Bang Yongguk was five years old when he first met Kim Himchan. It was a sunny day and Yongguk was playing in the garden with his Tigger peacefully. A new family was moving to the house next to theirs. He saw that his parents were talking with the new family. His mother was motioning for him to come there, but he pretended not to notice her. He didn’t want to meet new people. They also had a son who was probably three or something and his mother apparently wanted him to meet the kid. But he was too cool to be friends with a three year old baby. So he went on talking with Tigger until he heard a high-pitched voice calling his name. He turned his head to where the voice was coming from and turned his attention back to Tigger when he saw the owner of the voice.

“Yongguk, why are you ignoring Channie?” said the new kid.

“Who is Channie?” Yongguk asked confused. There wasn’t anyone else except him, the new kid and Tigger. And Tigger’s name was definitely not Channie. It was so…lame. And Yongguk was not lame.

“I is Channie,” said the kid smiling widely, which caused his small eyes to almost disappear.

Great. The kid didn’t even know how to speak. Talking about himself as a third person? Seriously? Yongguk didn’t want to waste his time on a baby anymore so he went on ignoring him. But the kid was persistent on not understanding that Yongguk didn’t want to talk to him for he just stayed there, watching him play with Tigger.

“What is it?” he asked motioning the toy Yongguk was playing with.

“It’s my best friend, Tigger,” Yongguk said proudly.

“Can Channie be your best friend, too?”

“No.”

“But I is cuter than Tigger!” Himchan said pouting.

“Nobody is cuter than Tigger. And you’re not cute at all.”

This made the baby –what was his name? Channie?- cry and the next thing Yongguk knew was that Tigger was flying. That little baby had kicked his precious Tigger. When he saw Tigger’s dramatic fall, he started crying, too.

Bang Yongguk didn’t like Kim Himchan at all. He hurt Tigger.




Bang Yongguk was ten years old when he finally accepted that Himchan was not a baby –or a little kid. He was actually the same age as Yongguk. And he sometimes still talked about himself as a third person. Himchannie wants to go home. Himchannie doesn’t like being alone. Himchannie is scared of mean people. Yongguk thought Himchan was mentally retarded and his family was hiding this from everyone.  

It was winter and everything was covered in snow. Yongguk loved winter. He loved playing with snow. He loved seeing everything in white. He was walking to school and walking in snow felt like Heaven. He thought that was perfection until he was brought back to reality when he heard the most annoying voice ever.

“Himchannie hates winter.” Right. Nothing was perfect in Yongguk’s world when Kim Himchan was there.

Yongguk decided not to reply. He learned in the years he spent with Himchan that ignoring Himchan was the best solution (except when he kicked Tigger.)

“Kids threw snowballs at Himchannie yesterday,” Himchan said, sadness obvious in his tone. “Kids don’t like Himchannie.”

“They will like you when you stop acting like a baby.”

Yongguk was expecting to hear Himchan’s protests or whining, but nothing came. When he turned to Himchan, he saw that he was looking down and walking slowly. Did he look hurt? But Himchan was never hurt. He was just Himchan, the annoying, whining baby. Yongguk shook that thought off and walked to his class without waiting for Himchan.

After the final bell rang, Yongguk decided to stay a little longer in the class so that Himchan would think he was already gone and he wouldn’t have to walk home with Himchan. After waiting for ten minutes, he finally walked out of the school building. He was shocked to see Himchan sitting on the ground, curled up like a ball, crying silently. He didn’t know what it was but he was feeling something knotting in his stomach. What was it? Worry? Nope. There was no way Bang Yongguk would be worried for Kim Himchan. But he still walked –ran to him.

“What is wrong Himchan?” he leaned over to ask.

There was no reply from the little boy. All that was heard was his sobs. Bang Yongguk was worried now.

“Himchan? Why are you crying?” He wanted to hold Himchan, but he didn’t like Himchan. There was no way he would ever touch Himchan.

Himchan slowly turned to Yongguk and threw his tiny arms around his neck, “The kids threw snowballs at Himchannie. They said Himchannie was an idiot and nobody loved him.” He cried into Yongguk’s nape.

Yongguk hugged Himchan back tightly. Oh, right. There was no way he would ever touch Himchan. Yes. He patted Himchan’s head and whispered in his ear, “The kids were lying. Don’t believe them.”

Himchan looked at Yongguk with teary eyes, “Really? People love Himchannie, right?”

“Yes, they do. Himchannie is cute.” Yongguk couldn’t believe he was saying these.

“Does Yonggukkie love Himchannie, too?” Himchan asked, his eyes sparkling with hope.

“Yonggukkie loves Himchannie.”

The little boy then squealed and kissed Yongguk’s cheek.


Bang Yongguk didn’t like Kim Himchan. He was making him do strange things. He freaking made him hug him. He made Yongguk talk about himself as a third person. Great. Now he was becoming mentally retarded like Himchan.





Bang Yongguk was fifteen years old when he realized he hated Kim Himchan. They were in their sophomore year in high school  and when they started high school, Yongguk knew Himchan would still be bugging him. It was Kim Himchan’s favorite thing after all. He was right. Himchan was always around Yongguk in their first year. And Yongguk didn’t like it. People thought they were best friends, but Yongguk didn’t want to be mistaken as Himchan’s best friend anymore. He thought Himchan was now old enough to understand that Yongguk didn’t want him around. Bu Himchan was still not getting it. Maybe Yongguk wasn’t ovious enough. So on the last day of school, Yongguk decided to voice his thoughts. He told Himchan he didn’t see him as his best friend –or friend at all. He was almost sure about Himchan’s reaction though. He’d just laugh it off as if it were a joke. Himchan thought everything was a joke. But Yongguk was proven wrong when Himchan just smiled at him and apologized for annoying him. Then he left. And that was it. Yongguk never talked with Himchan again. Though they were living next-door, Yongguk didn’t see a glimpse of Himchan over the summer.

He was thinking that Himchan would’ve forgotten everything when they started their sophomore year and would be bugging him again. He was anticipating Himchan’s bugging. But it never happened. One month, two months, three months passed and the end of the first term was nearing but Kim Himchan never even looked at Bang Yongguk. And Yongguk didn’t like it. Not at all. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was indeed missing Himchan. He was missing his constant whining, his unamusing jokes, his bugging, his bunny smile, his everything.

So he decided to man up and walked to Himchan who was getting his boks from his locker.

“Kim Himchan!” Yongguk said as he held Himchan’s wrist a little too tightly, which caused Himchan to fear, thinking he annoyed Yongguk again.

“Y-yes?”

“Stop ignoring me.”

“W-what?”

“I hate it when you’re not…around.” Yongguk admitted, blush creeping up his cheeks.

“I… I don’t understand…”

“Yonggukkie is sorry for what he said to Himchannie. He misses Himchannie,” said Yongguk, not believing he was really talking about himself as a third person at the age of fifteen.

Himchan started chuckling and threw his arms around Yongguk’s neck, “Himchannie misses Yonggukkie, too. Promise not to ever leave Himchannie?”

“Promise,” Yongguk said as he hugged Himchan back, inhaling his scent.

Bang Yongguk hated Kim Himchan. He was making him feel weird things in his stomach. He was sure he’d just eaten his lunch, though. What was that?




Bang Yongguk was seventeen years old when he realized the weird things he felt in his stomach weren’t an indication of hunger. He would have those weird things in his stomach whenever he saw Himchan now. And he was finally starting to understand what it was. Kim Himchan was beautiful. He was painfully beautiful. Whenever Yongguk looked at Himchan’s face, he wanted to look at him more. His eyes were beautiful. His milky skin was beautiful. His smile was beautiful. The way his eyes would turn into crescents when he smiled was beautiful. Yongguk could swear Himchan’s smile was the best thing ever. It’d make anyone happy. Himchan could make anyone happy. He could never understand how someone like Himchan existed. Himchan was beautiful both inside and outside. He was filled with love, as if born to love everything, everyone. Yongguk thought Himchan was an angel –an annoying one that is. But Yongguk still thought Himchan was beautiful. But he didn’t know if he hated or loved it.

They were walking home from school and the sun was making Himchan shine even more brightly. He was telling Yongguk about something but he wasn’t listening. He was so mesmerized by his beauty, his laugh that he couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled Himchan’s arm and stopped him.

“W-what is wrong?” Himchan was scared of the sudden change in Yongguk’s attitude.

“I love you,” he blurted out the words he couldn’t even admit to himself.

He expected a reply from Himchan. He’d say he loved him, too. Maybe he’d laugh at him for being stupid, or just simply reject him. But nothing came, which made Yongguk anxious. The silence was drowning him, so he spoke again.

“Does that mean Himchannie… doesn’t love Yonggukkie?” he was looking at Himchan just like the way the latter looked at him years ago. Expectant. Scared. Lost.

Himchan suddenly threw his arms around Yongguk’s neck and whispered in his ear, “Himchannie has always loved Yonggukkie.”

Yongguk held him tightly against himself and kissed his cheeks.


Bang Yongguk loved Kim Himchan. Himchan was his annoying neighbourhood. Himchan was his best friend that he never accepted. Himchan was the person who made him do the things he did not want to do. Himchan was the person who always confused him. Himchan was the person who made him feel weird things in his stomach. Himchan was beautiful. Himchan was his source of happiness. Himchan was the person who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Bang Yongguk loved Kim Himchan and Himchan was his everything.


a/n: i am sorry i am so lame ;;