Chapter 2

My mind was never focused even when I was in class. The first day was always boring since our teachers only went over what was going to happen this semester. Did you ever wish that teachers never told you what was going to happen and waited only to see what they had in store for us instead? Like a surprise? I've always wondered that. What if teachers never told us what we were going to do, like pop quizzes? I wonder how many people would actually start paying attention in class and how many people would try to prep themselves for anything that was coming our way. I was definitely not one of those people who would have prepped even if the process worked this way. A+ student down the drain.

Even if I say that, I wasn't a bad student. I studied here and there, but I didn't give it my all like other people, which I should have. But then again, the only thing that is really stopping me is my heart. I don't even worry as much as I used to anymore. Ever since I found out what happened, my grades had dropped from A's to C's. It didn't upset my father like it should have. I guess I was kind of thankful that he understood my actions, but even still, he tried his best to be a father since my mother was long gone in the world. I shouldn't make it hard on him. I know, and I wish I was more respectful, but I was trying my best. I really was.

The things that run through my mind all day are the days that I'm counting down. Am I weird? It's okay. I guess it's only becauese there's really nothing to look forward to anymore. I was depressed about everything that had happened and maybe now... I was still a little depressed, but I was really trying mybest to overcome it. I couldn't let one stupid heart let everything take over me. I had less than four months and I was going to make the best of it. Thinking about this, I took out my notebook and started to write a few things I wanted to do... It became something like a bucket list... Things I want to do before I die... Scratch the die part. I don't want to make it seem like I was actually going to die even if I was. I replaced die with "leave"...

"Ugh. Why is it that this year we don't have classes together?" Ji Min groaned under his hand.

Jae Kyung, Ji Min, and I had one thing in common; that was having lunch together. This was something we always looked forward to since we never really had classes together due to us being in different academic classes.

"It's not our fault that we're all academically different." Jae Kyung shrugged and looked over at me. "This girl over here is lower than the lowest because of her sudden flunk."

"Yah." I rolled my eyes at her. "What's the point in giving my all? And besides, I'm sure I'll pass this class with flying colors."

"You're not a child." Jae Kyung hissed.

"But I can be, right?" I smiled, annoying her.

"Jae Kyung, you're no better." Ji Min said shaking his head. "You're only one level above her. If Ga Eul actually tried, I'm sure she'd be on my level."

"Shut up." Jae Kyung rolled her eyes at Ji Min and grabbed his hand. "Why am I dating you again?"

"Because you love me." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "And because I love you."

"Why am I always the third wheel? Should I go find someone to date while I'm still alive?" I looked around the cafeteria.

"Yah!" They both yelled at me, making me look back at them.

"What?" I shrugged with a smile.

"Don't take that as a joke, stupid!" Ji Min threw one of his grapes at me. "You know how we both feel when you do that."

"Yah! How could you waste food like that." I said grabbing the grape he threw at me and ate it. "Woaaaah. This is so juicy!"

Just as I chewed on the grape, I saw Jae Kyung's and Ji Min's eyes widened at something that was behind me. I turned around and my heart suddenly dropped. No, I was okay, but the person standing behind me was someone I had always had my eyes on. He was my crush, Yoo Seung Ho. I swallowed my grape, choking on it a little, and forced myself to stand up and smile at him. God, this was really awkward for me. To make it even worse, I'm sure my face was turning a shade of pink from embarrassment.

"Can I eat with you, Choi Ga Eul?" Seung Ho asked as he lifted up his tray of food. "My friends got held behind and I have no one to eat with."

"Sure..." I sat back down and let him sit beside me.

"Hi Han Jae Kyung. Hi Park Ji Min." Seung Ho smiled at them.

"Hi..." Both Jae Kyung and Ji Min nodded at him.

"How was your first day today, Ga Eul?" Seung Ho asked as he turned to look at me.

"Oh? Uh... It was... It was good." I managed to say, but still stuttered.

Yoo Seung Ho was someone I have had a crush on since I had gotten to high school. He was one of the most popular guys at our school and the only girl he's ever talked to was me. I wasn't bragging or anything, but he really hasn't talked to any girls. He's never dated, which meant that he was one of the best candidates, and he was perfect; he was everything that I ever wanted in a guy. Still, I wonder how he could be single when all of these girls were dying to be with him. Even... Even I kind of was. Funny, huh? I was actually dying, but... Okay. I shouldn't joke about this. It was really a good thing that I was saying this inside my head because Jae Kyung and Ji Min would have killed me on the spot.

"Listen, Ga Eul..." Seung Ho turned towards me with a smile on his cute face. "I've been meaning to ask you something..."

I nodded, letting him continue.

"I'm planning to go to a concert this weekend and I was wondering if you'd like to join me." Seung Ho pressed his lips together as he waited for my answer.

"A concert?" I asked.

"It's... It's SHINee's concert and I'm a huge fan of them..." His face turned pink. "I know only girls are the big fans, but I'm also a huge fan and I really wanted to go..."

"I like them too!" I scoffed. "I'd love to go."

"Really? You... You're not going because you feel bad, right?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No, I really do like them too." I smiled, assuring him. "Besides, who would miss a concert with SHINee? I'd be crazy to pass it up!"

"Ah! That's perfect!" Seung Ho smiled at me happily. "I'm glad that you want to go."

I really couldn't contain my happiness, but now was not the time to make a fool of myself in front of Yoo Seung Ho. Do you know how many girls would die if they were asked to go to a concert with him? And the fact that it was a SHINee concert was even better. My heart was beating out of my chest. If I could, I'd scream at the top of my lungs, but it makes it seem too dramatic, so I'll hold myself down until I get home.

On our way home, Jae Kyung and Ji Min wouldn't stop nagging me about going to the concert with Yoo Seung Ho. I couldn't tell if they were mad that I was going or if they were mad because they weren't invited. I mean, I'd be upset if I wasn't invited to that kind of concert. For goodness sake, did I have to mention it again? It's a SHINee concert!

"You can't go, Choi Ga Eul." Ji Min said as he grabbed one of my shoulders. "You can't go without one of us at least."

"Oh come on, Park Ji Min. You have got to be kidding me!" I pouted angrily. "This is once in a life time and after all these years, Yoo Seung Ho had finally asked me to go to a concert with him!"

"And what about your condition?" Jae Kyung eyed me. "What if-"

"Did you want me to live the rest of my life wondering 'what if?', Jae Kyung?" I stopped walking and looked at her and Ji Min.

They both looked taken aback by my question. I didn't mean to blow up at them like that, but it was getting on my nerves. I understand that they were only caring for me, but why would they want me to live this way? I didn't want to live this way even if I knew that nothing would change. It was something I hated about them; they treated me like everything I was going to do was going to hurt me.

"I didn't mean it that way." Jae Kyung said as tears swelled up in her eyes. "I was just worried..."

"Stop it, Han Jae Kyung." I squinted my eyes at her playfully. "You better not cry."

"But..." She started to cry.

"Oh come on." I threw my hands up in the air. "Jae Kyung, I'm alive, aren't I? Please stop crying..."

Ji Min scoffed at me as he hugged Jae Kyung. "Damn it, Ga Eul. Quit joking around with life like that."

"Why? Should I moan over something that won't change?" I raised my eyebrow, only to regret how rude I was being. "The least you two could do is be positive about it while I am. It's not like I'm purposely being an about it."

"It doesn't mean you make a joke out of it." Ji Min hissed.

I blew out a sigh. "Okay. I'm sorry. I should really understand your feelings more."

Just as we started to walk off again, I was cut off by a guy zooming past me on a skateboard. I wasn't upset that he almost ran me over, but it was interesting to see that this was someone I've noticed before, but he was also someone I had never talked to in my whole life no matter how close by we were. He had caught up with three of his other friends, who were walking on foot, and I saw him smile with his friends. Not to be creepy or anything, but this was the first time that I've seen this guy smile on school ground.

When I got home, I changed out of my school uniform into a pair of faded skinny jeans and a navy fleece sweater with white converse. My father wasn't home from work yet, so this was the perfect time for me to head out before he had caught me. Ever since he found out about my disease, he always made sure I'd stay home and what not. I understand his feelings, but he can't keep me cooped up in this house until the day I die. I wanted to go out and have some fun while I can, not depressed and reminded of why I was sitting at home.

I grabbed my skateboard by the door and my backpack that was filled with everything I need from my first aid kit, to water, to my medication, an extra battery for my phone, a flashlight, snacks, etc. It's not like I was running away. I was only preparing myself to what could happen to me if I wasn't careful on my so-called journey to the world. I was coming back anyways, don't worry. Well, I'm sure my father would be worried as soon as he got home and found out that his daughter was out. I should hurry before I accidentally run into him.

I looked from left to right before I left down the street. I was only making sure my father wasn't going to pop out of nowhere. I got into a taxi and it led me to the beach. It was close to spring so it was still a little chilly out, but today was a perfect day to be out. I paid the taxi driver and got onto my skateboard as soon as I got onto the sidewalk. I should be wearing a helmet, but I decided not to. I didn't want something suffocating my head. I just wanted to feel the cool breeze against my skin and that's what  I got as I pushed myself down the sidewalk.

While I rode along the beach, I took my polaroid camera out and took pictures. When each picture came out, I waved it in the air, hoping it would come out faster. I had a small evelope that I always kept in my bag; I always placed my pictures inside, keeping every one I got. I had over a hundred of these envelopes filled with pictures in the house; most of my pictures were posted around my bedroom wall. It's not that I liked photography, but I liked taking pictures for memories; memories I could look back on whenever I wanted or needed to.

That reminded me, my father and I barely had pictures together. Reminder: Take pictures with him when I can.

I put my camera back into my backpack and started to stroll around again. I was hungry and my stomach started to grumble. I stopped by a food stall that was nearby and bought myself some odeng and a cup of cold water. I got back onto my skateboard and pushed myself around as I ate. A few kids, who were by, smiled and waved at me. I strolled over to them and took my camera out to take pictures of them. They also took pictures of me while I ate in return. Surprisingly, these kids got good shots of me. I guess a selfie was definitely not needed for the day.

After I finished eating, I threw away my stick into the garbage and headed back towards where I came from. I didn't even realize that I had gone far out since I was having fun. Yes, I was having fun even if I was alone. Days like these were what I yearned for. Having my father, my doctor, my friends, or anyone else, who knew about my heart condition, not on my back felt amazing. I felt like a free bird even though I kind of was already.

My mind suddenly struck back to reality when someone's body collided onto me and we both fell backwards onto the pavement. There was a sudden flash from somewhere and then the pain struck me, but that wasn't what even made me surprised. The person on top of me was what shocked me the most.

"Are you okay?" He asked lifting himself up, still on top of me.