The End &the Beginning

1994

Chapter Seventeen: The End &the Beginning

 

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"Are you excited?" Chanyeol couldn't help but to ask when he looked through the rearview mirror and caught his youngest humming happily, bopping his head to the music. Sehun returned a grin with a huge nod.

 

"You're only turning six," Jongin, who sat beside him in the back, teased. 

 

"J-Just you wait till I c-catch up with y-you, then," Sehun pouted. In the front, Chanyeol and Jongdae laughed at Sehun's little mistake. The atmosphere was good and Chanyeol couldn't help but to think how happy their new little family seemed to be. Thoughts of his talk with Baekhyun and every worry he had regarding the divorce had been pushed to the back of his mind as he allowed himself to enjoy the relief, no matter how small.

 

"What are you most excited for, Sehunnie-ah?" Jongdae prompted, turning slightly to look at the young boy. A pause fell upon them as Sehun pursed his lips and furrowed his brows in thought.

 

"I can't wait to meet Daddy," Sehun finally said. Chanyeol hummed in reply, and tried to ignore Jongdae who was looking at him knowingly from the passenger's seat. 

 

"Well," Chanyeol said after awhile, "I'm sure he misses the both of you too."

 

+

 

Baekhyun was trying to pull through the small talk Kris had been making with him since his arrival close to an hour ago. He appreciated Kris trying to keep things normal and keeping clear of the topic that had seemingly become a taboo but he didn't feel like having any company. He hadn't felt like being around anyone for weeks now. 

 

"You should meet my friend Lu Han one day," Kris said with a smile, "I'm sure you guys would hit it off."

 

Kris had been telling him about his best friend from China for the past few minutes and from what Baekhyun gathered, he seemed like a nice guy. Someone he knew he would be good friends with. But he wasn't up to meeting anyone new. In fact, he wasn't up for doing anything at all. He just wanted to stay in bed forever if he could. 

 

"Probably," Baekhyun mumbled, nestling his head against the arm rest of the sofa.

 

"Could you maybe leave me alone for awhile? I feel a little tired," Baekhyun finally found it in him to say it to the man's face. Kris sighed. To say he wasn't tired and disappointed at his futile efforts would be a lie, but he'd promised Yixing. And he cared for Baekhyun, too. He wasn't going to give up so easily.

 

"I'll go see if I can help Yixing with lunch then," he told Baekhyun as he stood up to make his way to the kitchen. The Chinese man had just finished cooking the gravy when he approached him. The food was all ready at the table and Kris' stomach grumbled from the sight and smell.

 

"Are we expecting more than just the few you invited?" Kris wondered, eyeing the wide array of food on the table. It definitely looked like a party.

 

"Well," Yixing began as he wiped his hands dry with the hand towel, "There's Chanyeol and the kids as you know... and Chanyeol said he's bringing Jongdae along."

 

This time it was Kris' turn to get angry; he's heard of Jongdae. He knew Jongdae was someone Baekhyun's husband was in a relationship with, the man who had, in a way, been a homewrecker of Baekhyun's only family.

 

"Chanyeol really has a knack for hurting Baekhyun doesn't he?"

 

"Unfortunately," Yixing sighed. "You'd think after the talk he'd had with Baekhyun he wouldn't rub it in Baekhyun's face again that he has moved on."

 

"Should we call it off then?" Kris asked.

 

"No, we shouldn't," Yixing said firmly. "Baekhyun would be thrilled to see his kids. And besides, it can't break him more than it already has."

 

+

 

Baekhyun stared at the black screen of the tv in front of him. The rational part of his brain had been telling him that he needed the bathroom for a while now, but it seemed like he couldn't do anything anymore. Even the simple task of sitting up had become a chore and he was starting to wonder why he'd lost the ability to do anything.

 

He hadn't wanted to make such a big deal out of the incident that had happened just two weeks or so ago, but the more he thought about it, the worse he felt about himself. How had he let such a thing happen? No wonder Chanyeol hadn't wanted to see him for a long time after it had happened. Chanyeol must have been thinking the same thing he was thinking about himself now. How disgusting he was to have let it happen.

 

Baekhyun shuddered at the memory, his skin itching furiously. 

 

He whimpered to himself. To his dismay, the tears were back, though none fell.

 

"Baekhyun?" Yixing had returned from the kitchen, Kris having offered to prepare the drinks. The Chinese man frowned when he approached his friend to see that the latter was distraught.

 

"I'm sorry I can't do anything right," Baekhyun whispered wistfully. "I'm so tired of feeling this way but I just... can't..."

 

Yixing doesn't wait another second to pull Baekhyun into an embrace. "You'll get better, I promise."

 

"There's someone I want you to meet tomorrow. You'll come with, won't you?" 

 

Baekhyun couldn't even find it in himself to say no so he merely nodded. The sound of the doorbell startled them both out of the embrace and they pulled away as Baekhyun threw a questioning look to the Chinese man. 

 

"Come on," Yixing said instead, holding a hand out. Baekhyun took it without a word, trailing behind. Kris was already at the door, greeting the unexpected guests. Once he stepped aside, Baekhyun found himself grinning at the sight of two boys running at him. He welcomed them with opened arms, and though he had no strength in him to lift them both, he refused to let them go as he clutched at them and kissed every part of their faces he could reach.

 

"They've missed you," a voice broke their reunion, jolting him back to reality. Baekhyun stood up then, Jongin and Sehun on either side of him as he looked to their father.

 

"D-Did you plan for my s-suprise party, daddy?" Sehun beamed up at him. Baekhyun caught the small acknowledging smile Yixing threw at him and picked his youngest up to give him another kiss on the cheek. 

 

"Anything for you, Sehun-ah."

 

+

 

Kris was glad Yixing had decided to do this for Baekhyun. The latter seemed to be in a better mood with the presence of his children and though he barely acknowledged anyone else -- Chanyeol and Jongdae, especially -- everyone still seemed to have a good time.

 

After dinner, Yixing's wife made an appearance with their newborn and though Baekhyun thought Sehun would throw a fit at how much attention was given to Jia instead of him, he was suprised when Sehun seemed to be the most excited out of them all at the company of a newborn. Sehun and Jongin tried playing with the baby, cooing at how cute she was and asking Kiko question after question about the life of a baby while the rest of the adults talked and laughed about Yixing's experiences of being a first time dad.

 

Baekhyun, however, sat quietly in the corner, watching the smiles on everyone's faces. He watched the way Sehun would try to pinch Jia's cheeks, and how Jongin would playfully slap his hand. He watched the way Kiko, with Jia secure in her arms, would look up at Yixing with a gentle smile as the latter leaned down to kiss her briefly on the lips before leaving a kiss to their daughter's head. Everyone seemed genuinely happy and all Baekhyun could feel was the deep, dark hole in his heart. He wondered if he could ever fix the gaping hole as he watched Chanyeol pull Jongdae closer to him by the waist, leaning in to whisper something in his ear before they pulled away with warm, matching grins. 

 

Baekhyun quietly left the room, feeling like he could no longer breathe. 

 

Kris found him in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water.

 

"Are you tired?" Kris wondered, eyes gazing deeply into his own. Baekhyun looked down and shook his head but Kris narrowed his eyes.

 

"Just a little," Baekhyun admitted under Kris' suspicious gaze. He watched as the tall blonde made his way towards him with purpose before pulling one of his hands, massaging them gently.

 

"Let's call it a night?" The gesture caught Baekhyun off guard but he soon found himself relaxing into the touch. It had been awhile since someone other than Yixing had showed him concern and Baekhyun caved into it like a moth to light.

 

"Can you..." Baekhyun hesitated, "Could you maybe help me ask Chanyeol if the kids could stay here for the night?"

 

"You have an appointment with someone tomorrow," Kris reminded him what Yixing had told him before their guests had arrived. 

 

"They have school anyway. We'll drop them off before my appointment?"

 

"We?" Kris' lips pulled slightly into a smile.

 

"I was going to ask you," Baekhyun blushed in embarrassment, "Yixing's busy tomorrow and I-I... don't want to go alone. Would you come with me?"

 

"Of course," Kris said without missing a beat. "Anything you need, Baekhyun."

 

Baekhyun's cheeks turned even redder than they already were, and it didn't help that Kris was standing so close, or the fact that he was still holding his hand.

 

"Where are you going?" They pulled away at the loud voice that called from the doorway. Chanyeol was standing there looking rather annoyed.

 

"I''m not going anywhere?" Baekhyun frowned.

 

"No, tomorrow," Chanyeol said, holding his gaze. His expression softened but there was still a deep frown creased into his forehead. "Sorry, I overheard your conversation."

 

"Oh." Baekhyun fidgeted with his hands. "Um."

 

Somehow, he found comfort in the way Kris reached out to hold his hand again. 

 

"I have an appointment tomorrow," Baekhyun said softly, eyes flickering to his feet, "I-I'm going to talk to someone about," his voice dropped to a whisper, "what happened."

 

"I'll take the day off and bring you," Chanyeol said resolutely. He took a few steps closer but Kris stepped forward to stop his advances, seemingly intimidating.

 

"No offense, but I don't think it's a good idea seeing as to how you're sort of the reason why there's a need for this appointment." His glare spoke volumes about his dislike towards Baekhyun's ex-husband.

 

Chanyeol gaped at the man, trying to come up with a defense but finding nothing. Kris was right. How could he be so ignorant about it? The last thing Baekhyun needed was the constant reminder of his abandonment.

 

"I'll have Kris accompany me." Baekhyun forced a smile.

 

Chanyeol slumped in defeat, Baekhyun's words like a slap to his guilt. Kris looked to Baekhyun in a silent request before turning to face the other man once more. "Baekhyun asked if Jongin and Sehun could stay the night. We'll drop them off send them to school on our way to the appointment."

 

Chanyeol grimaced at Kris' reference to him and Baekhyun as a unit, but gave a stiff nod in acknowledgement. 

 

Chanyeol's eyes were pleading when he looked to seemingly fragile man. "Baekhyun..."

 

"--Yeol," Jongdae emerged at the doorway, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol from behind when he finally found him, "I was wondering what took you so long."

 

Baekhyun tore his gaze from Chanyeol's, turning a blind eye to the fact that the tall man certainly had something else to say. There were so many unasked questions in that single gaze but Baekhyun knew there was one that burned in the back of Chanyeol's mind -- whatever happened to talking things out another day? Had their talk the day before pushed them back a few steps, and the progress had been nothing but a mirage?

 

As much as he dreaded it, Baekhyun knew he couldn't give in. Not this time.

 

 

 

Chanyeol tried to ignore the growing ache in his chest as he watched Kris giving Baekhyun a tender smile, he tried to suppress the urge to yell at stupid Kris when he caught a glimpse of the man's hand resting subtly on Baekhyun's shoulder. 

 

But then he remembered that he doesn't have the right to be mad. Baekhyun wasn't his anymore. So what if they had a talk about things? It didn't change anything. 

 

They were still miles apart and a divorce was inevitable.

 

With a heavy heart, Chanyeol turned around in his boyfriend's hold and gave him a distracted kiss on the lips. This was his life now.

 

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Comments

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omusubichan #1
its 2023 and im still hoping that this fic gets picked up to be written again 😭😭😭
Purplejaybird #2
Chapter 27: Only finding this fanfic now but just love everything about this fanfic itso do well written so many emotions as reading this fanfic!!

Please update/continue this fanfic again its too goodfor it not to be but also just want finally a gappy ending for everyone!!!
okaybaek #3
Chapter 27: I’m in 2021 as well and i read this!! Sooo good
JinYouKnow
#4
Chapter 27: i may or may not have cried for the past few hours because of this story... i really hope you get around to updating. this is not me pressuring you but if you ever feel like continuing, i would be ELATED. i love this story and your writing is spectacular!!
Beau1996 1306 streak #5
Chapter 27: Although I don't really like bittersweet endings - it made sense in this story - I got teary eyed many times just wanting Baek to be finally happy - trauma affects all parts of us and it can be hard to recognize when coping actually gets in the way of recovering - thanks for this story and perspective author-nim ✌️
Shervanah2918 #6
Chapter 27: LOVE THE BOOK SO BAD! I CRIED THROUGHOUT THE CHAPTERS AND I CRIED HARD SKSKSK even tho im looking forward for the next update, the ending of this chap is so good! Baekhyun does need to heal on his own and we could just hope that Chanyeol and the kids would understand and respect that. OVERALL BOOK IS RESLLY GREAT???
Chanbyun614 #7
I prayed to god I could survived until the end of chapters
fy_exooh
18 streak #8
I'm reading this story again for the nth time. Never fails to bring me to tears bc it's so beautiful :')))
kekeha
#9
Chapter 24: I think there won't be a better ending than this....:)
jekyun
#10
Chapter 24: Your writing is so beautiful! This story still has my heart breaking until now since the first time I read this years ago. ㅠㅠ My mind is going crazy from thinking of different possible outcomes after the last update. I hope baekhyun will eventually reach his peace of mind and be finally free from all the pain that's making him suffer.