It was a moment everyone was waiting for, and by everyone, it’s actually the people that mattered most to her… and him. She sees the smiles on their faces and she wishes she could use that as a boost to her confidence but it’s not working.

Everything is silent except the melody that appears, it resonates the entire place and it was just the music that elevates the mood.

Then it begins: the turns, the twirls the kicks in the air and the gentleness in it all.

Then it happens: a slight incorrect in their judgement, a second back in the beat and she’s down to the floor. A thud could be heard, the music comes to a halt and then there are whispers amongst the people seated before her. She’s hanging her head low, both palms shaking, her whole body trembling as her head meekly lifts up to see the gazes of many people giving her that look she’s feared for years—the reason why she’s never got back onto the big stage, they’re staring right at her.

No… her heart whispers, this can’t happen again, her heart cracks.

“Kwan Hee Young!”

“No!”

She’s feeling like she’s being strangled, is dry, she feels suffocated and she feels like . She breathes heavily, forcing the air into her lungs so she’s not fainting and then some oxygen gets to her brain as she sits up, hitting her chest, the spot above her heart that was palpating faster than usual and she’s closing her eyes, “…” She mutters under her breath, “On the day itself…”

There’s a few budges on the door, a nudge, then a kick, “Hee Young!”

She flinches from the cries of anger on the other side and what’s worse is that it’s her name being called out in such manner. She pushes herself up from the bed, stumbling her way towards the door but the door is flinging open and it’s a face she had expected to see.

His gaze immediately softens, his heart is calming down from the rage earlier and his hands immediately cradle her cheeks, “Y-You don’t look so good…”

She shakes her head and brushes his hands away, turning around to head towards her bed and he’s welcoming himself in, closing the door behind him and watching her as she flops down onto the bed, groaning into the pillows, “I had a nightmare…”

He frowns, but sits beside her on the bed and places a hand on her back, “About what?”

“It’s just horrible… plain horrible…”

He rubs his palm soothingly on her clothed back, sighing, “Whatever it is, it can’t hurt you now,”

She shakes her head and jolts from the bed and she notices how she nearly scared the life out of him. They meet gazes for a moment when she’s on her feet, looking down on him as he has a blank look on his face because he doesn’t know what the hell she’s going on about but believe him, he’s concerned. He tries to reach for her hand but then she’s storming off to the bathroom, words of you don’t ing understand, Kai.

And Kai is left to decipher whatever that means in silence.

 

 

 

---

 

 

He sits on her bed and looks around, it’s rather quiet in here despite the shower running inside the bathroom and that’s all he hears. Then he realizes that she doesn’t even have a roommate—it’s just her here. He frowns once more, deeper, and the creases appear on his forehead, canceling the smoothness of his skin when he glances around—doesn’t she get lonely here?

Then he pales, gasping, no wonder she was that broken when Minseok left…

He looks to the left, seeing a photo frame that was placed flat down on the table. He gets up from the bed and reaches for it, on his feet, holding it in his hands until it reveals a picture of the mentioned fellow and the girl in the shower as of now. Minseok’s arm is around her shoulder protectively, that gummy grin he’s showing off to the world and it’s just a look that says I’m her best friend. He sets the picture down on the table, facing up this time and he’s sighing.

He’s her only friend she’s got…

The door opens and Kai jerks from the sudden noise—it was that quiet in here.

“W-What are you doing?”

Kai shakes his head, raising both hands in front of his chest in defense, “N-Nothing,”

She tosses her towel onto the rack, switches off the lights and then approaches him. He moves aside to see that indeed, he’s been looking at the photo frame. Before she has a chance to touch it, or make it into the position it initially was, he holds her by the shoulders and halts her movements. She’s stopping—one, she’s turning her head to lock gazes—that’s two but then he’s pulling her into a hug so tight she can barely escape from and she doesn’t know if she truly wants to—that’s three.

“You have me now,” He whispers—and that’s four.

She stutters, trying to move him away but he’s stubborn, right… he’s stubborn.

“I know it sounds really cheesy and ty to believe but,” He leans away, noticing the helpless look in her eyes because she has no idea where all of this is coming from but it doesn’t matter, all she needs to know is that he’s being seriously genuine and sincere that he’d be damned if she called him out as a liar. “I mean it,”

Then she says something that throws him off, further compared to if she ever called him a liar.

“Who said it’s ty?” And that, ladies and gentlemen, is five.

 

 

---

 

 

So maybe waiting behind back stage and watching everyone else perform ahead of them wasn’t a good idea. She’s getting shaken up from all the applause that other people were receiving, the perfect-like presentation and the delivery—it’s all biting her insides and twisting her guts to a few different shapes and she’s not sure how she’s looking right now but that’s the least of her worries when she feels like she’s about to breakdown any minute, any second.

He places his hand in hers, giving her a tight grip and she’s not taking note of any of it—none.

She feels numb and he feels the icy cold feeling in her hand, radiating from her palm and that should not be the case when it’s sort of hot back here.

“Jesus… are you alright?” He dips down to whisper into her ears, craning his neck to see that she’s not even listening—she can’t hear a thing at this point.

He’s letting go of her hand, resorting to other methods when he calls her out once, “H-Hey,”

Then twice, “Hey…”

Then thrice, “Hee Young!”

He’s gripping onto her shoulders, making her face him and giving her a thorough shake and then he’s staring her down despite her not even looking at him. Her eyes were clenched shut, her hands by her ears and she wasn’t able to look—not at him, not the crowd seated, not  at the people filling the whole auditorium.

She can’t.

“Kai and Young, ten minutes,” A coordinator spoke and Kai could only give a hurried nod before he pulled Hee Young to the side, a much secluded corner and the two of them only in the dark as he pressed her against the wall, his eyes searching for an answer but it’s hopeless when she’s not letting up. There’s a barrier between them now and out of all the times, why now?

Why now when it’s just minutes away before their evaluation?

“Hee Young, snap out of it—look at me,” He’s demanding, hoping for an answer but then he’s sighing, pleading, “Please, Hee Young, what’s wrong? We’re up next,”

“I…I can’t,” She’s mumbling under her breath, her eyes peeling open after much effort and he’s placing both hands at the sides of her head, directing her to gaze into his eyes as he’s doing the same, “You can, you can. Who the hell said you can’t?”

“I—“

“I’m telling you that you can,” He’s stern, his voice commanding but it’s all under good intentions here. His grip by her head loosens and he reaches down for both of her hands, trembling and freezing, taking it into his warmer ones and suddenly it got much easier to breathe—for now, at least.

Securely, he locks their fingers together, his eyes are her source of confidence as of now and there’s nothing else in the world that could possibly knock her down, not now.

“You can do this, I’ll be there to catch you,” His voice is soothing, smooth and it’s entering her ears without any trouble, “You know that…”

“C-Catching is not the proble—“

He doesn’t wait for a second longer because he knows time isn’t on their side when he hears a soft ‘two minutes’. He’s smothering any words that threaten to leave her lips, any doubts swallowed by his own, his lips captured hers and there’s no pulling back. He feels her lips quivering against his own and she’s not moving, she’s still, she’s that nervous. He lets go of one of her hands to lift it up, cupping her chin to coax her slowly into moving and a second was all it took before her lips moved on their own accord. He smirks when he feels tiny movements—but it was better than nothing. He bites her lower lip and drags it down, dragging her heart along with it when he releases playfully to lean back, searching for a different spark in her eyes and indeed, it was there.

“You bit me,” She breathes in disbelief, using her knee to hit his stomach and he’s grinning, “And you’re back,”

“Kai, Young, stage.” A voice called by the side and he sees that the look in her eyes are threatening to change, “Don’t,” He mumbles, gripping onto her hand, “You can do this—we can do this,”

He gives her one more proper look and she’s nodding, “Okay,”

The two exchanged a grateful smile before he’s walking ahead of her, leading her to the stage with interlocked hands until the two appeared on the stage. She almost immediately stiffens at the sight and there was this pause of silence as the two composed themselves on the stage. She spots easily the person on the front row, Hee Min then the person beside her James and then the person behind Hee Min, Junmyeon with a camera and her eyes stop the search there because she’s not going to look any further.

“Are you ready?” Mr. Kang asks, as calm as he can and he just prays for nothing but the best when he sees how tightly she’s holding onto Kai’s hand.

“I’m ready when she is,”

Then all eyes are on her and she’s screaming at Kai mentally but she replies smoothly (with a small crack), “Yes.”

Mr. Kang motions with a hand, “You may begin,” And on cue, a round of applause came and left quick as the deafening silence took over once more. He gives her a reassuring squeeze on her hand before he lets go and despite her wanting to hold on for just a bit more was useless, he’s already standing behind her as he got into position. The sensation in her rises, the tension heaves on her shoulders heavier than ever and her eyes are searching for an answer to her prayers within—she just doesn’t want to mess up, not now, not ever, not again.

She takes a step back and positions herself, feeling her eyes close on its own when the music comes up—it’s happening.

At first she doesn’t feel like it’s herself, she doesn’t feel like she’s moving but when her eyes open, she is. She’s in his arms, safe and protected and then she’s spinning away to break free just like how the song is projecting such emotions and displayed through their bodies and she’s doubting herself, unsure if that’s really the case as of now. She moves exactly how she’s been moving during practice, she spins with his guidance, she twirls on her own and she’s using his aid to fly into the air for just three seconds not more before she lands back into his arms, like before, safe and protected.

He’s cocooning her in, pressing her to his chest and she can feel his rapid heartbeat—whether he was nervous or not, she doesn’t know but she sure in hell was nervous. There were gasps and gapes when she’s up in the air once more—with her hands planted in his. He’s rising her up higher and higher, standing on his tip toes as he delicately spun her around in at a snail’s pace. It’s exhibiting his strength, it’s showing off her flexibility, it’s to show their massive amount of control they have in their bodies but it’s emphasizing on their trust. One small move and she can break her neck. One slip and he could be saying goodbye to his ankles but none of that happened.

It was just in the corner of her brain and it’s fading away when he’s lowering her down the same time the music is dying.

The nervousness is disappearing when she realizes, this is ending well.

And there’s a glow radiating around her when she struck her ending pose with him faltering behind her, into the darkness until the light is just shining down on her, soaking in the attention that everyone is giving her when there are major cheers, the rounds of applause came through and it feels like a nostalgic dream she’s been wanting to relieve.

She feels a hand holding onto hers, the spaces between her fingers occupied by a familiar hand and the two are bowing out of gratitude. She looks at the crowd, in detail and she spots Mr. Kang with a proud grin, words of I knew you could do it and she’s more than just excited. She glances to see her sister cheering as loud as she could, James aiding in screaming at the top of his lungs and then she meets with Junmyeon’s kind eyes, waving as he pointed at his phone, his mouth reading this one is for Minseok, say hi! She’s waving at his direction and she spots further into the back that there’s someone else hoping for her attention.

Mom.

She’s standing up proudly in the midst of everyone seated, she’s clapping with that look on her face and there’s no end to how long she’s going to clap. She was about to shut her off, she’s was thinking of leaving and pretending she never saw that but instead, she gives a little movement of her fingers to that particular direction before Kai pulls her away to the back of the stage after one last bow.

She’s feeling jittery inside, she’s feeling all sorts of emotions and she’s not believing that they did it. They did it.

They did it.

He’s wrapping both arms around her slim waist and it’s much easier since she’s wearing proper attire—unlike the usual t-shirt and jeans (not that he’s complaining) that’s now a pair of skin colored leggings and a beautiful white dress that floats right above her knees while he’s dressing in all black—in total contrast, but remarkably beautiful when the two comes together. He’s lifting her up into the air once more, his own cheer echoing through her ears despite the rowdy situation out there and it’s falling silent when the next couple takes the stage.

He’s smiling at her when he lowers her down and she’s returning him the hug because she feels he deserves it—he’s amazing, as well.

“Thank you,” She whispers, in the quietest voice he’d ever hear her say and he’s saying the same thing, “No, thank you.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

“That was amazing,” They were now walking down the sidewalk and apparently, Hee Min’s true characteristic shown as an overly excited sister when she engulfed Hee Young into a tight hug for about five minutes and didn’t seem to let go until Hee Young hit her back several times, crying out that if she doesn’t let her go, that could possibly be her last performance. Kai and James were trailing behind, not too close, not too far apart as they entered their world of men talk—you name it, football (Kai doesn’t support any teams whereas James is a huge MU fan), work, life, their relationship (not between the two, between the two girls in front of them). And after Hee Min was done abusing her rights to hug, that’s when her compliment comes in.

Hee Young is a grumbling mess and gives her sister a flick to the forehead, “I’d appreciate it if you told me without trying to suffocate me,”

“Hey, I was being nice, okay? It’s to show my appreciation because I’ve never got to—“

Kai somehow muted James voice from his ears and peeked up to see Hee Young grew quiet and James followed his gaze. The two sisters who were cheerfully speaking ago, had become so quiet and Hee Min is pinching her own arm, softly muttering damn it before she said, “N-No, I didn’t mean to bring it up—“

“You were studying aboard, unnie,” Hee Young’s tone was shockingly calm and she turned to smile at her sister, “Even if you wanted to fly back to watch, I wouldn’t have allowed that,”

“What matters now is that you’re here,” Hee Young said as a matter-of-factly and held onto her sister’s hand, “And that’s all that matters to me,”

There was a knowing smile on James face and he gave Kai a light nudge, “I’m assuming all of this is happening because of you?”

“Please,” Kai breathed, finding it amusing, “Even if I wanted it to be me, it would take a whole lot of convincing to make her change,”

But when James trails off to another topic about God knows what, Kai is left to staring ahead of him where he’s idly looking at the back of her head, not noticing himself that he’s looking at her direction. She takes a quick glance over her shoulder and their eyes meet for a brief moment. Though it was short and she snaps to the front when her sister is calling for her name to continue on with their conversation, he can’t hide the grin forcing its way to his lips and he nods twice when James is asking are you listening when in reality, there’s no saying that he is because his mind is too occupied.

Her smile is beautiful—and it’s even more when she’s smiling at me.

 

 

 

---

 

 

“So… where is she?” Hee Young asks quietly, noticing the silence that takes over too soon when all is not saying anything in the cozy restaurant, somewhere further away from the college but it’s nothing walking can’t fix. As Hee Min tries to cook up an answer, she’s unable to speak when the chair on the other end drags back and a person is taking their seat nicely followed by another.

Hee Young is seated by the right corner and Kai being opposite, Hee Min in the middle with James directly ahead of her and the left corner beside Hee Min’s seat is now occupied by someone they had been expecting with someone to be escorting that particular someone.

“Sorry we’re late, we had something to do before—“ He stops talking and sits, gets comfortable and then rephrases his sentence, “S-Sorry.”

Across the table, Hee Young’s hand curls into the hand she’s in, feeling his hand tense upon feeling such force but he allows it anyway.

Not only does she notice that there seems to be more than she expects to see here today, she notices the contact, as well.

“S-Say… is he your boyfriend, Young-ah?”

Kai is then looking up to her for an answer, understanding that her mother is asking because they’re displaying their hands being held together tightly on the table and the performance earlier portrayed more than just their emotions for one another. He swallows and sighs in relief when she gives a nod—two nods, one slowly, the other as confirmation without any words being needed to be said.

Kai smiles and tries his best to muster up a bow, his hand attempting to free from hers but she’s not letting go—so he carries on like how he does in the beginning of his plan, “I-I’m Kim Jongin but I usually go by Kai around here,”

“Kai…” The name rolls off her mother’s tongue as she takes a side glance to Hee Min, “That’s an interesting choice of nickname…”

Kai’s showing off his dazzling smile, pearly whites but then brushes it all off when he feels her hand slipping from hers. He’s turning to look at her for any sort of sign that he may have displeased her because it’s the first time she’s admitting that he’s hers and he wouldn’t want this day to turn sour.

Not on the day they’ve been waiting for, not on the day they have finally nothing to worry about, not on the day she admits that they’re together.

“T-That performance out there… it was really something,” The principal tries to take the role of her father, complimenting her and as much as she wants to say thank you or anything that could stoop to being respectful, she finds herself unable to speak up. She’s looking at everywhere except the pair on the left end of the table so Hee Min steps in, hoping she could elevate the suddenly-transformed mood into a brighter one, “W-Why don’t you two order first? We’ve already placed ours not too long ago so, before we get talking, you should check out the menu,”

She then elbows the person beside her, “Right, Hee Young?”

She threatens to say something else, something that could spark another fight but Hee Min is not having it. She’s pinching the thigh of the younger and Hee Young nearly yelps from the pain. Kai’s eyes are wide and alarmed but James is rubbing a hand on his shoulder, whispering something like Hee Min’s got this covered. Kai relaxes and notices how Hee Min’s hand is probably trying to get Hee Young to say something—whatever she should say and whatever she shouldn’t. Hee Young straightens her back when Hee Min’s hands are back to herself, her voice soft but audible, “Y-Yeah… I’m sure you guys are hungry,”

Hee Min takes a glance to her sister, whispering, “Is that the best you’ve got?”

“So far? Yeah, that’s the ing—“ Hee Min places a hand on her sister’s mouth, “Young!”

She repels her hand when she feels a sting on her palm, noticing that her sister had just—“Did you just bite my hand?”

Hee Young’s eyebrows waved suggestively, but her face expression remained blank—Kai didn’t know if he should laugh or try to guide her to attempt in being nicer to her parents.

“The next time, I may bite your finger off,”

“Y-You can’t just—it’s not that easy!”

“I think at this point, easy isn’t the matter,” A voice speaks and regardless of who it was, Hee Young is using her eyes to point at that specific person, “See, even he’s on my side on this,”

Hee Min gawks and looks over her shoulder, “H-Hey! You’re supposed to be breaking us up to not fight but you’re taking her side?”

Her mother laughs, “I’ll take your side if it makes you any happier,”

James is raising a hand, “I’ll take your side, too.”

Then everyone looks at Kai expectantly and he takes note of Hee Young’s, too, “Forever on her side,” He points with his eyes towards the lady opposite him and then everything brushes off to something else. From her parents ordering what they want to eat, to the food arriving, to the nonchalant talks and Hee Young trying her best in conversing with the people she’s been avoiding all her life and he finally sees the struggle she’s having—she’s trying really hard. He feels a nostalgic feeling because it’s as if he’s live this before, as if he’s seen this go down but then he’s blocked by the emotions of being in this position in the past.

To how she always avoided him and now they’re in a relationship—a recently her-admitting that the two were yes, together, he feels all jittery inside—he feels this foreign bubbly feeling from within and if he had to describe a color that situates this emotion, it would be a yellow.

He meets with her gaze in the middle of her mother talking about something that relates to how she met the principal for the first time and he can tell that Hee Young is paying attention despite not looking at them, she’s looking at him. He smiles, and she does.

And he knows that this is resembling a pastel yellow color—light and gentle, filled with nothing but happiness.

 

 

 

---

 author's note:  i seriously love how you guys are excited/curious to know what she's hiding but rest assured, it will be revealed. it may not be something that makes you go omg, omg, OMG, but... you'll see. //a.k.a it may not be so shocking