“Okay… honestly? I was not expecting that at all but I had a hunch it may have happened sooner or later, too…” Hee Min breathed, shaking her head before turning to notice the slump figure beside her. Hee Young remained face flat in the pillow, not lifting her head up and allowing the words to muffle, “I know… I wasn’t prepared, either…”

“He just… kissed?”

She nodded.

“And you… kissed back?”

She struggled for a nod this time.

Hee Min sighed and pressed her arm against the side of Hee Young’s bed, using a hand to rub on her sister’s back, “You obviously like the guy,”

“But I can’t!” Her voice went up one notch all of a sudden, startling the person on the floor beside her and she’s regretting not being able to control the volume of her voice and her tone. She clears and notices the wideness of her sister’s eyes, dilated with worry, softening with pity and a frown displayed before she reached to hold on her sister’s hand when she stretches her fingers out.

“I-It’s hard… he… he doesn’t know about all of this,”

“He doesn’t remember—“

“Because I didn’t… no,” She shook her head, lowering her head down low, “I never tried to remind him,”

Hee Min lets out a heavy exhale before she squeezes the hand in her own, “Maybe it’s time you came clean with the truth. Years or not… you still have to let him know—he deserves to know and besides,” Hee Min reaches up with her other hand, tilting Hee Young’s chin up so their eyes could meet, “What do you have to lose?”

Hee Min then moves her hand from her sister’s chin to above her chest, on her beating heart, “Regardless whether as a child you wanted to disappear from Jongin’s life… it’s safe to say now you’re in the most part of it. There’s no point running away from it now,”

Hee Min sees the hesitance in Hee Young’s eyes, as if she was imagining the possibilities of what could happen if she does come clean but… she could roughly make up what’s going on in that mind of her sister’s.

“You’re afraid he doesn’t remember you…”

Hee Young’s eyes gaze away, from her sister’s, to the floor, to her own lap… and then she nodded.

“I mean… I’ve never wanted to know what would it be like or… how it would feel if he doesn’t remember me because I know it’ll hurt like a ,” She bites her lip, filtering the right words before she finishes, “I guess that’s why I’ve been avoiding it all this while,” She meets with her sister’s gaze once more and it’s her sister speaking, “You were afraid of being forgotten…”

Hee Young chuckles, painfully, and moves her hand away from her sister’s, shifting from the bed to the floor where she sits right next to her and Hee Min’s arms are cocooning her in her embrace.

“Well, I’ve already lost a fraction of the most important people in my life—I would’ve died if I faced being forgotten by—“

“Another important person in your life?”

Hee Young shrugged, tilting her head to rest on her sister’s shoulder, “You could say that. He was my partner back then, he was my friend, he was…”

“Your first love,”

Hee Young moves her head to look up to the person looking down to her, and then she’s resting her head once more, “You could say that, too.”

“I think it’s safe to say that whether he remembers or not… he’ll definitely not forget you now.”

 

 

---

 

 

“Kai,” The teacher calls out.

“What?” The boy stops before he can reach the door, before he can exit like the rest.

“Where’s your partner?” The teacher questions out of curiosity.

The boy takes a glance around and then shakes his head, “I’d give you an answer if I had one,”

Mr. Kang huffs and motions the fellow over, sitting down on by his desk before Kai trails over after not being able to escape. He sees Mr. Kang pointing at the chair opposite him and Kai’s following his cue, facing his teacher now and now he’s raising an eyebrow, “What?”

Mr. Kang sighs and folds his arms on the table, “What’s up with the two of you? The evaluation is this week and she’s not showing up for class?”

Kai keeps silent, biting the inside of his cheek and his eyes are casted out of the door to stare at whoever that passes by and he hopes she’s passing by at this time so he’d drag her in and get some answers but… huh, tough luck. Mr. Kang gazes out of the door as well and he figures that he’s not going to get the answer out like this. So, he stands up and says, “Get up, we’re going to get some lunch,”

“Together?”

“Oh no, we’re sitting at separate tables.”

“If that’s the case—“

“Don’t hope on it, brat. C’mon, my treat.”

And who was Kai to pass up on free lunch?

 

 

 

---

 

 

“You’re really not cracking up, are you?” Mr. Kang asks once both their plates are half empty and Kai hasn’t said a word since.

“There’s nothing to crack, ing nothing because I don’t know anything, I never do.”

There it is…something to work on.

“What are you going on about?”

“Take a guess,”

“Is…” He clears his throat, “Is she hiding something from you or…?” Mr. Kang took the wild guess and it leaves Kai to drop the utensils onto the plate. She’s hiding, his mind spoke, some sense knocked into his brain and his body reacts faster than his mind can process on what to do.

The boy mumbles something like for ’s sake and then he’s grabbing his bag, dashing out of the restaurant and it leaves Mr. Kang with another half plate of rice to finish.

Mr. Kang shakes his head and notices the look on the waiter’s face, so he waves a hand, “Can you pack this up?”

 

 

 

---

 

 

He checks the window by her dorm.

He runs to the balcony the two had chats during midnights.

He’s going all over campus but there’s no sign of her.

He pushes the library door open.

He’s walking down the rows of books.

Row after row, he’s getting more and more panicky and he’s frustrated when he reaches the last row and there’s no one there—not anyone he’s searching for in the first place. He’s checking all the individual rooms, apologizing because he’s interrupting others, fussing because he’s not seeing who he wants to see and he ends up in one of the rooms because why the not. He sits down and throws his bag onto the floor, slumping in the chair and looking out of the window.

His mind is everywhere, his thoughts flying around endlessly and there’s no way to stop them. His eyes settled upon a tree from a distance and his heart is still racing from tearing this library apart just to find one person.

“You can’t catch me!” A girl, a little girl laughs heartily as she runs.

“Just you wait!” The boy shouts, chasing her quick, following her footsteps around and he knows exactly where she’s trying to hide.

“Oh, I wonder where she could be hiding at?” The little one coos, stopping right by the tree before he makes a quick dash to go around, tackling the girl to the ground.

She squeals, she’s smiling, she’s clutching onto him as he rolls her around and hugging her to keep her close and unharmed at the same time despite the way he pounced on her. The two are laughing once they’re on the other side of the park, reaching another tree and the little boy is not moving away from her just yet. He’s smiling so wide, the girl thought he’s about to crack his jaw open but he can’t hide the happiness he’s feeling from within.

It takes the boy at least two more minutes of staring before she nudges him over and pats his shoulder, “You’re still it!”

“That’s not fair!” He huffs, crossing his arms in disapproval.

“Too bad!”

He groans, he’s throwing a fit—but he’s chasing after her again.

“Dude, did you grow deaf?”

It definitely startle Kai as he flinched, this close to bolting from his seat but he relaxed when he met gazes with someone he’s familiar with and he’s sinking back, eyes looking out to see the image he imagined a while ago, disappeared.

Kyungsoo took a peek to where Kai was looking at and can’t help but ask, “What’s out there?”

Kai stares for a moment longer, wanting, needing, hoping the image would come back because that little boy really looked like him and he can’t decipher on who the little girl was. She’s too young to be his sister and he knows she’s not. Could it be a friend? His mind went blank but he shrugged it off, not wanting to stare out there the whole day that he turns to face his friend, “N-Nothing,”

Kai exhales and inhales before asking, “What’s up?”

“Your teacher said you left your brain at the dorm,”

Kai scoffed a laugh, rolling his eyes and then crossing his arms, “Mr. Kang?”

“Yep,” Kyungsoo popped his lips at the end, leaning against the seat, “Guess who had the other half of your lunch for free?”

Kai wasn’t even sorry, in fact, he’s feeling too many things because one, where he is she, and two, he wasn’t that hungry, anyway.

“Sorry,” okay, maybe he is a bit guilty, “I… There’s a lot going on in my mind now,”

“I’m guessing, you’re finding for that girl again?”

Kai grows a bit irritated.

“You know, this girl has a name,”

“And why should I address her by her name if anytime I mention the words ‘that girl’, you already know who I’m talking about?”

Kai’s usually one to be able to hold his temper—after all, being roommates with someone who is able to keep their cool all the time, he’s picked up a thing or two. But if Kai ever explodes out of anger, that’s when you need to hide for shelter because he doesn’t hold back. He’s not the type to scream or shout, he’s the type to let the venom from his words seep into your skin, sending the shivers down your spine and then attacking the most vulnerable spots in your mind to leave you wondering if you were a sinner.

“Look, I’m not in the ing mood for your smart talks. If you came here to piss me off, it’s working, so stop.”

And need you to be reminded, Kyungsoo is one to have the smartest counters of all time.

“Well, if that’s what you want, I guess I won’t tell you where she is,”

From gazing out of the window, Kai shoots his eyes back to Kyungsoo who’s getting up to leave, pushing the chair in and Kai’s words are flying out of his mouth, “Wait!”

Kyungsoo smirks as his hand touches the doorknob, I knew it.

 

 

 

---

 

 

She trailed down the halls quietly, eyes avoiding anyone and everyone and it’s pretty much the same cycle again and again. Minus the part where she feels like she needs to run whenever she sees a certain someone but other than that, everything was just the same.

Until, of course, she passes by a certain hallway entrance and she felt a bit odd that she’s never really walked down there before in her life. After the many months of being here, she felt strange because not once in her life has she remembered coming down here—she doesn’t even know she’s wandered this far around the place and look where she is now. She glanced around and noticed how nobody was around and funny, usually she’s at the places where people don’t hang around that often and she’s baffled that she’s never come here before to run away from reality.

With a small smirk, she tugged on her bag and walked down, deeper in the halls and passing by doors that were coated in dark brown and she swore she’s never even seen this place before. She reaches the end and makes a left (the only choice she has) and sees a counter upfront. She comes closer, closer and closer until…

“Hello! Are you here for a counselling session?”

She raised an eyebrow, Hee Young, that is, and takes a step back from the sudden brightness of the environment and the person that had just spoken. Hee Young takes a look around and a bright signboard above clearly states COUNSELLING and then up ahead there are individual rooms with names slotted on it—supposedly the counsellors. Though, she’s sure this wasn’t here before.

“T-There’s a counselling session?”

“Yep!” The girl grinned—Choi Sulli, as it’s engraved on her nametag—and Hee Young is sure that she’s a freshie, freshman. “Ah, not many people know about this counselling session unless we make an announcement or whatever but usually even that gets eaten over by all the other exciting events,”

Hee Young nodded because it’s true but then she’s rather interested. She steps forward courageously and asks, “And who are the counsellors, actually?”

“We have a list here!” Sulli points at the left column, “This one’s all our second year psychology students,” Then at the right column, “These are our official counsellors,” And then the middle one, “Here is our interns that will be guided by lecturers in charge,”

“You guys have that many people and yet no one knows about this?”

Noticing her own bluntness, Hee Young closed her eyes out of apology and mutters, “S-Sorry, it just slipped—“

“I agree,” The younger girl laughs, shaking her head, “Even I feel the same way but there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Ah… okay…”

“So are you here for a counselling session?”

“I didn’t make an appointment—“

“I’m sure by now, you would’ve realized that we can easily take in walk-ins,” Sulli grins, making Hee Young take at least five seconds to think about it before she takes a look at the people available and shocking not shocking, she sees a certain name on the slot. She lifts her finger up and taps on the name, “I want this guy,”

The girl makes a face, one that says I knew it before she pulls out a file, “All girls are currently going for that counsellor,”

It’s Hee Young’s turn to make a face and it says how on earth? “Wait, what?”

“He’s new to this whole program but the moment he signed up, all his time is booked,” She explained, placing a card on the counter after jotting something in the file and then filling in some details before handing the pen to Hee Young, “Sign here, and here and fill in your name as well,”

Hee Young gave a slow nod, fills up whatever she needs to, signs wherever she was told but then noticed the counsellor section was left empty, “Do I fill his name in?”

Sulli frowns, “Are you sure you want him? You may need to wait a bit because he has two more sessions before yours,”

Sulli sees the hesitation in Hee Young’s eyes but then saw a flare of determination after that, “Just fill in his name—I’ll wait.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

“Hee Young, your counsellor can see you now,”

Finally, she stands up from the couch and nods, “Thanks,”

She points at the row of doors and Hee Young’s walking past each and every one of them until she reaches the door with the name she’s filled up in the form on it. She raises a hand, gives a knock and waits until she hears a come in.

She twists the door open and steps in, head hanging low and then closing the door behind her.

She can feel him smiling and he is, she’s lifting her chin up and he’s not having the same smile.

“Holy ,” He drops his pen and now he’s not so sure on where to look if not at the person who had just entered.

“Calm down, Junmyeon,” She breathes, raising the paper in her hand, “I’m actually here to listen to you talk,”

He picks up the pen as calm as he could but raises an eyebrow, “Are you really here to listen or are you going to let me waste my breath?”

She rolled her eyes and steps towards him, sitting opposite him and then sliding the paper across the table, “Look, for once, can you not be a and be a good counsellor?”

Notices the tone in her voice, the look of desperation in her eyes and a slight change in her aura since Minseok had left, he felt guilty because if it wasn’t for his persuasion, she’d still have Minseok here to talk to her, have someone to empty her thoughts, her bottled emotions and if not Minseok… possibly he could be here for her, even if it’s just as a counsellor.

“Okay… what seems to be the problem?” He questions after he signs and chops the paper, placing it aside and he’s focused on analyzing, listening and making sure when she leaves, she’d have a clearer picture.

“T-That’s the thing… I don’t know,”

He raises an eyebrow once more—but it was out of curiosity, “You don’t know?”

She takes a look at him and suddenly she’s afraid to speak up. Afraid to express what she’s thinking to someone else that’s not Minseok or not Hee Min or not Mr. Kang.

Junmyeon offers her a smile and she sees the reason why he’s doing this—why he’s studying psychology—he’s genuine when he wants to help someone.

“Look, I’m not going to judge you as Junmyeon… I’m going to help you and listen as your counsellor—whatever that we have outside, it doesn’t matter here,” He notices the way she looks away, hesitating, “I’m here to help you,”

“T-There are two things that are mainly my problem now,”

He nods, giving her a look that she should go on.

“O-One of it is my… mom,”

Junmyeon saw this coming because as a roommate of her best friend, he’s heard bits and pieces of Hee Young’s family tree and let’s just say, when a lightning strikes, not every branch is saved, the leaves fall, the branches break, there are cracks in between and… well… Hee Young’s family tree appears to be breaking more and more each day.

“Are you two having any sort of conflict or…?”

“My dad and brother died when I was fourteen, I ran away from home when I was sixteen because she had…”

“Issues?”

“She was an alcoholic,”

He bites his lower lip and nods, out of pity, “Did she hurt you?”

She scoffs a laugh—and he could tell it was bitter, “Every day,”

“That’s why you ran away…”

“If I didn’t, I think I would be dead by now,”

Junmyeon clasps his hands together on the table and leans forward, eyeing her carefully, “Then what seems to be the problem? I’m sure you’re living on your own now and your sister has a stable job—“

“My mother started coming back into the picture months back. She wants me to attend her wedding with…”

“With…?”

“If I told you, it’ll sound crazy,”

“Try me,”

“It’s our principal,”

“Wow,”

“Told you,”

It takes Junmyeon to process the information and she’s left to keeping silent as he does this. His eyebrows knit together and there are creases appearing on his forehead—that how hard he was thinking for her. She wants to interrupt his train of thought but he had started speaking.

“So… you feel like she doesn’t care that much about you because when you ran away, she never came after you but now she is?”

Hee Young nods.

“And you feel like she’s only thinking about herself to want you to attend her wedding and you still can’t let go of the past because of her alcoholic problems, right?”

Another nod…where is he going with this?

“It would be different if your father and brother was alive… that’s what you’re thinking, right? You’re constantly thinking that things would be different but you have to realize, your mother was not responsible for your father and brother’s death. Her problems were one thing but her trying to patch up things with you is another,” He takes a breath, but he continues, “I’ve heard bits and pieces of what Minseok tells me and… I feel that if your mother is putting in this much effort in trying to patch things up with you, it’s time to give her a shot and see if she’s changed for the better despite her remarrying,”

Hee Young remains silent… but Junmyeon sees through what her thoughts are.

“I know you feel it’s unfair—but put yourself in her shoes as well. It’s hard to quit something you’re addicted to, it’s hard to understand why she does what she does because you’re not an alcoholic but when alcoholics drink, they feel the freedom of not being able to feel anything. She lost her husband, you lost your father. She lost her son, you lost the sibling who has been there through it all with you. As much as you’re going crazy—she’s going crazy, too. It’s just that the both of you never mourned together to go through things properly and she’s never taken to accord that her alcoholic days were tearing the two of you apart,” He leans back and rests against the chair, “And instead of dealing with it, you ran away because you’ve had enough but she’s coming back to show you that it’s different now.”

Hee Young takes in a breath, and her thoughts are slowly sorting away bit by bit.

“So you’re saying…”

“I’m not asking you to get used to having her around all the time but I’m advising you to give her a chance—because without her, you wouldn’t exactly be here asking me for my advice,”

Hee Young freezes for a while and for a second, Junmyeon thinks he’s seeing a picture of her. A few seconds later, she gives a slow nod, “I think I get what you mean,”

Then Junmyeon receives the satisfaction of being able to help, seeing that her expression isn’t as confused as when she entered.

“What’s the other problem?”

About that…

 

 

 

---

 

 

“I can’t tell you what’s right or wrong because it’s clearly up to you on whether you want to tell him or not,” He explains, letting out an exhale before continuing, “But if you want to be free of your guilty conscious, it’s best you tell him the truth because… if the two of you go way back, if the two of you were best friends in the past, you should be able to let him know,”

“It’s—“

“Difficult,” Junmyeon catches on, “I know it is but that’s the way life is.”

Hee Young heaves a sigh and he’s pitying her once more—she does have a lot of things going on….

“I’m just saying… you don’t have to tell him out of the blue but… it’s possible to take things slow. I’m sure you’re aware of your feelings by now and he’s already declared his. If I were you, I’d set things clear like letting him know how you feel but what you decide to tell him after that, it’s up to you and it’s advisable to do it on your own pace so you don’t leave anything out.”

Hee Young is waiting, digesting all the new information and finally, it’s like someone hands her a map to her own thoughts.

And she’d never expect to get it from Junmyeon.

She can only nod once more, a small smile of appreciation appearing on her face before she looked up to him, “Thanks, Junmyeon,” He gives a smile in return, “It was nothing,”

“To you it wasn’t, but to me it meant the world because I was lost,” She admitted, shaking her head, “I just never thought I would be getting such advice from you,”

He laughs and nods, “Likewise,”

She stands and offers a handshake, “You’re not that bad, Myeon.”

“Thank you, Young,” He shakes her hand and she’s on her way, “This doesn’t mean we’re good or anything, I’m still going to beat you up whenever I want to,”

“I wasn’t expecting things to be different.”

She chuckles when she reaches the door and drops the act when she opens the door. She gives him a grateful bow and he’s nodding, smiling and, “I hope things work out for you, Hee Young-ah,”

“I’m hoping so too, Junmyeon. Thank you.” 

 

 

 

---

Author's note: Each chapter is getting harder to write because I'm trying to focus on the emotions. /.\ And I'm trying to update every week but it's getting hard with my classes so I apologize if there's a week without an update. x