Chapter Thirty-Five

"I guess I will," answered a silent broken heart.

4th of March 2015

It was obvious on what she could hear from the other end—it was too obvious that she didn’t want to even try to guess because she knows she would be right. Muffled cries, heavy breathing, desperate tears and a shattered heart—she would be spot on, better yet, dead on right if she were to guess just that. She stared at the door with focused yet watery eyes, wondering how she could still stand as she lingered her hand by the doorknob, just a small twist and she would be revealing herself to the dreadful downfall. However the cries got louder, the wheezing worsened and she could only feel the aching, painful feeling seeping from his heart through his tears as she pictured everything on the other end.

But she never asked for this—she never wanted to break her best friend.

Doing her and him a favor, she removed her hand away from the doorknob, taking one, two, five steps away from the door before she managed to repel from it, her back finally facing it after she heaved out a sigh. I did what I had to do…I had to do it… Her heart tried to convince herself, telling her again and again that this was only for Minseok’s own good because she is and will always be a horrible liar. Feigning something that meant too much to someone, faking feelings just to make someone else happy for a moment; that was something she could never do especially to a guy who deserves so much more than just that. Minseok deserves someone who would love him with both arms, spread out wide and ready to catch him on his darkest, saddest days. He deserves someone who will be there to lend him a shoulder to lean on, to hear his rants and not judge him at all.

And while she’s doing that, it’s all with a good intention but not in that way.

Each step was heavy as she walked away; I’m sorry being whispered one foot after another so she could disappear. Somewhere where she would be away from him, to give him the space he needs to recollect himself. She doesn’t know how long he’ll need but she would give him however long he needs.

“One down…” She breathed out softly, talking careful steps down the hall and peeking over her shoulder to make sure the coast was clear before casting a look around to continue walking. With a right turn, she finished her sentence, “One more to go.”

First my day turns bad, then it gets worse—nothing else could ruin this, right?

She started to feel confident, for some reason; because it felt impossible that anything wrong could go wrong. Maybe she won’t even bump into Kai, maybe he’ll be stuck in his dorm for God knows what reason—maybe she won’t even see him tomorrow! Maybe Minseok would actually be alright later on, maybe things would be fine. Maybe—

“Not in class, not showing up to my office, but you’re free to wander around?”

—everything was just a delusion in her mind and things would actually go from worse to worst.

Yeah, that’s more like it; this fitted her life more than any puzzle piece. When was the last time something actually went right? Ah, never, that’s what.

With a hand raking through her hair, she took the tendency to turn around, staring at the person in front of her tiredly—she has never been so emotionally drained before in her life. Well, she has but… you get the point.

“What? What did I do wrong this time?” She asked, wanting to just get straight to the point instead of beating around the bush because if there was another bush in her life, she’d burn the out of that bush.

This time a look seemed to change in his eyes, whether it was because she was wrecked in the mind, whether she had just take a worldwide turn, whether she had just broke someone who meant the world to her—hell, she didn’t know; and she didn’t want to know. Anything that revolves around this man, this person, her ‘father-to-be’, he can kiss her goodbye.

“I… I came to apologize.”

After threading her fingers through the strands of her hair, untangling a few knots before she let her hand fall to her side, an eyebrow raised up, “What?”

The man seemed to have lost his words, unable to speak when he clearly saw how shocked the girl was in front of him, not expecting at all that he was about to say these words—had he really been that horrible?

Actually, don’t even answer that.

“Look, your mother… she really does want to patch up for the moments in your life she wasn’t there to witness. She’s really sorry.”

Hee Young took a deep inhale of air, only to try to release the tension pressing her insides together before she managed to ask, “This… why?” She shook her head and blinked a few times, taking all the time she needed to form a proper sentence, her eyes flickering between confused and pain that her mind went haywire—a total mess, a shipwreck, a tornado. Eventually, a minute or two went by and she succeeded to say, “An apology, I’m sorry, why now?”

It was obvious that the person in front of her had a hard time delivering the message, too. Too obvious.

“She really didn’t know… She didn’t.”

“So you mean to tell me that someone can hurt someone that bad without even realizing?”

In that moment of silence, a pause of no one saying anything, it had her mind creeping through certain thoughts, possibly imaging certain things that she should’ve picked up upon sooner.

“H-Hey, where are you going?”

“Nowhere, just leave me alone, alright?”

A tight grip on her arm, four fingers glued on her skin, a thumb locked on the side of her arm in hopes of bringing her back, halting her movement from walking away from him, “H-Hee Young, please. Don’t go around hiding yourself from me,”

She nudged her arm back, a glare nearly sending to him with just her eyes and it made him feel an icy cold tug all over his body, “Leave me alone.”

Minseok stood there, watching her leave with quick, fastened steps when all he took was a step forward with no intentions of running after her when clearly she was trying to get some time of isolation. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his fingers fidgeting on the fabric of his jeans before he released a sigh; this was normal.

 

---

 

“W-Wait, you said you were going with me,” He his lips nervously, hand already fastened on hers, “I-I’m sorry, I can’t today.”

He frowned, evident disappointment, “But…!”

“I’ve got to go,”

And she got away, again.

 

---

 

“What if I became your boyfriend, one day?” asked curiosity.

“You’re kidding, right?” answered sarcastic.

“Hey, it’s not impossible!” countered determination.

“Keep dreaming, Minseok-ah.” laughed oblivious.

“I guess I will,” answered a silent broken heart.

 

How many times has she done this? How many times has she broken the one person that wanted to love her? How many times has she threw his heart against the wall, breaking it into tiny pieces and leave him with scars just by picking one piece after another when all he wanted was someone to love like the way he wanted her to?

Why was she so blind from the beginning?

She didn’t even bother to answer the man before her as she was quick once more, her mind certain on properly handling with the situation. Whether it was apologizing, making it up to him; anything—she just had to do something.

She was breathless when she stood by the two large doors in front of her, her hand placed on the doorknob once more but this time she actually had the guts to open it. But something stopped her—rather, someone.

“He’s not in there.”

She her lips out of the nervousness biting her guts but she released the grip from the metal knob, looking over her shoulder to meet gazes she hasn’t seen in a while now. Her eyebrows perked up, head tilting to the side just a bit to express what she felt, “J-Junmyeon?”

A warm smile crept onto his face, a hand lingering in front of her, “Hee Young.”

When the two shook hands, he mentioned, “You remember my name.”

“It hasn’t exactly been that long since we’ve last seen,”

He snorted and nodded, returning his hand into his pocket, “Very true.”

Although she would love to stay here and chat, she was more interested in knowing, “Where’s Minseok?”

Junmyeon didn’t need to say much and he used his head to point to the direction of the exit, “He’s at the usual place, waiting for you,”

With pressed lips and a small yet short and somewhat grateful thank you, I’ll be leaving now, she her heels only to be tugged back with just a few words.

You broke him… you know that?

It was hard to get the words past her lips, the guilt bubbling in her but she knew that Junmyeon was also a good friend. So instead of fighting back, instead of biting his head off, instead of finding for another smartass reply that could possibly turn this into a tug of war, her voice came out weaker than she had imagined in her mind.

I know…

Can you imagine how long he’s going to suffer?

She spun around, eyes desperate and voice dripping with every ounce of pain she had in her, do you think I actually like breaking his heart? She felt herself shaking, her lips quivering, I… I know… I’m going to try to help him get through this—I’ll try. It looked like she was trying to make up for all the sins in her life that he knew, she doesn’t know that he’s done just yet.

All he did was gave her a look, one that came through calm and gratitude. It had her staring at him in anticipation along with the urge to just run the hell away but…

I want to thank you.

Confusion, pure confusion.

I should hate you, I should be mad because you broke such a happy guy, for out all the happiness in him and turn it into nothing but… I’ll have to thank you instead.

Oh, she was getting really confused. “W-Wait, what?”

A smile, a warm smile.

“I want to thank you for your honesty and thank you for not leading him on because that’ll break him twice as much. Thank you for actually doing the right thing even though it was hard. But can I offer you an advice?”

Great, another turn into the road of confusion, “What?”

A faded yet remaining twitch on his lips, “Don’t let Minseok break his heart for nothing—he only did this so you’d know your answer.”

And there goes her guess to anything in the world, landing in the pit of total uncertainty and bewilderment.

“My answer to what?”

A grin this time, “A question you should already know.”