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Description

Kyungsoo hides his layering eating disorders.
Minseok is clawing for relief.
When Junmyeon subtly hints that Luhan is gaining weight, everything slowly begins to spiral out of control.

-

Preview;

Luhan had never had a problem with his appearance and body weight until he was nearly twenty years old, sprawled out on the floor of the practice room, tired and sweaty after a long four hours of rehearsals for their debut.

It was a rainy afternoon of March the 6th, 2011, and all twelve members had been tirelessly going through re-run after re-run of their debut single, perfecting formations and dance moves as a whole group, then splitting up into sub-groups and practising with six members. They’d gone through the choreography as a full group once more, before taking a well-earned break on the polished floors, sculling water and catching the breaths they’d spent so long puffing out.

Luhan had his arms splayed out beside him, lids heavy and chest heaving with every gasp of air he took. Junmyeon was kneeling beside him, using one hand to wipe away Luhan’s sweat with a cool, damp towel, and the other to fan him with a sheet of paper.

Too puffed out to thank the younger, Luhan smiled weakly at Junmyeon, who smiled back and nodded in response. He noticed the sweaty locks of hair sticking to Junmyeon’s forehead, and frowned, before sitting up and gently pushing him to the floor, clambering onto his chest and fanning him in return.

He’d expected an offer of gratitude, seeing as Junmyeon’s breaths were shallow, his face was flushed from the intense practising and he clearly needed to cool down, if anything more than anyone else – but he only grunted and pushed him off.

“You’re so heavy, Luhan,” he groaned, “don’t sit on me like that.”

Luhan subconsciously pushed his bottom lip out, and threw the towel at Junmyeon’s red face. “You’re mean.”

He expected Junmyeon to laugh it off and cool himself down, but his stony expression remained.

“Have you been following your diet?”

-

poster credits to runrunrun graphics - thank you so much i absolutely adore it !!!!!! <3

Foreword

// COMMENTS MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS SO BE WARY LOL //

WARNINGS
- this story is MAY TRIGGER SENSITIVE AUDIENCES. if you are uncomfortable with scenes depicting self-harm, eating disorders, or anxiety etc, please be warned.
- DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOU ARE AT RISK OF DEVELOPING AN EATING DISORDER.
some readers have found this story highly triggering so BE CAREFUL especially if you're under 16!!

- this story is psychologically based and will include sensitive materials. chapters i believe to contain material too sensitive, i will mark as (M)
DO NOT PLAGIARISE. i know most stories say this, but this isn't just a story to me. this is something written that i have incorporated emotions into i find extremely difficult to convey. i have spent so long on this and it would break my heart to see someone stealing. if you want to translate or repost in any shape or form, ask permission. I WILL NOT HESITATE TO REPORT YOU IF I FIND YOU PLAGIARISING.
i have done my fair share of research for this story. remember, this is fanfiction! i understand that not all facts are medically correct so please do not interpret it that way either.
- ok thats enough angry and dire stuff for now lol

special thanks to si mei for letting me rant terribly to her + supporting me through the course of writing this! even tho you sometimes made fun of my ty mistakes i love you and i probably would have been able to write this without you but i love you regardless HAHA

y'all should remember that subscribing is BOMB but i've actually accumulated a whole load of upvotes and if you consider this fic worthy of being featured it'd mean so much if you spared me an upvote too! ^^ and don't forget to comment, i love hearing from everyone and anyone xx

thank you and do enjoy (⌒▽⌒)
- with too much love, ellie

timeline;
first began writing: 29.09.13
first posted on aff: 17.12.13
completion of story: 19.12.13
posted and complete on aff: 19.10.14
featured: 06.03.17

MintyPetals
(not otherwise specified) OKAY I'M SORRY FOR BOTHERIN U ALL AGAIN BUT CAN I JUST THANK YOU ALL FOR HELPING ME REACH 100 UPVOTES BC THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME

Comments

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Cloudy_Sky427 #1
I read this fic a couple of months ago and it really got to me and made me sad. I have an eating disorder, and a couple of self harm issues, so I think that might be why I keep thinking of this fic over and over again. Anyways, it’s still one of my favorites and thank you for writing it!
Penguksoo #2
Chapter 42: Okay. I know it's only a fiction. But i was literally crying. It's been 2 days after i finished this. And i was literally still crying. And i just somehow hate junmyeon for being so dumb. He just kind of killed 3 person juat bcs his words. Like.. how is he so ing dumb and doing another fatal mistakes after all of this tragedy. Maybe for niw, i need to tell myself thatthis is a fiction. Bcs if i'm not. I'll hate junmyeon for sure. Okay. Thats it. Thank u for making a rllygood fiction. And maybe i want to have some parts of this story, into mine. I'll give u the credits. And btw, i know this is late, its 2020 and this fiction was finished like, years ago. But its okay right??
mistymountains 193 streak #3
Nice story!
mammons
#4
Chapter 41: this is absolutely amazing
all of this was just raw emotion and seeing everything shattering just made me realize that the words you say to people can do so much more than we think
ty for sharing this with us!
Sleazy
#5
Chapter 41: I saw the 'tragedy' on the rag screaming something. But seeing Luhan and Kyungsoo like that in the end made me cry. It's Junmyeon's fault all over again, and it's Jongin now. How can't he learn to shut his mouth? gosh, although it'sonly the work of fiction, I know I'm not suppossed to think it's them. I just afraid if they have the same thing happen in real life.
Anistaisha
#6
Chapter 41: can you nOT
serenidad
#7
good job!!
deathbyanime
#8
Chapter 42: This story is so good, haven't cried that much in a while omg TT-TT
-Ijustwanttoread- #9
Chapter 41: So I'm back rereading this, and your story inspired me to write mine with my friend so thank you for that! (It's not very good though because I'm not a good author yet...)

This was really beautiful, and extremely descriptive. I really wonder how people can write these things with such strong and raw emotion. I want to one day to able to write as well as you can, and display and express emotions so well through words and letters.