Violet

My first thought is to get out from here. I could not stand all of this stares that these kids are giving me. It makes me sick. So I return Kim’s phone to her and then I stand up.

“I’ll see you in class.” I mutter under my breath and walk away without waiting for her answer. I exit the café and on my way exiting, I hear few murmurs around me, some of the word I pick is ‘’ ‘’ and anything that carries the same meaning. I ignore them and keep walking and finally breath again once my feet set out from the café.

I see Kai’s back walking away at the end of the hallway and the next thing I know my feet is following in his direction. There’s not many students in the hallway now, most of them are in the café, the rest are in the library completing homework or doing some reading. When Kai turns right I speed up, trying not to lose him from my sight. Then suddenly, someone grabs me by my shoulder.

“Violet!” The person calls for me and shake me like I’m in some kind of fantasy, like I’ve been sleepwalking. I blink at the person and realize it’s Kris.

“I called you for hundreds time.” He tells me with widen eyes. I shake my head and then slowly release my arm from his hold.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.” I tell him.

“I saw the article, I’m so sorry, it was stupid. I should’ve not hug you like that yesterday.” He starts.

“It’s not you, it’s okay.” I cut him.

“No it’s not okay, where are you going by the way?” He asks. Yeahh, exactly where am I going? The last thing I remember is I saw Kai walking and I remember following him. But why? Why am I following him? Why do I feel the urge to go and talk to him and explain to him what’s written in the article is not true? Why do I feel like I need him to trust me? I don’t owe him an explanation. We’re through, we’re done.

“Ahhh, nowhere, I need to be alone for a while.” I tell Kris. He nods at me.

“This must give you a big deal of stress. I’m so sorry again.” He says. “I’ll find out who’s behind this and I’ll try my best to get rid of that article. Don’t worry.” He tells me. But that’s not what I’m worried about. I don’t care about what everybody believe, only one person is clouding my mind now. A person I should not care about he thinks of me. A person I should not spend even a single second thinking about how’s he feeling. A person not even related to me, anymore.

I walk back to class as soon as the lunch time is over. Kim is already there and she holds my hand as soon as I sit on my chair beside her. She knows I’m in no mood to talk, she rubs her thumb again my skin, comforting me. And it’s crazy how I wish that comfort come from someone else. Kai. I shake my head in an instant, trying to push him out of my mind. Then I see Amy walks beside me with Hyo Ri behind her, I refuse to lift my head to look at them, to give them the pleasure they’re seeking in my agony. I keep my gaze on the table, and so it be till the end of the day.

If there’s one thing I can be grateful for today is I’m grateful there’s no debate training this evening. Considering the fact we just won yesterday, the training will be continued tomorrow. So I go back with Kim, and she hugs really tight before I exit her car.

“It’s gonna be okay.” She whispers. I nod at her, hoping in my mind and heart that she better be true.

The next day the rumor slows down. Kris wasn’t lying, the article really got deleted. Wait, no screw that, the whole blog got removed. He texted my last night, said that Chen managed to hack into the blogger account and take down the whole thing. But that doesn’t stop all the stares I’m getting. They’re still looking at me like I’m some kind of a spoiled brat.

There’s few time I feel like throwing all my books at them, but I don’t think that would look prety. And I’m sure if I do that, I’d only feed Amy’s ego, which, is the last thing I ever want to do on earth. I’m not giving Amy and Hyo Ri any space to mock me. So what I’m gonna do is just to live my live, chin’s up, head’s high and act like this doesn’t affect me. Not a bit.

At lunch I see Kai. He’s sitting with his friends, but he don’t talk that much. He didn’t even glance or look at me. It’s like I dont exist and we never had anything together at all, there will be few times I hope when I lift my head to look at him, I’d caught him starring at me, but no. That’s not what happening, he just sits there, totally unaware of the world around him. Sehun attempt to start a conversation with him I can see but his effort end in vain. I see Kai mutters one word and that’s it. He’s back to his plate like his food is more imporant than any living thing. Maybe I should be more like Kai, stop dwelling on the hope to silently steal glances at each other and just move on. I think that’s what he’s doing right now. But our case is different, I love him, he doesn’t.

The training starts that evening. I try my best to not avoid Kris and talk to him as usual. I thought it’d be difficult but surprisingly with Kris, it’s easy. He talks to me like yesterday never happened, and Bo Na and Young Do didn’t judge us or stare at us like we’re some kind of freak. It’s crazy, how things with Kai is always so tense, but with Kris it’s easier. With Kai there’s always this passion that burn inside me, a rigid invisible wall between us that separate us like we’re coming from two different planet yet still draw us together like some magnet, exactly like how different end of magnet attracted to each other but I seek asylum in Kris. If Kai is the fire, Kris would be the water. And it’s insane on how much I still prefer the fire over the water even thought it is dangerously hurtful.

“Hey, how was your day?” Kris asks me when we walk together after we finish with our training. Kris, on his way to the parking lot, I, on my way to the foyer to wait for my driver.

“It’s good, despite all the glares I’m still getting, but, nothing that I can’t take.” I tell him.

“You’re so strong, it never cease to amaze me, Violet.” He says.

“Strong?” I repea