He would concave into himself and be left helpless, never to escape his dark depths. Fighting yourself constantly is not a pleasurable feeling you see, the pain is indescribable. The inability to righteously love something, to embrace the fact that you will never be perfect and never be able to accept love. The reason for this, its because his self destruction has now become a way of survival. This boy had nothing nor anyone to rely on, no one to hate or undertand, no one to be jelous of. Therefore he has become blind to opportunities, hates himself and is jelous of his own imagination. He's lost, completely and utterly lost. 

He still prays for the day when someone might come and fish him out of this angry, spiteful sea of himself. Rough with injustice it is, waves constantly crashing over head. Pulling him under with a strong unbreakable grasp, back down into it's depths of paranoia and loneliness. This unwelcome emotion clings to him like a lost child, following and lingering forever. Unknowingly hes created this bond, something less then friendship but more then acquaintances. An unnamed sort of companionship, but still powerful.To powerful to ignore anymore. 

It was the same the night they were sitting on the driveway, passing a rolled cigarette forth and back. Sighing at the feeling of the rusty dry smoke being into his lungs. Usually Kris would have had his own, but seeing as he smoked them all yesterday after having that fight with his mother. Honestly he can't remember what it was about anymore. Most likely because he knows it was unreasonable, and he knew it was his own fault. Hes punishing himself by opting to share with Tao, the boy nervously sitting next to him, even if he did leave the end wet with a coat of Silva. 

He's starting to question what hes doing here?, sitting the most uncomfortable of places. The only light is the flickering street lamp about 20 or so meters away, dimming his ability to search the road for any signs of the boys parents coming home from their prestigious little dinner party. Kris knows that Tao's parents don't like him, but he likes him too much to care. After all hes this boys only comfort, and in return Tao pretends not to know him. Kris know it hurts him more then anything, more then his brother never homing home, more then his parents constant bickering over him. More then that time three years ago, when Kris didn't know him, and didn't care much for strangers, or anyone for that matter, and told Tao to "kill himself". He regrets that day now, so much.

Kris has never been one for much affection, but it's different with Tao. Sometimes he wonders if the boy is more of a comfort to him then that other way around. He always needs him, to be close to him or somehow touching him. Proof that Tao still there, or maybe that hes real? That Kris hadn't gone insane just yet. 

A hot breeze sped past the two. Kris cant help but ravish in its warmth, silently endearing in he way the boy next him eyes fluttered closed, small smile gracing his lips. Loving the too short moment of bliss it left the younger. He knew Tao was cold, so after taking one last drag of the cigarette he crushed it against the concrete drive, throwing it toward the gutter not quite making the distance. Laying down and closing his eyes, waiting for the sound of clothes rustling against the cracking driveway, and the familiar weight of Tao's head resting on his chest. Smiling and silently savoring their close proximity. "Hes still here, your not crazy" Kris thought to himself. 

Unable to fight the urge any longer, he raps an arm around the youngers waist, pulling him even closer. Taking in the feel of his body against his own, his scent, the way he shyly buried his face into the elders neck. Hesitantly, not knowing whether Kris would let him or not.Tonight the elder was silent, not  wanting to hut him and knowing hat Tao has this ability to numb Kris's own pain, even for the shortest amount of time.

Kris cant help but sigh, because hes never felt this content, never felt so comfortable with this foreign feeling of happiness. It's been a long time since hes felt this way. Closing his eyes again after catching a quick glance at the blush that is already covering the youngers ears and face.

Tao speaks, the echo of his sweet voice breaking the silence of the night.

"Hey Kris" 

"Hmmm"

"I wonder where we we will end up? do you ever think of that? Where we might be in a few years, I mean um, w-will I still see you? He questions, in a breathe full of anxiety, anticipating the answer. 

"I don't, I don't Know" Kris felt Tao's body tense beside him. Now hes confused, is it relief or regret that he feels. Unable to lie to the boy, but in all honesty Kris had no idea where hell end up, and hated thinking about it. He detested himself now, and didn't want to think about how much hell hate who he is in the future. 

Tao had to laugh at Kris's answer, a laugh that reeked of sarcasm. He rolled out of the elders arms, sighing in disbelief. Of course he wouldn't answer with words that he craved to hear. Its human nature to be curious though isn't it, He hoped to hear those words with his entire being, yet the elder crushed him. Now he lays bitterly, silently bleeding from Kris's words, to him the were like daggers.

Kris did it again, unconsciously hurt Tao. The blonde followed him, rolling his body so that his face was barely an inch from Tao's. Almost meeting the boys eyes. Scared he might get lost in their sharp blackness, he closes his own. Hand finding the others silk like cheek, who automatically responded by slightly pressing his face against the others warm hand. Tao had never received such a tender gesture from Kris. He decided he would soak up this feeling, this affection, every second of it. 

The smaller looked so vulnerable in this moment, body pressed against Kris's slightly larger frame. Short puffs of breather mixing with each others. Tao looked at him with such innocents and trust, Kris though he might go crazy. 

"Even if we don't see each other anymore one day, just promise me Tao. That you wont forget me, or this, whatever we have right now. Just remember these moments, how you feel, how close we are. All of it. Just don't forget." Lowering his head to meat the youngers under him. The heat radiating of him was so painfully addictive. "Promise me" Kris muttered, prepared to lose himself in those eyes, give in to the secrets he knows they hold, deep inside. 

"I promise" Tao replied, barely audible. If Kris weren't so close he would never have heard. Replaying those words, that moment over and over. Despite the constant pain Kris caused the younger, hes still willing to remember him. 

"I should go, before your parents get back. Go inside, I don't  want to be responsible for you getting sick." All tenderness left his voice the gentle moment over. Tao simply nodded, waiting for the blonde to stand, quickly pressing his lips against Kris's cheek in a chaste kiss. Running inside before Kris had time to respond. 

Kris was left alone, glaring in the direction Tao had ran in, before slowly turning on his heel. Walking into the light of the flickering street lamp, with a huff. Embarrassed heat rising to his face. 

Kris looked to the sky, the smell of rain teasing his senses. Sighing, and continuing his wait until the first drop falls, anticipating that rush he feels when it rains. Rain reminds him of Tao, it might be because they met in the rain, or maybe it was because Tao makes him feel like hes falling. Like the small droplets that are now exploding on his forehand, or maybe it's because rain and Tao are the only thing that makes him smile, make his heart beat so loud he can almost hear the echo in his ears, feel it pumping in his chest. 

Then again, maybe not.