Promise

1994

Chapter Twenty: Promise

 

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Warning: Lots of crying and insecure Baekhyun and very much unbetaed.

 

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“Baekhyun.”

 

“Chanyeol—what—” Baekhyun stuttered, stumbling a little backwards when he opened a door to his frantic husband.

 

“Baekhyun I need to talk to you.”

 

“Chanyeol it’s—3 a.m.” Baekhyun tugged his robe tighter to shield himself from the incoming night chill. To say he was surprised would have been quite the understatement. Baekhyun certainly had not expected to be rudely awoken by the incessant ringing of the doorbell only to find Chanyeol looking desperate at his doorstep.

 

“I know…” Chanyeol trailed off. He was in a state of confusion, mind a jumbled mess, face unwashed and the lack of sleep evident in the redness of his eyes. But if there was anything that seemed to be keeping him sane in that moment was the fact that he was finally looking into those eyes.

 

The same pair of eyes that had offered him a sense of calmness and relief since that first day he’d chanced upon them 12 years ago.

 

“I…” Chanyeol croaked, hands wringing together. Baekhyun took a moment to drink in the sight before he was wordlessly tugging the dishevelled man inside with a gentle tug of the arm.

 

In the warm comfort of the home, Chanyeol’s heart began to slow down and his breathing evened out. Regardless, he was unable to tear his eyes away from the smaller man before him, eyes fixed on the back of his head. He followed, unthinkingly, Baekhyun as the latter led them into the kitchen where he poured him a glass of water. Baekhyun slid the glass across the counter in offer and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed tightly around himself.

 

“Why are you here?” Baekhyun questioned as Chanyeol downed the drink in one. There was an edge of defensiveness in his tone, and though the question was cold, Chanyeol could still hear the warmness in his voice. Baekhyun, as Chanyeol has always known, would never raise his voice. His patience and softness was truly something to marvel, unlike Chanyeol himself who was rough and loud. In a way, they complemented each other well.

 

“Why did you change your mind?” Chanyeol finally said when he found his voice. Baekhyun held his gaze, unyielding despite the flash of surprise in his eyes.

 

“…about what?” Baekhyun whispered. The corners of his eyes turned down even more than they usually do.

 

“Didn’t we talk?” Chanyeol challenged, taking a step forward. It hurt when Baekhyun flinched at the gesture, making himself even smaller than he already was. Chanyeol paused.

 

“We talked about everything, Baek…” Chanyeol said, almost pleadingly. “Didn’t you say you still loved me?”

 

“You don’t understand, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said after a long and hard silence, looking away.

 

“What don’t I understand?” Chanyeol challenged once more, voice rising. Baekhyun refused to answer, keeping silent instead. How could he possible explain to Chanyeol that he’s been feeling like he’s got nothing to live for anymore? How could he make Chanyeol understand that there’s a hopeless feeling inside of him and there is a chance that he might not be able to pull through? The last thing he wanted was for the things around him to break even more than they already had.

 

When Baekhyun looked up again, Chanyeol was surprised to see his eyes red, thin lips trembling awfully.

 

“Whatever that’s happened completely broke me, Chanyeol,” he painfully admitted. “I-I… I want you to want me again.” He paused, taking a breath from holding his tears in. “But how can we move on from this? How do we heal from all of this?”

 

For some inexplicable reason, Chanyeol felt all the tension in his body drain away. With a burst of courage, he took a step forward and held his hand out.

 

“We do this together,” Chanyeol said simply. “This time we do it together, Baekhyun. If you’ll have me…”

 

 

 

 

And for the first time in forever, Baekhyun found himself brave enough to reach out and link his fingers with Chanyeol’s.

 

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Baekhyun’s eyes flutter to an open. The first thing that greets him is a mopful of dark brown curls. Instead of moving away from the ticklish feeling, Baekhyun inhales the scent. It smells of bed and cotton, but most importantly, it smells of Chanyeol.

 

His lips pull into a smile as he snuggles closer to his giant heater, arms coming up to wrap them tightly around Chanyeol’s waist.

 

He can feel his heart beating, slow and steady, against the man’s back. The house is silent – Jongin and Sehun are still asleep, thank God – and the only sound he hears is his husband’s loud snorting, the way his breathing always sounds in the morning.

 

“I love you,” Baekhyun whispers into hair. “So much.”

 

It’s close to a minute later when he hears a deep chuckle as the man in front of him moves, untangling himself from the tight embrace to face the other.

 

Chanyeol’s eyes are still adjusting to the light, one eye still closed, the other struggling to stay open. Baekhyun grins at the sleepy smile; an adorable sight.

 

“You do?” Chanyeol teases, voice thick with sleep. His arms come up to bracket the smaller man in his hold.

 

Baekhyun could only nod, a shy smile gracing his lips as he glances away. Chanyeol wouldn’t have any of it. He loves it when Baekhyun utters his love for him.

 

Instead, he uses a hand to gently tilt his husband’s face up by the chin so he was looking into his eyes.

 

“I love you,” Chanyeol says seriously. The hand that’s on his chin moves to caress his cheek. “I’ve loved you since I’ve laid eyes on you, and I’m never going to stop. You hear me, Baekhyun?”

 

“You’re awfully sappy,” Baekhyun groans. Despite so, he can fight the smile off his face as he reaches up with both hands to cup Chanyeol’s face. He brings the man down, closer, eyes fluttering close as their noses brush up against each other.

 

“You’re my everything, Chanyeol. I am here today because of you,” Baekhyun whispers right before their lips meet.

 

There are no words spoken after that; just reassurance in gentle touches and muffled moans.

 

+

 

Baekhyun awoke with a start.

 

His shirt clung to his back from the sweat. The dream had felt so real; like he was reliving that glorious moment again. Realising the death grip around his waist, Baekhyun pries himself out of the embrace and holds himself as far as he could from the offending arms.

 

Despite how good it had felt, Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself to welcome them. After all that has happened, he had trouble believing that things could work out for the better. There was no such thing as miracles in his vocabulary anymore… Everything good will most definitely come with a cost, and Baekhyun wasn’t sure he could handle losing anything any more.

 

A glance at the clock told him that it was twilight.

 

Slowly, carefully, and with a guarded heart, Baekhyun inched closer to the sleeping man on his couch.

 

He reached a trembling hand out to trace the outline of the man’s sleeping features, touch as light as a feather. After all these time, Baekhyun could not believe that the man he loved – loves – was here, with him. Had held him in his arms.

 

“Why are you crying?” came a raspy voice, whispered into the dark but loud in the silence.

 

Baekhyun startled, hand recoiling as if he’d been burned. Being caught touching someone who did not belong to him anymore…

 

A hand came up to hastily wipe at the tears he hadn’t realized he’d spilt. His lips pulled into a smile he fought hard to show.

 

“I’m not,” Baekhyun insisted. It was dark but the trembling in his lips gave him away.

 

“You are…” Chanyeol whispered forlornly, as if it pained him to utter those words. He pushed himself up by the elbows, moving slightly so he could accommodate the other man in between his long spread legs.

 

Baekhyun opened his mouth to say something, a lie, but he couldn’t. Instead, he casted his eyes to the carpet, hands limp in front of himself. He could see the great hesitation Chanyeol emitted from the corner of his eyes. The way his lips furled and unfurled, the way his eyebrows twisted into the tightest of knots, a hand by his side and the other digging into the fabric of the couch.

 

It’s no more than a minute later when Baekhyun felt calloused fingers against the sensitive spot along the side of his neck. Despite the initial burn of the sudden sparking of dormant longing, Baekhyun eased into the touch that until then had been nothing but a mere illusion.

 

A sigh left his lips as his eyes flutter to a close.

 

“I never thought I’d see you look at me again…”

 

Chanyeol tensed; the hand caressing Baekhyun’s neck slipped but Baekhyun couldn’t even bring himself to be disappointed with the fleeting touch. It had happened, and he was more than happy that he got to experience it again even if it could have been for the last time.

 

The hand was back but this time it cupped his chin and before he knew it Baekhyun found himself staring into Chanyeol’s eyes. There’s confusion in them.

 

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol questioned, frown deep.

 

“I don’t know if you noticed,” Baekhyun began softly. It hurt to remember even after all these years. “But you’ve barely looked at me in the past few years.”

 

“And last night…” Baekhyun thought he would be embarrassed, but more than anything he felt like a whole weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He held Chanyeol’s gaze, his lips curling into a small, genuine smile.

 

“I…” Baekhyun paused, a hundred and one things racing through his mind. He was going to say something but thought the better of it. “Thank you…”

 

When Chanyeol finally understood what Baekhyun had meant to say, words failed him.

 

“Oh, Baekhyun…” His own eyes pricked with unshed tears. Without thinking, as if it was a natural reaction all along, Chanyeol leaned forward and pulled the other man into an embrace, nuzzling against his ear as if the action alone could atone for the mistakes he’d made.

 

“Don’t,” Baekhyun said through a sob. His tears flowed freely, heart aching with every word Chanyeol spoke. “Don’t say my name like that, please.”

 

“Like what?” Chanyeol wondered. And despite Baekhyun’s protests, his fingers continued to gently card through the former’s hair.

 

Baekhyun held back another sob threatening to break through as he gave a shaky exhale of breath. “Like you wanted me all this time. Like you didn’t settle for me.”

 

A flash of anger sparked through Chanyeol. His hands retracted from Baekhyun of their own accord and they cradled his own head. He wasn’t angry at Baekhyun, or what he said, no. He was awashed with remorse. Ashamed of what he’d done to the man he loves.

 

After all he did, it wasn’t a wonder Baekhyun thought that he--

 

“I didn’t settle for you, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol cried, softly. “I can’t believe you thought so all this time…”

 

Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol battled with his inner turmoil. “I didn’t know what else to think when we started to drift apart,” Baekhyun admitted.

 

It took a long moment before Chanyeol finally composed himself, straightening up with a loud sniffle. With arms wide open, Chanyeol locked eyes with the man before him.

 

“Come here,” he beckoned softly. This time there was no hesitation when Baekhyun threw himself into those familiar pair of arms, sobbing freely without restraint.

 

“I missed you so much…” Baekhyun said in between cries. And Chanyeol couldn’t help his own tears as he held the man close to him. Nothing could make up for all the time they had lost. Nothing could make up for everything he’d put Baekhyun through, and Chanyeol knew that. But if there was one thing he wanted to do, it was to make things right.

 

“I’ll fix you,” Chanyeol whispered, kissing him on the cheek. “I’ll fix us. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy again.”

 

Baekhyun pulled back slightly to look at Chanyeol, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. His lips curled into the most innocent smile Chanyeol’s ever seen.

 

“This is the happiest I’ve been in years. You’re coming back to me…” Baekhyun’s lips were still trembling but it was only because of the overwhelming sense of relief and joy that overcame him, “I’ve waited so long for this.”

 

A thumb caresses his lips, fingers gently holding his cheek. “I’ll make it up to you.”

 

And then the distance between them closed, and so did Baekhyun’s eyes.

 

Baekhyun wondered if he was reliving a memory when their lips met for the first time in years, responding fervently to the kiss. His heart craved for the affection, his lungs couldn’t hold out on the lack of air but he hungrily sought after the warmth Chanyeol provided.

 

“Slow down,” Chanyeol chuckled, breaking the kiss. Baekhyun only followed after him, Chanyeol fell back into the sofa, hands holding the man away from him by the waist.

 

“I need you,” Baekhyun was still crying. It took Chanyeol one good look at Baekhyun’s face to know that he was falling apart. Chanyeol knew this would happen. But he wanted to be the one to put him back together.

 

“Baek,” Chanyeol called, a hand moving up to caress Baekhyun’s cheek once more. “Hey-- look at me.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes lifted from where they’d been fixated on the front of Chanyeol’s shirt. They were glassy and blank, and it terrified Chanyeol, but the latter knew that it was perfectly normal. Baekhyun’d been through a lot. He was going to make sure they were going to heal from this together.

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Chanyeol said in an attempt to calm Baekhyun’s unspoken but evident fear. “I promise.”

 

Baekhyun stared at the man beneath him, eyes wide like a child’s as he pondered over the claim. He could do this, he told himself. He could trust Chanyeol.

 

“Hold me,” Baekhyun sniffled.

 

And Chanyeol didn’t need Baekhyun to repeat himself as he pulled the man on top of him and wrapped his arms around him. Lying so close, Baekhyun could feel the jumps of Chanyeol’s heartbeat through his sweater.

 

“Don’t leave me again…”

 

“I won’t. Never again.”

 

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EDIT: 160130

 

EDITED A/n: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. SO i managed to finish this chapter today yay!!!!

 

This is kind of a filler chapter but it’s still somehow fluffier than anything else in this story???

 

Like whuttttttttttt. I know many of you are thinking “Is this the end???” because of their reconciliation but trust me there’s more to it (not much but there is).

Ok actually it’s not much of a filler because something HUGE happened. But there’s still a bit more to the storyline, no worries. I mean… this story isn’t only about Baekhyun getting back together with Chanyeol.

I know there’s so much crying but this is so intense I swear. Like can u imagine this happening in real life T_T anw this is short and I hate it (I think. I haven’t decided) but I hope it’s satisfying for all my readers! I’ll try to write more tmr!

 

 

Previous A/N:

 

HEY.. I'm so sorry this is not an update. i hate it when authors do it but im doing it too :'(

gonna make this real quick. 

im really sorry to have left you guys hanging but... life happened and i just couldnt bring myself to update this.

i did try to write something, believe me I TRIEEEEDDDDD. 

 

but i hit a MAJOR block with this (and all my other stories tbh) and there was one point of time where i almost (ALMOST)

decided that i wasn't going to write anymore.

but chanbaek is seriously bae and i just love them so much (i think sometimes i love them more than exo?????? dont hate me)

so here i am again...

i wont promise anything this time because i am STILL in quite a bit of a writer's block though I do have some things written out.

plus i am really busy :(

 

 

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Comments

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omusubichan #1
its 2023 and im still hoping that this fic gets picked up to be written again 😭😭😭
Purplejaybird #2
Chapter 27: Only finding this fanfic now but just love everything about this fanfic itso do well written so many emotions as reading this fanfic!!

Please update/continue this fanfic again its too goodfor it not to be but also just want finally a gappy ending for everyone!!!
okaybaek #3
Chapter 27: I’m in 2021 as well and i read this!! Sooo good
JinYouKnow
#4
Chapter 27: i may or may not have cried for the past few hours because of this story... i really hope you get around to updating. this is not me pressuring you but if you ever feel like continuing, i would be ELATED. i love this story and your writing is spectacular!!
Beau1996 1306 streak #5
Chapter 27: Although I don't really like bittersweet endings - it made sense in this story - I got teary eyed many times just wanting Baek to be finally happy - trauma affects all parts of us and it can be hard to recognize when coping actually gets in the way of recovering - thanks for this story and perspective author-nim ✌️
Shervanah2918 #6
Chapter 27: LOVE THE BOOK SO BAD! I CRIED THROUGHOUT THE CHAPTERS AND I CRIED HARD SKSKSK even tho im looking forward for the next update, the ending of this chap is so good! Baekhyun does need to heal on his own and we could just hope that Chanyeol and the kids would understand and respect that. OVERALL BOOK IS RESLLY GREAT???
Chanbyun614 #7
I prayed to god I could survived until the end of chapters
fy_exooh
18 streak #8
I'm reading this story again for the nth time. Never fails to bring me to tears bc it's so beautiful :')))
kekeha
#9
Chapter 24: I think there won't be a better ending than this....:)
jekyun
#10
Chapter 24: Your writing is so beautiful! This story still has my heart breaking until now since the first time I read this years ago. ㅠㅠ My mind is going crazy from thinking of different possible outcomes after the last update. I hope baekhyun will eventually reach his peace of mind and be finally free from all the pain that's making him suffer.