Chapter Thirty-One

“Please, I think you’re a lot of things but messed up seems to be the right one right now.”

15th of February 2015

“Alright man, since you two probably live in the same block, you two could walk together, I guess. I’ll be on my way,” Lay smiled, his dimples showing under the moonlight as he waved goodbye. The two waved back with a grin and a few steps later, they were left alone.

Lay shook his head as he glanced over his shoulder, seeing that Kai was walking with Minseok back to their dorm. He swallowed hard and tugged on his jacket, sighing, “I don’t have a good feeling about this…” But with a shaky exhale and nothing else he could do, he turned around and walked back to his own dorm instead, just praying the two wouldn’t go at each other’s throats.

The silence that fell on them felt like it was harder to lift up, especially when so many things had happened between them. Regardless whether it was Kai with Hee Young or Hee Young with Minseok; it didn’t matter. All they knew is that there was something hidden from one another and Minseok wasn’t too sure if he was keen on finding out, either. He didn’t know if his heart could take it if Kai were to-

“So… Minseok-“

Actually, screw that. It was now or never.

“Can I ask you something, Kai?”

Kai had his eyebrows raised up out of curiosity and it had a mix of shock as well but nevertheless, he nodded, “Sure. What is it-?”

“Do you like Hee Young?”

There.

Minseok had taken a leap to throw the question out there and all he hopes is that Kai would actually give an answer – a proper one, in fact. That’s all that Minseok hopes for because then he’ll know if he should try harder or… not.

Kai parted his lips to answer but then he sealed his lips once more, rethinking of the way he should answer this specific question. However, a few minutes too long, Minseok had stopped walking once the two were right in front of the dorm. Despite the silence that had fallen, it definitely doesn’t feel like it.

“So you do like her.”

Kai glanced up to look at Minseok, shaking his head as he finally said something, “I-It’s not that. I… I don’t know-“

“I like her, Kai,”

“W-Well that’s good for you-“

“And you being here… you coming back all of a sudden… you’re ruining everything for me right now. I mean that in the nicest way possible,” Minseok let it all out – go hard or go home, right?

…Right…?

Kai sighed and parted his lips, “And I mean this in the nicest way possible when I say that she’s my dance partner, Minseok. I have to spend a lot of time with her-“

“You can’t just come in here and just steal her away!” Minseok found himself raising his voice out of instinct, feeling as if he could break down any minute. Kai bobbed his head backwards, definitely not ready for Minseok’s sudden outburst that wasn’t necessary but in that very second, it was. Minseok found himself going out to the edge, ceasing his opportunity to talk to the one person he knows that Hee Young would… well…

Minseok his lips nervously, eyes looking away from Kai as he breathed out, “I… I’ve waited for so long…” He shook his head, unable to speak properly but he was trying hard, “I-It’s just all going to get ruined.”

Kai exhaled deeply and managed to collected himself well to respond calmly, “Look, Minseok. I don’t know what you’ve been talking to Lay about, Yixing, if you will but this has nothing to do with me. I’m not even stealing her away!”

Minseok closed his eyes out of frustration but when he opened them once more, Kai could see that flare of determination Minseok had in his eyes – it’s like he was determined to fight for Hee Young.

Minseok took a step back and shook his head, “You know what? Just…” Minseok waved a hand as he took another step before he proceeded to walk to his dorm after muttering softly, “Forget it.”

Kai felt his eyes closing on their own, feeling a sudden heavy burden on his shoulders. He used a hand to rub his face, trying to calm himself down but when he heard Minseok’s voice calling him out once more, his eyes shot open, looking up to see Minseok still a distance away but it wasn’t that far because he could hear MInseok’s voice clearly.

“If you’re not going to catch her… don’t make her fall for you – that’s all I’m saying.”

Kai reached up and covered his face for a second before he let it reach up to his hair where he raked past through it agitatedly with a groan, “What the is wrong with people?!”

“Had a rough day?” Kyungsoo asked from his place since he heard the door opening slowly before it was roughly shut. He noticed how the fellow that had entered the room didn’t bother to reply. All Kyungsoo got was a loud slamming of the bathroom door and it made his whole body flinch on the spot. With a click of his tongue, he went back to reading his book, “O-kay…”

But when the bathroom door creaked open and closed once more ten minutes later, he felt like he should at least shut up for once. He locked his eyes on his book but he couldn’t help but take multiple glances from time to time once Kai made way towards the bed.

One look away from his book, Kai was just in his boxers and he had reached for a pair of sweats to put on.

One more glance up, he was looking through for certain books before shoving it into his bag.

One tilt up of Kyungsoo’s chin, he was currently picking out a shirt this time.

One glance more and Kai was now lying down on the bed, one arm propped up at the back of his head while the other rested on his stomach.

‘Seems pretty quiet…’ Kyungsoo’s inner self stated quietly – funny, it was so quiet already.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

‘I stand corrected.’

“Mm?” Kyungsoo hummed back, obliviously not knowing what Kai could be talking about.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Kai said, glancing over to see Kyungsoo looking up from his book. Exhaling calmly, Kyungsoo slipped the bookmark in before putting his book on his lap, “How can I know what you’re talking about if you don’t tell me?”

Kai sighed and groaned at the same time, rolling his eyes before he looked away to stare at the ceiling, “You’re just like everyone else…”

Kyungsoo actually felt bad – legitimately, he did. Kai being younger and yet somehow never expressed his feelings; it was something pretty scary. People who don’t talk about their feelings tend to keep a lot in and he’s wondering just how much Kai has been doing that… not that Kyungsoo doesn’t do it either but hey, he doesn’t go around wrecking furniture when he’s mad.

Kyungsoo nudged Kai’s legs to the side on the bed and made enough room for him to sit. Once he sat down, he looked down on the helpless boy staring at the ceiling, not minding anything Kyungsoo was currently doing, “Alright. What’s going on in that messed up mind of yours?”

Kai scoffed a laugh, giving Kyungsoo a glance, “You think I’m messed up?”

Kyungsoo’s tone became sardonic, “Please, I think you’re a lot of things but messed up seems to be the right one right now.”

Kai breathed out silently before he went back to staring at the white wall above him. He does want to talk things out with Kyungsoo but… he has no idea how. He knows that Kyungsoo is majoring in psychology and if he needs anyone to tell him of what’s going on in his mind, it’s him. Or at least, what his thoughts mean in terms of how he’s acting and so on, Kyungsoo is his guy to go to.

“Have you ever felt just… lost? Like… you’ve lost direction of what to do?”

Kyungsoo’s response came out in an exhale of laughter and though it was short, it was enough for Kai to send a death glare. Kyungsoo cleared his throat, well aware Kai was not in the mood for jokes. “Go on.”

“And… it’s like… everyone else can tell you what to do, or what you’re feeling but… how do they know how I’m feeling when even I don’t know it myself?”

Kyungsoo took note of Kai’s tone and he noticed how Kai seemed to be full in his thoughts. It’s as if his thoughts were overflowing and he was drowning – he had no idea how to sort things out. The worst part was that this is all happening in his mind; it’s not physically possible to fix it unless his mind can do it on its own; and that’s an internal struggle Kai has to go through. But… Kyungsoo isn’t stupid.

“It’s about that girl, isn’t it?”

And as much as Kai didn’t want to admit it, he’d rather not beat around the bush as well. He knows Kyungsoo is smart – that’s a fact. So, instead of denying of whether Kyungsoo was spot on or not, Kai gave a slow nod instead, giving Kyungsoo a silent answer.

This is progress…

“Do you want a vague answer or a truthful one?”

Kai raised an eyebrow at Kyungsoo’s choice of words, but went with something simpler.

“Vague.”

Kyungsoo suddenly grinned and Kai could hear that. So when he turned his head to look at Kyungsoo, he was a bit freaked out at Kyungsoo’s sudden cheerfulness.

“You’re just probably stressed and everything will be okay.”

Kai exhaled in frustration before using a hand to rub his face. His eyes opened once more and he gave Kyungsoo a tired look, “Fine. I want a truthful answer.”

Kyungsoo stood up and looked down on Kai, “This is where you’ve got to pay attention to your feelings. Analyzing and taking mental notes of how you feel… that’s your choice right now. Or you can be a and ignore everything, your choice.”

When Kyungsoo sat down on his bed once more, Kai seemed to have lightened up, “You really don’t go back on being truthful, huh?”

Kyungsoo smirked and took his book in his hands once more, “Nope.”