Chapter Forty-Three

“You’re going all the way to the states, how the hell are you going to be here for me?”

5th of April 2015

Remember when Kyungsoo said that Kai may need to have a sleepover? Yeah… it didn’t turn out as planned when Kyungsoo left the window unlocked and Kai had got in through there—too easy, Kai thought as he managed to get into bed nicely, comfortable and a smug grin on his face when Kyungsoo had showed a glare.

Speaking of glares, there were none of that when the setting had changed from a dorm… to an airport.

Here he stood with a bag pack, a sling bag over his arm and a luggage roller bag in his hand while the other remained empty. Here he stood with a smile on his face, a bittersweet heart and wavering eyes as he stared at the people who came to say their goodbyes. Here he stood with open arms, taking in hugs from not more than ten people who all came differently but met together at the same place for one person—not in a million years Minseok dreams of being able to have people come here for him, making him feel special and that was really hard to do.

Make sure you settle down quick and give me a call, Junmyeon.

Yah, don’t get bullied there, alright? If anyone is being an to you, give me a call, Jongdae.

I’ll miss you man… we had such little time but… I’ll come visit, promise, Yixing, Lay.

There was a pause for a brief moment as smiles were exchanged and then a handshake, then a hug.

You’ll do great there, Minseok-ah…

You remember your promise, right? The reply was soft, only for the other’s ears.

Yes. Jongin… Kai’s answer was short, brief and genuine and Minseok could actually breathe properly after giving the boy one last hug and then he was off to dragging his bag to the next person in line.

Be the best you can be, Minseok-ah, Mrs. Lim, fighting.

And then it was down to one more person, another pause and then he let go of the railing of his luggage bag, the other sling bag falling to the floor. There were definitely tears but they were a mixture of happy ones and sad ones as well; happy ones being the ones for Minseok because finally, he’s doing something for himself but the sad ones being why did he have to go so damned far?

There were a bottle of mixed emotions and she didn’t know which one to sort out first—funny, like her life, as well. He took one, two, three steps forward and his hands cradled her face against his palms delicately, the thumbs brushing away the tears already streaming down. A familiar grin appeared on his face, that certain look flashed up in his eyes with the pinch of sadness, a twisting in his gut as he breathed out softly, I said you look ugly when you cry…

She sniffed a bit, shoving his hands away, I don’t give a .

Automatically both embraced one another, he allowed himself to be drowned in her warmth for not the last but one of the few times left he’ll be able to do so as he held onto her tight, as if his life depended on it. He chanted in his heart, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry and that wasn’t working too well when he could feel how ragged her breathing was getting against his chest even though it wasn’t obvious to others, it wasn’t that drastic to many, it definitely was for him because this… this was one of the rare moments Hee Young allowed herself to express such emotions, especially in public?

Mhm… he’s special, alright.

“Hee Young?” He breathed, delicate, soft yet broken as his lips were by her ear, the two blocking out all the stares from people because it felt like they were the only two people in the world and that’s all that ever matters. “What?”

He smiled at the recognizable tone from her, one that assured him that she’ll be alright.

“You know I love you, right?” His tone was gentle, yet his arms said otherwise as he gripped tighter.

“I know,” Her voice calmed down, bitter yet still you could taste the honey, “I love you too,”

He leaned away, taking in her eyes that seemed to have less tears trickling down, cheeks still colored, that look on her face that always remind him of home.

“I’m here if you need me, you know?”

She swore her voice came out in a small growl, “You’re going all the way to the states, how the hell are you going to be here for me?”

He rolled his eyes, unable to care anymore as he brought her back into his arms, this is his moment, he’s going to own it, as he muttered under his breath, against her ear, “I’ll call you when I reach, alright?”

The reply was soft, but it echoed into his ears and swears that he’ll replay this moment again and again until he arrives, “Okay…”

There was time for little chat, encouragements for him to do well in the states, lots of last minute hugs, handshakes and fist bumps along with light kisses against his cheek as he had Mrs. Lim doing that for him because his mother hadn’t had the time to say her goodbye when she already did the day before—it wasn’t as pleasant as it was but he had to do it, anyway. There were many tears, lots of thoughts being revealed like I’ll really miss you, you’ll be incredible there and also thank you for reaching out for your dreams and not giving up on yourself because you’re the only cure for yourself. There were a few curses here and there, mostly coming from just one girl who couldn’t seem to grasp onto the fact her best friend won’t be here but sooner or later, she accepted it and here she was, waving goodbye to someone who was there for everything, someone who had gone through almost every important moment in her life and he was certain that someone else would be there to take his spot. If not immediately then… soon.

Here she was, rooted to the ground as he waved goodbye, taking all the steps he needed to enter the terminal but before he actually did, he snapped around and hollered loud enough for everyone but specifically for just one, “Check your back pocket when you’re back at the dorm!”

Her eyes widened for at least five seconds before she stammered, ”W-Wait, Minseok, w-what?!”

“Bye!” He waved, and that’s all he did before he dashed into the terminal, confident and relieved, happy and strong, an open mind and an open heart as he did everything he needed to do before he left. She was left blinking at the terminal, hoping he would turn back around and realize that going to the states was a stupid idea. She wanted him to be here again tomorrow when she walks down the corridor, greeting her good morning, annoying the soul out of her and making sure she was okay. She wanted to be selfish and hold Minseok back, wanting the best of both worlds but she knew that could never happen. She stood there and reached to behind her back pocket as they all walked out from the airport, some with a lighter heart, some with questioning thoughts of how he’d do there and some with a heavy heart as she looked down on the letter with one thought.

He’s not here anymore.

“Will you be fine?” The question merely had five words, but it was enough to keep her going as she stood midway by her doorstep, turning around to look up to the person who had walked her back here because he said so and there was nothing she can do about it as he remained there, hands in his pocket, eyes staring up to her yet hers hadn’t exactly linked to his just yet.

She gave a nod, breathing out slowly, “It’ll take some time to get used to but… I’ll be fine,” She lifted her chin up, meeting with his gaze and was that worry that crossed through his eyes?

“I’ll come by at seven, or around seven,” He informed, already turning to his heels as he walked down the corridors, on his way back to his dorm but she had managed to shout, “For what fuc—“

“You don’t think you can eat dinner alone now, can you?” He grinned like that little he was as he glanced over his shoulder, making a quick twirl around to provoke her but it did the very least as she rolled her eyes, letting him see that before she went back into her dorm, close the door and then locking it because she has to do it ‘cause the world is a dangerous place.

Here she sat down on her bed once more, yesterday full of energy, happy and living the day like she owned it but now, with less energy than before, slightly broken but still living as she stared at the letter in her hands. Here goes nothing…

By the time you’re reading this, I’d be asleep on a plane, plugged earphones on with my mind still thinking of how you’re doing. I’d think of whether you’d still be crying or you’d get too tired to do so anymore but either way, I’d still be worried because I really do care for you and I’m proud, glad, happy and blessed to have you in my life.

You know that saying… ‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea’, right? Yeah, I kinda stopped fishing after I met you. I guess now I just got to put my fishing cap aside and just… wait for a fish to bite me? I think that didn’t sound as good as I thought it would but what’s written, stays written – between you and me, alright, Hee Young?

I love you – I always have and I always will.

Maybe in this life you’re not mine but maybe in the next life…

See, this is why I don’t write letters – you can’t cut me off at the right time. But nevertheless, I love you. I got your back and I’m only a five hours flight away – trust me, it’s not that bad unless you have your iPod. I’ll be here if you need me and make sure you come visit! I really need you to take me seriously when I say that life is too short to worry about too many things because you, Kwan Hee Young—you have everything you need in life; you just need to work on how to make it work and fall into place.

Time is one of them, use that element and make it to your advantage because… it’s you who can control on whose memory you can bring back. I really do hope you stop being a stubborn bull and listen to me for once, because few years down the road when all’s well, you’ll be thanking me.

And I’ll be thanking you for being a part of my life—and I’ll still be thanking you from then, now, and in the future years to come.

Additional note – You are an amazing person, Kwan Hee Young. Please smile. You look really pretty when you do.
 

Love, yours always, Kim Minseok.