I should laugh or feel guilty." He said, wiping the baby's mouth.

 

"Why? What happened?"

 

"No one in the house knew we took Itzel shopping."

 

"What?!"

 

"They were frantic. Sir Iseul almost called the guards." Nigel replied, in a matter-of-factly tone. It was weird he didn't mention the police. But then I suppose, a black market dealer seeking the virtuous side to help them might not be a very good idea.

 

"I feel bad." I said, slumping on the table.

 

"Now now, don't be. I feel so as well. Let us ask for forgiveness later. Whatever it was, Itzel is safe with us." Nigel replied with a soft smile. I sigh and sat upright again, fixing my hair.

 

"Should we go home now?"

 

"Cheondung said they're coming here."

 

"Oh great." I mumbled. Nigel laughed lightly at this before excusing himself to the restroom. I sat at his chair and lift Itzel to my lap. She seemed inclined to go somewhere and when I asked her, she babbled in her baby language. I looked at where her eyes was fixed at.

 

"Baby wanna go to the playroom? Hrm? Okie let's go with Key appa~" I said excitedly. I hug her in my arms then made my way to the cafe's playroom. There was only three small children playing inside. And one weird adult, beaming with smiles. I let down Itzel, who made her way wobbly towards the plastic slides as other children stared at her; a foreign who came to their space. She seemed hesitant at first, but soon became familiar to the playground and even joined others on the small seesaw.

 

"Hey." A voice greeted me. I turn around and immediately recognize the man - The adult who was playing with the children earlier.

 

"Oh.. Hi." It is a wonder that he'd talk to me. Since he was quite cute, I don't really mind. If he was standing closer, I'd mistaken him as flirting. But it's a bit awkward since I'm not actually single - yet - not taken. My relationships been a bit complicated recently.

 

"Very adorable."

 

"Huh? Wazzat?"

 

"Your child. She's very pretty." He complimented. I chuckle, partly because of the embarassement that I assumed he was talking about me.

 

"Her name is Itzel. She's my friend's child. I'm just taking her out shopping."

 

"Oh! Uhh sorry for mistaking she's yours." He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

 

"No, it was flattering. I love her like my own."

 

"I can see why. She seems very precious." He said with a soft voice. I smiled at the fact that anyone, everyone can see how much Itzel worth. Not only to Taemin, but to me. I sigh, feeling content with his company, which is very comfortable, even when we don't say anything, just standing side by side made me feel.. fine. 

 

"I love children. But I'm not really good with any of them." He revealed.

 

"You'll learn to. I'm sure they will like you if you spend enough time with them. I've seen how you play, exactly how children behave." I replied, hands coming together at my back. To my remark, he laughed with me.

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." My mouth shaped into an 'o' before I stretch out my hand, lips curving up.

 

"I'm Key." The charming man smiled his charming, goofy smile again and shook my hand.

 

"Onew." He simply replied.

 

**********

 

Kevin led me to a seat. There were the chatter of people in the cafe, laughters, cry of a baby and the clatters of plate or cup placed back on its dish. I could tell from the sound that today, it's quite crowded or full. It felt refreshing since it's been a long time that I've been to a place where there are many public people.

 

Kevin asked with an energetic tone, "So what're you having?" He seems happy today. I smiled.

 

"Whatever you're picking."

 

"Awww," I imagine a pout slid onto his lips. "I told you, every decision is on you for the rest of the day. I'll accept everything since it's my fault that we can't celebrate your birthday tomorrow." I chuckled. Indeed, it was his work that invades the celebration.

 

"Fine then. Let's have something light like croquettes and salad. Also, I'm craving for caramel macchiato."

 

"Your wish is my command~" Kevin chimed, voice growing distant. He's cute like this, when he was himself - not enraged. He was obliged to take care of me, that's why. Tho he repeatedly says, he was fine with how things turns out, secretly, I figured out that he wasn't. Kevin wanted another ending.

 

No. Another tale of his life, not an ending. This is my ending.

 

I'm too grateful for his kindness; whatever happens, he sticks to me, always there for me.

 

I was snapped out of my trance with a jolt when I felt small hands clutching to my pants. A child murmured in her own language to me.

 

"What's wrong baby girl? Are you lost?" I enquired, although I knew there wouldn't be an answer.

 

"Appa appa." She called.

 

"Your appa? I'm sorry, I can't help you search him. Ahjushi can't see." The baby, of course, wouldn't understand. Worried that she'd wander far off, I follow what my heart says - picked her up and settled her on my lap, with her hands kept on clutching to my shirt. 

 

I wish I could see how beautiful this child is. It's been too long since I've held one. And this one sounds so adorable, small frame cradled lightly on my lap. I caress her small head, feeling her hair that was tied up loosely into two braids, wishing that her father would realize her absence and retrieve her. If I was her father, she would be too spoilt I guess. 

 

The child didn't seem like she minded my company as she stayed put, just repeatedly calling,

 

"Appa appa."

 

*********

 

Before Minho's car came to a full stop, I had already step out, hasty for Itzel.

 

"Yah!" Minho scolded. He step down as well and fast-walked to my side, finger pressing on the car key button. The small sound of shut meant it was locked. He grabbed my hand. "Don't do that again."

 

"It's not like---"

 

"Anything could happen." He grew serious.

 

"Okay okay! I get it." I replied, pouting. He sigh before leading me inside the mall. The cool air-conditioned hall welcomed us and since it was Saturday, there were quite a lot of people.

 

"Nigel said they're at a cafe on the second floor." As soon as he finished his sentence, I tug his hand to the nearest escalator. Minho complied and board without complaining. I fidget as the machine escalate at such a slow rate.

 

"Oh god, Taemin, can't you stop moving?"

 

"I can't help it.." I murmured.

 

"Itzel's fine. You don't have to fear for anything anymore."

 

"I know, it's just.." I wanted to argue, but finding it's hard to put out the correct words. Just when something starts to light up the bulb in my mind, I realized that we were still holding hands. I retract mine back just as the escalator came to an end, and I step onto the second floor with Minho. I could tell he felt awkward too.

 

How come holding hands became mutual between us now?

 

*********

 

We made our way as fast as we can to the cafe. I didn't felt so insecure, but Taemin was. He wants Itzel in his arms so much, and he wants it right now. Our pace increased, partly because of the increasing tension - the awkwardness when things that aren't supposed to happen between us actually happened.

 

I just hope that he won't figure out that I sometimes - no, scratch that. I have nothing to wish from him. Itzel's presence is enough.

 

Yes. Itzel is enough.

 

"Thanks." Taemin suddenly spoke. I glance at him quizically. "Just.. Thanks." He looked down, obviously blushing. I smiled.

 

God, can he be any cuter?

 

I pat his head and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. "So, tell me." I said. "Why'd you lock yourself up this morning?"

 

"Nothing!" He exclaimed.

 

"Sure. I believe you, very convincing." I replied sarcastically.

 

"You seriously think I'd tell? And do you seriously don't have any idea? At all?"

 

"Nothing that I can come up with now." I said, shrugging my shoulders. Taemin sighed.

 

"Let's just hope that no one else will come to know about it. You're lucky I'm not chasing you with a chainsaw now."

 

"Oooo so scary." I joked, playfully.

 

It's not that I don't have an idea. I just want to see it with my own eyes - my mark on him. I grinned secretly, careful that Taemin didn't catch me.

 

At the corner of my eyes, an arrow sign showing to the left guided us to the cafe. Just a further walk and turn to a corner, we'll be there. I'm glad that at the end, Taemin smiled, snapped out of his blaming-himself-syndrome.

 

But he didn't smile when we turn around the corner. Didn't smile when the cafe was perfectly in sight. Instead, looked streaked at the sight of Itzel. His face grew paler and if Taemin didn't glance away from my side, I'd mistaken he was on the verge of crying again.

 

Ignoring the weird reaction, I stop staring at him and went ahead to welcome Itzel. She was sitting on an unknown man's lap. I asked her back as polite as I could manage and the kind man, who I figured is blind, returned her with a final pat to Itzel's head.

 

Itzel immediately entwined her arms along my neck and the full, satisfying feeling crept up again. She's safely back in my arms.

 

*********

 

Dear god, I can't believe my eyes.

 

The one dream that I had abandoned long ago, why is it rolling back? How did he find Itzel? How can this be as it is?

 

Does he even realized? That the child he held, sitting innocently on his lap, holding onto him as if he was dear to her all her life, is his own child?

 

Does he even know, how painful it is for me to watch him, blind to everything?

 

I stood rooted to the ground, not knowing what to do. The painful stabs to my heart prickled my eyes and having no power to hold back all the sadness, I felt the hot tears glide down my cheeks again as I watch Minho take Itzel back to his arms.

 

Taking Itzel away from her own father.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

A/N: Nyaho~ an update before exam. Wish me luck! ^^